Wednesday, October 10, 2007

66. Secrets revealed.

"Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead" - Benjamin Franklin

I never share secrets with anyone; not because i do not trust anyone.But I find it hard to come to a conclusion on what exactly a secret is all about.Mr.X knows about a few incidents that has happened in my life and these are some of the things that I have never told anyone. Now I am scared that he might spill it out. So here I am performing my first ever confession after I stepped foot on this earth. The following three incidents are the biggest secrets that I have kept in my heart all these years of my existance.

1) The day I ran away.

When I was in class two I ran away from my home. Guilt was the reason for the run away act. My mom used to force me to have Idli for breakfast ( Idli is a famous South Indian dish that breaks early morning fasts of 74% of the total population of South India. It has the appearance of a soft paned speace ship). The hatred that I have for Rakhi Saawant, now and the hatred that I had for Idli,then were of same intensity. The rule at home was to have Idlis according to the age. I never had much problem when I was in Kindergarden because I had to eat a maximum of three idlis. But things took a wild turn when I grew older and older. By the time I was 6, I was in class two and I had to eat 6 idlis. I could not take it any longer. Idlis used to magically disappear from my plate and they used to land

i) in the neighbour's backyard,
ii) in the well,
iii) under the bed ,
iv) in the flush tank situated on top of the closet,
v) inside the closet,
vi) in my sister's plate( My sister was 9 then. I really pity her. But unlike me, she had the appetite of a dinosaur) and,
vii) even under the carpet( I used to push it under the carpet and jump on the carpet so that the bump is flattened)

I was finally caught one day when I tried to sneak the dreaded Idli inside my geography text book.The Idli was so hard that The text book tore. The punishment was to eat an extra two idlis for the next one week. I could not take it anymore. So I decided to run away from my house. I ran as fast as my little feet would take me and before long I was 50 meters away from my house. I have never gone this far from my house before that. So I sat there on a stone near my street corner. I sat there for five hours and soon I was hungry. I came back home.These days I love idlis.

2) The mystery about the pool of water

When I was in class 8, my love for my childhood crush "Renu" erupted like a valcano, that I finally decided to propose her after 10 years of undying love for her that started the day I saw her in kindergarden.I thought of letting her know of my feelings after class hours. But I wanted to be very professional in my approach. So i decided to tell her father about my intentions before I proposed her. So that evening when he came to school to pick her up, I ran to him and this is how our conversation went...

Me: Uncle! How are you
He: I am fine Chriz. How are you
Me: I am doing good. Nice weather! Is not it?
(He gave me a doubtful look)
He: Yes. Do you have anything to say to me?
Me: Yes Uncle. This year am studying very well. I have improved in my academics.

He: Thats good. Where do you stand in class
Me: Ofcourse I stand first. Even I do sit in the first row in class
He: I asked you about your class rank
Me: I have improved Uncle. I have climbed to places higher this month.
He: Thats really good. What was your rank last month?
Me: Last month I stood 58/60
( The look on his face changed as if he was suffering from a tummy upset)
He: Ok. Now tell me what You have to talk to me?
Me: Uncle. I have great ambitions in life.
He: Do you want to become a doctor or an engineer? ( A standard question every Uncle used to torture Innocent children like me in the early nineties).
Me: I do not think that my dad would take a risk of pay a capitation fee to get me placed in an engineering college or in a medical college
He: So what do you want to achieve in life?
Me: I would like to be a cricketer.
He: Why are you telling me all these things?
Me: If I become a world famous cricketer, then Renu would also be famous and You will be proud of me?
(He immediately sensed where I am heading to)
He: Hey little one. Run home soon and Go drink milk and sleep tight.
Me: Uncle! Can I marry your daughter?

He gave a stare which reminded me of the movie "Jurassic park". He parked his bike and walked towards me and called me to come near him in a very harsh tone. Being a brave guy, I took a few steps backwards ( Just like a lion before it pounces on its prey) and then stood very boldly and looked into his eyes . He too stopped in his tracks and stood for a moment looked at my shoes and gave a sarcastical smile( That was a smile out of fear. I knew it), turned around and left the place.After he left the place, I looked down to see that I was standing in a pool of water around my feet. The pool of water cannot be attributed to the warmth I felt in my pants when he stared at me.

3) Alcohol- The culprit

I had my first encounter with Ethanol When I was in class eleven. I used to experiment with the chemicals in the chemistry lab.But then Ethanol never wanted to enter my body then. But When I was in my third year in engineering, Ethanol wanted to enter my body. Being a very innocent guy, I did not resist with ethanol. Infact I allowed ethanol to pull along its cousin hexanol and methanol along with him.He entered my body when I was learning to swim. The effect that ethanol and his cousins tried to imply on me and the brave way of how I fought against their implications will be written in detail in a future post...I still do not know to swim!!!



  1. Whatta mystery that is.........kudos to your second revelation.
    Infact, i had been imagining the scene;),and this made me laugh for nearly 15 mts.Hey, why dont you try your hands on fictions???
    You make up a great writer!

  2. hi,
    amazing blog... d 2 things which r amazing about ur blog,
    1. u write simple, n d way u describe d situation, v are able to imagine d scene.
    2. u write ur blog everyday, so now atlaeast i have something interesting to read daily.
    continue ur good work.. n keep us entertained(take tat in good spirt)

  3. I don't have any secrets, I'm an open book. :)

  4. "standing in a pool of water".. lol... ever heard of a tamil proverb which goes something like "kuppura vizhundhalum meesaila man ottala"???..rotflamo...

  5. @ may
    i am writing a couple of books. will publish it soon. thanks for your comment

    @ ritu

    your comments are drowning me. this blog is here to make people laff and i am glad that it is serving the purpose. keep coming

  6. @nikky

    did you read the post?


    machaaaan. naanga ellaaam meesaiyaa shave pannitom.. uricha kozhi maadhiry romba clean face...

  7. hey...randomly came across your blog...and wooow what a nice post...I was going have a nice knack of presenting the normal situations in a very humorous way :)...yet to read your other posts..keep writing...BTW I had the same experience with Idlis...:P..but I m dying to eat them now :))

  8. tat was amazin dude... really made me smile... my vote for the best post of the week goes to this... [:)]

  9. Conversation with Renu's dad was the best.. u do have a special interest there ;) great going..!!

  10. did u actually tell a girl's father that u liked his daughter in class 8?????????? man u are bold!!!

    i wanted to run away from home when i was 5 coz my mum shouted at me for dropping the phone...and i remember packing up my skirt in a barbie doll suitcase and telling my mom to give away my shoes to the maid's kids!!!!

  11. Ada paavi.. idly is one discovery which I feel is better than the wheel..

    And LOL.. Never knew the pic was a pun.. :D

  12. yuck yuck and more yuck for the idli tales.. =P you shoved it under a carpet.. eeeeyyyewww..!! why couldnt u just ask amma to make you dosai instead you silly creature..? =D

    and as for the renu story.. u're a very brave person indeed.. *pats on the back* =P

  13. ROTFL!!!!

    I still hate idlis, something about it makes me want to run a mile, in hindsight had I run every time I saw an idli I would not be so "healthy" today.

    Still cant believe you actually said that to your uncle!

  14. priti:

    today i had idli for breakfast...


    hehe.. thank you maaamoi.. you write well too.. will hop down to ur blog and make some comments

  15. scribbler:

    i am gonna write a full book dedicating it to renu/...


    ill write the second part of this story where i met renu's mother...

  16. @gaya3..

    i love idlis now..


    maaamoi.. your blog is rocking..

  17. @ roger

    you shud be knowing that my blog is full of blown up truths...hehe.. how you.. will buzz ya sometime this week

  18. woah chris!

    gr8 write ups da.. keepin me entertained daily :)

    hav sent d link to some of ma frnds who njoy a good read too.. :)

    nywez do u do requests too? so mayb can giv ya some topics to cover .. ?? mm?

  19. :D ....... nice one.... now these secrets r the one worth sharing ..... undoubtedly brings a smile on the face of the reader ......

  20. @rakhammaaaaa

    welum to my blog.. this is ur first comment here.. do comment regularly.. i would love to do some requests... do send them...

  21. @anusha

    welkum back.. you went on a hibernation for a long time..


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