The Complete Humor man since 1982

Oct 16, 2014

On 10/16/2014 | By Chriz
This one is howlarious. America is for sale for just Rs 25. 

The price is negotiable too it seems.

The buyers should be Vegans.

Good friends and family members of Chronicwriter are banned from buying this land because of undisclosed reasons.

Interested buyers are requested to call Chronicwriter immediately from their mottai maadi.

- Chronicwriter.
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Oct 3, 2014

On 10/03/2014 | By Chriz

Recently a poster on Kathi film was released on Facebook by Vijay Fans. As I used to be a die hard fan of actor Vijay, I intently looked at the picture and was happy to know that my (once) favourite actor has worked hard for his six packs. I even started to cry looking at the poster. 

I searched on search engines to see how his body had transformed over the years. The picture below shows that Vijay only had one pack a few years ago. So when I saw this picture, I started to cry even more. Only a person with determination, dedication and dignity will work to get such a body in little time.

Later, as my respect for him grew, I started to search for more pictures. A still from the movie Velayudham suggested that he had a flat belly even then. This picture created doubts in my head. I zoomed in and noticed that he was wearing a tantex jetty; but in the Kathi Poster, Vijay was wearing a Calvin Klein jetty. Would my hero be disloyal to a brand in just few years? I knew that he would not do that. So I even had doubts whether someone had done photoshop and had stolen some other body and used it on Vijay.

So I started doing a research on all the VIPs in India who wear Calvin Klein Jetty. I found out that only two VIPs in India wear CK jetties. One is me and the other one is Hrithick Roshan. I was sure that no one had superimposed Vijay's face on my body because I have an even stronger and muscular body. So my doubts zeroed down on Hrithick. So I searched for Hrithick's pictures and found a picture of Hrithick wearing a CK jetty in the movie Kites.

Some die hard fan of Vijay had stolen Hrithik's body and has claimed it to be Dr. Vijay's body. If he had asked me, I would have done better photoshop work and no one could have found it. If you steal, steal intelligently.

Note: I am not an Ajith Fan. Can't I be a Powerstar fan?

A common man

Sep 24, 2014

On 9/24/2014 | By Chriz

This is the dream panel I want to see in The Newshour on TimesNow. Choosing a topic for these 7 people to discuss in itself is an herculean task.  You might ask me why I have chosen these 7 people to be on the panel to torture Arnab. The reasons are given below

Captain Vijaykanth: 

He is the leader of the opposition in the Tamil Nadu assembly. Alcohol cannot do any harm to him. He is the one who harms alcohol all the time. He was always chased by heroines on screen for his out-of-the-world handsome looks. He can even make Arnab look like a Bagishan Dheeviravaadhi. He is also a brilliant man who is eternally confused between Hindi and English. Watch this video where Captain show's his Hinglish skills.

Manmohan Singh: 

He has ruled this country for ten long years. If you have doubts on that, we can have another news hour debate on that topic. But in my opinion, he is the brain behind the 1991 LPG movement under Rajiv Gandhi's regime. This man can single handedly torture Arnab with his silence.

Poonam Pandey

She is for the TRPs. She comes under the barking dog seldom bite category. She has her own fan base ranging from 10 year olds to 90 year old men. She would single handedly make a majority of viewers to fixate their eyes on her during the entire debate. (Remember! Our main aim is to shift our focus away from Arnab Gowsami). I am not adding any picture of Poonam Pandey here.

Subramanian Swamy

A movie will be a treat to watch only when it has unexpected twists and turns. Unless and until we have a conspiracy specialist in a panel, any debate will be soora mokkai. Swamiji is the best candidate to fill that spot. He is an exposing specialist. He can prove that Sonia Gandhi is not Sonia Gandhi. Unlike TOI which exposes the cleavages of human beings and Gorillas, Swamiji is an expert in transactional analysis. He can single handedly make the interview interesting. No wonder he was a regular at the Newshour when UPA Government was at the helm. This is a short clip of Subramaniam Swamy throwing his gyan on the longest typing mistake.

Siddhu Paaji

He has lightened up the commentary box with his one liners. He has electrified the fourth umpire sessions with his shaiyaris. He has entertained the members of the assembly. Siddhu Paaji is the right candidate to liven up the show with shayaris when ever the discussion loses its charm. If Arnab Gowsami can make room for some cheer girls in the set, Paaji can also shake his leg and show his moves to the entire Nation that does not know what it wants to know from the Newshour.

 TR Rajender

If you do not know him, you are not worth to live on this planet. He is a brilliantly talented man who is teased by many people in social media for his actions. I respect the talent he has. But his actions make me laugh. See this short video. This video single handedly makes him the most eligible candidate to be on the news hour show.


Finally, the man  of the monet. He is an automatic entry into the panel, because he is the only one who has completely tuned himself for the Newshour debate. 

Substitute: I have Swami Nithyananda as the substitute to fill any of these role, just incase someone does not turn up for the news hour. How ever as Swami is busy with his Yogas and Asanams, we request the TimesNow team to plant hidden cameras in Swami's room so that he can show a full fledged performance at the news Hour.

Arnab Gowsami! The Nation wants to know, if you can handle such a panel. If you have the guts to handle such a panel, I will close this blog and join kekran Mekran company in Dubai.


Sep 23, 2014

On 9/23/2014 | By Chriz
Warning : If you are not comfortable reading this post, I request you to close this page now and leave right away. Don't read the whole post and end up saying "You should not write explicit stuff like this".

My friend Swats encouraged me to write this. Thank you Swats :)

Recently TOI created a stir by writing an article on Deepika padukone's cleavage. A special camera man who carried an expensive camera waited for the opportunity to click a top angle shot of Deepika's cleavage. The Kuppai article is here [ link ] They used a one year old picture for writing that article. After some war on social media sites, people started pouring out their support to Deepika

Deepika Padukone got furious and responded bravely showing beautiful reflexes which resembled her dad's reflexes at the net. Check this [ link ] to know how Deepika responded to Times of India. After her response, support for Deepika grew.

Deepika 2 - TOI -0

Even though there were some supporters for TOI, the tide shifted in favour of Deepika. So the think tank of TOI got together and came back with a stronger reply which was nothing but cow dung material. Times of India's response is here [link ]. 

The social media activists again got busy taking sides. Somee ripped apart TOI. Some started giving moral advice to Deepika and some started attacking Pakistan. Even Lady Gaga was brought into certain discussions.

This is Priya Gupta - The author of that article in TOI.

There was a time when Sify came up with such non sense news. But TOI has taken it all to a whole new level. The paper has now almost become a soft porn material.

Another rumour is floating in the Internet  circle that this whole fiasco has been planned by Deepika and Times of India to promote her next film HNY. I am not sure how far this is true.

 An on-line friend of mine Preethika shared the following picture on her wall. This is the kind of news TOI recommends to its readers. Journalism has gone down to such stooping standards.

Times of India journalists should meet this girl who implanted a third breast [ link ] . Will they have more readers who will be more turned on seeing two cleavages? Will Arnab Gowsami have a Newhour session on Times Now? The Nation really wants to know

No one has written an article on our very own Heroes of Tamil cinema who have flaunted their cleavages. 

And finally before I end, I want to make it very clear that when there are cameras around me, I am gonna wear Chinese coloured shirts. I am not gonna show cleavage. I am a homely traditional guy. 

I miss the pure journalism of Doordarshan days (Sunit Tandon and Usha Alberquerque! I miss you both big time.)

Jai Ho. 


Sep 16, 2014

On 9/16/2014 | By Chriz
It is a common unwritten fact in the world of ads that "Sex" and "Women" sell and convey a point across. This is why we see women acting in lungi ads for men, perfume ads and all the ads where they are not even needed to be portrayed in the first place.

This post goes one step forward in analysing how different products, apps and services are using women and sex to promote their products through Facebook.

If you are a Facebook user, you would have come across "Sponsored Ads" , "Featured Ads" appearing on your timeline. These are paid Ads promoted through Facebook. People can promote the ads targeting age, gender, location of a user and many more categories.

The pictures used in the post are screenshots gathered by Chronicwriter from the ads that appeared on his mobile phone and while using FB through his lap top. So the ads will be a mixture of mobile app related ads and Page Like increasing ads.

Sit back, relax and get ready for a Maanam ketta Gubeer laugh marathon.

1) The formal lady.

This app appeared on my mobile phone and I felt that the lady was looking right at me. Only later I realised that this was a social media dashboard promotion. We are just getting started. So Neenga edhir paarkuradhu will come.

2) The Swimsuit camera user.

Can you find one reason why the swim suit lady is used for this ad? It is a shopping app, where they sell products. 

3) The Cleavage copywriter.

Now don't go on a judging spree and throw a tantrum. If they are promoting a copywriter, they can show a caption that showcases their creative copy content. But a girl with horse hair and a low cut blouse does not convey the reality.

4) The camera girl

This group claims that they are India's one and only interactive online photography institute. There are three such institutes in my locality itself. Here also, a girl is needed to focus the camera.

5)The Quikr girl

Quikr is the last place I will search for a job. These days people are dating using Quikr. Again a girl model is used for this ad. This is targeted for male audiences. 

6) Online MBA girl

This is an Online MBA course and it means that you need not go to class rooms or a college campus to do this course. This girl is not even gonna become my classmate. But sure this girl is more than enough to capture the attention

7) Music App

To listen to Honey Singh, why does she need to sit on his lap?  and when a person gets a chance to meet Honey Singh, would he allow a Guy to sit on his lap like that? But this ad also expresses the gilma effect to the viewers.

8) The girl's butt

This is a social networking app it seems. The ad directly gives an impression that you can take any girl to bed by just joining the site.

9) Back pain Ad

Would you smile like this and pose like this when you have back pain? But the models sure can.

10) Online MBA again

Some more Online MBA courses. NIBM! You are a jagajaala killadi.

11) Now a University

They could actually tell the courses they offer in the ad. Instead a girl occupies half their ad space.

12) The cute bank girl

It is an App by ICICI. The cute girl will indeed catch the user attention.

 13) MBA in USA

Now how many guys want to do an MBA in USA?

14) MTV ad

This is why I am scared to watch MTV at home. I never know what pops up on TV. Sunny Leone for a music channel Ad.

15) Shruthi 

Finally they have used Shruthi too for a lousy mobile recharge ad :(

16) The tablet girl

How many of you saw the tabs before seeing the girl?

17) Social Networking App again

I have never seen people like this lying on the sand near my house. 


Like Chronicwriter on FB to get nutty updates. [ Chronicwriter's facebook page ]

Sep 9, 2014

On 9/09/2014 | By Chriz
Saeed Ajmal has been banned from bowling in any format of the game because his bowling action has found to be illegal it seems. After failing to find this for all these years a veenaa pona committee has suddenly found that his bowling action 15 degrees of tolerance when the ball is released from his hands. It has been stated that even his doosra is illegal. 

What really baffles me is that the number one bowler in the world has ended up at the receiving end after taking more than 400 wickets in his career. In the past, bowlers like Muralidharan have also fallen victim to the cricket's governing body.

This is the bowling action that has been labelled by the special SWAT team as the illegal bowling action. His arm is bent more than 15 degrees at the time of releasing the ball (It seems). Where was this SWAT team all these years?

If that Bowling action is illegal, What about this bowling action of Malinga? May be Malinga might not have a 15 degree bend in the arms. But he bowls almost 90 degree from his shoulders. His bowling action reminds me of  a friend Rajesh who was a discuss thrower.

If at least one can bear with Mallinga's action, what would your answer be for Paul Adam's bowling action? That guy had a bowling action that only drunk people in Rave parties could relate to. He used to run into the crease like a pregnant ostrich and then suddenly hop like a constipate frog before delivering the ball with a 360 spin. 

ICC accepted that action as a bowling action but has banned Saeed Ajmal's action.

Srini Mama! Tussi Great Ho


Sep 3, 2014

On 9/03/2014 | By Chriz
We live in a time where there is a duplicate product for every original. Brands like Nike and Reebok have duplicate products that look almost similar. The first copy products will indeed have same brand names and many buyers fall for it.

In the movie Industry, many movies are shamelessly copied from other films. The recent blockbusters in Tamil- Sarabam and Jigirthanda are shamelessly copied from foreign language movies. But still the copied versions seem to be lot better than the original ones. 

Dhoni is known for his Helicopter shots. But Sachin Tendulkar invented it long before Dhoni made it popular. At times, the copy cats become popular than the original inventors of a particular subject.

This has been the case with Federer and Djokovic. These two tennis players are indeed the best players of the current generation. Federer is known for his passing shots and his volleys. Djokovic is known for his comic acts and is called as the Joker by tennis enthusiasts.

Even though these two are great tennis players, they have shamelessly copied two shots and made it their own without giving due credit to the original inventor of the shot.

Federer has popularised the Tweener shot (shot between the legs). Djokovic has popularised the behind the back shot. But they have never ever admitted that they copied these shots from Puratchi Thalaivar Dr. MGR.

Dr. MGR played these two shots while playing an epic ball badminton match against International women's champion B Sarojadevi in the song "Parakkum Bandhu Parakkum". It is believed that Federer and Djokovic watched youtube videos of the song and decided to copy those shots. They might use these shots in this year's US open tennis tournament too.

Chronicwriter detective team is posting this message as a strong warning to the two frauds. We demand a public apology from Federer and the Joker within 72 hours. If they fail to apologise within 72 hours, we will make a mass movement and will spam their fan pages on FB as we did to Maria Sharapova.  Mind it


Aug 29, 2014

On 8/29/2014 | By Chriz

The picture defines my six months stay in Chennai in the year 2003 for my Engineering project work. Ever since I watched the movie Alaipayuthey during my college days, my dream was to go to Chennai and fall in love with a girl in the railway station.

After coming to Chennai , I had spent many days in the same spot where Madhavan is standing in the above picture. I have the same red T shirt and Black Jean trousers and a coolers that I bought for Rs 100. But not even a single girl turned her attention towards me at that time.

The movie Alaipayuthey was a cult hit at that time and all of us wanted to be like Madhavan. We all knew "The love proposal scene" by heart. But I never had the guts to do what he did there. I stayed in Tambaram and every evening I would board the train from Tambaram railway station. 

Her name was Neelima. She used to board the train from Chrompet station. That's how I figured out that she was a student of MIT college in Chrompet. I would see her getting into the same compartment everyday and made sure that I was also in the same compartment that she got in. 

The first few days, she did not even notice me. But as she was smart, she found out that I was following her everyday. Some days I will hide in the compartment and she would search for me and aftersome time I would emerge out from no where and give a supposedly romantic smile at her and she would put her face down. 

One day, I gathered up all courage and went and stood near her. She got scared a little bit. I was among the very few people who had a mobile phone in 2003. I took the mobile phone and showed off. I knew I got the attention I needed. I played some ring tones  ( monotones) and she enjoyed it.

Soon it became an every day habit for me to stand next to her. She would smile at me and I would smile at her. But I did not gather any courage to speak to her. I would play the Snake game on my mobile phone and she will watch me play the game over my shoulder.

"Can I also play?", I heard that sweet voice caressing my ear drums and that floored me and the next minute, my mobile phone was in her hands and she started to play using the mobile phone. When I came back to reality I decided to talk with her.

"What is your name?"

"Neelima and yours?"

"Chriz! What do you do?"

" 2nd year CSE at MIT. What about you?"

" Final year EIE from Pondicherry. I am here in Chennai for my final year project"

"Wow. That's nice. Project?"

"Yes, Project in Nungabbakam. Where do you stay?"

" I stay in Egmore Police Quarters "

Is she a Police man's daughter? I had shivers down my spine. I went silent. She gave me "Why so silent look" and said "My Dad is the SP of Chennai". This was the precise moment I literally peed in my pants. My alter ego told me not to get too intimidated by what she said. 

I closed my eyes and imagined what and all would happen if her dad catches me. I felt someone patting my shoulder. I still kept my eyes closed.  "Is Neelima touching my shoulder?". I felt so good. I still kept my eyes closed hoping she would touch me again. Suddenly she Kissed me on my cheeks. I was shocked and opened my eyes.

What I saw petrified me to the core. I was surrounded by three eunuchs and one of them said, "Why are you acting as if you are sleeping. Give us money". Out of fear, I immediately gave them some money. I looked to my left and Neelima started to laugh at me. When the eunuchs left the place, she said ,"Anna, You are so lucky". That was a heartbreaking statement for me because she called me Anna (Brother in Tamil). I took the mobile phone from her hands and got down at the next station and walked away slowly with tears in my eyes.

It has been 11 years now and even now when I travel in an electric train, I remember that incident as if it happened just yesterday. The Eunuchs still terrorise us even today. I do not know what happened to Neelima. I never saw her again.

- Chronicwriter

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