Jan 20, 2017

839. Raitha is like Surya to Deva

In the movie thalapathy, Surya (Rajni) was the right hand of Deva (Mammooty). Mammooty derived his strength because of Surya's presence in his team.

In the case of Biriyani, raitha plays a similar role (the image talks about mirchi ka salan). I have seen some people who do not eat Raitha because they are allergic to curd and onion. But those who have tasted Biriyani with raitha would know that it increases the taste of biriyani multi-fold.

I hate it when someone takes Raitha from my plate. I would even part with kuska from my plate; but when someone takes raitha, I would even bite their hands.

Back in college we had a friend Ravi who would steal side dishes from others' plates. He would also do gross stuff on his plate. As soon as he flicks raitha from our plates and transports them to his plate, he would immediately spit on his plate. This would stop anyone from retrieving their side dishes form his plate. This was going on for a long time.  Finally we decided to put an end to his plans. One day when he did his usual flick-spit trick, we all ganged up together and spat together in his plate. It was a mass phlegm movement. He did not expect that at all. He stopped taking raitha from our plate that day.

Why did I post this? If you ever try to flick raitha from my plate, you should be ready to face the phlegm attack from me.


Jan 19, 2017

838. Why did he ask me that kostin?

I have joined quora with hopes of answering some brilliant questions. At the moment, I am answering questions revolving around sports.

Follow me on quora by clicking this : https://www.quora.com/profile/Prason-Christopher-Robin

I have decided not to answer any relationship questions after I saw an 18 year old Quora user attempting to answer questions on topics on bringing up children, divorce. 

Every morning, when I wake up to blog, I would have a few questions in my Quora mailbox to be answered. Today when I opened my Quora inbox, I got this message

How on earth do they come up with such questions? Even the guy who asked viva questions for my Engineering project did not ask such questions to me.

Kohli has a girlfriend and Sunny Leone is married. But how would I know if Kohli has the hots for her? To make the matter worse, the guy who asked the question has a profile name "Sucker". 

Hey Sucker! Why da? Why do you do this to me?


Jan 18, 2017

Jan 17, 2017

836. The curious case of Laplace theorem

Laplace theorem is a term that gives any Engineering student nightmares. For some students, the nightmare lasts for 6 months and for many it is a lifelong horror story.

Laplace theorem is one of the three major stumbling blocks for engineering students not completing their degrees. The other two are
1) Fourier tranforms
2) Digital Signal Processing

But before an engineering student encounters these three stumbling blocks, he or she has to first cross the first level (i,e.) Basic Engineering Mathematics.

I have never understood Laplace theorem at all. For those who have no clue on what I am talking about, please take a look at this picture below

Did you understand anything? Neither did we. When we encountered this in our third semester, we could not make heads or tails out of it. The equation looked like a triangle/pyramid followed by the letter "y". One thing was clear for all of us who tried to mug this equation. We all knew that we would get "0" marks in our exams because the equation itself denoted that to us. If that was not enough to knock us down, we were asked to learn the following equations too.

When all these equations were introduced to us, we had already become numb to pain and all sorts of mental trauma as we were already walking in the campus like dead bodies. Imagine sitting in a class without understanding anything. 

During exam time,we would write these equations in a small chit and take it inside the exam hall with hopes of using it to write answers. But we had no clue on where to apply these formulas. To make matters worse, the exam question paper would look like this,
You can't write stories as answers for these questions. All we could do was, stare at the question paper, look around, cry and leave the exam hall like a guy kicked between his legs. 

A shocking thing happened in my life. In my third semester Laplace university exam, I ended up getting 99 out of 100. When many classmates had failed in that exam, all of them were shocked at my marks. Some even asked me how I lost that one mark; but my head was ( and is still) occupied with the question "How the hell did I get the remaining 99 marks?".


Jan 16, 2017

835. Trolling like a boss

I love men and women who can troll a person without personally taking a dig at them. Recently Jallikattu supporters started attacking actress Trisha and Virat Kohli personally for their association with PETA. People started attacking Trisha's character and some guys attacked Anushka Sharma thinking that the best way to hurt Kohli is by attacking his girl. Trisha had to end up closing her Twitter account.

I am a supporter of Jallikattu; but I felt that attacking a person on their character when they had not gone one on one on an ad-hominem approach was unnecessary. 

I recently came across these two Twitter responses by common men against famous personalities. They made me laugh out loud. They could have taken a dig at these two personalities easily and attacked them personally; yet these guys trolled them big time without hurting them at all. To me, that is the best way to use sarcasm.

1) Vijay Mallya trolled

When Vijay Mallya wished Tamilians across the globe with a Pongal wish, a Twitter user replied to him stating that Kingfisher beers have gone down in quality after his disappearance from India. That was indeed a genius way to troll someone.

2) Treating Subramanian Swamy like a child

Vadivelu comedy dialogues come in handy in all situations. The dialogue used by Parthiban against Vadivelu in a movie came in as the right response to a statement made by Subramanian Swamy.

Amidst all the Jallikattu posts, I found this to be a great one. Jokes like this can make anyone smile. PETA does not even deserve our hatred. PETA should be treated like a comedy piece and should be shown the door.

- Chronicwriter

Jan 15, 2017

834. When you have to fake that you have a boyfriend

It has become a fashion these days to claim that one has a boyfriend even when there is none. When I was 13, I was trying to find cheat codes to clear levels in Prince of Persia computer game; but today 13 year old girls are attempting suicides because of not having a boyfriend.

20 years ago, a teenage girl would be scared to say that  she has a boyfriend; but today it has become a fashion statement for young teenagers to claim that they have a bae. When ever someone uses the term "bae", I could only imagine a goat mooing.

At times girls or boys take this extreme measure (see picture) to claim that they have a boyfriend. What amuses me is that to be accepted in their circle of friends, they go to this extent to create an artificial image for themselves.

I know a friend Sheela (Name changed) who created a fake ID on Facebook with a Handsome guy's profile picture and started addressing him as her boyfriend. That fake ID will show extreme levels of PDA on FB for Sheela and Sheela would be blushing in public. She was doing all this, thinking that her girlfriends would get jealous of her for having a handsome boyfriend. But she was caught soon when she started flirting with a real handsome guy from her fake ID instead of her original ID.

When people can fake an entire relationship and still get away with it, I don't mind these people faking to create an impression that they are in one.


Jan 14, 2017

833. Kissing without permission

I was at this wedding of my friend when an old granny walks up to me,hugs me and kisses my cheeks and says "You look the same when I saw you as a child". As I did not who she was, I asked her if she could tell me how she knew me. 

She replied that she was my mother's English teacher in school in Trichy. I told that my mom did her schooling in Ooty and not in Trichy for which she responded with " Are not you Mohana's son? Are not you Sneha's fiance who just returned from UK?"

I told her that I was already married and that she has got the wrong guy. Immediately she frowned at me, gave a yew expression, wiped her lips and left without even asking a sorry for kissing the wrong guy.

There was this guy in Delhi who randomly started kissing girls and called it a prank. He was arrested yesterday. Should I also file a complaint against this old lady for kissing me? But I don't have a video proof. I infact felt like a Rakhi Sawant being kissed by Mika.

BTW, does anyone know who that Sneha is?


Jan 13, 2017

832. Traditional wear for festival days in office

Corporate companies around the country have an unwritten rule in celebrating native festivals. A mail from the HR would hit our mail boxes asking us to come to work in "Traditional attire". Traditional attire literally translates to Veshti + Shirt for men and Saree + Designer blouses for women.

For men, this gives an opportunity to see their female colleagues in Saree; but women do not have the same happiness because they end up seeing the veshtis falling down more often.

Yesterday, we had our Pongal celebrations at my workplace. As always, we were asked to be in traditional wear. I wore my Pink Jingli Shirt and Pattu veshti. To give the authentic Tamil touch, I wore pattaapatti underaayar inside. I am not gonna post a picture of me revealing my pattaapatti underaayar because I don't want to lose a few more followers for this blog.

A women colleague came to me and asked " Why are you in pink? Is not that a lady's color?" I did not know what to answer her. I never knew that pink has become a private property for the ladies. So I went close to her and whispered in her ears "What makes you think that I may not be a girl?" in Tamanna's voice. She took four steps back, gave me a dirty look and walked away.

This picture exactly depicts my current state of mind. There is a dustbin in the corner of the picture. One side of me has light and one half of me is in darkness. Now don't come up with conspiracy theories stating that I belong to Illuminati.

Yes, My Veshti fell too. But who cares. It has already fallen many times in the past. At least I had my pattapatti costume underneath. 13 years ago, I did not have a pattapatti underaayar. I have gone through worse situations and that has made me a soranai illaadha jeevan.

Click here to read my first veshti falling incident (link)

On other news, Party workers have asked me to preside over jallikattu celebrations. When I was in deep thoughts one party worker clicked the below picture. Apart from presiding over the function, I will also participate as an Aam Aadhmi and  chase the bulls.


Jan 12, 2017

831. Someone is typing

How many of you have seen the content within the red oval on Facebook? When ever I see this on FB, I would have the following questions

  • Who would it be?
  • Is that someone gonna attack me?
  • Is that someone gonna praise me?
  • Is that someone about to post an inspirational comment?

And when the wait prolongs, it would become unbearable. If only I knew who it was, I would have gone to his/her home and asked "Why da? Why are you taking time for ever to post one comment? Are you still choosing your words? Please post the comment soon".

There are people who take at least 30 minutes to type a ten word comment. Such people are the ones who teach you the basics of anger management.

Someone said that "patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting". Now don't tell me "Hey Chriz! If you can write a blog post on patience, why not have the same patience while waiting in the ATM queue to draw money". Don't you dare bring the  "Soldiers in the border"dialogue. 

If yous seriously want to learn patience, try booking a ticket for Pongal to your hometown on IRCTC. Okay! That is a tried and tested old stale joke. I agree; but I am running out of jokes and that is why I am force fitting these one liners in this blog post. I am almost done with this post and still "that someone is typing a comment".


Jan 11, 2017

830. Death of journalism

When I was a child, I used to watch DD NEWS. The mesmerizing voice of Sunit Tandon reading out unbiased, knowledge based NEWS helped me understand the world around me. And then ToI came along. 

Their headlines are worse than statements made by drunk men in a TASMAC bar. See the above picture. This is one of the hundreds of headlines that media channels like Times of India have come up with in the recent past. When the whole world was talking about Meryl Streep's speech at the Golden Globes, ToI came up with this brilliant news about Priyanka Chopra laughing when she was pinched.

When I pinch people, they always get angry. Some have gone on to beat me up too. But ToI claims that Priyanka Chopra laughed out loud when she was pinched. This gives a wrong notion to people that Priyanka Chopra would laugh when she is pinched. I don't want some random Tom or his friend Dick to walk up to her and pinch her and expect her to laugh in the future.

Some months ago,the same paper wrote a 500 word essay on Deepika Padukone's cleavage. They also followed Yuvraj Singh when he went for his honeymoon. The same ToI's first cousin ET was a newspaper that enriched our brains during our MBA days; but why has ToI become like this? 

My friend Richard saw this picture and read it as Sofia's viagra. Avaonda Englisha kuppaila poduradhu irukkatum; but before that let me take ToI to the loo. I have run out of toilet paper. ToI may be a good substitute.