Dec 6, 2016

814. One photo. Many stories


Just one look at this photo and you would have guessed that we were in some wild mood when this picture was clicked. I was travelling from Andhra Pradesh to Tamilnadu in an unit train. We were in an highly animated mood. It was a 4 hour train ride.

1) I think I was responsible for a ten year old boy suddenly starting to cry in the train. He was telling his elder brother that someone pinched him. No body found it out till the end of the journey

2) I was responsible for the lady in yellow saree to sit in the corner seat in that same pose all along the journey. She must have thought that I was mentally unstable.

3) I bit the shoulder of the man ( in dark blue shirt) sitting next to me while he was sleeping. He mistook the guy to his right ( the guy who clicked this selfie) as the one who bit him.

4) When some one in the compartment farted silently, I found the culprit using the inky pinky ponky technology. The victim eventually got off the train in the next station. But the fart smell continued to emanate from the compartment. May be a different person; but it was not me.

5) Everyone in the compartment displaying signs of dozing off were kept awake with my barking sounds. This was one of the reasons why the lady in yellow saree assumed that I was mentally unstable. She was also the only witness of the biting incident.

I left so many memories for so many people to ponder, yonder and think about restarting their lives again. Some are scarred for life and some are confused for life. But as they say, life just goes on.

So these are the 5 small stories that are associated with this picture. Till I come back again with yet another story around another picture, live peacefully.

-Chronicwriter

Nov 24, 2016

813. Mathematics should be demonetized too

My daughter took an hour to complete this.



I congratulated her and bought her a chocolate bar. I did not want to frighten her by telling her that this is just the beginning and that she has to go through addition, multiplication, probability, trigonometry, geometry, calculus, Laplace and the terrorist called Fourier in future. Let her bask in the present happiness. Picture abhi bhi baaki hai Anya.

When I posted this on Facebook, a few friends came up with amazing revelations about mathematics. Those revelations pulled me back to those dreadful days I am adding some of them here. 

1. Elvis equated mathematics to racists and terrorists and I agree with him


2) Jenifer is a mathematics teacher and she came as a guardian for the science of mathemetics


3) Joe Philip reminded me of the dreadful Pythyakaara theorem


4) Finally Lakshmi Narayanan hit the final nail in the coffin



Do you have any memories with mathematics? Share them with me in the comments section.

Read my blog "Engineering mathematics is a Pakistan terrorist"

Wanna read funny posts? Like my page on FB

-Chronicwriter

Nov 23, 2016

812. How to advertise when sangam is going in abaraadham


How to promote your business if you are not confident about your services and the products you offer?


  • The best way is to use sponsored posts on Facebook. I am not saying that all those who use sponsored posts lack confidence. But all those who lack confidence definitely use sponsored posts to promote themselves.
  • Use a good looking girl's image in the design. In the above advertisement where an enterprise is trying to sell "studying abroad", they have used a good looking girl's picture. When this image lands in a guy's notification on FB, chances are that he may click the interested button without even reading what the content is all about.
By doing these two things, the Facebook page will invariably garner more likes and the particular campaign will also receive many leads. The marketing team of that particular enterprise will have good metrics to project to their board. The management will be happy; but at the end of the day, business profits will be still low. IIPM tried a different variation of this technique and fell face down after some time. This is going to be the same case with all the FB pages that add likes in an inorganic manner.

But namakku Like dhaaney mukkiyam. So kaasu irukuravan pakkoda saapdunga. Ok Bye

-Chronicwriter

Nov 15, 2016

811.Nehru maamaava? Chithappavaa?

Nehru maama Rojava vachurundhaaraa? That is one common joke that we used to crack when we were in school. I don't know if today's school kids also crack similar jokes. Today's children may have upgraded their jokes to some newer version.

In Tamilnadu we see Nehru as Maama; but in North India people call him chithappa (chacha). I don't understand how this confusion happened. The rift between north and south is going on for ages.

When I was in college, I decided to bunk classes once and told my professor that my maama ponnu ( Uncle's daughter) died. My professor immediately asked me to go home. Little did he know that it was October 31st and I was referring to Indira Gandhi. I ended up watching a movie in a theater.

Now when I am trying to figure out if Nehru is my maamaa or chithappa, I still could not arrive at a conclusion. The answer will tell me if she is my mora ponnu or my cousin sister. 

The funny thing about this father daughter combination is the fact that they wrote letters to each other; awarded themselves with Bharath Ratnas in 1955 and 1971 respectively. Yes; you read it right. They awarded themselves with the highest civilian award in the country. If this had happened today, social media would have gone mad and Arnab Gowsami would have cried foul on Prime Time Television. Their act only reminds me of those who like their own pictures and posts on FaceBook.

Infact there were jokes during my school days that India got its independence when Mountbatten decided to run back to England along with his wife because he was scared of Nehru Maamaa and his romeo skills. That is how engrossed we were with Indian history. We had zeros subject knowledge about Mughal history and Indian history; but indha maadhiri matter ellathulayum naanga appovey PhD.

But one sad thing that I am not able to digest today is that the one waist coat that was always synonymous with Nehru is now relabeled as Modi coat. This is why I believe that varalaaru is romba mukkiyam or else we will be calling Nadhuram Godse as the father of Dineshan in the future.

The following picture of Nehru and Indira Gandhi is my favorite because Charlie Chaplin is in it. People like him inspire me a lot because they always spread smiles on our faces.



BTW,  belated Children's day wishes to all the children out there; that includes 50 year old aunties too.

Can someone tell me "Nehru maamaava? chithappavaa?

-Chronicwriter

Nov 9, 2016

810. Daddy's little princess



When I carried you for the first time, I cried 
And walked around the hospital with so much pride

Looking at that cute little face that very first day
I promised to never allow any harm come your way

That Oriental face, Michelin arms and tiny feet
Made me smile and my heart would always skip a beat 

As you sleep peacefully every night
I wish to protect you like the dark knight

Many a time I spend too much time on Facebook
And fail to give attention for your longing look

I do not know what you want to be when you grow up
What ever you pursue, I will always back you up

The world is gonna be good and bad to you
But you should know, Daddy is gonna be there for you

Anya, I would like you to know one thing 
You are my little princess and my everything

-Chronicwriter-

Click here [link] to read my daughter's blog

Nov 3, 2016

809. Evading a transgender in Chennai train


I spent more than two years of my life in this place called Bedok, Singapore. Everyday I used to come to the station to board a train to go to different places. It is one of the calmest neighborhoods in Singapore. Here in this photo, I am posing with the Varungaala America Janaadhipathy- my friend and jolly good fellow, Sendhil Kumar. There is never a dull moment when Sendhil is around.

The highlight behind this picture is that this was clicked just seconds before I jumped into the MRT line and stopped the train with my little finger. If you are thinking that I am bluffing here, you have to check for this real news that came in Singapore news papers on Jan 10, 2010.

What I love about the MRT lines in Singapore is that people respect the yellow line in the platform. No one dares to cross that line. People respect rules religiously. Even when they enter the MRT, they stand in a queue and wait for their turn to walk in. 

Totally a different mentality from the local train life in Chennai. Here in Chennai, people enter the train from every possible hole. What scares most people in Chennai travel is not the crowd; but the manner in which one is treated by transgender people.

I have nothing against transgenders. They are human beings too; but I don't like their attitude in train travel. I have been subjected to sexual abuse by transgenders in Chennai trains where they have grabbed by private parts when I refused to give them money. Some of them threaten for money; some of them touch people in a sensually ugly manner and make them part with their money and some even go to the extent of kissing people.

I remember a train travel with my friend Rajesh (From Tambaram to Egmore). It was an era in which train travel was the much preferred travel mode for all youngsters, thanks to Alaipayudhey movie. Rajesh and I were standing near the door when a transgender (Let's call him Rose) entered the bogey and demanded money from us. 

Little did Rose know that Rajesh and my "sangam was going on in abaraadham". When we told that we did not have any money, the threatening started; but no one knew who Rajesh was. Rajesh was the kind of guy who does not have soodu or soranai (A trait that I have; but Rajesh was worse than me).

When we did not give money, Rose started touching Rajesh inappropriately. Rajesh immediately started talking in Gaundamani voice and said " Ingey thodu, angey thodu" and started guiding Rose to touch him everywhere. This shocked everyone including me. All the scary tactics adopted by Rose went down the drain. So as a last resort Rose said that if we do not give money Rajesh will be kissed on the lips. 

But before anyone could react, Rajesh pounced on Rose and started smooching. Infact he almost bit the lips off. The next station arrived Rose escaped from Rajesh's grasp, jumped onto the platform and ran away. Even today when I see a transgender threatening people in train, I wish that Rajesh was there.

Note: Hi Rajesh! You asked me to write about you in my blog. I have done it. Now please treat me

Read this story [ link ] to know how three Eunuchs attacked me during train travel

-Chronicwriter

Nov 2, 2016

808. The couch in my father's house


Thats the wooden sofa in my father's house that is as old as me. That's also the same sofa that made me a couch onion. Few points about the photo

1. Photo clicked during December 2010

2. I am strumming a freshly composed christmas song

3. The egg shaker is near the paper

4. The blue shawl around my neck was brought in Chandigarh after heavy bargaining with a road side seller; he told it was Rs250 and I bargained it and got for Rs 245

5. The guitar is my favorite Spanish guitar; I bought it in Guangzhou-China in 2007

6. The white short kurta I am wearing used to be my favorite kurta from Fab India; I used to wear it everywhere; My mom converted it into a Kitchen Kari thuni

7. That sofa is where I used to lie down and watch movies

8. I recorded the song and caught it on camera after the above picture was clicked; the song video is added below. Listen to the song please


9. I did not shoot the video with a potato; I have to say sorry for the poor quality

10. What brings me more joy is that this tamil folk format song is now sung around the globe in many churches during Christmas season. The below video is a four part version of the same song sung by our Choir. I am standing on the extreme right



Chronicwriter

Oct 21, 2016

807. Harris Jayaraj should be banned

I have read umpteen number of posts and proofs that explains how Harris Jayaraj copies song tracks from other albums and calls them his own composition.

So invariably when ever I see any movie with Harris Jayraj as its music director, I would assume that the songs are copied from some where else. I even went on to write a post on how he copied music pieces from Christian Keerthanai for one of his movies - Ennai Arindhaal.

Click [here] to read that post
A friend who read that post of mine called me up and blasted me on the phone and asked me not to call myself a music lover. She was a fan of Harris and she got hurt to read such a post from me. She went on to block me on Facebook because of that post.




One year year later, the movie Irumugan got released and she unblocked me on Facebook and sent a friend request again. When I accepted her request, she messaged me saying "Hey Chriz, Harris Jayaraj has composed music for Irumugan. Now don;t tell me that he copied here too".

I did not respond to that message because I was not interested in  listening to his songs. But this morning I decided to listen to a song from the movie and I opened youtube and listened to the song Halena from that movie. I should not have opened the link; because within 5 seconds into the song, I realized that the song was a copy.

Atleast in his previous copy cat works, Harris would copy the tune and use his own instruments to give a new effect. But in this song, he has used the exact effect and music instruments too that was used in the original song " Fetty Wap - Trap Queen". Check the video for yourself




Now, If my friend sees this post, she will block me again. What made me to write this post is to understand why the hell Harris Jayaraj calls himself a music director? He does not add any creative value to the song he copies from. There are words like "Inspiration / Adaptation" that masquerades and gives a soft effect to the word copy. But even those words will hang in shame if they know what Harris Jayaraj has done to music.  I checked the other songs in that movie and realized that none of the songs in that movie were directed by him.

I would like to close this post with the following two questions
  1. Why do film makers pay such a lazy fellow?
  2. Why are people not filing a copyright infringement case against him?
There are brilliant music directors who compose wonderful arrangements. I have seen many of their works lying in shelves in music studios and in mobile phones. Many such works don't see the light, because nobody produces them and because there are copy cats like Harris Jayaraj who steals such works and calls them his own.

Note to my friend: Please block me and go away. Neeyum unnoda Harris Jayarajum

- Chronicwriter

Sep 16, 2016

806. Soaps and their persona

I am gonna take you on a journey that will take you through your childhood. If you have lived in the 80s and the 90s you will love me for this post. Even if you do not end up loving me, you would at least end up friend-zoning me.

The collage below has images of all the soaps that I am going to write in this blog post. You can refer to this picture to understand this post better.



1) Pears
The first soap in the list. When ever I think about this soap, I always think of transparency and glasses. All of us would have seen through the soap. It had a pleasant smell. My friend Sneha and I used to fight to see who was right in pronouncing the name of the soap. I would say PAIRS and she would say PEERS. We still fight even after 20 years. 

2) Santoor
Santoor is one soap that would make girls hate other girls. The common myth about this soap is that when 40 year old women use this soap, they would look like a college girl.

Some advertisements also made middle aged women believe that they can play basketball. At the end of those ads, college girls would flock around a young lady and ask her "Which college are you from?", and a small girl would run up to the lady calling her "Mummy".

Middle aged ladies in the 1980s immediately started buying Santoor with hopes of being transformed into college girls. Nothing changed

3) Hamam and Rexona
Hamam and Rexona are twin sisters who were separated in their birth. They had a similar smell and they were both green in colour. Hamam in particular was the family soap for middle class families. I used to take bath using Hamam soap during my school life.

My mom never allowed me to change the soap. She would say that if I changed the soap, I would get pimples. I did not change the soap; but my face looked like a golf ball during my teenage days.

Rexona had a coconut flavour in it. This made it an instant hit in Kerala. 

4) Margo
If one could make a soap out of human shit, you should call that soap Margo. It smells like shit. I have no clue how the makers came up with such a disgusting smell. It was supposed to be a healthy soap with neem flavour. But it just stinks. You can never use it to clean your hands after coming out of the rest room. People will think that you never washed your hands in the first place.


5) Lux
In the late 80s, there was a common belief among middle class families that lux soap was the soap used by cine stars. It was the Mercedes Benz of soaps. It was advertised in such a manner that you started believing that only if you have a bath tub in your house, you could afford Lux.

When I was a kid, I only saw Lux soaps in the shelves of retail stores. I have never used them. That sophisticated image that Lux had was finally killed by the Lux CEO himself, when he decided to promote the product using ShahRukh Khan. It was horrible to see Shahrukh Khan jumping into a bath tub for the Lux ad.


6) Cinthol
Cinthol was the official soap of a man. This is one soap that men would use to show their manliness. In the Cinthol ad, Vinod Khanna (Hindi actor) would ride a horse in the beach. I still remember the bass voice that was used in the ad.

Later Shahrukh Khan was made to act in Cinthol ad too. He acted along with his wife in a romantic ad which made the soap looked like a soap for young men. Somehow the deep bass voice effect went away. Shahrukh Khan was responsible for the change in perception of this soap too.


7) Lifebuoy
This is was the viagra of soaps. It lasts long; really long. It was the official soap used by boys in college hostels. Four guys would be using a single soap for an entire semester and 50% of the soap would still be left at the end of the semester. In rural India, this soap was used on buffaloes too. We used to call it the brick soap.

8) Liril
The Liril ad was one of the path-breaking ads in the Doordarshan era. It featured  models Karen Lunel, Pooja Batra amd Preity Zinta taking a bath in a waterfall.

Young boys of the 80s loved the ad. Orthodox middle class families would switch off the TV when the ad came on TV. We had only one channel those days and they did not have the option to change the channel. Liril ads were used only by bold outgoing girls during that time.


9) Chandrika
Go to any hotel, lodge in India and 9 out of ten times you would find a Chandrika soap in the rest room. It does not have a strong odor and it does not stand out. But still it is a soap that appeals to the ordinary masses because it easily qualifies as the soap that every average middle class family could use.

10) Dettol
Mothers had the belief that if they use dettol soap on their children 99.99% of the germs in their body would disappear. If I had a fall and suffered some bruises, my mom would immediately wash the injury with a dettol soap.


11) Mysore Sandal soap
This is the soap that is used by south Indian bride grooms and brides during wedding season. When families exchanged trays of goodies that include fruits, clothing, and money; Mysore sandal soap also found itself placed somewhere in the plate. 

Santoor was also a sandal soap. But Mysore Sandal soap belonged to the elite class and was reserved for special occasions. Santoor was given unfair treatment on this regard.


12) Fiama DiWills
I use Fiama Di Wills because it is transparent like Pears, has an aroma that reminds me of Hamam, Cinthol and Lux and it brings back my childhood memories.

I have not written about many other soaps.Please feel free to share about other soaps that made an impact in your life when you were a child.

Question for my readers: There was a soap in the late 80s and early 90s that came into the Indian market. I remember seeing that soap ad in Doordarshan. It had a curved shape and it's USP was that it will last long. I have seen that soap; but could hardly get the name right. Can you help me in finding the name of the soap? The person who gives the right answer would get a pack of movie DVDs couriered to their house.

- Chronicwriter

Sep 9, 2016

805. Ten guitars

That is me and my wife- Joan

It has been a while since I posted a cover song in this blog. When Engelbert Humperdinck wrote the song" Ten guitars" and released it in the year 1967, he would not have thought that after 50 years, a guy named Prason Christopher Robin would butcher that song by singing a cover version of it.

Well, I don't think I butchered it. It has come out OK. The problem with me is that when I forget the lyrics, I invent my own lyrics and sing it live. That is what happened in this song. When I was recording this song in Ooty in a resort that is not worth mentioning, I forgot the lyrics. So I ended up adding my own lyrics impromptu and that is why a couple of lines does not make sense at all in this video.

Engelbert was born in Chennai and he is an English classic pop singer. When I say Pop, he was an original. Check this cover version of mine here and share your comments.

 

If you do not like my version and if you hate it, please provide me some kaasu; I will record a studio version of this song, add some music instruments and make it sound sexy. Nambikkaidhaan vaaazhkai