Oct 31, 2007

76. Let us Snub

A very large community of human beings belong to the know-it-all community. A bunch of die hard feminists and a truck load of male chauvenistic pigs also exist in this world. Sometimes they get on our nerve and irritate us big time and we keep on wondering how to make them stop in their tracks. Here are some of the Insulting lines that can be adopted to snub people. Use them at your own risk.



1) Your English is pathetic. ( Tell this line in a serious tone, with a raised eye brow. You will never see that he/she bugging you after that)

2) The amount of beer that I have gulped is more than the volume of liquid that you would have peed in your whole life. ( Lines like this and few other dialogues that were used on my juniors in college days might be the reason behind me being suspended from college on two occassions. I am Innocent though)

3) Dealing with Lousy Language

After my engineering days, I happened to meet a couple of my childhood friends who returned to India after completing their graduation in US of A.We met at a coffee Joint and our conversation started.Their names were Sharon and Rhea.(Original names)
Sharon & Rhea : Hey chrissy.. Howideee.. ssup mayn.. you look pathetic... kick##$... F*** #$%...
I was amazed at their vocabulary skills that had the F word almost in the beginning and end of every sentence.They were using it as if it was their birth right.
Me:I am doing good. How is life? ( Same old startup line. I am pathetic. I know)
R&S: Dood. Like is Su #$% Ol$$ Fu#$%** RhO##$
Me : Why do you have to use the F word, every now and then? Do you think that the sentence is incomplete without it?
S&R: Are you living in the stone age mayn...F$%#... #$%%... M$$%%... Even school kids use these words these days... Grow up Doooood...Get a grip hunney... You are talking like an uncivilised barbarian who doesn't know about theF#$%#$$ big world...$%%...C#$%...
They gave me a ten minute lecture on my orthodox nature, and I did not have a way to stop them; and finally when I found it was going no where, I thought of ending up the conversation.
Me: I am not civilized yet.. I agree.. But people of noble birth do not have to use the F word to convey the message across. Also back in my place, Only hookers use such language.......
(I met them again after two years,recently and now they are uncivilized ;just like me. )


4) Go Home, Drink some milk and hit bed baby.( A usual liner to snub the smart donkeys)

5) But I have not found a way to snub the Fart machine- "My adjacent cubicle mate"..
Anyone care to give me some idea?

-Chronicwriter

Oct 25, 2007

75. Did the Devil win?

I woke up this morning & I was suprised to see GOD & DEVIL sitting on my bed.
God looked graceful, dressed in white as usual, his eyes were reflecting compassion
The Devil was sharply dressed in red strap ons.. Hmmmm!!! Yes.. A SHE devil.. and she had smooth soft hair and a skin that reflected my face.

I said Good morning & expressed my suprise,the conversation went like this


GOD: Very Good morning Son! Get up rise n shine , time to go to the gym
DEVIL: You seem a little tired, you had a late night, get some more sleep, I'll talk to you later (There was a genuine concern in her sweet voice)
GOD: Son ,You wanted a 15 inch bicep,dont you?
ME: YES !!!!!
GOD:Do you think it will happen all by itself,now get up & go for ur work out.It pays rich dividents in the longer run.
DEVIL:Chrissie Baby( The voice was so seductive), you can go to the GYM in the evening or even tomorrow, but dont burn your self..get some sleep, you look tired like a dry bone.
GOD:Smiled (Man How I wish you knew what I meant)

So I decided to say good bye to them & get some sleep & also realized that GOD is getting smarter by the day, coz he knows that If I miss one day , I will not dare miss the gym for another 10 days & he also made the devil think that she won.


-Chronicwriter

Oct 24, 2007

74. News update

News from my side

1) Am off to China for a sales pitch. So I would not be updating my blogs for a few days. Hopefully would be writing posts on experiences out there ( Sales presentation experiences)

2) My Niece started crawling.

3) My next dance session is a Hip-Hop dance workshop for two days in Cochin. ( After I return from China). Dates will be announced . Interested souls can approach.

4) I am back in orkut.

5) Filling your tummy with loads of chocolates would make your tummy weak.

6) The neighbour cabin fellow at my work place is eating a lot of potato wafers. I cannot bear the effect.

7) Salman Rushdie mailed me. I do not believe it yet. Do you?

8) Post on Mandira Bedi will soon be posted.

9) Did not watch a movie in the last 48 hours.

10) My wisdom tooth is growing. Does that mean that I would be coming up with Brainy posts in the near future?

11) This whole post is written using my mobile phone. Is this the first sign of the wisdom tooth?

-Chronicwriter

Oct 22, 2007

73.Favorite Movies

Being an ardent movie buff, I shall do justice to my love for movies by listing out my all time ten favorite movies. Without much ado, let me brief in a line or two about each of these ten movies.
The movies are not ranked in any specific order because each of these ten movies are special in their own terms

The Shawshank Redemption

Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman strike a deadly combination in this 3 hour masterpiece. They meet in a prison and how they influence each other forms the crux of the story.

Malena

A small boy's love for a lady sees him fighting against all odds to restore her lost pride. The screenplay is simply mindboggling. This Italian movie is also close to my heart as it is directed by my favorite movie maker, Tornatore.


Legend of 1900

A concept that had never been thought before. He does not have a country, He does not have a name like others. But he is simply amazing.Tim Roth Romances with the Piano.A sleek script that would pierce the souls.Another standing ovation for Tornatore.


Forrest Gump

He starts running and he never stops. This emotional comedy will take us through a ride down historical dates. Tom Hanks clearly makes a mark and makes us believe that he is the BEST.


The Color of Paradise

Majid Majidi, The great Iranian film maker has done a magnificient job in detailing the world of a blind Boy. This movie will melt even the stone hearted.

Black

Indian Movies took a big leap with this movie.Amitabh and Rani go hand in hand in this modern day classic.


Beijing Bicycle

One Bicycle; Two Guys and one girl. How a simple bicycle changes the life of two guys forms the plot of the story. By the way, am off to Beijing this week.

Anbe Sivam

Kamal Hasan again proves why he is the best Non-Hollywood actor. Every one has a sad past; So does he.


Enemy at the Gates.

A snap shooter from the Russian Village. He plays a big role in the world war. A thriller, neatly tailored.


Cinema Paradiso

Simply, the best movie I have seen in my life.It is the story of an old man and his relationship with a small boy Toto.If you have not watched this movie, then you are surely missing something indeed.Tornatore at his best.

-Chronicwriter

Oct 21, 2007

72. My grandpa

Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round thy table. (Psalm 128:3)

God blessed Rev W.C David(My grand dad) with seven children and fourteen grandchildren. My name is Prason Christopher Robin and I am the fourth Grandson of W.C.David. I call him Thatha. My middle name and my Thatha’s middle name are one and the same.

My memories of Thatha dates back to the mid eighties. Thatha and Paatimma (Grandma), stayed in Chennai at that time. My parents, my sister and I stayed in Nagercoil, then. We used to go to Chennai every summer. Every summer I used to have fun at Thatha’s place. All my cousins would come to Chennai and I would have a great time. It was not the age of television and computers. The games we played then are still fresh in my memory.Paper boats, Mud castles,Running around the house,climbing trees...
I still remember the green color cycle, Thatha used. I used to play with its pedal. It has fallen on my head more than once. As a kid, I used to help Thatha wear his socks. In the evenings, I used to apply paraffin oil on his feet. Thatha had a big black mole on his spine.I used to get scared of that. Thatha used a hearing aid device. I always loved to flick his hearing aid device and play with it. It was the i-pod of the eighties.

We used to have family prayer three times in a day. As we were little kids, we used to wait for the prayer to get over, so that we could go out and play. Thatha had two basic rules for his grand children. These rules should be followed if we had to go and play. The rules were simple.
1.Memorize bible verse according to the age (i.e. if my age was 3, I was supposed to memorize three bible verses. 4=4 verses and 5= 5 verses and so on)
2.Learn a song from songs and solos.

Thatha had a strong panel of five members who used to check whether we abided by his rules. The five members were Thatha, Paatimma and their three daughters that included my mom, “Shobana” and her two sisters, “Monica and Prasanna”. The latter four were lenient and they would help me if I made any mistake while reciting the memory verses. But one could not escape from Thatha’s glare, when a biblical verse is wrongly recited. Though Thatha had a hearing problem, one cannot fool him when it comes to reciting the scripture. The initial days were easy. But as I grew older the quantum of memory verses also increased and I still remember the days when I used to see my cousins with faugh as they played outside while I memorized verses after verses everyday.

Then every day afternoon we were supposed to sleep in the hall. All the grandchildren were obedient and they used to sleep. But being the black sheep among the grandchildren, I used to sneak out through the backdoor into the farm. I had a partner in crime; my cousin, “Tabitha”. But we regularly get caught by Thatha and we end up kneeling down every evening.

Friday night family prayer is an event that I would not forget in my life. It lasts for at least two hours. Every member in the family, prays in that family prayer. The prayer chain starts from the grandchildren, battened on by the parents and then concluded by Paatimma and Thatha. By the time the prayer gets over, we “grandchildren” would be snoring.
Thatha and Paatimma used to take Sunday classes for the slum children and we used to sit along with them and listen to the scripture. Thatha was indeed God’s marionette. He used to get up as early as three in the morning and pray with Paatimma. I have seen Thatha in his Cassock a couple of times. He looked "Good".

Thatha went into God’s hushed seclusion on April12th, 1992. I remember the long bus journey we had. We reached Chennai on April13th.It was my birthday. I saw Thatha for one last time. He was dressed in his white Cassock. We all sat around his body and sang songs. Finally before the coffin was lowered into the pit, Paatimma led us all and we all said in a chorus, “The lord gave and the lord has taken away; may the name of the lord be praised”.

Fifteen years have gone by. Many a summer has come and gone. I have met my cousins a lot of times in the last fifteen years. But it’s never been the same as it used to be. I miss the memory verse recitals, the songs and solos, the Sunday classes, Friday night prayers, the games i used to play with my cousins. If not for the summers I had in the mid eighties, my Christian faith would not be as solid as it is now. I never paused to think, and debate the alternative possibilities about anything. Such things are not necessary in the black and white world that you thought, existed. It was not necessary to understand the gray, till you start missing it.I still remember Thatha’s grin. He had it even in his last days. I am sure he still has it wherever he is now.

- Prason.S @ Chriz (4th Grandson of Rev W.C David)
( Taken from the autobiography on my grandpa. All fourteen grandchildren wrote their memories of their grandpa. This is my contribution to the book)
-Chronicwriter

Oct 20, 2007

71. Tears in Heaven

Sitting in the corner,
wondering why these tears fall down my face
why did he die?
He was so full of life
Never causing harm,
but he was in the wrong place
the wrong time
but there isn't alarm.
He kept to himself,
the shadows were his friends
When someting went wrong though he was the first to make amends.
He was full of life Quiet to a fault.
His eyes were alive but now..he's not.
I knew him well why didn't any one see?
See how wonderfull this one man can be?
But no, now they never will. I sit in my corner,
wondering why these tears down my face fall why did he have to die?

Dedicated to my favorite professor in college; The Late Shine.P.Baby sir.

-Chronicwriter

Oct 18, 2007

70. I miss You

The past week did not see me in my nutty spirit.A sense of seriousness emanated. I am filled with deep emotional thoughts all through this week... So before I come out of this lull bondage, I would like to present yet another poem of mine... Hope it would touch some souls...



Yeah I wrote this for You
Just sit down and read it.
And nobody told me that it would hurt this much
Why did you run into my life
With that cheap smile and those perfect eyes
Our meaningless realtionship
Your Cries and our fights
Your touch and our kiss
You yelled out I love you
Why can't you see that
Those words meant nothing
You meant nothing to me
But why does it hurt so bad
I hate thinking of you
It bothers me so much
On those nights like this
When you are the only one on my mind
It bothers me so much that I still write for you
Even yearn for you
I threw you away like you where yesterday's news
But nobody told me that it would hurt like this


-Chronicwriter

Oct 17, 2007

69. Let us picture this

Some pictures appear very simple. But they come with a very deep message that impacts the mind. The way they impact the human mind can be attributed to the emotional wavelength that the mind fluctuates in. I could not help, but add a few pictures that I came across recently.

Pictures that made me go,"WoW".
Pictures that played hide and seek with my mind.
Pictures that made me shed a tear drop.
Pictures that made me to have my alone time.
Pictures that triggered my nutty thoughts.
Pictures that made me think about my past...
Pictures that spoke for itself.

1) Tying the shoe lace is not an easy joke. I remember those days when I found it hard to tie the shoe laces. Now my nephew Jeremy is going through the same phase.


2) I always wanted to step into my dad's shoes. Now I realise that it is not that easy.



3) When the music fades...


When the music fades,Everything will be ending.
And you'll disappear,Without saying goodbye.
When the music fades,I'll be left alone,
Stading in the dark,Hating you for leaving.
When the music fades,I will start crying,
Because I know it's over,But I still hope you will come back.
When the music fades,Our dance will end,
And I will wish for you,So I can hold you once more.
When the music fades, you will disappear,
Without saying goodbye....


4) Rainy days... Rain coats... Opening the mouth and tasting the droplets from the sky...Water puddles...Rainbow...
A few drops of water can pull us back down memory lane.


5) Wisdom begins with wonder



6) Flying kites... drying clothes...fishermen spreading their nets... Women liberation...freedom of thought...
This picture speaks a lot...

7) When she said,"Let's play"... He misinterpreted it.

8) If love like this exists, I want to be a part of it.







9) Sad souls... Deep sorrow... Waiting for whom?


10) In sullen solitude.

11) Let the grey cells work in black and white.

12) Never knew I could walk alone... Until you left me

13) There are times when silence has the loudest noise...



14) Sorry Renu... I never knew you were around


15) I create a fuss when my shoes get dirty...
But many do not have legs.



16) Never knew it would hurt this much...

- Chronicwriter

Oct 16, 2007

68. Sixty Nine

Dedicated to all my 69 MBA batch mates


Articulating the funny thoughts of mine
That are functioning like that of a swine
I try hard not to drift away with the wine,
But if i don't, i can't be able to dine.
Optimizing my mind as sharp as a pine.
I know its hard to bind as i dont have a twine.
The alcohol has spruned my liver out of line,
But Mr.X says,"hey chriz you are fine";
Because I have friends and they sum-up to 69.

(These are Words that I puked out after Ethanol drowned me in a Jacuzzi.Andy & Pius along with me)

I Recently attended my batchmate,Joseph's wedding. It was indeed a nostalgic moment meeting my old friends. We had a great time.The bride went missing in the photo. If not for Tinu, it would have been an all Boys snap. Me on the extreme left.Miss you guys.




















-chronicwriter

67. Two more pictures from 20-20

1) Why India won the Cricket 20-20 world cup?

Jogindher was bowling the last over of the match against pakistan in the 20-20 world cup.
The first ball was a wide.
The next ball went for a six.
Then before the next ball was bowled, a Pakistani spectator did the biggest mistake of his life by displaying this poster.


Indians won the 20-20.


2) See saa and Hayden

In the 20-20 worldcup Hayden was unfortunate to get out to the spoilt-kid seesaw. We all would remember what Seesaa did after Hayden got out. He ran down through the pitch, sat down in front of the stumps and scratched the ground ( A similar gesture that my pet dog bubbly does to cover up his metabolic output). In the picture below, all you have to do is identify Hayden and our one and only seesaw.



-Chronicwriter

Oct 10, 2007

66. Secrets revealed.

"Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead" - Benjamin Franklin


I never share secrets with anyone; not because i do not trust anyone.But I find it hard to come to a conclusion on what exactly a secret is all about.Mr.X knows about a few incidents that has happened in my life and these are some of the things that I have never told anyone. Now I am scared that he might spill it out. So here I am performing my first ever confession after I stepped foot on this earth. The following three incidents are the biggest secrets that I have kept in my heart all these years of my existance.

1) The day I ran away.



When I was in class two I ran away from my home. Guilt was the reason for the run away act. My mom used to force me to have Idli for breakfast ( Idli is a famous South Indian dish that breaks early morning fasts of 74% of the total population of South India. It has the appearance of a soft paned speace ship). The hatred that I have for Rakhi Saawant, now and the hatred that I had for Idli,then were of same intensity. The rule at home was to have Idlis according to the age. I never had much problem when I was in Kindergarden because I had to eat a maximum of three idlis. But things took a wild turn when I grew older and older. By the time I was 6, I was in class two and I had to eat 6 idlis. I could not take it any longer. Idlis used to magically disappear from my plate and they used to land

i) in the neighbour's backyard,
ii) in the well,
iii) under the bed ,
iv) in the flush tank situated on top of the closet,
v) inside the closet,
vi) in my sister's plate( My sister was 9 then. I really pity her. But unlike me, she had the appetite of a dinosaur) and,
vii) even under the carpet( I used to push it under the carpet and jump on the carpet so that the bump is flattened)

I was finally caught one day when I tried to sneak the dreaded Idli inside my geography text book.The Idli was so hard that The text book tore. The punishment was to eat an extra two idlis for the next one week. I could not take it anymore. So I decided to run away from my house. I ran as fast as my little feet would take me and before long I was 50 meters away from my house. I have never gone this far from my house before that. So I sat there on a stone near my street corner. I sat there for five hours and soon I was hungry. I came back home.These days I love idlis.

2) The mystery about the pool of water

When I was in class 8, my love for my childhood crush "Renu" erupted like a valcano, that I finally decided to propose her after 10 years of undying love for her that started the day I saw her in kindergarden.I thought of letting her know of my feelings after class hours. But I wanted to be very professional in my approach. So i decided to tell her father about my intentions before I proposed her. So that evening when he came to school to pick her up, I ran to him and this is how our conversation went...

Me: Uncle! How are you
He: I am fine Chriz. How are you
Me: I am doing good. Nice weather! Is not it?
(He gave me a doubtful look)
He: Yes. Do you have anything to say to me?
Me: Yes Uncle. This year am studying very well. I have improved in my academics.


He: Thats good. Where do you stand in class
Me: Ofcourse I stand first. Even I do sit in the first row in class
He: I asked you about your class rank
Me: I have improved Uncle. I have climbed to places higher this month.
He: Thats really good. What was your rank last month?
Me: Last month I stood 58/60
( The look on his face changed as if he was suffering from a tummy upset)
He: Ok. Now tell me what You have to talk to me?
Me: Uncle. I have great ambitions in life.
He: Do you want to become a doctor or an engineer? ( A standard question every Uncle used to torture Innocent children like me in the early nineties).
Me: I do not think that my dad would take a risk of pay a capitation fee to get me placed in an engineering college or in a medical college
He: So what do you want to achieve in life?
Me: I would like to be a cricketer.
He: Why are you telling me all these things?
Me: If I become a world famous cricketer, then Renu would also be famous and You will be proud of me?
(He immediately sensed where I am heading to)
He: Hey little one. Run home soon and Go drink milk and sleep tight.
Me: Uncle! Can I marry your daughter?

He gave a stare which reminded me of the movie "Jurassic park". He parked his bike and walked towards me and called me to come near him in a very harsh tone. Being a brave guy, I took a few steps backwards ( Just like a lion before it pounces on its prey) and then stood very boldly and looked into his eyes . He too stopped in his tracks and stood for a moment looked at my shoes and gave a sarcastical smile( That was a smile out of fear. I knew it), turned around and left the place.After he left the place, I looked down to see that I was standing in a pool of water around my feet. The pool of water cannot be attributed to the warmth I felt in my pants when he stared at me.

3) Alcohol- The culprit


I had my first encounter with Ethanol When I was in class eleven. I used to experiment with the chemicals in the chemistry lab.But then Ethanol never wanted to enter my body then. But When I was in my third year in engineering, Ethanol wanted to enter my body. Being a very innocent guy, I did not resist with ethanol. Infact I allowed ethanol to pull along its cousin hexanol and methanol along with him.He entered my body when I was learning to swim. The effect that ethanol and his cousins tried to imply on me and the brave way of how I fought against their implications will be written in detail in a future post...I still do not know to swim!!!




Chronicwriter

Oct 9, 2007

65. Golden Words?

Work keeps me busy this week. I hopped in to quote two statements that came true last weekend.
1) The glory is not in never falling. But in rising every time you fall and demanding "one more peg please" - Lord Ethanol II
( Week end parties with School friends are sometimes Kinky)

2) If you want the Real Peace, do not talk with your friends. Talk with your enemies - Mother Teresa
( Reconciling with a Long-Lost-Friend after a gap of ten years is indeed a great feeling)

-Chronicwriter


Oct 5, 2007

64. Internet cheats

How many times will I be cheated?

1) The first case is that of Neo counter.

It tells you how many people from across the globe has visited your blog. I was very happy when the number of people increased multifold. But then one day when I took a closer look at the contents of the counter, I found out that I am being fooled big time





If Asia pacific Region is a country, then what about South Korea and India. Where Do they fall in?


My geography teacher taught me that Europe is a continent. Now I have second thoughts after seeing the counter.







2) Bagira wants me it seems

Hi there
Where have you gone? Do u remember me? Hope u remember me:) glad to see me ?:)
How are things going? I am still single and vacations have gone.. all of my friends are happy with their boyfriends and I am alone. Though we might get to know each other better and perhaps this summer was the last lonely summer for us? I have registered my profile here(The link is removed because I am not promoting any sort of porn activity through my Blog) . Why don't you come and see my new photos? And maybe even contact me ..
Need you ;)

Bagira

3) I am promoted from Business Consultant post to Consultant Business post in the e-Consultant group where my credits are utilised.
Can anyone tell me What difference it makes?

- Chronicwriter

Oct 4, 2007

63. Faded life

Should I try my fingers in poetry?



I looked at my life,
With all the broken promises,
The shattered dreams,
I closed my eyes,
And kept walking to no direction,
In my direction,
There were many like me,
Many broken hearts,
Tears shed,
Followed by unbroken silence,
I had to be strong,
A time has come,
A light at the end of the tunnel,
An awakening voice from dreamland of weakness,
Determination to fight for my life,
And I believe,
I could be all I want to be,
If only I tried.

-Chronicwriter

Oct 3, 2007

62. Anger MAN-age-ment

Last time, I got angry, I was slapped. I never get angry these days. Even if I am angry, I never show it out. The following three pictures are the pictures of the three most angry living beings on earth.
1) Bisa, the Chimp from Africa.


2) Fusa, the bitch from China


3) Seesaa, the immatured kid from India


- Chronicwriter

Oct 1, 2007

61. Pamela Anderson is no more

Finally She left me. She is no more. When I was thinking of how I should perform her last rites, I could not come up with a solution because I realised that my thinking cap was no more. She suffered severe burns. I looked at it for sometime and tears welled up in my eyes. She has been with me ever since I first peed on my bed.That was way back in the summer of 1982.


This post is dedicated to my pillow cover that had been my friend, councellor,guide and my thinking cap too.After 25 years of sleeping with me,she finally left me alone. Last night I did not use a pillow cover. I realised it when the rotten-cotton from the pillow entered my nose and made me sneeze. I miss my pillow cover so much.More than a pillow cover, she has helped me in my ups and downs in life by helping me come out with brilliant suggestions. Yes I used her as my thinking cap too.


I never allowed anyone to wash her. So she was never removed from the pillow. My mother had tried many a times to remove her from my pillow. But i never allowed her to do so. Last night I could not recognise my pillow because I have never seen my pillow without pamela anderson around it ( Pamela Anderson is the name I gave to my pillow cover). I was so angry that I created havoc at my place.The T.V cable guy who came to my apartment yesterday morning wanted a piece of cloth to clean the television. He searched around for a dirty cloth. To my horror and to his delight he found Pamela as the best bet and he used her to wipe the TV. A spark from the electric plug burnt Pamela and soon she was gone.

The following five points are dedicated to my Pamela.

1) I have slept with her for twenty five years. I have been very loyal to her and she was loyal to me too. She has never slept with anyone else.

2) When ever I removed her from the pillow , I used her as my thinking cap and she had helped me in giving me bright thoughts that included me proposing Renu and also my first unsuccessful attempt in copying in my class exam when I was in class two.

3) I used her as my bank too. I used to store money, Uno cards, floppy disks and even certain magazines that corrupted my innocent mind with biological inventions.

4) Pamela was the brain behind my Surprise adventure.

5) I did not have the heart to burn her ; neither did I bury her. I sent her to the recycle plant. Hope she brightens some one else's life

Btw, its seems that some other Pamela Anderson also exists somewhere in the world and she is getting married to some Salomon guy who shot into fame with some funny video in Paris

-Chronicwriter