The Complete Humor man since 1982

Nov 25, 2014

On 11/25/2014 | By Chriz

I have been trying to publish a novel for the last 6 years. I have not succeeded in it. Procrastination, lack of interest and discipline and getting bogged down often are the reasons for this lag.

It would be a great feeling to finally publish the book and release it. Many of my friends have published books. Many a time, I look at them and think "Why I am unable to do so?".

Yes I have a goal. I know I can achieve the goal; but still I am unable to reach there yet. Why?

We all know the answer. The answer is simple. If we really try with all our heart and when we put effort, it will reap good results.

On paper, It looks goods and it brings a smile on my face when I read such inspirational lines. I have often shared inspirational quotes on my FB timeline. Many have said that those lines have inspired them. If I could Inspire others to achieve success, why am I not able to achieve it?

Two days ago, I was watching a football match where my favorite two players Neymar and Messi were toying with the opposition. In the same room, my daughter and my mom were also playing with a ball. After a point of time, I started noticing my daughter. The game that she played with my mom became more interesting. I started watching her strategy.

My mom would throw the ball at her and Anya would try to catch the ball. Every single time, she failed to grab the ball. I started counting the number of misses. She almost missed catching the ball for more than 50 times. But she did not give up. She had the same energy, smile and determination and she kept on trying.

It looked like a simple fun game between a grand mother and her grand child. But a valuable lesson was hidden inside it. Did my daughter finally succeed? You have to watch this video to see how determined she was. I captured it all on cam.



Have I learnt my lesson? Until I put it in practise, I have not learnt my lesson.

-Chronicwriter
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Nov 18, 2014

On 11/18/2014 | By Chriz
When my friends and I go on long drives, we always stop somewhere in the National highway after a three hour drive to ease ourselves. The men would always stand on the edge of the road and pee on some bushes. The women will sit inside the car and would control their bladder till we find a Public rest room.

Public rest rooms in most places India make you throw up. Most of the rest rooms around the country do not have good sanitation facilities. Many public rest rooms have dried and decayed excreta. Hence many people do not even dare to venture into the public rest rooms.

The following statistics will show you how many Indians suffer because of sanitation problems.

1. Nearly 600 million Indians do not use toilets in India. That is almost 50 % of the Indian population. 
2. There are 940 women to every 1000 men in India. 

Did that send alarming signals to you? 

Yes, women are the main sufferers when it comes to sanitation. See the following two cases where we see how Bablu ( a boy) and Babli ( a girl) handle their day to day sanitation problems. 


Bablu ( Age 12. Class 7, Boy)

He drinks water all the time. He can pee anywhere he wants ( Near the tree, On the wall, In the big plain ground) He doesn't worry about anything at all. When it is time to go, he just goes.

Babli (Age 12, Class 7, Girl)

She drinks less water. Some days she does not even drink water at school. Her school does not have proper toilets. The only rest room in the school is also located near the football ground where boys play football. So if she has to use the loo, she has to cross the big football ground. Since she fears that the boys will tease her, she controls her bladder. The nearest ladies toilet which is located at the factory near her school does not have roof. The peeping Toms from the near by buildings watch the girls in the toilet. So she does not take the risk. She has to wait the whole day to ease herself when she gets back to her home from her school.

The picture below shows a typical class room setting of boys and girls in rural India. 


Ladies are the biggest sufferers because of poor sanitation facility in our country. Good sanitation facility is the need of the hour for the people in our country. Domex Toilet Academy India has taken a wonderful effort with a mission to build 24000 toilets in rural India by the year 2015. 

As a reader of this blog, I request you to help build more toilets across our country. All you have to do is click the following link [  http://www.domex.in/ ]. By clicking the contribute button in the link, Domex will contribute Rs 5/- on your behalf to eradicate open defecation.

Join hands with me in building a Toilet for Babli. Make our country a better place to live in

- Chronicwriter.
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Nov 17, 2014

On 11/17/2014 | By Chriz

If you are married, take a look at the above picture.

Now take your marriage album, open it and take a look at yourself. If you are a guy, look at your wife. 9 out of 10 times the above picture will be there in your album.

The make up artists pour paints on the girl's face and say" Only if you have make up like this, it will look good in the photographs". But in reality, your painted face will look the same in the photographs also.

In Indian weddings, the bride and the groom will stand for hours at the reception receiving gifts from all the visitors. At the end of the photo session, the bride will look like a Tsunami affected victim.

Some brides look like someone threw up on their face. This is why you need to think twice before you select your make up artist. 

Now let us move away from the bride and let us focus our attention on the maid of honour and all the bride's maids. These days it has become a trend to have at least 5 bride's maids at weddings. All these girls will be wearing a frock (Most of the time). Some of the girls will be comfortable wearing the frock. But there will always be that one bride's maid who would be wearing a frock for the first time in her life. We can easily find the culprit by just looking at how they carry themselves on the wedding day.




The guys at the wedding will be as usual jollu vittufying  at all the girls at the wedding reception.

Another gang you can notice in a wedding reception is the group of girls who had coloured their hair for the first time. I don't know what force makes them to take the decision to have those streaks in their hair. Some times they over do their colouring act and appear as if they are in a halloween party.

 


Finally, a wedding also throws surprises for us. When we are all dejected looking at all the extra make ups done by the girls, our eyes would finally land up on that one girl whom we all failed to notice during our college days. 

She would walk with such an elegance that would make us all think "How did we fail to notice her during college life?"




This is an attempt by me to take the reader through the incidents that happened during their weddings. Underneath the PJs cracked in this blog, I would be happy if you revisited your happiest moments in life and had a smile on your face. Keep smiling

- Chronicwriter.

Nov 14, 2014

On 11/14/2014 | By Chriz
There is a Child inside everyone of us. I can see Pregnant ladies smiling for that line.

Even if you are 50 years old, you tend to let out that inner child out once in a while. During such occasion, people around you might tell you to act your age.

14th November is one day you can be all that you want to be. I remember my childhood days and when I think of all the crazy stuff I had done, I often ask myself "Why did I grow old?". My alter ego will immediately tell me "Dai! You are still young".


I believe the more you tease someone you either kill him emotionally or make him stronger. I have gone through emotional abuses as a child from my so called friends. That did not kill me. It made me strong.

There was a time people used to make fun of Sreesanth for his antics. But he proved his mettle in the 2007 world cup. Regarding the spot fixing scandal, I still believe a big gang is involved.

Virat Kohli, Rohit Sharma, Sir Jadeja, Nehra were characters that were made fun of at different point of time. They all answered their critics with their performances. Actor Dhanush is also one example.

Today is the birthday of Tuning King Lingu. He was such a respected director till he released Anjaan. Then he has become the centre of all jokes. Meme creators have a whale of a time when ever they see him. The once respcted director is now treated as a joker. This could change if he could bounce back.

80 % of the people who made fun of Lingu and his movie Anjaan had not watched the movie - Spy report 2014
14th of November should also be celebrated as Tuning Day. This is my humble request to those who draft the History books. Why should Chacha Nehru have all the fun alone?

In Tamil Chacha means "Chithappa". But instead of calling him as Chithappa, we address him as "Maamaa". That means Indira Gandi is my Mora Ponnu. There must be some conspiracy behind this maamaa -chithappa confusion.



When I was a child, my cousins and I would stand near a wall and pee on the wall and would compete with each other to see who can pee higher. I used to be the winner almost all the time. It has been a long time playing this game. Now I am gonna call my cousins and challenge them once again to rekindle memories that are buried for more than 20 years.

If you as a reader can provide your house walls for us to stage our competition, please send your address in the comment section. We will paint your walls with uric acid.

-Chronicwriter.

Nov 13, 2014

On 11/13/2014 | By Chriz
Rohit Sharma! Once hailed as the only batsman who had the talent in him to better Sachin's records lost his way somewhere in the middle of his career. Sachin once said that Rohit will score 10000 test runs in his career. For sometime it seemed as though Sachin was joking; but Sachin might be right.

Rohit Sharma was one of the reasons for India's 2007 T20 world cup win. Many would remember Yuvraj Singh's blistering performance in that world cup; Sreesanth's performance against the Aussies, Joginder Sharma's last overs. But if you had watched that world cup closely, Rohit played two beautiful knocks in that world cup triumph. His 50 against South Africa enabled India to qualify for the semi finals. In the finals he showed his class again with a quickfire 30 of 16 balls against the Pakistanis.

But after those performances, Rohit Sharma became a lazy goose and he lost his place in the Indian cricket team. He was not even selected for the 2011 world cup squad.

He was the butt of many jokes in the Internet world. He was labelled as NO HIT Sharma. He was rude in answering his critics and this made people to make fun of him even more. He once said that Critics are like girlfriends; they never stop thinking about you". Those lines indeed have so much meaning in it.

He has gone through his lows in relationships too. He dated top model Sofia Hayat. I don't know why they call her as a top model. She broke up with him citing reasons that he never acknowledged their relationship in public.


Her break up with Rohit Sharma on Twitter made him look more like a villain in the public space. Her Tweet was so strong against him that made him lose many followers. She bluntly said that he was not a gentleman.


Later, close associates who knew their relationship revealed the exact reason behind the break up. She broke up with Rohit two years ago (October 2012). Rohit was not performing well at that time and there was a rumour that Rohit was still in the team only because of Dhoni.

This was a classic example of the statement that some girls only associate themselves with popular men. Rohit's dip in form might be because of his relationship with Sofia Hayat. This is just a conspiracy theory.

Rohit did not grow a beard. Infact he started concentrating on his batting and he started batting beautifully. In the year 2013 he scored 209 and in 2014 he scored a brilliant 264. The girls who were so much crazy about Virat Kohli are now going gaga over Rohit.

It is believed that Narendra Modi passed on some super powers to Rohit Sharma that did this trick in Rohit's life. See the below picture where Narendra Modi passes on his super power to Rohit Sharma


The SriLankan team was lured to come to India so that the Sharmas could perform well in the series. Ishant Sharma, Anushka Sharma and Rohit Sharma made full use of the series to prove their worth


Rohit's performance has also indirectly shut the doors for Sehwag of making any sort of come backs into the Indian team. The opening batsman spot is now up for grabs and Rahane, Gambhir, Dhawan, Uthappa have to fight it out for that spot.

Finally, his ex-girlfriend is trying to hit on him again. When everyone were praising Rohit for his brilliant performance, Sofia bared it all and tweeted this


-Chronicwriter

Nov 10, 2014

On 11/10/2014 | By Chriz
Steps in making a Tamil movie popular

1) The Director (Read Famous director) should announce that he is making a movie. He should not tell the name of the movie.

2) The Social media crowd (Read as FB users) will go crazy thinking about who the Hero would be and what the story could be?

3) Some FB users will create rumours that thala or thalapathy is acting in that movie

4) The Director now releases the name of the movie and also the actor's name.

5) FB fans go mad again. If Thala is the hero, then thalapathy fans will curse all the thala fans and their family members using foul language learnt during school days.

6) The Director will then announce that the movie teaser will be released on a particular day.

7) The meme creators on FB will create memes and share it across the virtual globe and will have happiness that they had done a great deal of work for mankind.

8) The director will have to then make an announcement that the movie is produced by the onnu vitta chithappa of the ex-girlfriend of Rajapakshe's aunt's son.

9) Immediately few political parties will raise slogans against the movie.

10) Debates on whether the movie should be released or not will be telecast on national television. Sema TRPs (By the way! What is the full form of TRP? Who cares!?!)

11) In the middle of all this mayhem, the director releases the trailer.

12) FB users will again create conspiracy theories. Some of them will even go to the extent of posting articles with the title " Movie story leaked"

13) The director will then announce the movie release day and will make an announcement that the producer's name will not displayed on screen (Who cares? The producer still takes his share)

By this time, the movie would have already become a massive hit even before hitting the screens.

14) The Movie will be released on theatres.

15) Thiruttu DVDs  (Theatre print / Internet print / 2.1 /5.1) will be released on consecutive days

16) Some Social media Magnet will do research on some Korean movies and will expose that the movie was shamelessly copied from a South Korean movie

17) Meme creators will have major fun on FB again by kilichufying the director.

The process goes on.

-Chronicwriter

Oct 27, 2014

On 10/27/2014 | By Chriz
History used to be my favourite subject during my school days. My grand mother was a History teacher in Sarah Tucker School in Tirunelveli and she taught me Indian History when I was a small boy.

This year, I visited a place called Pulicat (Pazhaverkadu in Tamil) which is at the TamilNadu- Andhra Pradesh border. The place has a rich history. The Arabs, The Portuguese, The Dutch and The British ruled this place.

When I visited the place, I could still sense the Dutch smell in the soil. I do not know how to explain that feeling.

Pulicat has a Natural harbour and the East Indian trade flourished because of this harbour. Every country around the world has had laid its eyes on India and used this port to enter our country. I am sitting in the exact location through which foreigners invaded our country. 


Behind me, One can see a small green patch of land. The Sriharikota Rocket launch pad from where ISRO launches rockets left-right and centre is located in that place. The locals of the region say that they can see the rocket launch with bare eyes.

The Dutch had done great trade in this place, in the 17th and 18th centuries. They had traded with spices and coin minting in this region for over 200 years. The Britishers finally defeated the Dutch and took control of the region.

Even today there is a Dutch cemetery in this place. This is the entrance of the cemetery. 

A skeleton of a lady with a baby in her tummy welcomed me into the cemetery. She reminded me of one of my girlfriends during my college days.

As I entered the cemetery, I noticed some illuminati symbols in the cemetery. 

Some of the Generals and big shots of the Dutch Government are laid to rest in this place. 

The Cemetery does not look like a Christian cemetery at all. It looks like some cultish cemetery with skeletons and skulls all over the place. 

Film makers should definitely scan this area for some great ideas for horror movies.

Opposite to the cemetery the ruins of the Fort Geldria can be seen. The site is now closed for archaeological purposes.


If you are a good conversationalist, you can befriend a local fisherman who will take you around the place in his boat. There is a beautiful island that will make you think that you are in Seychelles. 



And if you visit this place, do not forget to buy crab and prawns. You get the best crabs and prawns in the country in this place. The Buckingham canal (Cooum river) originates from this place.The river has very clean water and even today locals use boat to commute in this canal.

If you are living in Chennai and if you had not visited the place, it is high time you visited this place with family and friends. Search in google maps for directions.

- Chronicwriter

Oct 23, 2014

On 10/23/2014 | By Chriz
When I think of Diwali in Nagercoil, I can think only of crackers. I spent my childhood in a place called Nagercoil - The Best place on planet earth.

As a child I never knew the background of why they celebrated Diwali in the first place. But I loved crackers. For me "Diwali was all about bursting crackers ".

When ever I asked my parents to buy me crackers, they would always say " Why should we burn currency?". I was around ten years of age then.

I would feel like replying " Mom, You burn all the dosas and puris in the kitchen. Did I ever ask you why you waste the flour?". But I would not ask that to her.

Then I would feel like asking my dad "Appa! You ride your lamby scooter at 10 km per hour in first gear. Even a person can overtake you by walking. Aren't you wasting fuel?". But I would keep quiet.

I knew that I could argue with logical reasoning. But I was scared of my mom big time. She was a terror. She would beat me with coconut sticks. I used to hate coconut sticks. They look very thin; but they can give you pain.

My Mom used to chase me around the house with coconut sticks. I was a really good runner and I would scramble through the house.

But my sister used to be a stumbling block for me  on many occasions. She would come and block me so that Mom could catch me and beat me with those coconut sticks.

Many a time, I would even run past my sister. My Mom was a good runner too. She is like the 400 X 4 Indian relay team runner. Coconut sticks will be kept in window panes in all the rooms of the house.

So when she is on the chase, she would pick a stick from one of the windows and would still continue chasing me. The window would give her the baton to her all the time.

The problem with me was , I was not a long distance runner. I used to run out of steam and eventually I would be cornered.

I used to cry to my Mom and say " Please beat me with your hand on my back or on my butt. Please don't beat me with the coconut stick."

The coconut sticks would leave a mark on my leg. I was not worried about the pain; but I was more concerned about my class girls seeing the marks on my legs.

Back then I never knew how to gain sympathy from girls using the scars on my legs . So I never used it for my advantage. I only learnt those tricks later in my life.

Let me come back to crackers. My dad will say that If I get first rank in quarterly exams he would buy me a pack of crackers.

I will get first rank and he will buy me a pack of crackers that would contain Changu Chakram (Fire Top) , Bus Vaanam ( Pot) and Sparklers.

Noise crackers were a big No, because I was scared of them.

This picture here will give a very clear picture on how scared I was. My legs will shiver big time and sometimes I would even pee a little when I handle fire.My first noise cracker was bijili when I was 12 years old.

In this post I want to remember the poor people I have across when I was a child. I have seen little children who would wait the whole day for a new pair of clothes. Their parents would not be able to afford to buy them those clothes.

These children will walk around in our street and use the burnt crackers. Sometimes they stand in a corner of the street and watch others burning crackers and these little children will applaud every time someone else lit a cracker. We may see them even now. These children are everywhere around us.

I don't wanna use this blog post for advice. I am not gonna ask you not to light crackers. All I am asking you is, when you light a cracker, don't do it alone, just with your family. Invite the needy, poor children and celebrate along with them. If they can't buy new clothes; buy clothes for them.

Real happiness is not when you smile alone. It is when you make others smile too. That's why I write.

-Chronicwriter.

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