Aug 24, 2006

46. A part of me...

The past one year I have been witnessing greener and greener patches in life. I am so much attached to five characters and these five characters have changed the way I look at life.All these four characters have become a part of me

Character 1: My adidas arm-band

I first had this band three years back and it is there in the same place for the last three years. I have changed my clothes,girlfriends,socks and even my underwear. But I have not removed my armband even for once. It might even become a part of my skin.

Character 2: Dance forms

It all started with break dancing.The love for different dance forms piled up big time in the recent past and Salsa,Chacha,Tango, and even Bhangra have become a part of my routine life. God's grace that I am able to dance cos I dont have the achilles tendon on my right leg.

Character 3: My Blog

Why do I write? I love to smile a lot. Infact when I read a book, I search for jokes in it. I want my readers to smile too. This Blog is just here for the same reason. It brings out the naughty child within me.

Character 4. My Cubicle

I have been in this workplace for almost two years and I am in love with my cubicle. My existance inside it has spoilt the atmosphere within. But anyways, its my cubicle and I love the mess I have created here. Hope the administration staff doesnot see my cubicle

-Chronicwriter

45. The mark, I left on IIT

Those were the days....
This is a true incident. Funny for a few, and a tragedy for one person.College was almost over.Me and my classmates were having a vale of a time with a marathon Booze party and as a result, all of us were competely stoned. A big gang of 74 guys were packed in one small room and we were kicking donkeys out of each other when this incident happened.

With hip hop music being played in the background, my friend,"Roshan" asked me to perform a one hand stand coupled with a head spin. Another friend of mine, Midhun( we call him IIT) incidently happened to have the best toned body in our batch. So when he knew that Roshan was about to shoot a video,IIT started flexing his muscles.Call it bad luck or tragedy,a bunch of my sloshed friends,pushed IIT and he lost his balance.

With Ethanol playing its trick on me, I tried to execute the one hand stand at that very moment IIT lost his balance.I could not perform a perfect one hand stand cos the shots shot me down and hence my leg dangled like an arch and it ended up in IIT's eye sockets. IIT still has a mark under his eye, even after two years.

Watch the incident here.



-Chronicwriter

Aug 23, 2006

44. Punch You - 1

Mr. X is back again with his punch lines. I am caught up in a crisis situation at work.So He will take care of this blog in my absense. He has promised that he would maintain decency, dignity and decorum and spread world PIECE.


Punchline by Mr.X


10 % of road accidents are due to drunken driving.

So the remaining

90% of road accidents are due to driving without getting drunk.


Piyo Sir Utha Ke...

Aug 20, 2006

43. Anyone to crack my Dream?

For the last three weeks I am experiencing the same dream everynight. As soon as I hit my bed, I have this great talent of embracing deep sleep. As soon as I sleep, my dream starts. My dream follows a typical pattern and I am so used to it now, that I can visualise the dream even when I am awake
My Dream
My dream is not a colourful dream. Everything is in black and white with occasional grey shades. In my dream I find myself sitting inside the goal-post of a soccer field. I sit there for a long time till a ball from no where finds its way from the stands and hits my head. I fallback inside the goalpost and the next moment, I find myself running the length and breadth of the field for the next fortyfive minutes. Then I take my position inside the goalpost till a ball bangs my head again..


I am experiencing this dream for the past three weeks... Guys out there... Do you have any clue what my dream is all about?


-Chronicwriter

42. A Walk to Remember

"A Classic is something, everyone wants to see/read, but no one has read/seen."

-Mark Twain (Twisted version)

Being a movie maniac, I believe my blog should have write-ups on movies from time to time.The movie reviews will not see my funny side, as MR.X is kept out of this. Infact they would ofcourse reflect the emotions they trigger on me.
The movie I selected to kickstart my review series is , " A Walk To Remember"


A brief on the story before I write my comments on the same.
When the popular, restless Landon Carter (Shane West) is forced to participate in the school drama production he falls in love with Jamie Sullivan(Mandy Moore), the daughter of the town's minister. Jamie has a "to-do" list for her life and also a very big secret she must keep from Landon.



Without any more a-do, I'll write about the emotions I went through when I saw this movie.
Last week, I saw a classic that I had been planning to see it for a long long time ... “A walk to Remember”. Firstly Mandy Moore is just amazing.When ever I see a movie, I try to tell myself that, its just scenes put together & all a game with light & shadows.(An excuse not to get involved). Anyway I could relate myself to the whole story.(maybe something to do with my mood).A feeling of complete surrender which makes you totally free. L.O.V.E.



Does love like this really exist? Or is it that they exist only in Books & movies? Love, so complete like the love of Robert Kincaid & Francesca??(Bridges of Madison County). So complete that time & space really didn’t matter.
Best part was,When Landon Carter gets the permission from Jamie’s dad (the preacher) & he says “I want you to have one thing that you preach every day in the church….FAITH!” (Bang on man!) Love the words “Its like the wind, you can’t see it, u can only feel It.” & “The last punch line when Jamie’s dad says “The Miracle is you”



Confession time:

Some of the scenes almost made me cry & this time I didn’t try to detach myself. I let it roll on.If such love & commitment exists, I would love to be in it.

Rating: 7/10 (Must Watch)

Scenario: Watch it alone
-Chronicwriter

Aug 17, 2006

41. INTEaRVIEW

Many among us would have attended the so called demon called Interview.To be honest I liked Interviews right from the very beginning as it gave me the opportunity to blow my own trumpet.It is the only place where no one will walk away when you talk(You might be asked to leave, if the interviewer find you to be oversmart). I have a ninety percent success rate in interviews( Right from Kindergarden till date).The only interview which went wrong was my first Job interview.The fateful incident happened in the year 2003.

As a fresh graduate walking out of an engineering college, I had my head held high as I stepped foot inside the biggest fish market of south india,"Tidel Park". I was soon sitting along with a group of engineers in that small room which accomodated 25 of us. After some conversation with my co-interviewees I figured out that I was the only fresher there. I had a chit given to me which read "6". I turned it upside down and it read "9".There was another babe who had a similar problem. The gentleman inside me used his brain and after a two minute talk with her I agreed that I would go in as the 9th person and she could be the 6th person. I knew that I had won her heart. I came back to my seat and saw her through the corner of my eye. She did not look at me. She must have been shy.

People went into the trial room and came back. I was told that it was a stress interview. The girl who went in as number "6", came out crying. I felt sorry for her because I could not offer her my handkerchief to wipe her tears. I had a severe running cold that day and I had already created waves of designs on my handkerchief with my nose blowing skills. With a heavy heart I sat in the room and waited for my turn.Soon the LCD display blinked, "9". I got up from my chair with full confidence and walked into the room.When I opened the room, I saw six people in the room. Three men sitting behind a long table, Two women standing near the window and one guy in a long camel coat sweeping the floor. I knew that something was wrong. Is this what they call as stress interview.

To make my presence felt, I wished them very loud. To my dismay I found that I started to hic-cup at the same time. I ended up wishing them, " Gooiky Onomoining ". All six were looking at me. They sensed that they had their prey of the day. I took my chair and found to my horror that I had left my file in the waiting room. I rushed out of the room without informing them; took my file and ran back inside the room and sat in the chair. I was trembling now. But I tried giving my best smile. But it turned out to be a massacre of sorts.

The massacre began with a gentle question

Stress Interviewer : Hi
Me: Hi
S: How do you do?
M: I do it like a normal man. But my dog does it on the trees and lamp posts
S: I meant, How are you?
M: I am fine. How about you?
( He did not like me asking a question)
S: Tell me about yourself.
M: Should I tell about my family or my school days or my college days or my church activities or my........, Can you be more precise cos If i start speaking about myself, I am gonna eat up your time for sure.
S: What is your viewpoint on Euthanasia?
( I heard it as Youth in Asia)
M: They are diverse unlike the ones in the west. The cultural roots strongly echo their actions. Societal influence has a major say in their decision making. But with their hardworking capabilities, they can thrash their counterparts from the west round and square
(The interviewer had a blank expression on his face. He looked at the fellow sitting next to him and he too had this lame expression on his face)
S: Who is your role model?
M: I do not have one. Different people influence me in the various roles I play. So the answer to this question depends on the roles I adopt.
S: Do wou have any work experience?
M: Does loving a girl called Renu, count as a work experience?
S: What did you learn from it?
M: That Renu loved another guy called Shabir.
S: Is this your first Job interview?
M: Yes
S: Why did not you attend any of your campus interviews.
M: Because I could not clear their aptitude tests
S: Then How come you are attending our interview?
M: Because your aptitude test was the only one I could clear.
S: Why do you think that our company is the best.
M: I never thought so. But Yea! If you select me, I will surely think that way.
S: What is the difference between love marriage and arranged marriage?
M: I am aquaphobic. So it is almost similar to someone pushing me into the water or me myself jumping inside a river. I know I cannot swim out of it.
S: Why did you choose the computer industry when You have an Instrumentation background.
M: Software,Joystick,Silicon.. everything sounded so nice...
S: Are you a hard worker?
M: I hardly work to work hard.
S: What gives you energy to work?
M: energy
S: What are the qualities of a good master?
M: One who cooks good food.
S: Have you ever cheated a girl?
M: No. But two girls have cheated me. I loved them both at the same time. I equally loved them both and made it sure that girl-A does not know about the existance of girl-B.But they two timed on me, cos they continued to use my money and never told me that they knew each other.
S: What is your idea on the peace talks between Lebanon and Syria?
M: I have no idea
S: How long are you planning to stay with us?
M: I have not planned that yet. Should I plan that? How long are you planning to keep me?
( I knew from their facial reactions that they were not liking me asking them qeustions. )
S: Where do you see yourself ten years from now?
M: Me lying down near my swimming pool, with my wife serving me hot barbeque, and my kids playing in the pool. I could see my pug dog," Bubbly " running around in the lawn.
S: Who is our Home minister?
( I did not have a clue about it.. I even forgot our prime minister's name when I entered the hall)
M: Can I pass this question?
S: No. Give a wild guess.
M: Rabri devi?
S: No
M: Lallu?
S: No
M: Can i now pass this question?
S: You'll be selected if You answer this question.
M: Najma Abdulla
S: Thank you very much. We'll inform you regarding the results of your interview after we discuss amongst ourselves.
M: Do give me a call before 9 p.m. I'll be busy on the phone after that.
S: Yes. We'll keep that in mind.
M: Bubye ( I told this with an attitude and walked out of the room with confidence oozing out like a vulcano)

I never heard from them again... Hope the questions would be useful for young aspiring candidates who attend interviews. Do not use the same answers as you might end up waiting for a phone call for four long years. For four long years I am under the impression that Najma Abdulla is our home minister. Who is our home minister?

-Chronicwriter

Aug 14, 2006

40. Punch You


This whole week, work is taking its toll on me. So my alter-ego "Mr.X", asked me to take some rest so that he could kickstart his punch-line series.

The punch-line series is officially and unofficially commencing with this post.The readers are adviced to take heed to Mr.X's golden words because he always over flows with knowledge.

Ok here we go... It is Punch-Line time

" Never Run behind a Girl.. You might overtake her"

-Mr.X ( MBBS,M.E,ML,MBA,CA,DCBA,SSLC,Ph.D)

Aug 9, 2006

39. Jeremy loves Cricket

I am so much in love with my nephew and my niece, that i can't help but post pictures of them every now and then..








Jolena has put on lots of weight. She turns three months today. But she already weighs 24 pounds.Jeremy is so gentle with her sister.













Comparing them to me and my sister, these kids are more matured. Me and my sister still fight a lot. Both talk a lot and both are non-violent when it comes to physical conflicts.Jeremy turns three, next month and he loves "tell me why" books. On the contrary, I hated them when I was Kid.














My God-child started crawling already.The Big brother is very much protective. Any guy who tries to hit on her in the future; I feel sorry for him.












Jeremy loves cricket;especially the Indian Pace-nut case," Sreesanth". He refers to him as "see saa". He has a confusion between a Camel and a Donkey. So to make him recognise a camel, my sister downloaded a camel's picture and asked him what it was..

Jeremy started shouting, " See Saa"


- Chronicwriter

38. My first Tag-post

JollyRoger tagged me. I love being tagged because I need not think about something new to come up with a new script. Ok this post is about ten random facts about me...
  • I love babies especially Jeremy and Jolena. I adore their baby talk.
  • I like smiling at strangers; and nothing can get better than me getting back a smile from them.
  • I hate kids ( People who do not act their age; but their shoe size)
  • I eat fruit salad everyday. But I hate ice creams.
  • I am compact. 165 cms to be precise. But my Role models, Sachin and Jammy are 165 cms too.
  • I can’t speak softly. My colleagues hate me for this. My cubicle always emanates loud noises. Hard Trash metal genre doesn’t go well with my colleagues.
  • I like water puddles, rainbows on the ground, shoulder massages.
  • When I am drunk, the party is over.
  • I like Jordan Shoes.
  • Music pulls me like a magnet. I love
  1. My Christian rock Band, “NEWS”
  2. My Church Choir “ Nesamonynagar”( I sing Tenor)
  3. My Guitar ( Darradio – Spanish with nylon strings)
  4. My Mouth organ ( Harmonica – C,C# Scales)
  5. Caedmon’s Call and Don Moen’s Voice.

    Now it is tagging time.
The Rules
1. Players start with 10 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 10 random facts.
3. Players should tag 10 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

______________________________________________________
I tag
Usha, Gayatri, Jammy, Anju, Anand, Sandhya
I am not including names of common blog-mates who are already tagged.

-Chronicwriter

Aug 8, 2006

37. My Alter Ego - Mr.X


Everyone has one to boast of.My Friend Richie had 7 to be proud of. He ended up jumping from 5th floor because of his 5th possession. Well I am talking about alter-ego.


My alter ego has a name. I call him Mr.X. Naming him was very simple. He is a derivative of my name. When they started referring to Christmas as X-mas; I thought why can't I call Chriz as Mr.X.. That is how Mr. X evolved.

He was the reason for me falling in love with Renu. He made me copy in exams.He is absolutely evil and he gives me all the kinky thoughts.He was the one, who made me start my first blog, " punnaakumaama" .He wanted to be a part of my Blog too and hence I am introducing him here. He will trouble you all with his punch lines from time to time.


- Chronicwriter

Aug 7, 2006

36. My Prayer


Dear God,


Thank you for helping me to stay good so far this day.

I have not flirted with anyone today;

I have not given any missed calls to random numbers;

I did not mix salt in my colleague's coffee;

I did not press all the buttons inside the lift;

I did not park my car in the bike parking space;

I did not torture anyone with my non-stop talk;

I have charged nothing on my credit card;

I have not scared even a single child today;

I have not spammed by Boss's mailbox with my forwarded mails;

I have not reserved all the meeting rooms in office;

I did not use the official phone for my personal use;

I did not hurt any one purposefully;

I did not place any Hoax order with the pizza corner guys;

I did not overspeed on my bike;

I have not switched off my colleague's workstation when he's busy working;

I did not switch-off the air conditioner in office;

I did not call my friend on his mobile phone( he is on international roaming);

I did not pour water on the neighbour's cat;

But I will be getting out of bed in a minute and I think I need your help then.


-Chronicwriter.

Aug 6, 2006

Aug 2, 2006

34. Learning with Experience

Following are the five major incidents that changed my attitude towards life.


Reader discretion / excretion is not needed for reading this post.


1) When I was in class two, a family planning advertisement appeared every now and then in Doordarshan. Two people (male and a female) would walk with an umbrella in the rain with the famous music “pyar hua ikraar hua hai…” being played in the background. I associated rain with that popular song. So when ever it rained, I used to take the umbrella and use to go out and sing the song. My neighboring kids also used to join me in the singing sessions as the song was very popular among the masses. I finally stopped singing the song when my science teacher slapped me when I suggested singing this song for the group singing competition in school. I never knew why I was slapped till I entered class 8. I was so innocent then.

2) I was so scared to shake hands with a girl till I was in class 4, because I thought that a guy shaking his hands with a girl resulted in child-birth. When I was in class 3, I discovered that a baby needs to be inside the mother’s tummy for a default period of ten months. The discovery made a big impact in my thinking prowess. I would rate this discovery as the discovery that revolutionized me. My discovery was disproved by my neighbor aunt’s son who did not have the patience to stay inside her tummy for more than 6 months. When I was in that confused state, my girlfriend, Renu took advantage of the situation and shook hands with me. I was so petrified for the next ten months and I would often check Renu’s tummy for any bulging effects. Even I gave her two grace month as the time limit and when she did not deliver a baby even after one whole year, I was convinced that shaking hands doesn’t result in the evolution process. One fateful day when I was just nine years old, my teacher started nauseating through the window. During her throwing out process, one of her co-teachers came to lend her a helping hand. Later she announced to us that our teacher was pregnant. So I came to the conclusion that vomiting results in baby birth. But a few days later when I puked, I had a doubt whether Boys can also become pregnant. It was a great mystery then. But then when I was in class 8, we had this sex education classes in school and I enlightened myself with all the necessary information with my never ending questions which often resulted in the teacher blushing in front of us.


3) When I was in class five, I had a habit of sleeping in the bathtub with Tintin comics. We had a sliding door translucent door that acted as a partition between the bathtub area and the toilet platform. My dad’s colleagues came to spend a weekend at our place during that time and as usual I ended up sleeping in the bathtub. Morning when I woke up, I saw one of the uncles on the other side of the partitioned mirror. I had fever for two weeks. Still he doesn’t know that I was the only witness of a major conspiracy. I am planning to tell about it in the toast I am going make for his daughter’s wedding. His daughter is getting married next month and I am the MC for the reception.

4) When I was 10 years old, I started developing a crush on Renuka Sahane of Surabhi Fame. Surabhi was a lovely program which was telecasted in Doordarshan in the early nineties. I used to wait for every Sunday to watch this program. During those days robbers used a new strategy of using small kids to steal valuables from houses. Seeing my ever increasing habit of staying up late to watch Surabhi, my parents came up with a new rule at home. The new rule shattered my love into bits and pieces as the rule did not permit me to stay awake after 9.30 pm. I was banished into my room every night after 9.30 pm. So I missed my favorite programs, "world this week, Oshin, Byomkesh Bhakshi and of course Surabhi”. But my love for Renuka would often make me sneak into the drawing room and I would hide behind the curtains and watch Surabhi. On one such sneaking and peeking incident, my dad happened to see my leg under the curtains. He took me for a robber. Being a brave man unlike me, he jumped from the couch like Tarzan and landed in front of the curtain, wrapped me around along with the curtain and what happened after that was pure disaster. No one has ever thrashed me like that in my life. Was Renuka, his crush too? (My Mom reads my blogs too)

5) I was a hunk when I was in class 9. The girls used to flock behind me to have a glimpse of me. They were very jealous of my THEN-girlfriend, “Renu”. She used to tell me that they always troubled her with sarcastic remarks. She even told that they used to scribble funny remarks about me in the girls rest room. She even gave me a list of remarks that were written there.

a) Chriz is a hunk
b) Chriz comes in my dream every night
c) Amazing arms! That fellow Chriz has.
d) Renu is indeed lucky to have Chriz.

One day she came running to me and said that the girls have written something bad about me in the girls’ room. After much pestering, she told me what they had written about me.
“Chriz wets his bed in his sleep”. I did not take it seriously, because I had gone through insults that were worse than this. I carried on with my studies like a perfect gentleman that day. The very next day, the school management dragged me out of the class for interrogation. I was told that they found something scribbled on the walls of the girls room that read, “No! I do not wet my bed in my sleep”.

Now, do you guys doubt me too?

-Chronicwriter