Aug 17, 2017

899. Say Hello to the band - Nameless


The journey started a year ago. Me and a group of friends joined together and jammed some songs and sang at a friend's wedding exactly a year ago. We sang some old classics and the father of the groom came and asked us "So what is the name of your band?".

We stared at each other and thought to ourselves " Naaiku soru vachom; peru vaikkalaiyae" (We have done all the practice; but failed to even give a name for ourselves). Telfi (Simeon Telfer) immediately said " Engalukku Per illa" (We don't have a name). We laughed and continued playing. And that is how we got our name "Nameless". This is the picture of the band taken at that time.


I should talk about Telfi here. He is a prodigy and he will make it big. He plays super cool riffs and is a treat to watch. He also plays for Santosh Narayanan and has played strings for many movies. Then we have Beethoven, who composes music for our band. He is calm and speaks less and is the kind of person who lets his music do all the talking. 

Shobi Ashika! The Opera princess and a voice that can reach and hit extreme registers is the lead female vocalist of the band. She is the one in the center in the above picture. Immi plays the Cajon and bass and he is the latest member of the band.  We also have Seraph (My little sister) with whom I have been singing for almost 20 years. She is a good in covering some huge songs. Then we also have Cliffy (a soulful singer) and Siraj ( A rapper and an ex member of the band Hip Hop Tamila).

Our love for covering classics has made us to come together to perform at Aegam Decor Cafe. This is a one of a kind cafe in Chennai and one has to visit the cafe to experience the architectural beauty of this place. 

So the band "Nameless" will be performing western songs from various decades. If you are a lover of old songs and if you like Paul Anka, Engelbert Humberdinck, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Etta James, Dolly Parton, Neil Sedaka, Carpenters and the likes, may be you should come and encourage us as we perform at Aegam on Saturday the 19th of August 2017 at 6:30 pm.

Click the "The FB event invite page" and confirm your attendance. We will be making some important announcement there.

Nameless band does not have any social media pages. We will have our page when we release our first single :)

- Chronicwriter

Aug 15, 2017

898. A trip to Crocodile bank in my Big red machine

I recently became a member of the Renault family by buying a Renault Lodgy MUV. After driving a Maruti Alto for 6 years, when I finally started driving a 8 seater, it feels so different. When I make turns at intersections, I am extra careful because of the thought that there is an entire row of seats at the back of the car.


The reason why I love Lodgy is, even though it is a big car, it does not make me look small inside it. Being a shorty, SUVs usually look huge. When I was contemplating on buying a SUV, my friend reminded me of the Vadivelu comedy in Pokkiri movie where a short guy drives a lorry.


My daughter Anya literally slept inside the car when I first brought it home. Today we decided to go as a family to crocodile bank ( A park which houses 2000 crocodiles). A long drive in the ECR calls for a mandatory click near Muttukadu. Many people were getting out of their cars to click photos and I followed suit.


And we resumed our journey to crocodile bank. Anya was excited to see members of the Lizard family. But what caught her attention was the selfie wall where some artist had painted pictures of crawlies on the wall. At first she was scared of the image of the crocodile that protruded through the wall. 


Finally we saw all the Lizards. Some of them were too lazy to even move an inch. We also were lucky to see the largest crocodile in captivity. 


That is the big guy who is 6 meters long.


Crocodile bank is definitely worth your time if you are in ECR.

Time spent : 45 minutes

Now Anya wants to adopt a crocodile as a pet.

- Chronicwriter

Aug 11, 2017

897. Do you know why Dhoni knelt and kept wickets during the India Vs Pakistan bowl out in T20 WC 2007?

India went on to the bowl out with bowlers who had maximum stump hit rate while bowling in the nets. If you had watched the match, you would know that Indian bowlers Sehwag, Harbajjan and Robin Uthappa hit the stumps where as the Pakistan bowlers Arafat, Umar Gul, and Afridi missed hitting the stumps.
We all go gaga over the accuracy of the Indian bowlers. I believe Dhoni played a much bigger part in helping them hit the stumps.
  1. Dhoni kneels behind the stumps and positions himself in such a manner that his shoulder frame exactly fits behind the stump frame. So the bowler has to just see Dhoni and bowl at him. This improves the accuracy level of the bowler and gives him the extra confidence when he bowls

Nothing to take away from the bowlers; but my man of that match was definitely Captain Cool- Dhoni. To read my answer full answer  in Quora, please click here [link]

-Chronicwriter

Aug 1, 2017

896. Miss Sophie

She was my 3rd standard craft teacher in school. She had a long nose, looked beautiful, was always neatly draped in a saree, but when she was angry we would all literally pee in our shorts. Shabir has once pooped once when she got angry with him. She oozed terror out of her every facial expression.

When she gets angry she would scream like a cat suffering from constipation. She would always walk around with a wooden ruler. She might have been a psycho and if she had been a teacher in the present day education system, she would have been definitely arrested and put behind bars.

During the craft period, she would draw some scenery on the blackboard and ask us to copy that in our craft notebooks. I am a pathetic artist. The only scenery that I can draw is a mountain, sun, coconut tree, crows, and a hut. Biswa Kalyan Rath was right when he explained about this in his standup routine.

One day she drew the map outline of India and asked us to draw it in our notebook. My Indian map looked as if India had been badly defeated in a war that was conspired by Pakistan, China, SriLanka and Burma. She got angry. She asked me to stretch out my hand and raised her hand to beat me. Three lashes on my hand. My eyes welled up. She did not stop there. She asked me to turn my hand and show my knuckles. Again three more times the ruler whacked my knuckles. Yes I did cry. Those were the days when the parents would tell the teachers to beat the children if they misbehaved. And Ms Sophie misused that privilege that was given to her by parents and the school management. I am not against punishments; but when I think about my childhood, I can understand that almost all my teachers had been abusers. Miss Sophie topped this list.

What makes me believe that she is a psycho is the fact that she used to smile after beating the students. Any teacher, even if she punishes a student will do it out of love for the child. But Sophie was different. She loved to see us cry. And if we did not cry, she would make sure to beat us till we cried.

To make matters worse, she was always the stand by teacher. When any teacher was absent, she would be the teacher who would come to our class. So we would always pray and wish that no other teacher gets absent.

One day, when she was in our class, another teacher called her out. Miss Sophie left her wooden ruler on the table and left the class. I used that opportunity to spring into action and throw the ruler out of the window. When she came back to our class she searched frantically for the ruler and when she could not find it, she screamed in a loud voice "WHO TOOK THE RULER?". That was it. Almost all of us peed in our shorts. Shabir immediately stood up and said "Miss, Chriz took the ruler and threw it out of the window". She got the ruler back and massaged my knuckles, bum, ankles, shoulders and my thighs with the ruler.
Result: Three days leave from school
You might think that my parents were silent on this issue. But that was our generation and the present day kids will not understand the logic behind this.

Note: Sophie was not her real name. I used the name Sophie because I am still scared of her. What if she comes home with a wooden ruler?

-Chronicwriter

Jul 27, 2017

895. Dr. Vandavasi Murugan- A genius mind from India

Srinivasa Ramanujam, CV Raman, APJ Abdul Kalam, Vikram Sarabhai, CN Rao, Kalpana Chawla are some scientists who are at the top of my mind when I think of Indian Scientists. These people have made India proud in the global scene.
But how many of you know about Dr. Vandhavasi Murugan who is one of the greatest minds the world has ever seen? 

If not for Time Magazine, none of us would have come to know of him. Vandavasi is a small municipality in Thiruvannamalai district in Tamilnadu. In the year 1916 Murugan was born. He was a bright mind who was never understood by his parents. When he was 8 years old, he started solving advanced quantum physics problems. His teachers in the Government school had no clue on his analytical mind. 

When he was in class 5, he had to drop out of school because of poverty in the family. At a time when Artificial Intelligence was a term that was unheard of, Murugan started talking about it with his friends. No one took a 12 year boy seriously. His uncle adopted him and soon Murugan came to Chennai and settled with him. 

From running errands and selling wheat he started helping his neighbors and earned money. A British General Manning Lloyd started noticing Murugan's hard work and came forward to teach him English. Within a month Murugan started conversing in English. Manning understood that this young boy was special and with the help of his friend Dr Wilkins from Cambridge University, he realized that Murugan had an IQ of 245 which was even more than that of Albert Einstein. With the guidance of Dr.Wilkins Murugan compiled a thesis on cloud computing which after many decades has become the driving force in the computer world. 

How could a human being even think of such things at a time when computer was not even a figment of thought for mankind? The Britishers soon realized that Murugan's thought process was way ahead of time and started mocking his writings. After being labeled as a lunatic, Murugan landed in India in the year 1942. Soon he was diagnosed with Malaria and he died in the summer of 1946. A brilliant mind was nipped in the bud at a tender age of 30.  

Time Magazine has recognized him as the top 30 scientists of all time. He is the only Indian to be featured in the list. We should all be proud of  Dr.Vandavasi Murugan. The people in the below picture are the top 30 scientists of all time.


His mother used to call him VanduMurugan.

-Chronicwriter



Jul 26, 2017

894. Pinja Pal Mam said "Good"

So it was "dress up like a working professional" day for Anya at School last Monday. She came to me and said that she had to go to school wearing a doctor's dress. So the night before that (Sunday) I rushed to the near by shop and bought a white lab coat for children. We wrote some lines for her to speak too.

She was told to go to the front and say "I am Doctor Anya". Then she was supposed to walk up to her class teacher and say "How are you?". And then she was taught to use her stethoscope to check her Ma'm.

Joan: What if the teacher says that she is fine? Should Anya still check her with a stethoscope
Me: Yes. She should; because the patient sometimes will not know that they are not fine. So it is the doctor's duty to check her even if the patient says that she is fine

Then we taught Anya to scribble "two tablets" in a post-it note. To make it more authentic, we asked Anya to scribble some gibberish in the paper. Then we handed over a box of tic tac and told her to give two tic tacs ( tablets) to her mam. The next moment Anya started practicing her Doctor skills on me, my wife, grandpa and grandmother.

The pencil was placed at the top left pocket
The post-it note pad was placed in the bottom left pocket
The tic tac box was placed in the bottom right pocket

After a few practice routines, Anya started behaving like a doctor itself. When we were not noticing her, she even ate some tic tac sweet pellets. The next day morning she woke up early and soon got dressed up as a doctor.


When she arrived at school, her classmates were in different attire. Some were cops, some were nurses, some were teachers and there were many doctors. Anya even had a face mask to appear like a professional doctor. The kids started talking with each other and before Anya could react, the kids found the tic tac box in her pocket and they asked her to give them one each. Being the generous girl she is, Anya started distributing tic tac pellets to her friends and soon it was over.

Her time to speak in front of the mic came and Anya did her job. The tablets were not there to give. So she left that part. A few teachers had congratulated her it seems. When I met her in the evening she said "Appa Pinja Pal mam said that I did good". I was shocked. Pinja pal in tamil means "Torn Tooth". One of her teachers had lost her teeth and I thought Anya was making fun of her. 

I decided to counsel her not to refer to her teacher that way and when I approached her to advice her, my wife stopped me on my tracks and said "Do you know who Pinja Pal mam is?". I told her that I was not sure. 

"She is not making fun of any ma'm. She is just saying that Principal ma'm congratulated her. So please don't jump the gun".
 Note: I have the practice session talk captured on video. I shall upload it soon.

-Chronicwriter

Jul 21, 2017

893. In the end it does not even matter...

In the year 2007, our  band performed the song "In the end". I saw the video more than 100 times to imitate each and every single body language of Chester Bennington before singing this song with my band. We fumbled on stage. 

He committed suicide early today and I felt numb listening to his songs this morning after realizing that he is gone. His song “In the end” used to be on the song list of every college band in India in the early 2000s. He never came out of his drug addiction or his depression. But what is so hard to digest is the fact that he was a performer of a totally different level, with a huge fan following and everything seemingly was going right for him. But still he was highly depressed in life.

No one understood what he was actually going through in his life. And suddenly he is gone. Anyone can commit suicide and everyone at some point of time might have contemplated suicide. If you are in a Corporate environment and if you are reading this now, just read the following lines carefully. It will be of great help to you because workplace suicides are on the rise.

Most suicidal individuals give warning signs about their suicidal intentions like talking about killing or dying, writing poems on death, buying harmful elements, settling will, giving away prized possessions, calling their friends & colleagues and suddenly saying good bye and many more. A suicidal person will lose interest in day-to-day activities and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits too. There are many more warning signs that you can spot.

The best way to help someone like them is to find these warning signs and have the ability to respond to them once you spot it. You can play a vital role by pointing a suicidal person to a doctor or a psychologist if needed. The next time, you see a series of depressing messages from someone on Facebook or any other social media channel, make sure that you are there for them to take them out of their depression. Be that friend you always wanted to have for yourself.

I am running this blog all these years for this one sole purpose - that is to put a smile on people's faces. It gives me a great sense of happiness to know that people smile even if the blog has poorest of poor jokes. Just go ahead and make someone smile today. 

-Chronicwriter

Jul 12, 2017

892. How did Kohli become the captain of Indian cricket team? Truth revealed

Virat Kohli, the captain of the India cricket team has two brothers and one sister. Vikash Kohli, Dharmesh Kohli and Bhavana Kohli are their names respectively. Dharmesh and Virat are twins.

When they were young, the siblings got along well. But as they grew up, Virat kohli fell into bad company and started abusing everyone using MC and BC words. The siblings did not like it at all, especially Dharmesh Kohli could not tolerate being called MC at all. 

Virat did not realize that by using such cuss words against his own brother, he was actually cursing his own mother and sister. Dharmesh tried his level best to advice Virat not to use such words. Matters got worse when Virat joined the Indian cricket team. The abuses increased multi-fold. Dharmesh decided to leave the house and with great difficulty he fled to America and changed his name to Dominic Cooper.



After changing his name to Dominic Cooper, he got some movie offers and infact got an opportunity to act in Captain America as Howard Stark. When Virat came to know of this, he went to captain Dhoni and said "My brother has become a part of Captain America. So please hang your gloves. I want to become Captain India". The next moment, Dhoni announced his retirement from test cricket and handed over the captaincy to Virat Kohli. And that is how Virat became the captain of the Indian cricket team. To look different, Virat Kohli asked his hairdresser to put two line marks on his head.

If you find it difficult to believe this true story. you got to see this picture. Now you will believe me for sure.


- Chronicwriter

Jul 11, 2017

891. The fart that wasn't mine

Every body does it every single day of their lives. But no body accepts it. I am talking about farts. People will accept any crime in the world; but they won't admit to farting even if they had let out one. I am not like others. Even today, when I fart, I admit it because I don't like someone else owning my fart. The air that went out was a part of me just a moment ago and how could I disown something that was a part of me. Many people are cruel as they disown a part of their legacy by not owning up their farts.

Till I turned ten, I had the habit of letting out loud farts. I never tried adjusting my muscle to silence it. When air went out, it always came out with a bang. Be it the scooter or the bullet or even a bijili vedi, it always came out with a sound. I was totally against silent farting. But one incident changed my attitude towards farting for ever and scarred me for life. This blog post is about that incident.

When I was in class 5, I used to sit next to Minu. Renu sat in the second row in class. In each bench, two students sat together. Minu liked me; but my heart always longed for Renu. I remember that day even now. It was maths class. Beulah ma'm was teaching us basics of trigonometry. I could sense the bench vibrate at a higher frequency and I immediately realized Minu had let out a silent fart. I did not know till then how to let out a silent fart. She was an expert in that art. She acted as if she was listening to the lecture.

Seconds later Beulah ma'm gave a yukky reaction and said "Now who is that?". The smell filled the room. Minu might have eaten cauliflower fry. When ever I farted, I would say"Guys! That is me". I took pride in letting everyone know that I had imparted a part of me in the class room. But on that particular day, I did not own it up because it was not mine. Minu also reacted as if she did not know who let that fart out. She even looked at me and said "Yew! Was that you?"

I could not bear it. How could I ever own up someone else's fart?. How could she lie like that? Why is she ashamed to own her own fart? All these questions were running in my head. No one were ready to believe me. Even Renu gave me a doubting stare. That literally broke my tiny ten year old heart. Here I was torn between a false accusation and a doubtful stare from the lady of my life. I could not keep quiet after all the pressure I was being forced into. 

I stood up and screamed in a loud voice "That was not me! That was Minu. I don't fart silently and I fart out loud"
The class was silent for the next few seconds. Beulah ma'm got angry with me because I screamed in the class. She asked me to leave the class immediately. I slowly got up and started to make my way out. At that moment, I decided to teach them a lesson. So I gathered all courage and strength, that was ably supported by my intestine muscles and let out a loud fart. 

I turned around and said "If I fart, this is how I fart. And this fart is different from the previous one. You will know the difference in no time". 

Soon my class mates realized that the earlier fart did not belong to me because the loud one that I just released from captivity had a potato flavor. But Minu had a straight face and acted as if she knew nothing. She could have gone on to become a world famous for her acting skills. But she is now working in an IT firm as a project director. I met her at a recent alumni meet. We even had a conversation while we were having buffet dinner. The biriyani that we ate had too much of mint flavor. May be she is using this patch these days.


Click here to read a blog post that I wrote on the different types of farts [link].

You can also click this [link] to read funny incidents and fun facts on farting


-Chronicwriter

890. Bloopers from my home recording videos



I do lot of home video recordings. Those recording sessions are filled with fun, laughter, tamasha and loads and loads of mistakes and retakes. Here I present some of the bloopers from my home recording that I did in the last one month.



If you wanna join me for some home recording jam session, just message me. I will be more than happy to record some bloopers ;)

- Chronicwriter