The Complete Humor man since 1982

Jan 21, 2015

On 1/21/2015 | By Chriz
12 years of blogging.
700 posts in my humour blog.
More than 50 Individual Blogs on more than 10 different streams and topics. (This blog is just one among the 50 blogs I have)
It has been a long journey in deed.

People who started a blog after me have published books, become national celebrities and have made it big by working towards their goal. I am still sitting here and searching for that goal post in a football field, with a cricket bat, a golf ball and a roller skating blade in my feet. Lack of discipline in one particular field is the reason behind my unsuccessful campaign to make it big in the field of writing. The only discipline I have had all these years is my fervour to update this Blog "Chronicwriter"

This blog post is an analysis of the minds of Tamil film Directors. The techniques used by many Tamil film directors are expressed in pictorial format.














Finally, it is Director Shankar vs Producer Shankar



- Chronicwriter.

Jan 15, 2015

On 1/15/2015 | By Chriz
Pongal

A Tamil festival that was once celebrated to honour farmers

When I was a kid, I related to Pongal as the festival where I get sugar cane to eat. My dad would buy some sugar canes and tie them up in the back of his lamby scooter and ride it home. My sister and I would jump in excitement. The whole day would be spent on chewing the sugar cane and spitting out the sugar cane dry pulp.

Many do not even know the significance of Pongal. Some connect it to a particular religion and do not celebrate it stating that it is a festival of a particular religion. Pongal is a Tamil festival. Period.

Now a days Pongal has been subjected to a debate by Political parties. One party even tried to change the Tamil Newyear date to Pongal. Amidst all these non sense, Pongal still gives hope to the Tamil farmers.

Pongal has lost its meaning in many places. It is now celebrated in colleges and corporate offices by wearing half Sarees and Dhotis. I have no problem in the manner in which people wear Dhotis to the work place. But make sure to wear something underneath your dhoti if the dhoti is transparent.

With Pongal losing its real purpose and meaning among many people, it is high time we at least read some facts about this festival and update ourselves with the real story behind this festival. Chronicwriter wishes everyone a very Happy Pongal. 

Those who really miss pongal are those villagers who are now settled in foreign countries. They can only see the FB posts and share the Pongal pictures. These following photos reveal the real picture of how this festival is tampered and misconstrued by the people around us.








- Chronicwriter


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Jan 12, 2015

On 1/12/2015 | By Chriz
I got my first pimple on my face when I was 14 years old. I was in class 9. My friends told me that I was not a boy anymore and I had become a man. For a long time I was under the impression that when a boy gets his first pimple, he has attained his puberty. 

My pimple face when I was 19
When I was in my late teens, my face had so many pimples that I looked like a man whose face was pecked by a woodpecker. Hormonal changes and consumption of oily junk foods added fuel to my pimple filled face.

Luckily for me when I was done with my college life, the pimples had disappeared; but they left their mark on my face for a few years. Now I get a pimple once a year. When I get a pimple, others might just see it as a small dot on my face. But I would feel as if a big pumpkin is hanging on my face. 

I get that yearly pimple during the month of may especially when Chennai is fried by the hot sun. The pimple I get on my face rents itself between my nose and my upper lip. It usually disappears in two weeks. But at times, it stays there for a long time without paying any rent.

I have tried many creams on my face to tackle pimples. When I was in my teens my parents used to give me a tablespoon full of neem mix once in three months. They fooled me saying that eating neem leaves will cure the pimple problem. But it just kept my tummy clean. But the face still had pimples.

All the photos of mine during my college days does not give me good memories because of the presence of pimples. In fact if a blind man had touched my face, he would have mistaken it for braille.

An old legend says that those who are stressed have more pimples on their face. So a group of people advocate stress free living as a cure for pimples. But that does not solve the problem either. As long as we have a clean face that resists the growth of pimples, we will have a pimple free face.

The day before I got married, I got a pimple between my nose and my upper lip. I never expected that pimple to sprout out especially a day before the big day. I pierced it, squeezed the puss out and applied base on my face so that it was not evident that I had a pimple. Photoshop also came to my rescue and my wedding photos do not reflect the pimple I had on my wedding day. Now let me come to the crux of this post. I am going to tell you a wonderful solution for your pimple problem.

Solution for pimples

Recently I stumbled across Garnier Pure active neem face wash [ link ] in the supermarket where I shop for my monthly provisions. 

At first I did not think of buying the product; but as I am a loyal customer of garnier shampoos, I decided to check the ingredients of Garnier neem face wash.

The first thing I always check in a face wash is for the presence of comedogenic ingredient in it. If the facewash has comedogenic ingredient I would not buy it. 

Any facewash that is high on comedogenic content will only help in multiplying the pimples on the face. 

Some of the face washes that cause more pimples are 
1) Himalaya Herbal face wash
2) Clean and clear foaming face wash
3) Nivea Men all in one face wash
4) Jovees Tea tree oil control face wash.

These face washes cause more pimples because of high percentage of comedogenic ingredients in it. Not all the face washes that make your face oil free, fight pimples. Garnier Pure active neem face wash has only one comedogenic ingredient -  Sodium Laureth Sulphate. SLES with a chemical formula C12+2nH25+4nNaO4+nS will not cause more pimples  (I am just showing off here to let my readers know that I know what I am talking about in this post). I decided to go ahead and try this face wash.

When I tried this face wash, I realized that it was an entirely different face wash. I do not have pimples these days. Still I use this face wash everyday because I am a sucker for certain fragrances. I use Fiama di wills shower gel for my body and I always dab my body with Davidoff cool water spray. This combination has become the aroma that I spread these days. 

If you are searching for a solution for your pimple filled face, just try Garnier Pure Active neem face wash. I am sure that you will come back to this post and say "Thank You Chriz"

Note: On public demand, I am adding a picture of the pimple that appeared a few months before I got married. I have censored that portion of the nose where the pimple is located. You must be 18 years or more than that to have a glimpse of it. 

If you wish to have a look at the pimple please shoot a mailto prason@chronicwriter.com along with a donation of USD 1033 (Inclusive of Value Added Taxes). Part of the money would be used to buy clothes for Poonam Pandey.

- Chronicwriter

This post is a part of IndiBlogger's Blog activity [ link ]
On 1/12/2015 | By Chriz
(Note: Anyone who has any disagreements to this post of mine,please feel free to post your counter arguments with proofs. Do not blindly support a copy cat)


Harris Jeyaraj! The Copy Cat.





Let me dissect this song "Maya Bazaar" from his upcoming movie "Yennai arindhaal".



My analysis of the song


1) The first 50 seconds of the song is a synthesized version of "Arima Arima from the movie Endhiran" Listen to it to know what I am saying.

2) From the 55th second to 1:14 minutes - he transits to his next copy song.From 1:14 to 2:32 "anbe en aruiyirey lyrics start". Christians would realise which Tamil traditional song song this tune has been ripped away from". The tabla part for this piece adds beauty to the track though).


This is the original song (Salemin Raja) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTfBbV_pgkg

3) From 2:33 onwards Harris uses the nadhaswaram part accompanied by the tabla part to synchronise in "Kalyana samayal saadham song".

4) From 2:55 onwards, another christmas song is inserted. It is "Bethalayil pirandhavarai potri thudhi manamey song". Check the original song track here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC0ftEcFQ38


5) 3:40 onwards Salemin raja song is added again

What Harris Jeyaraj has done is just a medley sequence of 4 songs out of which 2 are Christian songs. Many will support him and say that he has atleast made his original arragements. But the sad part is, he has not even changed the chord progression in his copy cat act.  This is just one of his songs in that movie. I don't know how many crores he demanded for such copy cat work.


When I see the manner in which films, scripts and music are ripped by Tamil film makers, I am worried that talented people with originality and scope for creativity will never be given a chance by these copy cats who are acting as stumbling blocks.

- Chronicwriter
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Jan 9, 2015

On 1/09/2015 | By Chriz
Gone are the days when only movies were reviewed. Now a days Trailers, teasers and even movie posters are reviewed by experts. While the cricket experts are busy reviewing the 2014-2015 Test series between India and Australia, Chronicwriter dishes out his view on the series. This picture explains it all


My Non Tamil readers will not understand this picture. If they had seen the movie Kaka Kaka, they will understand this review. This new form of story telling has been adopted by Meme Creators. One can understand this form of humour only if they could relate it with another incident. This has revolutionised humour story telling in a big way

-Chronicwriter

Jan 7, 2015

On 1/07/2015 | By Chriz
Arnab Gowsami is one character you can never ignore. You may hate him, loathe him and feel like throwing up on him; but still end up watching his News Hour monkey antics. That is how he has magnetised all of us with his arrogance.

When Dhoni retired from Test Cricket, he started calling Dhoni as a traitor. Many of us got angry with Arnab for making such a statement. Even Times Now channel knows that many hate Arnab. But still they use him for the Negative publicity and his ability to keep the TRPs high.

Some of us might be thinking of how to handle this tsunami called Arnab. Chronicwriter has some ideas. You can add some of your ideas in the comments section too in addition to the ideas presented here.


1) Give him the cross roads treatment

I pictured Arnab at the crossroads without a helmet or a groin guard. Four of the fastest bowlers at present should be given cork balls to bowl at Arnab from four different directions. What a lovely sight it would be to see Arnab facing these four guys.


If you think that this crossroad treatment is barbaric; believe me that it is nothing compared to what he does to his panellists in the News hour.


2) Ananth vaidhyanathan to give voice training for Arnab

Ananth Ji is India's leading Voice expert according to Vijay TV's super singer 3 month certificate course.

Ananth Ji spends all his life locked up in the Super Singer studio. He has been on a long term jail imprisonment in this studio and he is given a special chair also in the show.

Director Bala bailed him out for a brief period and gave him a decent role in his movie Avan Ivan. Vijay TV again imprisoned Ananth Ji and locked him in the studios.

Arnab should get his voice trained by Ananth Ji. If Arnab could sing some songs in addition to his usual barking, it would attract more viewers to the show. These days every actor in movie is trying to sing a song in their movie. Why shouldn't Arnab try his vocal chords?

If his vocal chords are still not tuned, then Director Lingu could do the final tuning and that would seal his Noise; I mean Voice.



3)The Dream team

If both the above tips does not do wonders, then Arnab should definitely invite the DREAM TEAM to his panel. These 4 geniuses can do more damage to every single cell in Arnab's body.

Imagine Arnab interviewing
1) a guy who has his own talk show and youtube channel
2) captain who has experience in handling Bagisdhan Derrorisds
3) Swami Nithu who has experiences in giving discourses through Hidden cameras
4) Comedian Sadhu who plays marbles with Angels and plucks their feathers.

That would be the best Interview one could ever watch. This panel is better than the Dream panel I have blogged about in a previous post.



- Chronicwriter

Jan 6, 2015

On 1/06/2015 | By Chriz
I would not call these as resolutions. But I would definitely call these as my "Aasaigal". I have always failed to follow NewYear resolutions and hence I stopped making them.

These are my plans for 2015. If everything goes well, I will be happy.

1) First of all, I am planning to hit the gym and work out. As I have a skinny, small body, I do not look my age. People confuse me for a school boy. It is time for me to hit the gym and pile on some weight. Planning to add 10 kg to my body in 5 months time

2) Publish my book (I have three titles in mind) by the end of the year. I have been saying this from 2008 onwards. If only I had published my book in 2008, things would have been different now.

3) Finalise on one of my talents and move forward. I have been a jack of few trades and I have always been doing many things at one time. As a result, I have not made progress in any of the talents bestowed upon me.

4) Publish 3 spiritual books on Christianity by the end of the year. I am working on the first book.

5) Go on a backpack trip to North East India and record my memories as a photo story book.

6) Regain the humour that I lost some years ago.

7) Take a shift in my career path ;)

8) Become more organised and disciplined. Get up early and sleep early.

9) Stay away from FB and my phone for at least 2 hours in a day when I am awake.

10) Take part in keeping my home clean and my neighbourhood clean too. I have joined a group called Chitlapakkam Rising. I am planning to invest my time and effort in this group.

That's my daughter Anya cleaning the house.She is not taking part in any Swachh Bharat acting program. 


- Chronicwriter

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Dec 14, 2014

On 12/14/2014 | By Chriz
Bachelors who are in their mid 30s who struggle to get a bride for them would get a burning sensation in their tummy when they see a 40 year old man marrying a girl in her 20s. But when it comes to a certain 64 year old uncle who romances with a 33 year old actress and a 27 year old actress simultaneously, these 30 year old men will only admire the style and charisma of the man on the screen. That is Rajinikanth for you. 

Lingaa is a movie that has got mixed reviews from people. Rajini fans are going gaga over it and the so called critics call it a boring screenplay work. People will always have different opinions. This version of mine is neither for or against the movie. This review is an admiration of each and every frame and showcases what Chronicwriter understood from the movie.

The movie opens with the letters S U P E R S T A R  -    R A J I N I projected on the screen and the audience erupt in joy. Newspapers are torn and thrown in the air. The theatre experiences tremors that could be measured on the Richter scale.

The Introduction for Rajini is the first of its kind in Tamil cinema. Henry Olonga - the Zimbabwe bowler who was once molested by the Little Master does a cameo role in the opening song where Super star is introduced. Super star is accompanied by the Russian belly dancers from Gemini circus.

As usual the mesmerising voice of SPB sets the tone for the perfect introduction song. The68 year old  Guinness world record holder who has sung more than 40000 songs still sings like a man in his 20s. Rajini's make up artist has done a great work on his face. Rajini indeed looks dashing.

Once the introduction song is over, Rajini and his 4 friends are arrested for bad choreography. They are all thrown inside the same cell in the police station. Anushka who was last seen in the same police station a few years back in the movie Vaanam, again makes an entrance inside the police station; this time to bail out Rajinikanth. Rajini steals the chain from Anushka that Simbhu stole in Vaanam movie.

Astonished by his stealing skills, Anushka challenges to go one step ahead and steal a gold necklace from Lalitha jewellery. Together they carry out the most amazing gold robbery that has ever been captured in Tamil cinema History. For the first time in Tamil cinema, Rajini freezes the spy cameras and then steals the necklace.

The stealing scene is copied from an old Hollywood movie. KS Ravi Kumar also follows AR Murugadass in stealing skills. During the stealing process Rajini and Anushka gets locked up inside a cupboard (The same manner how Vikram and Jyothika got locked up inside a cupboard in the movie dhool). A Lizard now makes a sound (This scene is copied from Suryavamsam movie)



Immediately Rajini becomes Jack Sparrow and becomes the captain of a ship. The Mona Mona Gasolina song is played in the background and Rajini starts dancing. The song has the same chord progression of Arima Arima song from Endhiran. I guess A.R.Rahman was so lazy that he just copy and pasted the same song and rearranged some music instruments to come up with this song. This time, Rajini dances better and he is not arrested.



Now as one Rajini is exposed for more than 30 minutes, director KSRaviKumar decides to introduce the next Rajinikanth. The book publishers of "The Hero with a thousand faces - Joseph Campbell" approached KSRavikumar before the movie and told him that the book was not selling properly and pleaded with the director to promote the book in his next movie. So the second Rajinikanth is made to read this book. Rajini shows his amazing reading skills in a moving train.

The Pirattes who danced with him in the ship enter this train and fights with Rajinikanth. After the famous train fight scene from Endhiran, Ravikumar decided to use a train fight scene in this movie to show that he can take a fight scene better than Shankar. The technology used in the fight scene is a mixture of Spiderman stunts + Jackie Chan stunts + Jetix stunts and Super Mario stunts.

The audience erupt again inside the theatre and tremors are again experienced. During the course of the fight Rajini's hair gets disturbed. So in between the shots, the make up artist wipes away the sweat and applies powder on his face and also combs his hair and applies hard Gel on his hair. After the fight is over, superstar's hairstyle again becomes perfectly normal.



The second Rajinikanth is now introduced as a king and the Mysore Palace is shown in the background and they say that it is Lingeswaran's palace. The villain is a Louis Philippe model. Rajini suddenly decides to build a dam to solve the Cauvery issue and because of that decision the Louis Philippe model suddenly decides to copy what Raghuvaran did in the movie Muthu. As a result the King donates his kingdom and his palaces to the peasants and goes into a No-witness place ( Kann Kaana idam) to become a puttu master.

After some time the peasants of the kingdom decide to eat puttu and they go to the No-witness place and eat the puttu made by the puttu master. At this point of time Lingeswaran decides to utter 8 punch dialogues which he read in the book by Joseph Campbell. Tremors in the cinema hall again.

Sonakshi Sinha is given the same saree that Nithyananda wore in the movie he acted with Ranjitha. The same sleeveless rendition of the saree makes the men in the cinema hall to miss heart beat. She is last seen chasing the same train in which the king was first seen reading the book.

Rajni's dressing in the entire movie is top notch. His tuxedos, Sherwanis and his suits are a treat to watch.

The Climax of the movie is the best climax in Tamil cinema history. Jacki Chan is known for his stunts without a dupe artist. Jackie Chan holds the record for the longest jump from a cliff and landing on a parachute. The measured distance was 200 feet. Rajinikanth bettered this record and jumped 400 feet in a bike and landed on top of a parachute. Because of this unbelievable jump rumours start to spread that he would have taken performance enhancement drugs to achieve this feet. So to clear this suspicion he is taken for interrogation by Finishing Kumar aka KS Ravikumar.

Note: Only those who have seen the movie, will understand this review. Others will not understand this review at all.

Additional Note : I am a thalaivar fan. People have either criticized the movie or praised the movie. I did not want to do any one of that. I just wanted to write a review in a manner that would be understood by those who have seen the flick.

-Chronicwriter

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