The Complete Humor man since 1982

Jul 30, 2014

On 7/30/2014 | By Chriz
Ignore all the grammatical errors in this conversation. The author is not responsible for the mistakes. Any resemblance to any human being living or dead is purely accidental. 


- Chronicwriter

Jul 29, 2014

On 7/29/2014 | By Chriz
I have already written about the different types of Girls you can find in a college. Some girls sent me messages saying that I am a Male Chauvinist Pig and I make fun of girls all the time. This post will prove to them that I am indeed a MCP with a Feminist heart.  All the pictures used in this post are added here after getting consent. Any resemblance to any human being living or dead is purely done with a bad intention. 

The different type of Boys you can find in a college

1) The guy who knows someone who knows someone

This guy is an influential guy in college. He knows the first cousin's brother in law of a famous politician or a film star. He comes in handy in inviting a popular VIP as chief guest for inter college festivals in college.


2) The axe effect guy

He never takes a bath. He sprays a bottle of axe all over his body with hopes of getting girls crave for him. But nothing works for him. He stinks like a rotten cabbage. His mouth also stinks big time and people run away from him.


3) The Bike  Boy

He does not ride ordinary bikes. He comes to college in one of those super bikes. Girls go crazy about his bike. They expect to go on a ride with him. But he loves his bike more than the girls. His bike is his babe. Sometimes he takes the girls for a ride like Pearce Brosnan.



4) The Body builder

He spends 2 hours in the class room and spends more than 6 hours in the gym. Girls go gaga over his body. He has six packs and tight abs. He will be automatically selected for the College fashion ramp walk team. This guy would be seen wearing tight linen shirts and blue jeans trousers to college.



5) The Scientist

He is the brainiest fellow in the class. Very few people can comprehend the thought process of this guy. He is way ahead of time, space and energy. Every class has this guy. He would be indifferent in the classrooms; but when he takes those seminars, he shows his class.



6) The singer

He can be seen singing songs in the class rooms when the lecturer is absent. He finds a way to sing in college culturals. He thinks that the girls are behind him; but the lead guitarist steals them all from him.



7) The dancer

He is the first one to enter the dance floor when the music is played. He has all the moves. He can dance stop like a marathon runner. This guy always has a big fan following in college.



8) The Ladies man

Every girl in college like this guy a lot. He is the Charlie who is surrounded by his angels in college. He usually drives around in a car.



9) The Sentimental Coolie

This guy has a story that he discloses only with girls. He will be seen talking to a girl mostly on his phone. He will create sympathy by putting himself down and he does that to get attention.



10) The farter

This is the eternal garlic eater. He is a mobile chemistry laboratory in the college. When he is around, you can always smell that bad smell. In the first few days of college life, he will not get caught. But sooner or later everyone in college will know that he exists. When there is a bad smell in the classroom, everyone will look at him.



11) The eater

This guy eats all the time. The lunch boxes of the girls will often go missing and you will know who has taken it. He can single handedly gulp 12 full tandoori chicken in one go.



12) The outstanding guy

This guy will never be inside the class. He is always up to some mischief. Lecturers do not like him. He spends most of his time standing near the door of the class. The lecturers always give him low marks for the internals. But this guy has the last laugh always by clearing exams and settling down in some foreign country



13) The guy who loves the lady lecturer

In every class there will be one guy who has the hots for the lady lecturer. He shows no interest on the girls in his class or in his college. His only aim is to get into the heart of the lady lecturer. When the particular lady lecturer is absent, this guy becomes sad. This guy also knows where the lady lecturer stays. Such people have high probability of becoming entrepreneurs.



14) The drunk communist

This is the most SPIRITed guy in the whole class. He is always high. Books and girls do not turn him on much. Alcohol does the trick. He knows every single detail about all kinds of drinks. He is a mobile TASMAC. He is one among the very few human beings who still opens the bottle cap with his teeth - "An artform that is facing extinction". These guys can be trusted.


15) Mr. Saint

Mr Saint does not talk bad words. He is the peacemaker. He always walks around with a halo around his head. The professors love him. The classmates respect him.




16) Mr. Peter

This guy is the direct descendant of Queen Elizabeth. He speaks only english and nothing but english. Even when he falls down, he will say "Mummy" and he will not cry out in his mother tongue. He is the grammar Nazi.


17) The Villager

You can take a villager out of a village. But you can never take the village out of a villager. This guy has his own dressing style in college. He has his own rules and no one questions him for fear of being beaten to death.



18) The studious guy

This guy sits in the front bench of the class. He is the lecturer's pet. He studies all the time. He gets good internal marks. He gets placed first. He is different from the rest of his classmates.



19) Pickup, drop and escape

This guy is one character whose mobile phone will be flooded with phone numbers of girls. He is a champion of sorts in two-three-four-timing. Girls fall for him even after knowing very clearly that he will ditch them.

20) The anna

On Raksha Bandhan day, he gets the maximum rakhis  tied to his hands. He is the universal brother of the girls in the college. He is also the anna of the lady lecturers and he is also the anna for all the girls in the near by colleges.



21) The comedy piece

This is one guy who is usually the butt of all jokes. His personality is such that everyone loves to make fun of him. As I did not get permission from my friend, I am not adding his photo here.


22) The Michael Jackson

He is an irritating character. He knows only two dance moves - 1) The MJ crotch grab and 2)The MJ moonwalk. He calls himself as the Michael Jackson of the college. He wears MJ T shirts and for college culturals he dances for MJ songs and makes sure that he showcases his two trademark moves.



23) The prankster





24) The thief

There is a thief in every class. He steals money, clothes and anything that he can lay his hands on. Except for underwears he steals everything.

25) The professor's son

There will be one person in your class who happens to be the son of the professor. He will also be the mopst idiotic dumb guy in the class.

26) The sleeper

This guy is born to sleep. He sleeps in the classroom; he sleeps in the examination hall and after getting a job, he sleeps at work place too.



27) Arrears Specialist

This guy has arrears in all the subjects. He is the official photographer of the college. The girls love him because he takes portfolios for them. But he will somehow get placed much earlier than others and eventually will clear all the arrears in one shot.




28) The Sportsman

This guy almost plays all the sports. He will be always representing the college in some sport. He does not attend classes much; but still the lecturers love him because he is the pride of the college and he has lot of fans.




29) Mr Committed

This guy has a girlfriend and he never lays his eyes on any other girl. The other girls may try to get his attention all the time. But he has his heart, soul and mind for only the girl of his heart. Eventually he marries his lady love.



30) Tease my class-girls and get a punch guy

He is the hulk of every classroom. He stands 6 feet 4 inches tall and weighs 100 kilograms and one punch from his right hand will land you in the mortuary. You are not supposed to mess with the girls of any class where there is a hulk.



Shabba! My hand is paining now. I am stopping this post here. There are many more different characters that I have not mentioned in this post. You can add them in the comments.


  • To read the post on the different kind of girls in college , click here [link]
  • Read this article that Chronicwriter wrote about a thief friend of him during his college days [link]


-Chronicwriter

Jul 20, 2014

On 7/20/2014 | By Chriz
I started composing music in the year 2008. Most of the music compositions have been for spiritual songs.

Being a stand up comedian, a few of the songs have been in the humour stream also.

This song might help a few who are in the initial stages of music composition.

Many people have different styles of music composition. This post is on how I compose a song.

I always compose the tune first and then write the lyrics for the tune.

This is not the usual practice adopted by many musicians.

But I am comfortable with this method and this is what I follow.


The steps I follow  in composing a song

1. Identify the mood of the song.
2. Try a chord progression for the song.
3. When the initial chord progression is ready, start writing the lyrics for the song.
4. Care should be taken to see that the lyrics fit the mood of the song.
5. The rhythm pattern is very important while composing a tune. A wrong rhythm might change the whole mood of the song
6. Think about the music instruments mix and the voice combinations that would add value to the song.

I was planning to write a funny song for kids and I was ready with the first 3 points mentioned here.

Just when I was about to pen the lyrics for the song, my daughter decided to join me in the music composition session.

As I did not have the lyrics ready, I decided to just use the words "Bomchiku Bomchiku Bom" for the whole song. She liked the song and danced along.

Should I add lyrics to this kids' song? or should I just leave this as it is?

 

-Chronicwriter

Jul 16, 2014

On 7/16/2014 | By Chriz
Five years ago, flash mobs made its entrance into India. Suddenly you will witness a flash mob happening in a mall or in a hotel or in big grounds where crowds gather. The concept was new to India and people started recording the performances with their mobile cameras and started sharing it on social networking sites.

These days Flash mobs have become a nuisance. In a wedding I attended recently, there were close to around 100 members in the audience and in the name of flash mob all of them started dancing. 

Flash mobs are supposed to be surprises; but these days my friends invite me to malls saying, "Come there, our team is doing a flash mob".

This reminds me of an unforgettable experience that happened in the year 2008 at a friend's wedding. We as a bunch of friends were crazy about dancing and we planned to do a flash mob at one of my friends' wedding. 

We decided not to tell the groom and his family and planned it as a complete surprise for all of them. There were 12 of us who hatched this plan. So here we were practising for a mishmash of four songs " Billie Jean + Nothings gonna change my love for you + Mambo no 5 and ending with Congratulations".

I was the usual aarvakolaru of the gang and became the choreographer for the dance moves. We planned the sequence in such a manner that I would start the dance act with my moves for Billie Jean  and  five others would join for "Nothing's gonna change my love" song for which I had planned some salsa moves. Then the other 6 were supposed to join for "Mambo no 5 and Congratulations". 

The practise sessions started two days prior to the wedding. We even planned for our surprise entrance and all of us started dancing with synchronisation. I was really happy. 

It was a Christian wedding and it happened in Chennai in Cathedral. The reception took place in a prestigious hotel in Chennai. The crowd would have been close to 1000.

I approached the sound guy and gave him the CD and told him about the flash mob and told him to wait for my cue to start the music. He said that no one has done a flash mob at a wedding before and it would be one of its kind. He even promised to record the video on cam. 

Then I approached the EmCee and told him about the plan. He was excited too and he told that it would be great if the dance could happen after the first two events. 1. Welcoming the guests 2. Cake cutting for the bride and groom

Our flash mob was strategically placed at third position and I told the EmCee that as soon as the bride and groom feed each other with the cake, we would start dancing. He agreed to our plan.

Here I was waiting to make my moves to floor everyone in the crowd. I chose a smooth floor in the hall where I could showcase my moon-walk skills. I even dreamt of making the crowd go wild with the secret moves.

The reception started with the Bride and Groom making their way into the hall. We all rose up from our seats and started clapping. I looked around and all the dance mates were equally excited because we knew that we would be dancing soon. 

Then the EmCee made his appearance on the stage and welcomed the guests. He cracked a joke or two and tried to make us laugh. But we won't laugh for mokka comedy and hence we did not laugh.

Then the announcement was made that the bride and the groom will cut the cake and would feed each other. The crowd started clapping. They cut the cake and fed each other. I looked at the sound guy and gave the thumbs up sign. He immediately hit the music. I just needed that. The moment I was waiting for finally arrived.

I jumped to the location and showcased my moves. The people around me had not seen a flash mob in their lives and they were surprised. That's what I wanted. The moonwalk came to precision; but to my surprise no one clapped. They were having the "What is this idiot doing" expression on their face. 

Soon the first song got over and the second song started playing. I looked around to see the 5 others to join me for the salsa routine. Three pairs were supposed to dance for this song. But all the  padupaavi fellows escaped from the scene. I started to panic. 

I searched for my dance partner and she was missing from the scene too. I tried to make up with my own solo moves for the first two lines and after that I did not know what to do. I felt like crying and after a few seconds I couldn't take it any longer. I ran away from the scene and when I emerged out of the hall, my friends started laughing at me.

Those idiots had actually pulled an epic prank on me.Later I heard from a few friends that the people at the wedding thought that a drunk guy got high and did some silly stunts at the wedding only to run out of gas and run away in the end. After that I never said yes to any flash mob invites. 

-Chronicwriter
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Jul 9, 2014

On 7/09/2014 | By Chriz
Rahul Gandhi created a Nation wide stir by sleeping in the Parliament. News media started criticising his act. The special reporters of Chronicwriter Media also sprung into action to investigate the reason behind Rahul Gandhi dozing off in the Parliament.

Talking to our special correspondent, a close aid of Rahul Gandhi said that Rahul Gandhi was very tired of staying up all night watching the world cup football matches on TV. Sources reveal that 7-1 molestation done by Germany on Brazil might have reminded Rahul Gandhi of what BJP did to him in the elections. It is believed that Rahul Gandhi was planning to make India participate in the 2018 world cup.

Another friend of Rahul Gandhi told that Rahul Gandhi was following Abdul Kalaam's words of dreaming for a better India by the year 2020. Take a closer look at this photo now. See how peacefully Rahul Gandhi is sleeping.

Researches show that all the brilliant minds like Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Archimedes, Alia Butt also sleep in sitting posture with their heads tilted towards their right shoulder. Rahul Gandhi also joins this elite group of scientists. Jai Ho.





If you carefully look at the above picture, you will notice two famous comedians from the South Indian film world are also present in the picture. The person in front of Rahul Gandhi is the Tamil comedian Late Nagesh sir. The person behind Rahul Gandhi is the Malayalam comedian Mr. Innocent. You might think how Nagesh sir could make an appearance. If Dinosaurs can make an appearance in Jurassic Park because of graphics, this is nothing.



The world has failed to notice the other two comedians and concentrated too much on the comedian between them. It is high time the people of our Country started noticing other people too.

-Chronicwriter
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Jul 7, 2014

On 7/07/2014 | By Chriz
Gone are the days when Tamil film directors copied storyline from Hollywood movies. These days our Indian directors have started to steal scripts from Korean and Iranian movies. The movie lovers easily find the difference between the copied movies and original stuff. 

I am not labelling all movie directors as copy cats. But there are many who fall under that category. Many of them go and hide behind the term "Inspired". The word "Inspired" is now used to denote "Copied shamelessly".

In a recent development, the team of detectives from Chronicwriter Detective services Company have found that FIFA has copied a scene from a Tamil movie. The sad part is that the copy cats from FIFA have not yet given the due recognition to the original founder of the scene.

Among many new innovations in the 2014 world cup football, the striking one is the white colour foam that is used by the referee when the freekicks are taken. This foam disappears after 2 minutes. Many football lovers have lauded this new technique used in this world cup.

The world should know that this technique was used by Kaipillai's assistant in the movie winner just before Kaipillai says "Indha bordera thaandi neeyum varapadaadhu, naanum varamaatein." in the year 2003. Talking to reporters Kai pillai said that people copy stuffs like this and they fail to give due recognition. But still he forgave FIFA when he said "If my ideas are copied for a good cause, I welcome it"


Chronicwriter feels that FIFA has done a great deal of injustice to Kaipillai and his "Carefree Youth Team" (varutha padaadha vaalibar sangam). The readers are requested to share this post far and near and make the world know the real founder of the "Dont Cross" line used in the world cup. Justice delayed is Justice denied. Kaipillai needs justice. The wrong doers should be brought before law and they should be hanged.

-Chronicwriter

Jul 4, 2014

On 7/04/2014 | By Chriz
When Maria Sharapova told that she did not know who Sachin was, Sachin fans attacked her left right and centre and created a big fuss even on her FB page. "Who is Maria Sharapova" started trending on twitter world wide. This was unnecessary.

The social media voices started attacking Sachin fans and started raising questions on their nasty behaviour. Being a Sachin fan, I felt ashamed because of the manner in which the other Sachin fans started behaving.

It is true that many of us do not know about our World class Kabbadi team, Carrom board team. Because of big sponsorship involved in Cricket, cricket is the only sport that runs in the blood and veins of Indians. I agree that Sachin fans would get mad on Maria Sharapova's reaction. But it gives us no right to cross our limits and attack her.

Now coming to the core of the issue ~ Does Maria Sharapova really have no clue about Sachin Tendulkar? To know the answer, one has to travel back 8 years. In the year 2006, Sachin Tendulkar was roped in by Canon to be their brand ambassador. Apparently Maria Sharapova was the sports brand ambassador for Canon at that time. [link]

Watch the Canon ad by Sachin here



In the year 2007, Maria Sharapova pulled out of the Sunfeast open in 2007. Maria Sharapova's childhood friend Maria Kirilenko who also grunts big time like Maria Sharapova went on to win the tournament. During that tournament, Maria Kirilenko partnered with Sachin Tendulkar and played an exhibition match against Mahesh Bhupathy and Baichung Bhutia. Maria Kirilenko is practice partner of Maria Sharapova and has defeated her on a few occasions. 

 

Sachin was asked to do an ad along with Maria Sharapove for Canon, which was turned down by the Little Master because of his other commitments. This must have been a rude shock to Maria Sharapova. This is definitely a strong reason for her remark about Sachin recently.

Again in the year 2011, Sachin went to Wimbledon and sat in the Royal box along with his wife Anjali, Martina Naratilova and watched Federer play against Nalbandian in the third round. I remember watching that match on TV. Federer and Sachin's family had dinner in London that night.


In the same tournament, Maria Sharapova reached the finals and she lost the finals to Petra Kvitova.  This happened just two months after India's glorious world cup win. Sachin was also invited for the royal dinner and was that the reason for Maria Sharapova saying "I don't know Sachin"? I really don't know. But it might be a reason.

The recent statement made by Maria Sharapova is indeed a big lie which is similar to the many scene putting girls who say "I don't know that guy". But it gives no right for Sachin fans to attack her and cross the limits.Maria Sharapova might be suffering from short term memory loss or she might have just taken a dig at Sachin. But why bother? Even Sachin has not responded to it. There is no point cribbing at her page. But the world should know that she knows Sachin and that's the purpose of this post.

To read an admiration article on Sachin Tendulkar by the author, click here [link].

This is the pathetic condition of Lionel Messi after Maria Sharapova said "Who is Lionel Messi"



By the way, Maria never said that she does not know "Chronicwriter". She won't tell that.

-Chronicwriter

Jun 30, 2014

On 6/30/2014 | By Chriz
Robben became the butt of many meme jokes on the internet after his infamous last minute dive that shut the doors for the Mexicans in the round of 16 against the Dutch. There are many other footballers who are diving specialists.

My favourite team - Brazil is full of Oscar award winning actors. Neymar and Hulk have the tendency to succumb to the gravitational pull once they enter the opposition box. This post is dedicated to my favourite team Brazil.

Brazil leads the table in the most unfair play award category of this year's world cup. The table below shows that Brazil has had special training from the Russian gymnasts in the art of diving.


The Dutch and the Portugal team who are known for their rough play are the most fair playing teams in this year's worldcup. How ever Robben single handedly has pulled the Dutch team into the top 5 unfair teams with his dive against Mexico.

Brazil faces Columbia in the Quarter finals of world cup 2014. The Colombians look lot stronger this time. But still Brazil will win the match. Scholari has found a new method that will enable the Brazilians to win the match against Colombia. The method is explained in pictorial- story board format. Scholari's new technique is inspired from the movie Karuppusamy Kuthagaikaarar.

Those who have watched the "Karuppusamy Kuthagaikaarar Comedy sequence involving Vadivelu will understand the story board. 










- Chronicwriter

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