Jul 28, 2003

5.I am Hot

Disclaimer:
If u have not experienced any natural disaster in ur life so far, then i wud say that when u finish reading the following article, u wud have experienced the troubles and tribulations of experiencing a natural disaster.

This is a real incident that happened to me on a night,one week before the cricket world cup,2007.

The pressure that my mind was captivated with, that night was unbearable. The struggle i went through that night was almost similar to the holocaust suffereings that the jews suffered at the hands of Hitler during the second world war. I have never been in a similar situation in all my life. As i entered office early that morning, i knew that i was going to have a long day. When i switched ON my computer and logged onto my lotus notes i saw a huge junk of mails in my inbox. I patiently went through all the Good morning mails. Some brilliant soul( am not mentioning her name, to avoid a third world war) even forwarded a happy new year mail. After that i had some meetings and it went on and on and on.... Finally when the meetings got over , it was well past evening. My wrist watch showed that the time was 6 pm.

Then i realised that i did not have much time in my hands. I still had lot of work to be completed. But time is running out of my hands. My cerebellum and medula oblangata had a bilateral conflict. My head started spinning.My eyes turned red . My heart started beating fast and i started sweating. I was profusely sweating in a centralised A/C environment and i was astonished to see myself sweating in such a cool environment, my thoughts took me back to my past and i remembered what my benchmate in college,"Reena"(name is not changed purposefully) once told me . If i am not wrong, she was wearing a blue spaghetti on that cold monday morning.She came very close to me and whispered into my ear,"Chriz! You are sooo HOtttttt ". Yea , i had fever that day and i was shocked to realise how she found that i had a high temperature. I was innocent during my college days too. I asked her How she found that i was Hot. She told that I would understand the INNER meaning later in my life. After eight years i realised the INNER meaning on that night (06-03-2007), the reason for my profuse sweating.Yae... I am HOtttttt.

When i came back to the present world tracing back from the flashback, i realised it was well past seven.Tsunamis and vulcanos erupted from with in. My fingers became numb. I felt a shiver down my spine. My adams apple went up and down. ( By the way instead of an apple , if a coconut had fallen on Newton's head we would not have known what gravitation was all about. we would have just come to the conclusion that the earth sucks).

Ok lemme come back to that night. My wrist watch indicated that the time was7.45 pm. I had to act fast. I removed my tie. switched off my computer, took my mobile phone and bike keys and rushed to the bike stand and started kicking my bike.My bike is a lovely bike. It likes getting kicked . It would not start unless i kick it atleast ten times. But then finally when it starts, the smoke it emits is just like the PSLV and GSLV launch machines which zoom into the sky, emitting nitrogen gases.. Luckily no one was behind the silencer when i started the bike. I reached home in five minutes. My wrist watch showed that the time was 7.53. I knew that i did not have much time left.

I went to the wash room and took a quick loooooong shower. The post-shower preparations were hectic with heavy layering of perfumes and finally i opened my cupboard and took out the newly bought yellow sleeveless Reebok tops that i bought especially for the occassion.I spent sometime infront of the mirror and the result was an handsome reflection. I knew i was ready . My heart-beats were racing to new heights that even schumi and barichello could not dream of achieving it on the circuit( No wonder Schumi retired from the internation scene. reuben will follow suit i guess).

My wrist watch indicated that the time was 8 pm. I was waiting for this moment for one full day. I went and sat infront of the TV. I switched it ON. Tuned the channel to Sony SetMax . India was going take on Nedherlands for their pre world cup preparations. They called it warm-up matches. I thought to myself, " An HOttttt guy watching WARM-up matches.... what a co-incidence".. But who cares about the warm-up match. Anyways India is gonna thrash the orange boys. As i looked intensively into the screen, i had to bear the brunt of viewing unnecessary advertisements. And finally around 8.05 pm the moment i was waiting for finally arrived.. " FOURTH INNINGS"... and the camera zoomed in and yeaaaaaaaaaa! , there she was sitting and smiling and what a similarity... She was also wearing an yellow tubetop. Mandira was HOttttt... Dunno if you wud believe it or not, but i am very sure that Mandira did not even take her eyes off me for even a single second. I knew that she was truly madly deeply in love with me. But family constraints, cultures, values, ethics calmed me down.

India is Playing against England and Ireland next month. I am planning to wear my orange sleeveless tops for those matches. Watch out for Mandira. She would also be in Orange. You would then believe me why they say that i am HOtttttt..

-Chronic(hotter)writer

Jul 12, 2003

4.I am UNLUCKY

I have never been lucky all my life.My stars did not shine as they were supposed to.. When i fell in love with Anna Kournikova , she fell for Enrique. I went without food for three days.I am not lucky when it comes to riding my bike too. My splendor bike is an example and you'll understand what i am trying to convey, if you take a look at my bike.My biking skills reach its pinnacle when i ride it. The dis-oriented shape of my bike is a clear indication of my riding skills. But then man was never destined to be lucky. If that were true, he would have been a woman.

Here are ten reasons why i call myself unlucky

1) I had my first love failure when i was in kindergarden when my then girlfriend,"Renu" went away with my kindergarden nemesis,"Shabir". (Apparently Renu is now happily married with Ashok and they have two kids)

2) Two weeks back,I was playing street cricket with some ten year old kids and this girl," shivani"(she is just 9 years), bowled me in the very first ball. My dreams of hitting sixes and fours vanished

3) When i was in school,Mr and Mrs. Crow had targeted my Lunch Box more than a hundred times

4) I never had a girlfriend during my engineering days

5) My girlfriend during my MBA days ran away with her Boy friend.

6) I have scrapped Mr. Orkut, himself. But he never bothered to scrap me back. I guess he thought i was gay

7) My engineering room-mate, "Andrew"(name not changed cos of cruel intentions), used to sleep in my bed and i used to sleep in his bed.

8) I scored a centum in Tamil in my +2 Board exams.(100 out of 200)

9) My project was rejected in MBA.( I dun know why?)

10) If you are wondering why i added point number 7 in the unlucky list,I have to admit that Andrew had an habit of bed wetting.

This post is dedicated to Andrew.

-chronicwriter