Jul 10, 2018

968. A few seconds before happiness

If you search on the internet using the phrase " A few seconds before happiness", you will be seeing this picture taken in the year 1955. 

You might have also seen this picture on Instagram and as forwarded messages. Today, my friend Madhu sent me this picture. She knows I love dogs.

This picture immediately pulled me back to my childhood. I was 10 years old then. We used to live in Chellakan street in water tank road in Nagercoil.

The uncles in that street were fond of me. All of them knew that I loved dogs. There was this Gabriel thatha who would come home every evening and teach songs to my sister and me. He also told me stories about puppies.

Then there was this thatha called Devadoss. My mom used to call him uncle and hence I also called him uncle. On 1st April 1993, he came and pressed the door bell. I went and welcomed him.

Just look at this picture here. That is how I welcomed him. He was holding something in his hand. I thought he had some chocolate in his hand. But then he brought it forward and there was this little fur bundle. A cream cockerspaniel puppy.

We named him Bubbly because he was Bubbly. He lived for exactly 10 years and Bubbly was literally a part of my life. Read more about Bubbly here [link]. After Bubbly passed away, I could never fathom the idea of having a pet dog in my house because the void left behind by him is something that I have not come to terms with even now.

Today, there are around 5 street dogs that sleep in front of my house and they will not let any strangers near my house. My daughter Anya is asking me to get her a pet dog. I am still contemplating. Probably she might be having her " a few seconds before happiness" moment soon.

- Chronicwriter

Jun 28, 2018

967. Ignorance is bliss

This image captures my performance in my bachelor of engineering degree in the best way possible. 

I scraped through that 4 year course without having a clue about "Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering". 

Now I work in an IT firm as a marketing head. This is what Engineering does to many people in my country.

I loved mathematics during my school days. But Engineering made me hate that subject. I still remember the name "A. Singaravelu". 

We literally had to study the books he wrote to clear Basic Engineering mathematics, Laplace theorem, Fourier transforms. 

All these are con names of mathematics papers that attacked us in each semester. After every mathematics exam, my reaction was similar to that of Mr. Yogi's  in this  picture. At least some of us get over this confused state and walk out of it when we start working.

But there are few lovely souls who still linger in the same wavelength even when they become the EVP of their workplace. No I am not taking a dig at the person you have in mind. May be I am.

-Chronicwriter

966. Keep your respect with yourself


At times we feel like showing our respect and gratitude to those we admire and look up to. That does not mean, that we need to show that respect always for everyone to see. At times, we can keep that respect with ourselves. It will not only preserve our sanity; but also avoid cringe-worthy situations for others.

Shankar was the comedian in the 8th standard C section class. He made a fool of himself when ever he tried to string a sentence in English. Back in those days, officers from the board of education will make surprise visits to schools to access how well the teachers are teaching. So one day, when they made the surprise visit, the board representative chose Shankar to interview him about the class and the class teacher.

Board Representative: What is your favorite subject

Shankar: Maths

Board Representative: So tell me what is the square root of 16

Shankar: _______________ (Blank look)

Board Representative:  Does your teacher teach you well

Shankar: He hardly teaches us (He actually meant that the teacher is a hard worker and he teaches us well)

The board representative took the teacher aside, spoke with him in a stern tone and left.

Fast forward to the year 2017. Shankar has now successfully completed his bachelors program. Nothing has changed much with respect to his language skills. He is now given the responsibility to welcome the chief guest of the graduation ceremony. He goes on the stage and opens with the line

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Today we have an impotent man among us.

(He actually meant "Important"). Remember the Balatkar joke from the movie "Three Idiots"? A similiar scene has finally become a reality. After his welcome speech, he walks down the stage with his head held high. The tamasha did not stop there. When his turn came to receive the award, he thought of seeking the blessings from the chief guest while receiving the award. The above picture captures this blessed moment. 

-Chronicwriter

Jun 12, 2018

965. How I fought my drug addiction problem in college.



In my first year of college I met this guy called Sundar. If you wanna know more about Sundar, all you have to do is watch the Tamil movie Kaadhal, and look out for a character called Virutchagakanth. He is that unassuming character whom we would never ever in our wildest dreams think of as a bad influence for us. Little did we know that he would change the fate of 5 guys in college. 

Sundar, single handedly spoilt all 5 of us. I had never tasted a drop of alcohol till that moment. But as I did my college in Pondicherry, alcohol eventually found me. Sundar never made me drink alcohol. Alcohol was my own personal choice. 

People in my close circle would know that I was addicted to drugs during my college days. Sundar was the stash supplier for all of us. It all started in the fall of 1999. I know we dont have a climate called "fall". I just wanted to sound cool in my blog. 

So It was sometime in the month of October. On a cold and hot sultry night ( Don't give me that look. That is how those nights were) , I was preparing notes for Basic Engineer Mathematics ( I flunked in that paper) paper, when I heard someone knocking my hostel room door.

It was Sundar. His eyes were red and he was smiling. I ushered him inside the room and he was sweating profusely. I knew something was wrong.

" Enna machi aachu? ( What happened bro?) " 
" Nothing much da! I am just high" 
"Are you drunk?" 
"No, I snorted 10 grams of Cocaine" 
"What! Is not that a drug?" 
"Yes! I am now high and I can see the 7th dimension?" (Appavey avan Christopher Nolan-kku tough koduthaan
" What is that?" 
" You will not understand" 
"Tell me please na" 
" You have to experience that to understand it" 
"But I am scared to take drugs" 
"Smoking is injurious to health macha! But Cocaine is just like sugar" 
" Will I behave weird and odd once I snort it in?" 
"No! Am I behaving odd? I am just high. You can try this pack"

He pulled out a small pack from his pocket, unwrapped it and there it was. I was seeing Cocaine for the first time in my life.

"How should I snort it in?"

He immediately pulled out a broken Reynolds pen and asked me to insert one end of the pen inside my nostril. There was a small hole in one end. It acted like a straw. Then he asked me to snort it in one go. 

When I was about to snort the powder, he stopped me and said that the pack would cost me Rs 10/- He said that it was usually in thousands; but because he had a cousin who has contacts with the underworld, he could buy that imported Cocaine from Brazil. 

I gave him a  Ten Rupee note. He gave a kiss to Gandhi thatha. Then I snorted that Cocaine in. I felt as if I was floating in the air. I actually felt as if two ladies were holding my hand and walking in a cushion laden road. I started to smile too. Sundar and i giggled till we slept off that night. Eventually I started to yearn for Cocaine and every week we started snorting Cocaine. 

This 'once a week' habit became an alternate day habit and eventually we were snorting Cocaine on a daily basis. We even went to our classes under the influence of drugs. Five of us had become drug addicts in our college. Cocaine was in our veins and no one could tell that we were under the influence of drugs because we acted normal even when we were high.

There was no stopping us. Even though I flunked in one of the papers, I eventually cleared that paper and even started scoring great marks in all semesters. I was literally my department topper when I entered the seventh semester in college. 

That night, we were waiting for Sundar to bring us some stash. Even after waiting for a long time, he did not arrive. So I walked up to his room and knocked on his door. He was not in his room. But the door was open. 

I walked inside the room and found some aluminium foil, a hammer and some newspapers in his table.  I heard someone walking towards the room. I thought it was the hostel warden. I did not want to be caught with drugs in my hand and hence I went and hid behind the cupboard in the room.

The door opened and Sundar walked inside the room with strips of tablets. He locked the door and opened all the tablets and placed them in the aluminium foil and started to powder them with the hammer. He then packed them in the newspaper and went out of the room.

I knew that he was going to supply Cocaine to my friends who were waiting for it in my room. So I decided to follow him too. As I came out of the cupboard, my instincts told me to check the tablet strip. It was VITAMIN C tablets (Celin).

I had my heart in my mouth. So this guy Sundar had cheated us for 4 years by giving us Vitamin C powder on a daily basis. That was when reality hit me. We acted normally all those years because we were never ever high. I was angry with Sundar because he had already pocketed hundreds of Rupees, not only from me; but also from my friends.

Note: Please do not tell anyone that I was a drug addict in my college days. Adhu enakku asingam illai. Adhu ungalukku dhaan asingam. 

Additional Note: Due to large amount of Vitamin C in my body, I seldom caught a cold during my college days

-Chronicwriter

Jun 11, 2018

964. Jurassic Park - The scariest movie I have ever seen



I have seen Evil dead, The Exorcist, Exorcism of Emily Rose, Child's Play and many more Horror movies in my life. I have never ever been scared. In fact when I watched "The Omen", I just treated it like a comedy film.

But one movie that scared the living daylights out of me has to be Jurassic Park. I watched the movie in a movie hall. We never had the habit of watching a movie in a movie hall. In fact the first movie I watched in a movie hall was "The Ten commandments". I was a small boy at that time and I slept off in the movie hall.

The second movie I watched in the movie hall was Jurassic Park. I watched it in Nagercoil in the legendary Pioneer Muthu movie hall. I added the above picture for a reason. That scene is what made me almost shit in my pants. Those two dinosaurs chased two little children and while watching that thrilling scene, I literally pulled my legs up and placed them on the chair because I feared that a dinosaur might creep from under the chair and bite my legs.

The two little children would scamper around the room to flee from the dinosaurs and eventually they would escape from the room through the ceiling. When the boy is pulled up through a hole in the ceiling, a dinosaur would jump to bite his legs off. That was the precise moment, I felt warmness in my pants. My bladder gave up and I peed in the seat.

Even today, when I watch the movie, I remember this scene and it still scares me big time.

- Chronicwriter

963. Why I did not become a policeman

I always wanted to become a cop.I had a fascination for guns and policemen. Late in the year 1985, my folks took me to an exhibition. I was just three years old at that time. 

As we were approaching the entrance, I saw a policeman. I was holding my father's hands and taking tiny steps. I freed myself from my father's grasp, ran up to the cop and poked his butt with my tiny fingers and shouted " Appa! Is this a Policeman?"

My father did not know what to do. He ran towards me, picked me up, apologized to the cop and walked away. I was angry with my dad because he had not yet answered my question. 

"Appa! I want to see that gun"

"No! That is a real gun. I will buy you a toy gun"

"Okay. Appa"

He kept his word. We came out of the exhibition with lot of goodies. My mom had bought lot of kitchen household items. My sister had a doll in her hand and I had a gun in my hand. As I walked out of the exhibition, I pointed the gun at the policeman and said "Hands up". He smiled at me. 

I had a doubt and asked my dad in a loud voice "Why does that police man have a big tummy?"

My dad closed my mouth and walked out at a faster pace. I was angry because my dad did not bother to answer my second question too. 

I assumed that the policeman had big tummies because they hid ammunition for their guns in their stomach. At that young age, I thought that belly button is the entrance point through which they push bullets inside the tummy.

I tried to push a nail inside my tummy too because I thought iron nails were nothing but bullets used in guns. That landed me in hospital.

Even when I used to play the game " Robber and Police" with my friends, I always chose to be the police. I liked to wear a cap and chase robbers. During one police chase, I became too hyper, and ended up kicking the robber in his head. Too much of Vijaykanth and Jackie Chan movies made me do that. My folks made me stop watching action movies after that.

When I entered college, I started riding a bike. The traffic police always had a ball and I ended up paying fines at regular intervals even when I followed all traffic rules. That is when I decided not to become a cop in life.  

Now I am putting a lot of weight around my tummy. I think I might become a police officer sometime in the future.

-Chronicwriter

Jun 6, 2018

962. No Plastics in TamilNadu after 2019



When the Tamil Nadu Government announced that they will ban disposable plastics from Jan 2019, I was pleasantly surprised and happy. I was hundred percent sure that Scientist Sellur would have been behind this decision. 

The ban excludes using disposable plastic for packaging milk, curd, oil and medical utilities. So we can still pollute the environment by throwing these plastics around.

The Industries that will b heavily affected by this ban are

1) Supermarkets

Supermarkets rely heavily on branded plastic bags. They have a big bunch of plastic bags at the billing counter. Now these bags have to be replaced by cloth or paper bags. The percentage of customers who visit the supermarket will definitely fall in 2019. E-tailers will have a great growth in their market-share in 2019. It is time for shops to venture into the E-tailing space soon.

2) Catering services

The plastic cups and plates will also be banned in 2019. So caterers will have to use paper cups or leaf cups. Marriage reception costs will go high and caterers will invariably charge high for this change. Plastic straws will be off the radar too. Tender coconut sellers will have to find alternate means to sell their products. And lovers will no more be able to drink from two straws in the same coconut.

3) Political parties

Plastic flags will also be banned. Party flags will now have to be in cloth or paper. The spend on flags will by political parties will have to change drastically. 

4) TASMAC

Plastic sachets for packaged drinking water will also be banned. Lower income people will find it difficult to mix sarakku while drinking. They will start to drink raw henceforth.

5) Silicone Implants

I am not sure about this. But plastic surgeons might be able to answer this.

Now you know why Pamela Anderson's image is used in this blog. It is because she has a plastic floating device in her hand in the picture. Neenga enna nenacheenga?

Chronicwriter

Jun 4, 2018

961. Three decisions that changed the face of TamilNadu


January 1968 should go into the record books as a memorable event in TamilNadu history. The country was facing a major turmoil.

The Cauvery tribunal board was not yet finalised. But the tension and animosity between the two southern states was on an all time high.

At this time, three major amendments to the constitution of the South Indian party was made.

DMK leaders K. A. Mathialagan, V.P. Raman, C.N. Annadurai, A.A. Arumugam and M. Karunanidhi with Swatantara Party founder C. Rajagopalachari (Rajaji) met together at a function and concluded on three major decisions which eventually changed the face of TamilNadu politics.

First decision: The politicians should always wear veshti for political events. Till date when ever there is a political party meeting, they always wear white veshti.

Second decision: The second decision was to field Mathialagan as a candidate in Thousand lights constituency. He went on to win three elections in the constituency and served as the Finance Minister, Minister of Food, Revenue and Commercial Taxes in the Tamil Nadu government and Speaker of the Tamil Nadu Legislative Assembly.

Third decision: A.A. Arumugam was responsible for the third decision. He knew that bribery and fraudulence was at its peak in the party. He decided to curb it. While heated discussion was going on between Rajaji and Annadurai, A.A. Arumugam beckoned Karunanidhi and told the three important words " Alert Aayikodaa Arumugam". Later on he was fondly remembered as Alert Arumugam by his party cadres.

Spot Alert Arumugam in the above picture

-Chronicwriter


May 30, 2018

960. Five myths about bed wetting

Warning: Reader excretion is necessary for reading this post

Clarification: Yes! You read it right. You need to read this blog in an empty stomach; because it will make the food in your body knock the back door while you are reading this blog

Relief: If you are suffering from constipation, you will feel alright by the time you finish reading this blog. You might need a cork to stop the flow

Confession: Last night I got in touch with my inner child. I realized he was a bed wetter.

Now you know what this blog is gonna be about.

I have written a lot about bed wetting and about my history with this art form.

This post is about the top 5 myths about bed wetting.

Myth #1
Bedwetting is a hereditary problem

Reality 
It is a myth. My friend Reena’s mother stopped bedwetting when she was a child. Her father also stopped bed wetting when he was small. But Reena still wets her bed. She is 29. If you ask me how I know that, the image below is the answer


Myth #2
Children wet the bed because they’re deep sleepers

Reality
My friend Vijay wets his bed not because he is a deep sleeper; but because he is lazy to get out of bed and go to the loo.



  
Myth #3
Your child will “outgrow” bedwetting and accidents if you wait it out.

Reality

Haha! I am 36. Do you think I outgrew that habit. Poda Ponga! Pulla kuttigala padikka vainga


Now you would know why I leave the towel in my bed most of the time. 

Are you still searching for the 4th and the 5th myth? They are nothing but myths.

-Chronicwriter

May 29, 2018

959. My class room love story

Dedicated to the pink mangoes

It was the year 1988. I was 6 years old then and I was in class 2. I was already deep in love with Renu. Shabir was already the most hated boy in my life. Those who read this blog would have already known how much I love(d) Renu. But none of you know how much sadness I used to carry in my little tiny heart at such a young age because of the quantum of hurt she inflicted on it. This post explains how I survived all such hurt and still live to tell those tales.


Renu was the class monitor when I was in class 2. I used to sit in the front bench.

The benches were small and two students could sit in one bench.

I used to sit with Nisha.

Renu would sit behind me and Shabir would sit next to her.

Every now and then I would turn and look at them because I never trusted Shabir.

When ever I turned to look at them, Shabir would place his arms on Renu's shoulders and that would break my tiny heart into many pieces.

Tears would immediately well up in my eyes.

The class teacher will ask me why I was having tears in my eyes.

I would tell her it is because of the chalk piece dust and she would tell that she was sorry.

Shabir would have a wry smile on his face all this while.

Nisha, who used to sit next to me would notice all this and one day she gave me the idea to have my revenge on Shabir.

When our class teacher was not in the class, it was Renu's duty to mind the class as she was the class representative.

Nisha gave me the idea to make Shabir talk so that Renu would write his name on the board.

This would mean that the teacher would eventually punish Shabir.

I thanked Nisha for her idea and we decided to somehow make Shabir talk out loud.

So the next period, when the teacher was not in class, I rolled up a small piece of paper and flicked it at Shabir when he was not noticing me.

It hit his neck and he understood that the paper had come from the first row.

His doubts zeroed down towards me.

There was pin drop silence in the class all this while and suddenly Shabir screamed at the top of his voice "Chriz! that was you. right?"

I looked at him with an innocent face (The same look that Nithyananda had when he said that it wasn't him)

Renu wrote Shabir's name on the black board.

When the class teacher returned, she saw Shabir's name on the board.

She got furious with him and punished him with the wooden ruler.

Shabir started to cry and as he came and sat in his bench, Renu touched his shoulder and told him that she was sorry.

He now did some over acting and cried even more. She wiped his tears away and told him that she would give him a Maha Lacto sweet the next day.

He wiped his tears and with a wry smile winked at me

That was the day I learnt the story that you can use your sad story to hit on a girl.

I left school that evening with a heavy heart. 

-Chronicwriter