Sunday, December 30, 2007

97. December Radio on 25-12-2007

This is one of the performances by December Radio. The video is an amatuer version and hence please do not blame the author for improper mixing of the voices and the instruments.Two songs are compressed in this video
1) Savior's Day
2) What Child is this?

Watch it at your own risk.

Chriz- Vocals
Andrew- Lead strings
Anu - Rhythm Guitar and backup vocals.


Saturday, December 29, 2007

96. Nine Neighbours

I work in one of the most happening environments around. My work place gives me an everyday reason to give the best i can. My role at work involves a lot of talking and seldom do I sit calm in one place and hence I enjoy the work I do. I interact with nine people on a daily basis and I am very familiar with their traits because they are my neigbours for almost two years now.All nine are different characters and I always wanted to write something about them for a long time.I am not using their names because they asked me not to use their names. So for easy identification, I have used names that suit them the most. Before reading any further, I request my blog readers to look at this picture for a while to have a clear idea of what I have in store for the nine neighbours and for myself in this post.

My work timings are 8.30 am to 5.30 pm. I reach office at 8.20 am because I use the official conveyance facility.There would not be a single soul around till 8.30 and I would be so bored that I would resort to sleeping till 8.30 am.

By 8.30 am, the cute girl makes her entry. She uses Hugo Boss and she has a magnetic effect on me. Her smell(scent) wakes me up every day.She is usually found in Kurta tops and a pair of denim trousers. She beats me up in the trouser wearing business. I had worn a jean for eleven straight days without washing it in my college days. But the cute girl goes on for three weeks without washing her pants. Now you would be knowing the reason behind the Hugo Boss effect.She smiles at me somedays and she frowns at me all the other days. I could never come to a conclusion on whats on her head on seeing her expressions.

By 9 am, pretty girl, girl with attitude and good looking girl make their entry to work.Pretty girl is a real pretty girl because she never wears any makeup. Infact she doesnot need one. The girl with attitude however dips herself in coats and coats of paint and to make me feel inferior, she wears a four inch heel and dwarfs me with her stature. On such occasions, I beat her by round and square by standing on top of my desk. So half of the time I would be seen standing on my desk.The good looking girl does not look good.She got that name because she is good in looking at others. Half of the time I catch her oggling at the species of the opposite gender of hers. But she disagrees and swears on me that she never oggled.

10 am is the time for very beautiful girl and girl with sweet voice to make their appearance.Very beautiful girl is the reason behind me having neck sprains every now and then. Because of her , I spend most of my office hours staring at her and not at my desktop.Call it my bad luck, I end up being caught by her almost every time I make an effort to admire her beauty. The girl with sweet voice sits behind me and I can hear her type the keyboard and she has a rythmic pattern in playing with the keys. She knows that I have a weak heart for girls with sweet voices and so she sings most of the time. I even drilled a hole in the wooden plank that separates our cubicles to have a clear clarity of her sweet voice. Mostly I would be looking at her through the hole instead of listening to her voice with my ears.For a change,two weeks back I placed my ears to listen to her voice. She poked my ears with a pointed pen.I still have the scar on my ears. Good that I did not look through the hole.Now she has covered the hole by pasting a picture on that plank.

11 am is the time for married aunty to make her presence felt at work.She has short hair and she is the advice queen at work place. She spoils my good boy image at workplace and tortures me by callin me names. I am putting up with her all this while because she has a beautiful daughter.

11.30 am is the time when the pendulum swings far away from me because that is the exact time when Mr.Always farting guy shows up.He smells like Uncle sams dirty pig. Even my college room-mate's dirty towel had a better smell than his aerated performa.He has a very good habit of exploding without any sound and when ever he launches a missile, all the girls stare at me as if I am the culprit. Why did God make it colourless? If only he made it colorful, his cubicle would have been the most colourful cubicle at my workplace.


Thursday, December 20, 2007

95. God is good all the time

When I was a baby, I was a hyper active kid.The reason for this post is just to reminisce on the vast contrast that history has had its toll on me.This post is about two major incidents that happened in my life that changed my entire perception on my take on life. The first incident happened when I was two years of age and the second incident took place when I was twenty.

Till I was two years of age, my parents were very much concerned because I did not even utter a single word but for the occassional cries for hunger. I never used to eat that much and that still shows in my gigantic stature. Just when they lost all hope that their son would speak, their futuristic thoughts about me received another jolt, when the hyper active devil within me made me do the unthinkable.

I was very naughty that fateful day that I covered my face with a bag and jumped from one platform to the other. The result: I was not spiderman then, Nor I was the superman. So I landed on a stone with a DTS background effect and that resulted in my tongue getting cut and falling out of my mouth. Two major operations on my tongue and one more year of calmness made lives a living hell for everyone in my family. But when I was three years of age I started speaking. Then I made their life a living hell indeed with my non stop yapping. I still thank god for his abundant blessings and the voice he has given me.

Many a times when someone comes and wishes me that I have a wonderful voice, the pride cells start working and I would often travel to cloud number 9.But When I think about the wonderful miracle that he has performed on me I am thankful for the blessings he has showered on me. So when ever I use foul language, it hurts deep with in.( excuse me for getting a little emotional).

The second incident happened when I was twenty years of age. My love for dancing took me to places where I could exhibit my dancing skills to one and all and win accolades and appreciation. The vices killed me and soon I was sinning big time. I was living in a world of my own. Even after I was warned lot of times by folks at home, I still continued in my own ways. On one such occassion , I chose the wrong place to practise my steps. It happened to be the loo at my place. I was performing the moon walk and a perfect 720 degree spin when I landed in the wrong place and as a result I lost my achilles tendon.It took me one whole year to walk. After a year when I walked without a limp, it baffled the doctors because they thought that I would be limping throughout my life.God works in his own way. After that Incident, the dance performance chances that I have had so far has always come in a good way. When ever personal pride takes its toll on me and I consider myself to be great, these two scars (the one on my tongue and the one on my right leg) remind me that it is indeed God's amazing grace that is working on me and I am not really worth the praise. Glory ,Honor and Praise be ye to God alone.


Sunday, December 16, 2007

94. December Radio- 25.12 fm

December Radio is the name which evolved when my big dream with revelational Raagaa burst before it was launched. The band has started with just three members(The band will have three more members by the 20th of this month). Thomas, Jeremy and I make the present trio. (This Jeremy is not my nephew)

Thomas is a wonderful Guy who plays the Bass guitar with great efficiency. I met him in a prayer fellowship last year. Similar experiences in our past and similarities in our behavior made us instant mates. When we floated the idea of starting a new band, Thomas gave me lot of ideas and finally we have a band and we have indeed started performing. Thomas is working as a Quality Analyst in a very well known IT firm.

Jeremy is the pillar of December Radio. He romances with the strings. It is indeed a treat to watch him play the six strings. When I first saw him a year back, he appeared to me as the Indianised version of Slash; with his long hair and chiseled looks. He works as a software Engineer. Now the long hair has disappeared.

Our first performance took place in the church where I worship on Dec-02-2007. It was also the same day that Revelational Raagaa was supposed to do its first performance. December Radio was indeed a blessing in disguise for us and acted as the best answer for the RR mishap.Our voices matched well and the accompaniments synched well too. The song we selected for the performance was “Saviour’s Day”. Glory, Honor and praise be ye to GOD alone.

"Saviour's Day"
Now we have been through the harvest
Winter has truly begun
Now we have walked in the chill of the night
We are waiting for, waiting for
For the saviour's day

Many have come from the valleys
Many have come from the hills
Many have started their journey home
To be with someone with someone
On the saviour's day

Open your eyes on saviour's day
Don't look back or turn away
Life can be yours if you'll only stay
He is calling you, calling you
On the saviours day

Here's to the god of the present
Here's to the god of the past
Here's to the hope in the future he brings
We will sing to him, sing to him
On the savior's day

Joining the old and the young ones
Joining the black and the white
Meeting the need of the hungry is he
We will ever remember him
On the saviour's day

Open your eyes on saviour's day
Don't look back or turn away
Life can be yours if you'll only stay
He is calling you, calling you
On the saviours day- Scale Change ->

- Chronicwriter

Sunday, December 09, 2007

93. When client presentations go wrong

How many of us have gone through experiences where we made ourselves look like clowns in front of our clients? I always considered myself to be an expert presenter.But overconfidence kills everyone. It happened to me too. I was in Mumbai last october for a product presentation for one of the leading air carriers of our nation.

The presentation started as usual. Considering my expertise in this domain and the numerous presentations that I have done, I was at my awesome best on that day. The presentation lasted for three hours. It had the usual humour and the business-technical details embedded in it. I was really glad that I had done a perfect job. Just when it seemed like a cake-walk in the green-park for me,thunder and lightening came in the form of a simple question from a gorgeous blonde lady. The question appeared to me like a juicy full toss. But little did I know that it was a beemer aimed at my Adam's apple.

I answered her question with ease and gave her a professional smile and when she gave a dirty stare,I realised my folly. Instead of saying " The ETL tool is packed with the DW and the additional interface support can be customised according to the circumstance", I ended up saying " The ETL tool is packed with the DW and the additional interface support can be circumsized according to the custom"


92.I divorced Hunney


I first met her in the summer of 2005. She was a shining black bike then.Highly tuned with a shorter handle, she exactly knew what I wanted from her. I have gone on several dates with her to lonely places. Sometimes she was considerate enough to allow a third person to spice up our dates. More than 100 souls have travelled with me and hunney never ever complained. She has travelled the entire length and breadth of Kerala along with me. Munnar, Athirampalli, Calicut, Cochin, Trissur,Kottayam, Trivandrum; She knows all the roads of God's Own country.As they say every romance has to end one day my romance with Hunney also ended last sunday.Dunno why she got fed up of me; She eloped with someone else.I still love her. But I had to take the extreme decision of divorcing her. She was married to me according to Motor vehicles act of India. I Divorced her this friday owing to unavoidable circumstances. May you live longer with your new found love. God bless.


Friday, December 07, 2007

91. Hunney is gone.

That is how I call her. She was with me for two and a half years.
Last sunday she left me.
Some good soul needed it for his/her usage and stole my hunney.
Running around to find my lost bike has pulled me out of the blogging world for a while.
She is just a splendor bike. But she is my Allen Cathcart and my Harley.
I miss you hunney.


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

90. Suzanne's Movie Project - Climax

Read Part 1 of this story for the pre-interval session of this movie project of a colleague of mine.

The Climax

Suzanne/IBS (4:12 PM) there?
Chriz/IBS (4:12 PM) yes
Chriz/IBS (4:12 PM) ready now
Suzanne/IBS (4:13 PM) yepperdido
Chriz/IBS (4:13 PM) start action camera
Suzanne/IBS (4:13 PM) then our next scene is in the training room
Suzanne/IBS (4:13 PM) we see this rooster trainer Roos Lee
Suzanne/IBS (4:13 PM) training our Henrietta
Suzanne/IBS (4:14 PM) he makes her hit punching bags
Suzanne/IBS (4:14 PM) she is made to do push ups
Chriz/IBS (4:14 PM) she has only two limbs
Chriz/IBS (4:14 PM) how did she do push ups?
Suzanne/IBS (4:14 PM) so?
Suzanne/IBS (4:14 PM) well she is a determined chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:15 PM) still how?
Suzanne/IBS (4:15 PM) u must understand how important her goal is for her
Chriz/IBS (4:15 PM) was that a big road? a six lane?
Suzanne/IBS (4:15 PM) hmmm yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:15 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:15 PM) she is made to do sit ups
Suzanne/IBS (4:16 PM) no need push ups
Suzanne/IBS (4:16 PM) and every day she does this
Suzanne/IBS (4:16 PM) and while she does this
Suzanne/IBS (4:16 PM) there is a song
Chriz/IBS (4:17 PM) oh
Chriz/IBS (4:17 PM) thats gud
Chriz/IBS (4:17 PM) but that sounds like ABBA's song
Suzanne/IBS (4:18 PM) that is chiquitita
Chriz/IBS (4:18 PM) phonetic similarity. wont they sue us?
Suzanne/IBS (4:19 PM) hmmm
Chriz/IBS (4:19 PM) btw Did roose lee have six packs?
Suzanne/IBS (4:19 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:19 PM) and he was 40 plus too
Suzanne/IBS (4:19 PM) he is 40 plus
Suzanne/IBS (4:19 PM) sorry
Chriz/IBS (4:19 PM) just like srk?
Suzanne/IBS (4:19 PM) yep
Chriz/IBS (4:20 PM) then shall we have some other song?
Suzanne/IBS (4:20 PM) he did pain e disco
Suzanne/IBS (4:20 PM) he is english
Suzanne/IBS (4:20 PM) doesnt knwo hindi
Chriz/IBS (4:20 PM) are we gonna inject steroids into henreita's body?
Suzanne/IBS (4:20 PM) NO
Suzanne/IBS (4:20 PM) this is a clean gud chicken with a good aim
Chriz/IBS (4:21 PM) tastes good?
Suzanne/IBS (4:21 PM) yea mayb
Chriz/IBS (4:21 PM) but i thought she was alive
Suzanne/IBS (4:21 PM) but no
Suzanne/IBS (4:21 PM) we wont eat her until after the story
Suzanne/IBS (4:21 PM) well... where was i
Suzanne/IBS (4:22 PM) so one day... while henrietta is runnin on the treadmill
Suzanne/IBS (4:22 PM) Roos Lee asks her y does she want 2 achieve this dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:22 PM) she tells him abt her dad
Chriz/IBS (4:23 PM) sit ups or tread mill?
Chriz/IBS (4:23 PM) how much calories burnt per day?
Suzanne/IBS (4:23 PM) she is working out
Suzanne/IBS (4:23 PM) strengthening up
Chriz/IBS (4:24 PM) how are we gonna show the pre-exercise henreita and the post-exercise henreita?
Suzanne/IBS (4:24 PM) we need not show
Chriz/IBS (4:24 PM) are we gonna ask her to dance in a bikini with tanned up skin?
Suzanne/IBS (4:24 PM) H-E-N-R-I-E-T-T-A
Suzanne/IBS (4:25 PM) not henreita
Suzanne/IBS (4:25 PM) no we cant ask her 2 dance
Chriz/IBS (4:25 PM) thats gud.. you are a good listener.. keep it up
Suzanne/IBS (4:25 PM) the censor board wudnt like it
Chriz/IBS (4:25 PM) now continue with the story
Suzanne/IBS (4:25 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (4:25 PM) we will bribe the censor board
Suzanne/IBS (4:25 PM) no the chicken censor board is still strong
Chriz/IBS (4:26 PM) even the name of the male of the species of the chicken community has to pass thru a censor clearance... so never mind
Suzanne/IBS (4:26 PM) yea?
Suzanne/IBS (4:26 PM) well yea
Chriz/IBS (4:27 PM) dunno. as you know i am innocent
Chriz/IBS (4:27 PM) now dont get lost in decoding my words....
Chriz/IBS (4:27 PM) continue with the story
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) yea so where was i
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) yea she tells him
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) and he is in awe
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) at a little chicken's dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) of crossing the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) he asks more abt her dad and she tells
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) when he hears who her dad is
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) he tells that her dad used 2 b his role model
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) was he the one who killed her dad?
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) NO
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) or was the gym instructor the actual dad of henrietta
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) Roos Lee does not kill her dad
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) or did not
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) does henrietta have a crush on lee?
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) seeing her determination he admires her
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) NO
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) Lee begins liking her
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) but Henrietta has only one dream,
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) dream
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) fatherly affection or the cheenie kum types?
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) cheeni kum
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) so what about introducing a song here
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) no we already put 2 many songs
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) that'll spoil the movie
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) is it?
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) yeaaa
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) the producer has to worry abt this.
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) r u producing this movie too?
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) hmmm yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) so i get 2 decide
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) but Roos Lee does not say anything 2 her
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) and keeps it all inside
Chriz/IBS (4:33 PM) was he shy?
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) nope
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) but he knew she was not interested
Chriz/IBS (4:34 PM) keeps what inside?
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) his feelings
Chriz/IBS (4:34 PM) mental constipation?
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) kinda
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) dont picture it like that
Chriz/IBS (4:35 PM) do we have an item number?
Chriz/IBS (4:35 PM) our audiences would prefer that
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) yea after sum time
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) then Henrietta's step mom comes 2 knw abt her going 2 the training institute
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) is she a gud mom or bad mom?
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) ok ok mom
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) as in?
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) u listen and decide for urself
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) and one day when Henrietta is abt 2 get out of the hse
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) she stops her and slaps her silly
Chriz/IBS (4:37 PM) HSE?
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) house
Chriz/IBS (4:37 PM) oh... gud that you told that..
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) y?
Chriz/IBS (4:38 PM) i thought it was an acronym for H____ S___ E__
Chriz/IBS (4:38 PM) what happened to the movie now?
Chriz/IBS (4:39 PM) are we having two intervals?
Suzanne/IBS (4:42 PM) noo
Suzanne/IBS (4:42 PM) i went 2 clarify abt a bug
Chriz/IBS (4:42 PM) here we call it the loo break
Suzanne/IBS (4:42 PM) what is H__ S__ E___?
Chriz/IBS (4:42 PM) i dunno
Suzanne/IBS (4:43 PM) if it's bad dont tell me
Chriz/IBS (4:43 PM) even if it is good, am not telling you
Suzanne/IBS (4:43 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (4:44 PM) High School excursion
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) the step mama tells her abt how stupid her dream is
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) what
Chriz/IBS (4:44 PM) i just made it up
Chriz/IBS (4:44 PM) who is the villain?
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) bcoz of this dream that she lost her husband, that is, Henrietta's dad
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) suspense
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) suspense was a boy or a girl chicken
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) ill tell u
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) or was it an OTHER chicken?
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) we r coming close
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) no! you stay there itself
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) i am a responsible professional
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) No
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) we r coming close 2 the end of the story u dum dum
Chriz/IBS (4:46 PM) oh.. ok..
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) her Spanish mama starts crying
Chriz/IBS (4:46 PM) dum = hunk?
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and Henrietta consoles her
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and tells her that her dream will come true
Chriz/IBS (4:46 PM) so she doesntgo for gymming after that?
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) no she does
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) she is still determined
Chriz/IBS (4:47 PM) whose dream? her mom also had a dream?
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) nuthing stops her
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) no Henrietta's dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) this movie is all abt her dream
Chriz/IBS (4:47 PM) then why is she still dreaming.. why doesnot she just run across the road?
Chriz/IBS (4:47 PM) btw , what is teh name of the movie?
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) i thought it was obvoius when i told u the story
Chriz/IBS (4:48 PM) did you?
Chriz/IBS (4:49 PM) i thought the title was different.
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) u wanna change it
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) we can
Chriz/IBS (4:49 PM) yes
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) but after the movie
Chriz/IBS (4:49 PM) chicken bririyani
Chriz/IBS (4:49 PM) how is that?
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) b4 i 4get the suspense
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) no
Chriz/IBS (4:49 PM) WE CAN?
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) we need something diff
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) artist
Chriz/IBS (4:49 PM) am i also a co-director?
Chriz/IBS (4:49 PM) we?
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) nah
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) u help in publicity by puttin gin ur blog
Chriz/IBS (4:50 PM) am i also getting my share of rotten tomatoes?
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) definitely
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) im generous
Chriz/IBS (4:50 PM) but what is teh crowd likes the movie and wants to hug you?
Chriz/IBS (4:51 PM) what IF the....?
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) then u take all the hugs
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) i dun want any
Chriz/IBS (4:52 PM) i'd take the hugs only from girls...
Chriz/IBS (4:52 PM) you take the rest( boys and others )
Suzanne/IBS (4:52 PM) k whatever
Chriz/IBS (4:53 PM) come back to the story now.. dont start dreaming...
Suzanne/IBS (4:53 PM) k
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) one day while training Roos Lee tells her she's ready now
Chriz/IBS (4:54 PM) her mom cried.. but still our lady is determined...
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (4:54 PM) ready for what? are not we gonna confuse the audience? cos he has a thing for her...
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) Roos Lee tells her she's ready 2 cross the highway
Chriz/IBS (4:54 PM) oh.. let us be more specific
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) specific?
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) That she is ready to cross the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) but we r running out of time
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) she can use the zebra crossing
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) and u have 2 go by 5:30
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) o ok
Chriz/IBS (4:56 PM) yes... thats true... atleast we have to maintain atleast the exit time
Chriz/IBS (4:56 PM) ic ant maintain the entry time... 8.30 am often becomes 10.30 am..
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) and so our Henrietta goes to teh side of the highway again
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) now she's a confident chicken
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) but suddenly she remebers teh horror of last time
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) she shudders
Chriz/IBS (4:57 PM) did she attend john's training session on confident boosters?
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) john?
Chriz/IBS (4:57 PM) our trainer
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) ohhh
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) no
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) how long are you working here ?
Suzanne/IBS (4:58 PM) her trainer is Roos Lee
Suzanne/IBS (4:58 PM) how long means?
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) roos is her physical trainer
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) john can be her mental trainer
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) cos u dont even know our john..
Suzanne/IBS (4:58 PM) no Roos is her all in all trainer
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) i dint mean the loo!!!
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) what?
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) so she stands at the end of the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) and she remembers how her dad died
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) and she shakes
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) but then she remembers her dad's words
Chriz/IBS (5:00 PM) what was she doing when her dad died?
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) 5 min... 5 min
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) she was in high school
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) had chem lab exam
Chriz/IBS (5:00 PM) did she copy in her experiments?
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) nope
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) she was a nice chicken
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) Na2 SO4
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) H2SO4
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) CH2=cH2
Suzanne/IBS (5:01 PM) u were gud in chem i can c
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) i am just showing off that i know all these stuff in chemistry cos i am gonna post this in my blog
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (5:02 PM) now stop admiring my chemistry skills and continue with ur story
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) so
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) as she is about 2 cross
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) she remembers her dad's words
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) 5 min... 5 min
Chriz/IBS (5:02 PM) what did he say?
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) if for 5 min u give it ur all
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) then even God wont take it back from u
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) can we use amitabh bachan's voice for her dad's last words?
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) :-)
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) did you steal this dialogue from the movie DON?
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) or shud we use usha udhupth's voice
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) or your voice?
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) all three have close integrations
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) NO
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) i stole it from chak de india
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) not DON
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) and as she gets ready
Chriz/IBS (5:04 PM) some srk movie...
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) she sees her step sister coming close by 2 wish her luck
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) Good luck
Suzanne/IBS (5:05 PM) she says
Chriz/IBS (5:05 PM) what is her step sister's name?
Suzanne/IBS (5:05 PM) and pushes Henrietta to the road
Suzanne/IBS (5:05 PM) Henrietta is caught off guard
Chriz/IBS (5:05 PM) i asked her sister's anme
Chriz/IBS (5:05 PM) name!
Suzanne/IBS (5:05 PM) Jennifer Lopez
Suzanne/IBS (5:05 PM) Sorry
Suzanne/IBS (5:05 PM) Hennifer
Suzanne/IBS (5:06 PM) thats better
Chriz/IBS (5:06 PM) but that sounds more like latin
Suzanne/IBS (5:06 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (5:06 PM) well we r at the climax
Chriz/IBS (5:06 PM) she is spanish .
Chriz/IBS (5:06 PM) so can we have something like panchez vicario
Suzanne/IBS (5:06 PM) nooo
Suzanne/IBS (5:06 PM) it's HENnifer
Chriz/IBS (5:07 PM) ok as you say.. anyways the movie is not gonna run.. so who cares?
Suzanne/IBS (5:07 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (5:07 PM) now finish the story
Suzanne/IBS (5:07 PM) and she is pushed onto the road
Suzanne/IBS (5:07 PM) nobody saw that she was pushed
Chriz/IBS (5:08 PM) so it was a muder well planned!!!
Suzanne/IBS (5:08 PM) and her step sister smiles the villainy smile
Suzanne/IBS (5:08 PM) mmuder?
Chriz/IBS (5:08 PM) her step sister had a crush on lee?
Suzanne/IBS (5:08 PM) no
Suzanne/IBS (5:08 PM) her step sister didnt want Henrietta 2 b successful
Chriz/IBS (5:08 PM) why?
Suzanne/IBS (5:08 PM) But Lee sees the act
Suzanne/IBS (5:08 PM) Hennifer is bad
Suzanne/IBS (5:09 PM) she wants all the attention
Suzanne/IBS (5:09 PM) she was a jealous sis
Chriz/IBS (5:09 PM) attention?
Suzanne/IBS (5:09 PM) Lee sees teh act
Suzanne/IBS (5:09 PM) but it's 2 late
Chriz/IBS (5:09 PM) so is she gonna dance for the item number?
Suzanne/IBS (5:09 PM) Henrietta is on the road
Chriz/IBS (5:09 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (5:10 PM) and Henrietta stands up looks to her right and left
Suzanne/IBS (5:10 PM) darts here and there
Suzanne/IBS (5:10 PM) here and there
Chriz/IBS (5:10 PM) here and there
Chriz/IBS (5:10 PM) am also getting involved in this climax
Suzanne/IBS (5:10 PM) and finally 2 the surprise of the onlookers
Suzanne/IBS (5:10 PM) she reaches the end of the road
Suzanne/IBS (5:10 PM) road
Suzanne/IBS (5:10 PM) the other side
Chriz/IBS (5:10 PM) just like siddarth in the movie Boys
Suzanne/IBS (5:11 PM) chariots of fire bkgd music now
Suzanne/IBS (5:11 PM) she turns round 2 look back in slow motion
Chriz/IBS (5:11 PM) motion? that too slow? constipation?
Suzanne/IBS (5:11 PM) nooo
Chriz/IBS (5:11 PM) due to rigourous exercis?
Suzanne/IBS (5:11 PM) slow motion
Chriz/IBS (5:12 PM) oh.. you meant slow action replay
Chriz/IBS (5:12 PM) ok now this innocent mind of mine is getting aligned with your story
Suzanne/IBS (5:12 PM) k
Suzanne/IBS (5:13 PM) and her Spanish step sister is shocked
Suzanne/IBS (5:13 PM) she screams in disgust
Chriz/IBS (5:13 PM) finish the story fast
Chriz/IBS (5:13 PM) did she eat baked beans?
Suzanne/IBS (5:13 PM) her mama comes and slaps her silly
Suzanne/IBS (5:13 PM) NOOO
Suzanne/IBS (5:14 PM) Henrietta gets awards for her brave act
Chriz/IBS (5:14 PM) from whom?
Suzanne/IBS (5:14 PM) everybody congratulates her
Suzanne/IBS (5:14 PM) from the French president
Chriz/IBS (5:14 PM) the director gets all the tomatoes!
Suzanne/IBS (5:14 PM) and Roos Lee walks 2wards her at the award ceremony
Chriz/IBS (5:14 PM) who is the french president? some pervez musharaff?
Suzanne/IBS (5:15 PM) nope
Chriz/IBS (5:15 PM) valdimir putin?
Suzanne/IBS (5:15 PM) Cock Sie Donaldo
Suzanne/IBS (5:15 PM) Roos Lee goes 2wards her
Chriz/IBS (5:15 PM) now the censor board will come into play
Suzanne/IBS (5:15 PM) and says I always knew u wud fulfill ur dream Suzanne/IBS (5:15 PM) and he just walks away
Chriz/IBS (5:15 PM) how come he knew?
Suzanne/IBS (5:15 PM) without telling her anything
Chriz/IBS (5:16 PM) he is just saying that to get herattention
Suzanne/IBS (5:16 PM) and she just looks at him go with sad eyes
Chriz/IBS (5:16 PM) Her attention**
Suzanne/IBS (5:16 PM) THE END
Suzanne/IBS (5:16 PM) :-)
Suzanne/IBS (5:16 PM) chariots of fire music while showing the titles
Chriz/IBS (5:16 PM) well i have two blog posts ready now.
Chriz/IBS (5:16 PM) thank you very much
Chriz/IBS (5:16 PM) god bless me
Chriz/IBS (5:16 PM) and may devil kiss you
Suzanne/IBS (5:16 PM) yea really
Suzanne/IBS (5:16 PM) NO
Chriz/IBS (5:16 PM) get back to your work
Suzanne/IBS (5:16 PM) i dont want neone kissing me
Chriz/IBS (5:17 PM) lucky devil then!!!


Thursday, November 29, 2007

89.Suzanne's movie project - Part 1

Wednesdays usually last longer than the usual days. Yesterday I was almost dozing off in office when a colleague of mine;Suzanne, messaged me through the intra-office chat facility.BTW, Suzanne is one of my salsa partners. This post is pretty long. The reader should have the patience of a turtle to read this one.

Suzanne/IBS (4.22) Hi Chriz, Have work?
Chriz/IBS (4.23) Not that busy
Suzanne/IBS (4:24 PM) me neither.
Suzanne/IBS (4:24 PM) im feeling sleepy
Chriz/IBS (4:25 PM) tell a story then
Suzanne/IBS (4:25 PM) hmmm
Suzanne/IBS (4:26 PM) which one do u want
Chriz/IBS (4:26 PM) the chicken crossing the road story
Suzanne/IBS (4:27 PM) once there was a chicken who loved crossing the roads
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) she loved crossing the road every now and then
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) ok
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) it was a she chicken?
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) and her dream was to cross a highway at heavy traffic
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) yea she chicken
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) buckbuck buckaeeekk
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) she chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) did she have siblings?
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) a step sister
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) a sister who stood on a step higher than her?
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (4:29 PM) or did her sister have step hair cut?
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) her passed away when she was very young
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) her dad
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) passed away
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) nope her sister had looong hair
Chriz/IBS (4:29 PM) oh ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) so as i was saying
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) she wanted 2 cross the road
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) then how did she have a step sister ?
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) her dad passed away na?
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) her mom married again?
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) b4 her dad passed away
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) no
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) her mom died due 2 childbirth
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) whats the name of of our chicken?
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) HENrietta
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) She's a french chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) now this is getting better
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) what was her color?
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) the usual yellow?
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) nope she was a dark red
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) brown chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) after she was roasted?
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) or when she was alive?
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) no b4 she was roasted
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) she had brown feathers
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) ok continue
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) yea so she always wanted 2 cross the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) So our Henrietta one day was talking 2 her half Spanish step sister
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) about her dream of crossing the highway
Chriz/IBS (4:33 PM) her step mom is spanish?
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) and her sister was shocked
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) well duh
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) her step mom is spanish
Chriz/IBS (4:34 PM) her sister got electrocuted?
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) nooo
Chriz/IBS (4:34 PM) why did she get a shock?
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) surprised
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) and she was why of all the things do u have such a dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) she scolded her
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) u r supposed 2 live and lay eggs like all the other chickens
Chriz/IBS (4:35 PM) did henreita have a guy?
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) but Henrietta said
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) I want 2 b a different chicken
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) nope
Chriz/IBS (4:35 PM) so was she a nun?
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) it's H-E-N-R-I-E-T-T-A
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) spell it rite
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) henrietta
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) yup pardon me
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) and no she was a feminist kind of a person
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) so not interested in cocks
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) or guys dominating her world
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) :-)
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) ;-) ?
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) that's what i call a smart chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) ok...
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) and her sister was like 'Don't even think abt it... Don't let Mama hear u speak like this or she'll slap u silly'
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) Henrietta felt sad
Chriz/IBS (4:38 PM) mama was dead na
Chriz/IBS (4:38 PM) her spanish mama?
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) but she silently thought i dont need them 2 make me achieve my dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) her spanish mama is alive
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) i said her mama is spanish not was spanish
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) pay attention 2 teh story
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) ill tell it only once
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) :-)
Chriz/IBS (4:39 PM) paying
Chriz/IBS (4:39 PM) her french mama died
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (4:39 PM) was she papa's pet daughter?
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) but spanish step mama very much alive
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) b4 he died
Chriz/IBS (4:40 PM) he is also dead?
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) when she was small he used 2 make her sit on his lap
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) and tell abt his yound days of crossing the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) when cars used 2 honk and pass him
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) his close calls with death
Suzanne/IBS (4:41 PM) and he died tragically in a road accident
Chriz/IBS (4:41 PM) he told about his death also?
Chriz/IBS (4:41 PM) so he was a prophet dad?
Suzanne/IBS (4:41 PM) nooo
Suzanne/IBS (4:41 PM) that part im telling
Suzanne/IBS (4:42 PM) he only told abt his close calls
Chriz/IBS (4:42 PM) oh ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:42 PM) so in short she by seeing this dream come true she was in short making her dad's dream a reality
Chriz/IBS (4:43 PM) her dad was like ambani?
Suzanne/IBS (4:43 PM) nope
Suzanne/IBS (4:43 PM) he was a middle class French cock
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) So, Henrietta kept on dreaming
Chriz/IBS (4:44 PM) day dream?
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) of crossing the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) and one fine morning
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) when she was walking by the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) she thought why not
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) why not what?
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) so summoning all the courage
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) her own courage?
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) why not cross the HIGHWAY
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) she walked 2 the side of the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and waited
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and observed
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) she concentrated
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and tried 2 decide when 2 make a move
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and then
Chriz/IBS (4:46 PM) was that a dream again?
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she put her first step onto the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) nope
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) we r nearing intermission time
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) if u wud pls
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) i cud continue
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she put her first step onto the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) and then the 2nd
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she felt so amazed
Chriz/IBS (4:47 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she had started on her dream!!!
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) she walked 2 more steps
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) but then she saw a car move 2 her way
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) she flapped her wings in horror
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) zzzzzzzzzzzooom
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) missed her
Chriz/IBS (4:48 PM) cha
Chriz/IBS (4:48 PM) who was driving the car?
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) and she move d left trying 2 dart the next one
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) and the next
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) and finally it became a struggle
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) then she closed her eyes and ran back 2 where she started
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) she didnt cross the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) she was upset
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) sad
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) she cried
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) she cudnt control herself
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) 'Hey Missy' she heard a voice
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) she looked up
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) and saw a rooster
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) 'Y were u trying 2 get urself killed?
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) She said it's my dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) and then
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) he said u need training
Chriz/IBS (4:51 PM) did she cry out loud?
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) ill teach u 2 cross the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) :-)
Chriz/IBS (4:51 PM) i want pop corn now
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) remaining 2morrow
Chriz/IBS (4:51 PM) and coke too
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) go get it
Suzanne/IBS (4:52 PM) yep
Chriz/IBS (4:52 PM) its ur movie
Chriz/IBS (4:52 PM) and you have to give me the stuff
Suzanne/IBS (4:52 PM) no
Suzanne/IBS (4:52 PM) farah khan didnt give neone popcorn for om shanti om
Chriz/IBS (4:53 PM) cos it ran in many movie halls
Chriz/IBS (4:53 PM) but this is running only in this movie hall
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) but i didnt bore u
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) did i?
Chriz/IBS (4:54 PM) no u did not
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) gud
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) villain?
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) any?
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) u have no idea
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) it will b revealed at climax
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) coool
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) music director?
Suzanne/IBS (4:56 PM) mmmm
Suzanne/IBS (4:56 PM) whom do u want it 2 b
Chriz/IBS (4:56 PM) whats the director's choice?
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) ummm
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) a r rahman
Chriz/IBS (4:57 PM) but the viewer is an illaiyaraja fan
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:58 PM) let this b viewer's choice
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) and dance director?
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) choreo?
Suzanne/IBS (4:58 PM) u want it 2 b kalpana?(my salsa instructor)
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) no
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) she is unwanted noise
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) all crap girl
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) then vaibhavi
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) why dont u be the dance director?
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) we'll call her
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) no i dont want the dances 2 b perfect
Chriz/IBS (5:00 PM) what about Rohit for company? (Rohit has a soft corner for Suzanne)
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) we even have a crying scene in the movie
Suzanne/IBS (5:01 PM) he is the villain's long lost cousin brother
Suzanne/IBS (5:01 PM) the villain has found him in the kumbamela
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) hahahaha
Chriz/IBS (5:02 PM) this transcript is saved my dear
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) i dont care
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) even im saving it
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) i liked my story
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) :-)
Chriz/IBS (5:02 PM) hehe
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) cool one
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) can i publish in my blog?
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) wait till u hear the whole thing
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) yea if u think so
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) but no perverted stuff in it
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) its worth it
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) this is gonna be published as it is.
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) Henrietta will not dance for mehbooba mehbooba
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) no frills attached.
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) now you are giving me ideas
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) noooo
Chriz/IBS (5:04 PM) am innocent
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) my Henrietta is a chicken with only one goal in mind
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) cross the highway
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) neway my sleep is gone
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) thanx
Chriz/IBS (5:04 PM) too many ideas now.......
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) stop
Chriz/IBS (5:04 PM) u r welkum... now kaum kar... teek saarey paanch bajey hogaiyae ab.. me leaving
Chriz/IBS (5:05 PM) bubye

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

88 Action packed 18th birthday

When I was 17, I started dating Steffi. She was a lovely girl.She had straight hair. She stood 5 feet 2 and she had lovely legs. Now stop dreaming about Steffi. Before Steffi came into my life, I had a maddening passion for baked beans.I loved them but unfortunately they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on me. Then one day I met Steffi and fell in Love. When it became apparent that we would be dating,I thought to myself, " She is so sweet and caring, she would never stand my post-baked bean reactions." So I made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans.

Some months later, my 18th birthday came. I called up Steffi to treat her in a Restaurant. But she had other ideas. She told me that her parents had gone out of station and that she was all alone at her house and she wanted to treat me specially on my 18th birthday.I was very happy. I put on my best pair of clothing and started walking towards her home. On the way I passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than I could stand. Since I still had miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached her home.

So, I stopped at the diner and before I knew it,I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home I putt-putted. And upon arriving at her home I felt reasonably sure I could control it. Steffi seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the table. I sat down and just as she was about to remove the blindfold from me, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned.

She then went to answer the phone. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while Steffi was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. I took the hand kerchief and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, I shifted my weight to the other leg and ripped three more, which reminded me of cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I fanned the air a few more times with the Hanky, placed it on my lap and folded my hands upon it, smiling contentedly to myself. I was the picture of innocence when Steffi returned, apologizing for taking so long, she asked me if I peeked, and I assured her that I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and I was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish me "Happy Birthday"!!! All twelve were girls.


Monday, November 26, 2007

87. I want a G-string

For those who started reading this post after getting a little curious with the Blog title,I would assure you that this post is not gonna feed your perverted thoughts.

I have a spanish nylon acoustic guitar.As it is the christmas season, I started strumming it to keep myself going with the festive season performances. Unfortunately, during one of the practise sessions, the third string of the guitar succumbed to my not-so-gentle strumming. With only few days left for the stage performance, I desperately needed the string replaced.

Now a little bit of information about the physical attributes of the guitar. The common acoustic guitar has six strings. Each string has a name of its own. They get the different names from the different notes they produce. The six strings have the names E,B,G,D,A,E respectively.

The third string,"G" was not found in any of the musical shops. It is really hard to find replacement for nylon strings at my place.After one whole day of hunting for the third string, I was still unsuccessul. Finally I thought of calling up a shop in Chennai and place an order for the third string. I soon got the number of the shop and dialled the number.A lovely voice answered my call with the most sweetest Hello, I heard in my whole life. I said," Can I have a G-string?". She banged the telephone. I called her again and asked the same question again in an even more gentle tone. She threatened me that she would call the cops if I called again. I am so dejected now.

Can anyone give me a G-string?


Sunday, November 25, 2007

86. Revelational Raagaa

Thats my latest band. We are a band of six guys. We play Rock and Roll genre fused with Indi Raagaa. Our plan for the month is to carol the churches in the southern most part of the country with our music.Our first performance will be staged at the church where I worship.

Venue: NesamonyNagar Church
Time: December-2-2007 (6.30 pm onwards)
Song : "Look Down"

Revelational Raagaa

Thomas : Bass/Rythm strings and Vocal accomplice
Franklin : Keys
Vivek : Tabla
Navin : Flute
Sam: Rythm Pads
Chriz: Vocals and Lead strings

Photos and videos will be added after the performance. Folks from Nagercoil can come to the church and be a part of the united carol service.Glory, Honour and Praise be to God alone.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

85.I am not straight!

Disclaimer: Those who are very sure about their orientations can continue reading this post.

Bill clinton who once was the first guy of US of A was caught by the STARR report for his biological experiments. He managed to keep it a secret for eight years.But thanks to Monica , his experimental results were published throughout the world .. Today Bill Clinton ,even as I write must be thinking, hoping he hadn't cheated. Not his fault. Cheating on wives / girlfriends comes naturally to me(n).

I was introduced to the concept of cheating at a very young age. I think I was only 14 years of age, when I found out that both my girl friends were cheating on me. They infact knew each other pretty well. But they never revealed to me about their friendship. Terror struck me on that fateful day when I happened to meet them both at the same shop where I was spending my solemn evening with a friend of mine. I made a vow not to fall in love ever again in my life. But satan is very cunning. He knows the exact tricks that would make me fall for his gambits.

I fell in love again when I was in class ten. I was 15 years of age. Martina was her name. She had studied in the U.S till class nine .She came down to India to continue her studies.She hated me for the sole reason that I was very innocent in school. The innocence in me was very evident from the kind of doubts that I tried to clarify with my Biology teacher. Most of the time, the teacher ended up blushing at my doubts. Seldom did she answer my innocent doubts.I thought that she was ignorant. So considering the fact that Martina specialised in Biology in her high school, I thought that she would be the right person to answer my doubt.The biggest doubt,that I had then was the exact meaning of the term Lesbian. So one fine afternoon I approached Martina to clear my doubts. She was one of the most brilliant students in my class. I went and sat near her and this is how our conversation went

Me: Hi Martina. I have a doubt
She: Yes Chrissy boy. Ask your doubt
Me: Who is a lesbian?
She: A lesbian is someone who is interested in girls.
Me: Then, Am I a lesbian?
She: Why do you think so?
Me: Because I am interested in girls.
She: No. You cannot be a Lesbian. You have to be a girl to become one
Me: Now what should I do? Are not there any means by which I can become a Lesbian?
She: You got it all wrong chriz. I'll explain it to you.
Me: Ok ! Martina ( The innocence was over flowing)
She: I am a Girl and I am interested in Boys. So that makes me Straight.
Me: Wow. Now You have cleared my doubt. I am not interested in Men. So that means that I am not straight. Am I right?
She: No. You are Straight.
Me: I am very clear that you do not know the meaning for the word,"lesbian".
She:Thats enuff. Now leave me alone.
Me: By the by; Did you just say that You like Guys?
She: Yes. But I do not like You.

She got up from that place and went in an angry mood. She never spoke to me after that.

BTW, the term "lesbian" sounded better than " straight". So I started calling myself a Lesbian for a very long time. Still I am very confused with the term. Are you a lesbian?


Saturday, November 17, 2007

84. Tagged again

Santosh (8 pm) tagged me.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
That guy who sat right infront of me, in the movie hall. He was sitting between his two friends( a girl and a guy). His head tilted only to his right and landed on the shoulder of the girl. The guy on his left had strong shoulders. But Why did the head tilt towards his right?
2. What were you doing at 0800?
I do not drive that fast. Might be at 80 kmph. But not at 800 kmph
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Taking a presentation for a client. I am working on a saturday. Poor me.
4. What happened to you in 2006?
I became the prime minsiter of India.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
My vocal decibel intensity is far higher than 15000 hertz.
6. How many beverages did you have today?
Powdered milk from coffee machine, one glass of water and ofcourse a whole bottle of litchi juice.
7. What color is your hairbrush?
I do not use a hairbrush. I use a multicolored comb.
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
I hate credit card payments.
9. Where were you last night?
Movie hall. Watching a hindi movi, Om shanthi om.
10. What color is your front door?
I always sneak in through the back door.
11. Where do you keep your change?
I do not carry coins with me. If at all I have some ten bucks with me, it will be in my jeans pocket.
12. What’s the weather like today?
I just set the air-condition temperature to 10. I am expecting my neighbour cabin guy to freeze soon.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Any flavour goes as long as it has nuts.
14. What excites you?
I am innocent
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No. I do not fight with natural phenomenon.
16. Are you over the age of 25?
Not a number more;Not a number less.
17. Do you talk a lot?
No. Never. I am the mostest- calmest- silentest guy ever born on earth.
18. Do you watch the O.C.?
Have watched a couple of shows.
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Yes. He used to sell his underwear for a living.
20. Do you make up your own words?
Yes. I do. There is no fun using the same old words again and again.
21. Are you a jealous person?
Jealousy is a sin. But I am a sinner.
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anna kournikova. Her original name is Annalatchumi. But when ever she calls me up, her name appears as Anna kournikova in my mobile phone
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Katrina kaif. Refer previous question and its answer. Sorry Kasthoori.
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
Bellybum. I am not revealing that person's original name. She reads my blogs.
25. What does the last text message you received say?
Who is this? ( Advice to my blog readers: Please refrain from giving anonymous missed calls to random numbers)
26. Do you chew on your straw?
I am still very innocent.
27. Do you have curly hair?
I curled it once. Then I straightened it, and now I have receding hairline.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Me, myself. Half the time , I do not listen to myself.
30. What was the last thing you ate?
I am eating Custard apple now. Oh my gawd. The keyboard that I am typing now is a total mess now.
31. Will you get married in the future?
I cannot get married in the past.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Om Shanti Om.
33. Is there anyone you like right now?
My kids
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
I am not a dish fetish
35. Are you currently depressed?
Are you some emotional comforter? If so ; Oh yea! come comfort me.
36. Did you cry today?
Is this an extension of the previous question?
37. Why did you answer and post this?
Work on a saturday. Then you would probably know.
38. Tag few people who would do this survey.
8 pm
Control Praveen
gay-3 media
India's Funniest Blogger
keshi's comments
May Flower
Nitty Vig
Priti's Research
Roger's Bass
Satyajit Ray
Sirpy's Mankeyism
Soothening Singer
The medic's diary
Violent Mahathma
Yemme's Yummy Dishes
zee talk

- Chronicwriter

Friday, November 16, 2007

83. Climax

I expect the unexpected when it comes to watching a movie. The other day I was watching this Tamil movie, Paruthi-veeran and without my knowledge I had tear drops welled up in my eyes in the end. Road to perdition was another movie which made me drop my jaw for a while for its strong philosophical lines. User discretion and excretion is necessary while reading the following line. Climax indeed plays a vital role in movies.

I still remember the first movie I saw in a movie hall. It was The Ten Commandments. It was released in a Rated movie hall (Rajam Picture palace) in my town because English movies were not released in any other movie halls. I remember Moses ruling the roost in the movie. Instantly he became my super hero at that time overtaking street hawk, Poi’rot, Superman and even He-man. I was in class two then. My interest for movies developed with time and soon I started acting and directing my own movies in my dreams.

My second movie in a movie hall made me biologically revolutionize my own pants in the movie hall. I was in class six then. The movie was Jurassic park. The dinosaurs often reminded me of my school principal. Many a days I had sleepless nights which resulted in my bed getting wet every morning. My folks never bought my story that I sweated lot because of the hot climate.

Those were the only two movies I saw in my entire school life in a movie hall. Being the innocent guy who never knew the process involved in bunking classes, I missed out on a lot of extra curricular activities then. Soon I was in college and I never missed a movie in the movie halls in Pondicherry. I painted each and every single movie hall in the state. The innocence zoomed to new heights that I never bunked even a single movie.

Now let me come to the reason behind this post. Last night, my old college-mate called me up and told me that he is in Trivandrum. His voice has changed big time. Then he had a screechy Britney spears voice. Now he speaks like Usha Udhupth. I still doubt his orientations. He also told me that he is waiting to watch a Hindi movie with me (He doesn’t understand Hindi. What ever I translate is Hindi for him). Once I translated the whole Hindi movie, Dil Chahta Hai for him. Later I came to know from an online-movie-review that Dimple Kapadia was not Akshay’s mother in that movie. Even today he believes each and every single line that I translated for him.

But I won’t forget the help that he offered me when we watched the movie, Sixth Sense together. That fateful day we bought the tickets for the movie and as soon as we sat in our respective places, he came close to me and said, “Bruce Willis is the Ghost in this movie”. I never had a chance to take revenge on him. But last night when he called me, he asked whether I could accompany him for the movie, Om Shanthi Om. He wanted me to translate the movie. Tonight is going to be fun. Every Dog indeed has its BIG day.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

82. Sky watching

Last night,Me and my friend were looking into the dark sky. A few stars were twinkling weakly as clouds covered them only to announce the arrival of a drizzle. It was nine o clock in the evening, we were at our balcony,Chriz and Andy,two souls trying to deduce the mystery behind the cosmos.We could see the moon wandering companionless, everchanging, vaxing & receding.
Suddenly he pointed out his finger & said to me "Chrissy , look there do u see a star.
Me-Which one?
Andy-The bright one , over there
Me -What about it?
Andy-Shhhh! man , look carefully.

I strained my eyes..I could still hear the sound of the bikes zooming across the road& I also tasted dust in my lips.Without removing his pointed index finger he said "See that planet & see that house , yes over there.If you look clearly you can see two people sitting in their balcony and see, they are pointing their fingers at us & telling "See those two idiots pointing their fingers at us."

I thought about it for the next two hours..... The more I think about it now, the more I want to gaze at the sky . I am Waiting for tonight


Monday, November 12, 2007

81. I am Superstitious

I am superstitious...
I never believed in superstitions, fortunes,black magic, vOOdoo, witchcraft. But last week's incident has changed my take on the whole issue...

Last week's Issue

November 3rd 2007:21:30 hrs - I had beef fry and beef sausage for dinner.

November 4th 2007:04:00 hrs - first call from nature.

November 4th 2007:05:30 hrs - second call from nature.

November 4th 2007:06:00 hrs - third call from nature.

November 4th 2007:06:39 hrs - I logged on to orkut. Orkut provides with a daily fortune service. My daily fortune for the day was, " You will prosper in what ever you do,today"




And I really prospered that day. I am glad that I did not have to prosper for one whole week.

I am superstitious now.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

80. Sweet Diwali Memories

Diwali is an Indian Festival. I am not going to detail on the history of the evolution of Diwali. You can use Wikipedia or any other search engine for that matter. This post is about the most unforgettable Diwali I had in my life. Rather than narrating the incident in a prose format, I would like to present this story in an Incidential format. For those who do not know what an Incidential format is all about, do not panic; because even I am going to know about it only after this post is drafted.

In the year 1999, I was a fresher in an engineering college. Fate played its part in me being dumped with a Branch of engineering called "EIE". Apparently late in the summer of 2004, I realized that EIE was actually an acronym for "Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering”. Soon after I joined engineering, I came to realize that I was selected as the captain of the team that was going to participate in a month long sport event. My batch mates later told me that the name of the sport was "Ragging". As days went by, I realized that being the captain was not an easy joke. The seniors in college really liked me so much as I showed enthusiasm in participating in the sport.

Soon I was hanging out with the seniors in college more than hanging out with my own batch mates.Soon Diwali came. It was time to celebrate. Me and my seniors devised some plans to celebrate Diwali in a big way. We jotted down some points and finally decided to execute three major points.
1) Find one girlfriend each before Diwali
2) Getting into the good books of our professors &
3) Surprise the hostel warden by lighting crackers in his room.

We had only one more week left for executing these three decisions that we made that night. I wanted to carry out one plan at a time. So I set out on a mission to find a girlfriend.I thought of using the advancement of technology to find a girlfriend for myself. I was new to the internet world. I started a yahoo messenger id. To make it really appealing, I registered myself with a name
“Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout”. As a first pitch attempt, I tried to search for a girl friend in one of the Chat rooms. I came across a chat room named Romance. It had sub-chat rooms, viz- adult, teenage, bicurious and gay. I misinterpreted the word “gay” for happiness and me being a very happy guy, I entered that chat room. I started my chat session with “Icanmakeyouhappy”

Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout: Hi, Are you free to chat with me?
Icanmakeyouhappy: ASL please
Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout: ?
Icanmakeyouhappy: Are you a male or a female?
Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout: Male
Icanmakeyouhappy: @#$K off. You @$$ #0!*

She must have been really sad, I thought to myself. Soon I realized that it was not easy to chat in the chat room. So I started a new id “ Shilpasweetgirlchennai”

Shilpasweetgirlchennai: Hi. Care to be my friend
Priya24us: Hi ASL?
Shilpasweetgirlchennai: 19/F/Chennai (By this time I figured out that ASL stands for age, sex and location)
Priya24us: That is great. I am 24/M/Chennai
Shilpasweetgirlchennai: oh. I am male too
Priya24us: @@##$ $%## up your @$$

I never visited chat rooms again.

Even after five days of hard work, I did not have a girlfriend. So I decided to fulfill the second and third decision made by me and my seniors. I thought of impressing my electronics professor who happened to be the wife of the HOD of Computer Science department. I did not know that she was his wife.

Me: good morning ma’m
She: Good morning Chriz
Me: Ma’m you look awkward in this saree (I actually meant awesome)
She: What do you want? (She was fuming with anger)
Me: Sorry ma’m. I did not mean to say that. I just wanted to get into your good books
She: All you have to do is study well, be obedient in class and stop asking stupid questions in class
Me: Ok ma’m. I will do that. By the way, Do you have any kids ma’m?
She: Yes. I have two kids
Me: What are they doing ma’m?
She: The elder one is in class two and the little one is attending a crèche.
Me: Cool ma’m. I love kids. By the way, Are you married ma’m?
She: Get lost. You fit for nothing,scoundrel.

She mistook my innocent mind for a scoundrel. I left that place with a saddened heart. Considering the twin failures that I had with the first two decisions that I made with my seniors, I wanted to fulfill at least the last one.

I bought some crackers and proceeded to the warden’s room. The warden went for his usual rounds. So I sneaked into his room and placed some crackers under his bed and tied the end to an ignition powdered rope. The plan was well drafted and the rope was well concealed behind the wall paper and the end of the rope finally landed outside his window. I had earlier planned to light the rope after warden goes to sleep. But before I could get out of the room, I heard footsteps outside the room and I knew that it was the warden coming back to his room. I did not have a way out. I finally ran and hid myself under his bed. All my friends had a wonderful Diwali night with their new found girl friends and they also found their way into the good books of the professors.I spent the night under the wardens bed. I learnt that it was not easy to sleep on the floor, under the warden’s bed without creating any sound that too after catching a glimpse of the warden’s royal posterior when he changed his clothes while slipping into his night dress.


Tuesday, November 06, 2007

79. When the Subject line fails

We get mails everyday in this fast paced e-life. I am no exception for the fact that I receive almost 300 mails everyday. 90% of the mails are spam. I delete them without going through the mails. But last week, I thought of going through some of the mails befor I trashed them. I am yet to come out of the shock.I learnt the lesson not to go by the Subject line. I am adding a few subject lines which corrupted my innocent mind in the recent past.Click on each subject line to get a clear picture.

After reading this subject line, the innocent mind in me did not comprehend who SHE was... I opened this mail to find who she might be. I was shocked to see her in a very pathetic condition.Her name was Sylvia. My heart cried for her because she did not have any clothes to wear. Apparently a lady colleague of mine who happened to cross my cubicle when I was sympathising for the poor girl,is not talking to me anymore.

I should have guessed it right before opening this mail. But I did not. It was an automated spam mail which when opened will spring up mails to my inbox at regular intervals. I want to kill this Fabian Davis.

When my Boss told me that my performance has improved big time at the work place, I felt so happy and as a result I was seen charged up during my presentations and demos. But when I received this mail from Angel, I was eager to super charge my performance. Opening the mail enlightened me. The word performance has multiple meanings.

Some people never learn from mistakes. I am one among them.

Right from my School days, I was found among the company of girls. My orientation worth was never in question. But when Alfredo sent me this mail, I wanted to check what he meant. I warn all you guys not to open a mail with a similar subject line. I did not have food for two days on a trot.

Why me?

BTW, I am still sad for Sylvia. She is so poor. Somebody please help her.

Monday, November 05, 2007

78 Wanna make fraansheep?

These days,Social networking sites are crowding the net space and we have no time to breathe. I get invitations from various social networking sites these days. The pathetic situation is that 90% of these friendship requests come from human beings of my gender.For all such maniacs, please give me a break. I am very clear about my orientation.
I spent the whole of 2004 in a social networking site called hi5. I made fraands and fraandhseeps with guys, girls and even eunuchs across the globe. It was fun then . But soon I got fed up with Hi5,and so in late 2005, I joined orkut. BTW, am completing two years in orkut this month and am planning to celebrate it in a big way. Just leave a congratulatory scrap in my scrap book within the next 24 hours and I will dedicate a post to the to the best scrapper. Do I sound sooo desperate?

Coming back to the topic on me getting fraansheep requests from souls of the same gender, I am just re-assuring the fact that I am very straight ( I might sit with a curved back though). I might even peep into other soul's profiles like a peeping tom. In the rarest of rare cases, I might end up scrapping a stranger too. But that does not mean that generous souls can partake with my orientations.
I just made it sure that I deleted my account from every social networking site, with orkut being the only lucky networking site where I still exist. I really do not know why I am so much addicted to Orkut. I might as well start a social networking site in the future and redefine the terms in the site. For example, orkut popularised the word " Scrap". We often use the term,"scrap" in our day to day life. I would replace the word,"scrap" with the word" kiss". It will rock the next generation for sure. I can send a message to Renus' "Kiss-Book" and proudly say to my friends that I kissed Renu. ( Innocent souls like Sajeeve,Sirpy, Jammy, Honey are requested not to start a networking site of their own. I can imagine the words that might be used by you guys.)I happened to count the social fraansheep sites that are available in the market now.

Given the rate of mass production movement in the west, east, the north and the south which has resulted in an ever-increasing population, i think we can still have another 5 million more social networking sites.Then, we can have so many friends and friendships and so many more fraands and more fraandships!! Wherever you go you have a friend. Who knows? Even Osama might find his way in your friends list.

Go to Jharkhand, you have Rabri's sister as your blind date friend;
Go to Hawaii and you have a beach babe of a friend there.
Go to Sahara desert and you have a Mummified friend there.
Go to Antartica and you have an Eskimo friend in 2nd Igloo street,3rd main Igloo colony.
Go to Somalia,Mangolia,Afganisthan and you have a friend there.
Go to the toilet and you have a friend there too.

I just got a fraand request from a total stranger, with the lines " Wanna make fraandsheep with me?" Trivia: This time , it is a girl.


Thursday, November 01, 2007

77. Hips do not lie

Onam 2004

1)My first Onam.( Onam is a festival celebrated in Kerala)
2)My first mundu experience.( Mundu is a traditional MEN's wear in Kerala. It is similar to the Indian Dhoti)
3)My first malayalam movie.
All three happened on the same day.

The day started as usual...The alarm started its daily routine of trying to wake me up at 8 am..As usual my hand had enough strength to reach for the alarm Button and calm it down...I snoozed my way back into my dirty bedsheet... The alarm rang again at 8.15 am...My hand again came out of the bedsheet and searched for the alarm clock. But I could not find it.My MBA roomie( Joseph) moved it to a place which was out of reach.

I suddenly felt a pain on my Royal Posterior. I realised that it was the powerful left leg of my roomie that just kicked the brains off my lower back.My roomie kicked me again and this time I found myself out of the bed..Still wrapped in my bedsheet.. But, before he gave me a third kick which would have resulted in the sudden stoppage of my future generation evolution, I woke up....(Joseph! I hate your left leg)..

Having full faith in my roomie( I was / is straight.. and he was/is straight too), I allowed him to tie the knot around my waist( I am referring to the mundu). It was funny for me.I had doubts whether the mundu would stand the test of time and energy.But the belt that supported the mundu, gave me enough confidence.Oh! It was a great feeling to wear a mundu and walk around.The whole day went in a gala mood.Pookalam( Flower carpet decoration on the floor), vadam pulling( Tug of war), chakki and changaran( Mr and Ms Onam).and lots of other extempore games.. I had great fun... Little did i know that the real fun was yet to come..

The day finally over and it was around three pm and I started my long walk back to the place where I stayed..(It was a long uphill road from the college).. The sun was beaming full of confidence..Suddenly my hip and the belt had a bi-lateral conflict and beforeI realised, I was walking without the mundu.. I was releived because I had a long kurta top.. I turned around and to my horror saw a bunch of senior babes walking behind me..What can i do? I closed my eyes and ran inside my room... I heard them giggle as they crossed my room and the giggles erupted into laughter when they saw me peeping out of the window... Wisdom struck me at the right time.. Our national leaders have gone through sufferings worser than this and what happened to me then was not a big deal..

So I boldly came out of the room,still in the same outfit only to find another bunch of babes walking towards me from the opposite direction. As I was a gentleman, I tried to have an eye to eye contact with them. But they were really shy. They were not looking into my eyes..Only after they went past me , it crossed my mind where exactly their gaze went to...Well as they say! great men have to go through struggles and trials.So I took it again in my stride.

That night, my friends took me out for a movie..My first malayalam movie.." perumazhai kaalam".. I did not understand a single word though.. It ended up to be a sentimental film.. Two hours went by.Still I did not understand a single line in that movie. Suddenly the whole crowd went calm.I turned to my right.Tears in my friend's eyes(Joseph)...I turned to my left . Tears again ( Jithin). I realised it was an emotional scene.I tried crying too..But tears would not just come out of my eye sockets.

So when no one around was looking, I dipped my hand into the coke bottle that Joseph was drinking from and used the dampness to wet my eyes.I tried to give a real effect to the situation by crying out louder;but accidently I ended up burping... The guy sitting in front of me turned around and started shouting Therees at me..(Therees are golden words in malayalam which evolved as a result of the Vulgar-verbal revolution that happened in the earlier part of the twentieth century).As the intensity of the therees grew louder,my friends rose up and showed that we were a big bunch indeed. Drawing inspiration from the sudden support provided by my friends, I tried to give a lecture to the Theree Guy..My friend turned towards me and warned me that he would leave me alone to be massacred by the Theree Guy, if I continued my lecture..I immediatelt stopped my lecture,not because of any sort of fear. But just because I love my friends. Now You ought to buy this story, because all that is written in this post are true to the best of my knowledge.
- Chronicwriter

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

76. Let us Snub

A very large community of human beings belong to the know-it-all community. A bunch of die hard feminists and a truck load of male chauvenistic pigs also exist in this world. Sometimes they get on our nerve and irritate us big time and we keep on wondering how to make them stop in their tracks. Here are some of the Insulting lines that can be adopted to snub people. Use them at your own risk.

1) Your English is pathetic. ( Tell this line in a serious tone, with a raised eye brow. You will never see that he/she bugging you after that)

2) The amount of beer that I have gulped is more than the volume of liquid that you would have peed in your whole life. ( Lines like this and few other dialogues that were used on my juniors in college days might be the reason behind me being suspended from college on two occassions. I am Innocent though)

3) Dealing with Lousy Language

After my engineering days, I happened to meet a couple of my childhood friends who returned to India after completing their graduation in US of A.We met at a coffee Joint and our conversation started.Their names were Sharon and Rhea.(Original names)
Sharon & Rhea : Hey chrissy.. Howideee.. ssup mayn.. you look pathetic... kick##$... F*** #$%...
I was amazed at their vocabulary skills that had the F word almost in the beginning and end of every sentence.They were using it as if it was their birth right.
Me:I am doing good. How is life? ( Same old startup line. I am pathetic. I know)
R&S: Dood. Like is Su #$% Ol$$ Fu#$%** RhO##$
Me : Why do you have to use the F word, every now and then? Do you think that the sentence is incomplete without it?
S&R: Are you living in the stone age mayn...F$%#... #$%%... M$$%%... Even school kids use these words these days... Grow up Doooood...Get a grip hunney... You are talking like an uncivilised barbarian who doesn't know about theF#$%#$$ big world...$%%...C#$%...
They gave me a ten minute lecture on my orthodox nature, and I did not have a way to stop them; and finally when I found it was going no where, I thought of ending up the conversation.
Me: I am not civilized yet.. I agree.. But people of noble birth do not have to use the F word to convey the message across. Also back in my place, Only hookers use such language.......
(I met them again after two years,recently and now they are uncivilized ;just like me. )

4) Go Home, Drink some milk and hit bed baby.( A usual liner to snub the smart donkeys)

5) But I have not found a way to snub the Fart machine- "My adjacent cubicle mate"..
Anyone care to give me some idea?