Aug 2, 2006

34. Learning with Experience

Following are the five major incidents that changed my attitude towards life.


Reader discretion / excretion is not needed for reading this post.


1) When I was in class two, a family planning advertisement appeared every now and then in Doordarshan. Two people (male and a female) would walk with an umbrella in the rain with the famous music “pyar hua ikraar hua hai…” being played in the background. I associated rain with that popular song. So when ever it rained, I used to take the umbrella and use to go out and sing the song. My neighboring kids also used to join me in the singing sessions as the song was very popular among the masses. I finally stopped singing the song when my science teacher slapped me when I suggested singing this song for the group singing competition in school. I never knew why I was slapped till I entered class 8. I was so innocent then.

2) I was so scared to shake hands with a girl till I was in class 4, because I thought that a guy shaking his hands with a girl resulted in child-birth. When I was in class 3, I discovered that a baby needs to be inside the mother’s tummy for a default period of ten months. The discovery made a big impact in my thinking prowess. I would rate this discovery as the discovery that revolutionized me. My discovery was disproved by my neighbor aunt’s son who did not have the patience to stay inside her tummy for more than 6 months. When I was in that confused state, my girlfriend, Renu took advantage of the situation and shook hands with me. I was so petrified for the next ten months and I would often check Renu’s tummy for any bulging effects. Even I gave her two grace month as the time limit and when she did not deliver a baby even after one whole year, I was convinced that shaking hands doesn’t result in the evolution process. One fateful day when I was just nine years old, my teacher started nauseating through the window. During her throwing out process, one of her co-teachers came to lend her a helping hand. Later she announced to us that our teacher was pregnant. So I came to the conclusion that vomiting results in baby birth. But a few days later when I puked, I had a doubt whether Boys can also become pregnant. It was a great mystery then. But then when I was in class 8, we had this sex education classes in school and I enlightened myself with all the necessary information with my never ending questions which often resulted in the teacher blushing in front of us.


3) When I was in class five, I had a habit of sleeping in the bathtub with Tintin comics. We had a sliding door translucent door that acted as a partition between the bathtub area and the toilet platform. My dad’s colleagues came to spend a weekend at our place during that time and as usual I ended up sleeping in the bathtub. Morning when I woke up, I saw one of the uncles on the other side of the partitioned mirror. I had fever for two weeks. Still he doesn’t know that I was the only witness of a major conspiracy. I am planning to tell about it in the toast I am going make for his daughter’s wedding. His daughter is getting married next month and I am the MC for the reception.

4) When I was 10 years old, I started developing a crush on Renuka Sahane of Surabhi Fame. Surabhi was a lovely program which was telecasted in Doordarshan in the early nineties. I used to wait for every Sunday to watch this program. During those days robbers used a new strategy of using small kids to steal valuables from houses. Seeing my ever increasing habit of staying up late to watch Surabhi, my parents came up with a new rule at home. The new rule shattered my love into bits and pieces as the rule did not permit me to stay awake after 9.30 pm. I was banished into my room every night after 9.30 pm. So I missed my favorite programs, "world this week, Oshin, Byomkesh Bhakshi and of course Surabhi”. But my love for Renuka would often make me sneak into the drawing room and I would hide behind the curtains and watch Surabhi. On one such sneaking and peeking incident, my dad happened to see my leg under the curtains. He took me for a robber. Being a brave man unlike me, he jumped from the couch like Tarzan and landed in front of the curtain, wrapped me around along with the curtain and what happened after that was pure disaster. No one has ever thrashed me like that in my life. Was Renuka, his crush too? (My Mom reads my blogs too)

5) I was a hunk when I was in class 9. The girls used to flock behind me to have a glimpse of me. They were very jealous of my THEN-girlfriend, “Renu”. She used to tell me that they always troubled her with sarcastic remarks. She even told that they used to scribble funny remarks about me in the girls rest room. She even gave me a list of remarks that were written there.

a) Chriz is a hunk
b) Chriz comes in my dream every night
c) Amazing arms! That fellow Chriz has.
d) Renu is indeed lucky to have Chriz.

One day she came running to me and said that the girls have written something bad about me in the girls’ room. After much pestering, she told me what they had written about me.
“Chriz wets his bed in his sleep”. I did not take it seriously, because I had gone through insults that were worse than this. I carried on with my studies like a perfect gentleman that day. The very next day, the school management dragged me out of the class for interrogation. I was told that they found something scribbled on the walls of the girls room that read, “No! I do not wet my bed in my sleep”.

Now, do you guys doubt me too?

-Chronicwriter

28 comments:

  1. I am planning to tell about it in the toast I am going make for his daughter’s wedding. His daughter is getting married next month and I am the MC for the reception.
    Will like to see the face of your uncle after you made the annoucment

    “No! I do not wet my bed in my sleep”.
    you could have written yes i do!!

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  2. loved ur thots n writin on de child makin process... made great readin especially de part where u ended up puking!!!! ;D

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  3. hahahahaha! awesome post!!!

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  4. I think a lot of people have the same thinking as you did with #2. I used to think sex=literally sleeping together in the same bed when I was younger...as that's how I heard it descriped in books and tv.

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  5. i miss surabhi and oshin and byomkesh bhakshi
    i wonder if DVDs are available..

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  6. @santosh

    hehe. probably his daughter might change her views on me.

    @ dhanya

    hehe! kuttaaa.. i ended up puking cos i was not well.. it had nothing to do with any child making process

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  7. @zee
    your whole class comments on your blog? thats cool! and do come in regularly. will keep on trying to post funny posts

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  8. @ mazhalai..
    i just love your posts.. they depict how much you are attached to your family.. and do come here regularly..

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  9. @ mommyof2

    do you know that you were the first one to comment on my previous blog? glad to see you here. do hop down regularly

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  10. Loved this post...enjoyed till the end..
    But isnt HUNK a bit too much :D

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  11. Hmmmm what do I say? Let me finish laughing first

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  12. @gomz

    hunk!!! atleast can't i dream like that?

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  13. @roger

    glad to see such comments..

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  14. No wonder your blog has got PG!!!

    Well thanks for bringing in memories of Surabhi and Oshi.. They were my faves tooo

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  15. oshin is my all time favorite. i just adore that babe.. would soon post an article about oshin

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  16. oh I remember Oshin, used to really really love that show... wonder why they don't make such good stuff these days. And the teacher throwing up bit was funny, in fact everythin was funny.

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  17. couldnt control laughing Criz...

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  18. Wow...too good ! I used to love Surabhi, too ! But this part should have been out of this post on your reminiscence of getting sex-educated !

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  19. @ anonymous..
    thank you. you could specify your name too

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  20. I used to renuka shahane painted her teeth white like what Ross did !!!!

    u remember

    Monica: What happened to your teeth?

    Ross: I whitened them.

    Chandler: Really?

    Ross: Yeah, what... what do you think?

    Monica: Well, uh, I think I shouldn't look directly at them.

    Ross: Come on, seriously.

    Monica: Ross, they're really, really, really white!

    Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old... human teeth?

    Ross: Well, I did leave the gel on a little longer than it said to.

    Monica: How much longer?
    Ross: Uh, uh.... a day.

    Monica: Ross, you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?

    Ross: I know! That's why I did it! Come on, are they really that bad?

    Chandler: No. No, no, no, you'll be fine. Hilary's blind, right?

    Monica: She will be after tonight.

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  21. chris is a hunk is hillarious :p

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  22. lies...lies...n still more lies... hmmm....

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  23. @ mahatma...

    every one loved friends.. i never liked it .. but now got the whole div x collection.. have to watch it... and abt the hunk part, hehe..

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  24. No, Chizzzy, I do not doubt u. In fact, am very sure that u r the one hu wrote that! hehe! ;>

    U had a crush on Renuka Shahane? How bout Renu?! U forgot bout her! Boo-hoo-hoo!

    I loved Surabhi and Byomkesh Bakshi!

    My first thoughts wen I hear "pyar hua ikraar hua hai" are of Deluxe Nirodh, even today! hahahaha!

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