The Complete Humor man since 1982

Jul 20, 2014

On 7/20/2014 | By Chriz
I started composing music in the year 2008. Most of the music compositions have been for spiritual songs.

Being a stand up comedian, a few of the songs have been in the humour stream also.

This song might help a few who are in the initial stages of music composition.

Many people have different styles of music composition. This post is on how I compose a song.

I always compose the tune first and then write the lyrics for the tune.

This is not the usual practice adopted by many musicians.

But I am comfortable with this method and this is what I follow.


The steps I follow  in composing a song

1. Identify the mood of the song.
2. Try a chord progression for the song.
3. When the initial chord progression is ready, start writing the lyrics for the song.
4. Care should be taken to see that the lyrics fit the mood of the song.
5. The rhythm pattern is very important while composing a tune. A wrong rhythm might change the whole mood of the song
6. Think about the music instruments mix and the voice combinations that would add value to the song.

I was planning to write a funny song for kids and I was ready with the first 3 points mentioned here.

Just when I was about to pen the lyrics for the song, my daughter decided to join me in the music composition session.

As I did not have the lyrics ready, I decided to just use the words "Bomchiku Bomchiku Bom" for the whole song. She liked the song and danced along.

Should I add lyrics to this kids' song? or should I just leave this as it is?

 

-Chronicwriter

Jul 16, 2014

On 7/16/2014 | By Chriz
Five years ago, flash mobs made its entrance into India. Suddenly you will witness a flash mob happening in a mall or in a hotel or in big grounds where crowds gather. The concept was new to India and people started recording the performances with their mobile cameras and started sharing it on social networking sites.

These days Flash mobs have become a nuisance. In a wedding I attended recently, there were close to around 100 members in the audience and in the name of flash mob all of them started dancing. 

Flash mobs are supposed to be surprises; but these days my friends invite me to malls saying, "Come there, our team is doing a flash mob".

This reminds me of an unforgettable experience that happened in the year 2008 at a friend's wedding. We as a bunch of friends were crazy about dancing and we planned to do a flash mob at one of my friends' wedding. 

We decided not to tell the groom and his family and planned it as a complete surprise for all of them. There were 12 of us who hatched this plan. So here we were practising for a mishmash of four songs " Billie Jean + Nothings gonna change my love for you + Mambo no 5 and ending with Congratulations".

I was the usual aarvakolaru of the gang and became the choreographer for the dance moves. We planned the sequence in such a manner that I would start the dance act with my moves for Billie Jean  and  five others would join for "Nothing's gonna change my love" song for which I had planned some salsa moves. Then the other 6 were supposed to join for "Mambo no 5 and Congratulations". 

The practise sessions started two days prior to the wedding. We even planned for our surprise entrance and all of us started dancing with synchronisation. I was really happy. 

It was a Christian wedding and it happened in Chennai in Cathedral. The reception took place in a prestigious hotel in Chennai. The crowd would have been close to 1000.

I approached the sound guy and gave him the CD and told him about the flash mob and told him to wait for my cue to start the music. He said that no one has done a flash mob at a wedding before and it would be one of its kind. He even promised to record the video on cam. 

Then I approached the EmCee and told him about the plan. He was excited too and he told that it would be great if the dance could happen after the first two events. 1. Welcoming the guests 2. Cake cutting for the bride and groom

Our flash mob was strategically placed at third position and I told the EmCee that as soon as the bride and groom feed each other with the cake, we would start dancing. He agreed to our plan.

Here I was waiting to make my moves to floor everyone in the crowd. I chose a smooth floor in the hall where I could showcase my moon-walk skills. I even dreamt of making the crowd go wild with the secret moves.

The reception started with the Bride and Groom making their way into the hall. We all rose up from our seats and started clapping. I looked around and all the dance mates were equally excited because we knew that we would be dancing soon. 

Then the EmCee made his appearance on the stage and welcomed the guests. He cracked a joke or two and tried to make us laugh. But we won't laugh for mokka comedy and hence we did not laugh.

Then the announcement was made that the bride and the groom will cut the cake and would feed each other. The crowd started clapping. They cut the cake and fed each other. I looked at the sound guy and gave the thumbs up sign. He immediately hit the music. I just needed that. The moment I was waiting for finally arrived.

I jumped to the location and showcased my moves. The people around me had not seen a flash mob in their lives and they were surprised. That's what I wanted. The moonwalk came to precision; but to my surprise no one clapped. They were having the "What is this idiot doing" expression on their face. 

Soon the first song got over and the second song started playing. I looked around to see the 5 others to join me for the salsa routine. Three pairs were supposed to dance for this song. But all the  padupaavi fellows escaped from the scene. I started to panic. 

I searched for my dance partner and she was missing from the scene too. I tried to make up with my own solo moves for the first two lines and after that I did not know what to do. I felt like crying and after a few seconds I couldn't take it any longer. I ran away from the scene and when I emerged out of the hall, my friends started laughing at me.

Those idiots had actually pulled an epic prank on me.Later I heard from a few friends that the people at the wedding thought that a drunk guy got high and did some silly stunts at the wedding only to run out of gas and run away in the end. After that I never said yes to any flash mob invites. 

-Chronicwriter
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Jul 9, 2014

On 7/09/2014 | By Chriz
Rahul Gandhi created a Nation wide stir by sleeping in the Parliament. News media started criticising his act. The special reporters of Chronicwriter Media also sprung into action to investigate the reason behind Rahul Gandhi dozing off in the Parliament.

Talking to our special correspondent, a close aid of Rahul Gandhi said that Rahul Gandhi was very tired of staying up all night watching the world cup football matches on TV. Sources reveal that 7-1 molestation done by Germany on Brazil might have reminded Rahul Gandhi of what BJP did to him in the elections. It is believed that Rahul Gandhi was planning to make India participate in the 2018 world cup.

Another friend of Rahul Gandhi told that Rahul Gandhi was following Abdul Kalaam's words of dreaming for a better India by the year 2020. Take a closer look at this photo now. See how peacefully Rahul Gandhi is sleeping.

Researches show that all the brilliant minds like Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Archimedes, Alia Butt also sleep in sitting posture with their heads tilted towards their right shoulder. Rahul Gandhi also joins this elite group of scientists. Jai Ho.





If you carefully look at the above picture, you will notice two famous comedians from the South Indian film world are also present in the picture. The person in front of Rahul Gandhi is the Tamil comedian Late Nagesh sir. The person behind Rahul Gandhi is the Malayalam comedian Mr. Innocent. You might think how Nagesh sir could make an appearance. If Dinosaurs can make an appearance in Jurassic Park because of graphics, this is nothing.



The world has failed to notice the other two comedians and concentrated too much on the comedian between them. It is high time the people of our Country started noticing other people too.

-Chronicwriter
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Jul 7, 2014

On 7/07/2014 | By Chriz
Gone are the days when Tamil film directors copied storyline from Hollywood movies. These days our Indian directors have started to steal scripts from Korean and Iranian movies. The movie lovers easily find the difference between the copied movies and original stuff. 

I am not labelling all movie directors as copy cats. But there are many who fall under that category. Many of them go and hide behind the term "Inspired". The word "Inspired" is now used to denote "Copied shamelessly".

In a recent development, the team of detectives from Chronicwriter Detective services Company have found that FIFA has copied a scene from a Tamil movie. The sad part is that the copy cats from FIFA have not yet given the due recognition to the original founder of the scene.

Among many new innovations in the 2014 world cup football, the striking one is the white colour foam that is used by the referee when the freekicks are taken. This foam disappears after 2 minutes. Many football lovers have lauded this new technique used in this world cup.

The world should know that this technique was used by Kaipillai's assistant in the movie winner just before Kaipillai says "Indha bordera thaandi neeyum varapadaadhu, naanum varamaatein." in the year 2003. Talking to reporters Kai pillai said that people copy stuffs like this and they fail to give due recognition. But still he forgave FIFA when he said "If my ideas are copied for a good cause, I welcome it"


Chronicwriter feels that FIFA has done a great deal of injustice to Kaipillai and his "Carefree Youth Team" (varutha padaadha vaalibar sangam). The readers are requested to share this post far and near and make the world know the real founder of the "Dont Cross" line used in the world cup. Justice delayed is Justice denied. Kaipillai needs justice. The wrong doers should be brought before law and they should be hanged.

-Chronicwriter

Jul 4, 2014

On 7/04/2014 | By Chriz
When Maria Sharapova told that she did not know who Sachin was, Sachin fans attacked her left right and centre and created a big fuss even on her FB page. "Who is Maria Sharapova" started trending on twitter world wide. This was unnecessary.

The social media voices started attacking Sachin fans and started raising questions on their nasty behaviour. Being a Sachin fan, I felt ashamed because of the manner in which the other Sachin fans started behaving.

It is true that many of us do not know about our World class Kabbadi team, Carrom board team. Because of big sponsorship involved in Cricket, cricket is the only sport that runs in the blood and veins of Indians. I agree that Sachin fans would get mad on Maria Sharapova's reaction. But it gives us no right to cross our limits and attack her.

Now coming to the core of the issue ~ Does Maria Sharapova really have no clue about Sachin Tendulkar? To know the answer, one has to travel back 8 years. In the year 2006, Sachin Tendulkar was roped in by Canon to be their brand ambassador. Apparently Maria Sharapova was the sports brand ambassador for Canon at that time. [link]

Watch the Canon ad by Sachin here



In the year 2007, Maria Sharapova pulled out of the Sunfeast open in 2007. Maria Sharapova's childhood friend Maria Kirilenko who also grunts big time like Maria Sharapova went on to win the tournament. During that tournament, Maria Kirilenko partnered with Sachin Tendulkar and played an exhibition match against Mahesh Bhupathy and Baichung Bhutia. Maria Kirilenko is practice partner of Maria Sharapova and has defeated her on a few occasions. 

 

Sachin was asked to do an ad along with Maria Sharapove for Canon, which was turned down by the Little Master because of his other commitments. This must have been a rude shock to Maria Sharapova. This is definitely a strong reason for her remark about Sachin recently.

Again in the year 2011, Sachin went to Wimbledon and sat in the Royal box along with his wife Anjali, Martina Naratilova and watched Federer play against Nalbandian in the third round. I remember watching that match on TV. Federer and Sachin's family had dinner in London that night.


In the same tournament, Maria Sharapova reached the finals and she lost the finals to Petra Kvitova.  This happened just two months after India's glorious world cup win. Sachin was also invited for the royal dinner and was that the reason for Maria Sharapova saying "I don't know Sachin"? I really don't know. But it might be a reason.

The recent statement made by Maria Sharapova is indeed a big lie which is similar to the many scene putting girls who say "I don't know that guy". But it gives no right for Sachin fans to attack her and cross the limits.Maria Sharapova might be suffering from short term memory loss or she might have just taken a dig at Sachin. But why bother? Even Sachin has not responded to it. There is no point cribbing at her page. But the world should know that she knows Sachin and that's the purpose of this post.

To read an admiration article on Sachin Tendulkar by the author, click here [link].

This is the pathetic condition of Lionel Messi after Maria Sharapova said "Who is Lionel Messi"



By the way, Maria never said that she does not know "Chronicwriter". She won't tell that.

-Chronicwriter

Jun 30, 2014

On 6/30/2014 | By Chriz
Robben became the butt of many meme jokes on the internet after his infamous last minute dive that shut the doors for the Mexicans in the round of 16 against the Dutch. There are many other footballers who are diving specialists.

My favourite team - Brazil is full of Oscar award winning actors. Neymar and Hulk have the tendency to succumb to the gravitational pull once they enter the opposition box. This post is dedicated to my favourite team Brazil.

Brazil leads the table in the most unfair play award category of this year's world cup. The table below shows that Brazil has had special training from the Russian gymnasts in the art of diving.


The Dutch and the Portugal team who are known for their rough play are the most fair playing teams in this year's worldcup. How ever Robben single handedly has pulled the Dutch team into the top 5 unfair teams with his dive against Mexico.

Brazil faces Columbia in the Quarter finals of world cup 2014. The Colombians look lot stronger this time. But still Brazil will win the match. Scholari has found a new method that will enable the Brazilians to win the match against Colombia. The method is explained in pictorial- story board format. Scholari's new technique is inspired from the movie Karuppusamy Kuthagaikaarar.

Those who have watched the "Karuppusamy Kuthagaikaarar Comedy sequence involving Vadivelu will understand the story board. 










- Chronicwriter

Jun 29, 2014

On 6/29/2014 | By Chriz
For all those who are watching football for the first time in their life (Thanks to world cup football 2014), this post will give you tips for your next style. You might have seen some of these hairstyles in the head of hairstylists in some of the SO-CALLED leading hair salons in our country. Some of the footballers are etched in my memory because of their weird hairdo.

1) The Bad Zebra suffering from Jaundice

Abel Xavier was the morattu paiyan of the Portuguese football team. I first saw him in the 2002 world cup. He was a defender. This guy would scare the forwards with his baddie look. He has tossed many forwards high in the air. His hair style is never ever replicated by any other footballer in the history of the game.


2) The Valderama (Afro) style

The colombian star Valderama adorned this afro style, that became his own trademark haisrstyle in the game of football. Now a days a few Brazilian players have adopted his style ( Luiz and Marcelo).












3) Giovanne Simeone

This Argentinian striker is one footballer I badly wanted to watch in this year's world cup. How ever he did not make it to the world cup squad. He would have made a comedy statement with his hairstyle


4) The Pineapple

Jason Lee was the famous English  footballer who used to run around the football field with a pineapple in his head. He was a treat to watch. The reason for adding many past players is because these are the players I watched 20 years ago , when I used to follow the game religiously.



5) The Hyena tail 

Neymar, my present favoirte footballer (Just because he is in the Brazilian team) used to have this hyena hair style which is a mix of mottaboss hairstyle and Roberto Baggio tail style. This guy has speed. Though this year's Brazilian team is weak in its defence, I am still supporting them because they wear the Chennai Super Kings jersey.


6) The Jim Carrey Ronaldo style

This is one of the funniest hairstyles sported by my favorite footballer of all time. He was the best finisher in the sport. That is why I call him as the original Ronaldo.


7) The Dhoni Hairstyle

With Srini mama in the helm of the ICC, we might soon see the Indian cricket team qualify for the 2018 world cup. Dhoni will captain Indian cricket team and he will score the goal in the 89th minute 59 seconds of every world cup. This will be his hairstyle because he will invent the helicopter Kick


8) The Apocalypto

I dedicate this hairstyle to the Chile players. In their knock out game against the Brazilians, they kicked two things 1) The ball 2) Neymar. They really looked like the villains from the movie Apocalypto.


- Chronicwriter

Jun 25, 2014

On 6/25/2014 | By Chriz
If you are watching too much of sports these days, you would have been fed with the whole haystack and most of you would be gagging badly by now. It has been an overdose of sports this month. 

I was watching worldcup football on Sonypix and during the halftime break, I changed channels to stay away from caferio and I landed up in DD Sports where the Indian football team was playing against Mozambique football team. The Indians won. The speed was different. The class was different. The strategy was different. It was a totally different league. It would take years for India to make a mark in the International scene in football.

Last night Italy became the latest European team to be shown the door by a South American team in this year's world cup. One man who stood out was Pirlo. That guy is the Robert Downey Junior of the Italian football team. He has magic in his feet. The way his legs caresses the ball is a treat to watch. I will be missing him in action in the knock-out stages. Pirlo reminds me of Daniel O Bryan from WWE.


In Italy's match against Uruguay, Luiz Suarez stood between Italy and their world cup dream. He did a few mistakes too. In an attempt to be selfless, he made mockery of himself when he was all alone in the Italian box with only Buffon standing in front of him. Instead of shooting the ball into the goal, he tried to pass the ball and ended up looking like a joker. 

But the nasty act came when Suarez bit Girogio Chillieni. This is the third time Suarez has bit an opponent. The demon of Mike Tyson enters Suarez when ever he is hungry. FIFA is contemplating whether masks like this should be provided to people like Suarez.


When I played football at school level, I was the goal keeper for the Blue house. With my short stature, I found it very difficult to safeguard the net. But as I dived around like a monkey, our coach decided to make me the team goalie. During one of the Division matches, I ended up biting the Forward on his thighs. Three of them ganged up and punched me on my face. My swollen eyes were a testimonial reward for my biting prowess. That was also the last time I played football in my life.

The Wimbledon Tennis matches are also happening in England. I used to be a die hard fan of Stefan Edberg. Then after two decades, I have started to like Fedexpress. I am hoping for Federer to rule the lawns this year. How ever gone were the days when I kept track of women singles. I was a fan of Navratilova,Sabatini and Seles. Now a days except for the Williams sisters and a few Russian known names, I don't even know who is in the circuit.

Yesterday I was watching Maria Sharapova in action. When I got out of the house, my neighbour gave me a dirty look and said  "Anna, when you watch dirty movies, please keep the volume low". Sometimes people get a different picture. I am gonna be careful when I watch women tennis from now on. The volume will be in mute

-Chronicwriter

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