Sep 18, 2018

975. How to control urine

Of all the things in the world, why this topic? I feel that this topic is important for everyone. I like to make this world a better place to live in. And I feel it is important to write this post today.



This post is dedicated to my friend Rajesh who pees everywhere - In his bed, on the road, at work place, in his pants and even while riding the bike (Vadivelu's urine tank bursting scene is also dedicated to him)

Scenario 1: Imagine you are sleeping in your bed. There is a fire in your neighbourhood ( And there is no fire extinguisher) and you decide to extinguish the fire. So you spray water and quench the fire. The dream is over and you open your eyes to see yourself in a pool of urine.

Scenario 2: Imagine you are going on a tour with your friends in a car in National highway. After 3 hours of continuous driving, the car driver stops the car to ease himself. Now you feel like opening up your bladder too

Scenario 3: Imagine you are in a conference room. Your boss is taking a presentation for more than an hour. The A/C is making everyone shiver. The water that you drank an hour ago is now waiting to be freed.

In all these scenarios, I have given a picture perfect situation where you are forced to act on your instinct. How would you handle such a situation? The following five points will help you to control urine in situations where you have no other go. The author recommends these five points only in crisis situations.

1) Shaking Stevens effect: Sit in a chair and shake your legs in a rhythmic motion. You would be able to control urine for 10 minutes. After ten minutes, increase the pace. A human being can hold urine up to 1 hour using this technique
 2) Listen to music: Do you know that listening to instrumental music can help you to hold your pee? If you do not know this fact, you should try it. 
 3) Cross your leg: You can cross your legs to control urine. But you will end up having tears in your eyes if you do so for more than 30 minutes
4) Drink lots of water: This is like treating poison with poison. Drink one bottle of water. Your bladder will start cursing you. Now you can adopt the Shaking Stevens effect to hold your bladder. This method should be tried only by professionals like the author of this page
5) Let out a silent fart: Yes! It works. If you let out a silent fart, urine puts reverse gear and goes inside your body.

I have done masters in this subject and have written many articles and even submitted a thesis on this subject as a part of my MBA dissertation (It was rejected by my jealous guide who always failed to control his urine). I am posting some of those articles here for you to read in your pee (free) time.

Article 1: A gun to your bladder [link] is a study material for students at Harvard
Article 2: Can a girl pee in public [link] is a post I wrote for women empowerment
Article 3: Nitin Gadkari's urine treatment [link] which will make the Bhakts to buy me a free ticket to Pakistan
Article 4: Cheat code to pee in public [link]

-Chronicwriter 
(Bachelors in Engineering in Urine Technology)

974. The struggle with writing anything online

Publishing a blog post ain't that easy anymore. I have to mentally prepare myself for a battle before even attempting to type anything on my blog these days.

Back in those days, it was easy to write a blog post. All I have to do is think of any random subject and just go with the flow. I let out my crazy creative juices in the form of words and that would just do the trick for me. But now a days humour goes through multiple filtering processes before it is accepted as humour by the common Neeta ( It is Neta. But Neeta sounds better and sweet. Hence used the word)

I do have my political stand and religious stand and that would ofcourse have its influence on my writings, even when I write humourous posts.  These days, I have to think twice before writing any line on this blog. Some of the pointers that run in my head when I type a line are 

  • Will my post hurt the sentiments of any particular religion?
  • Will this post hurt women?
  • Will it hurt the sentiments of feminists?
  • Will it hurt the sentiments of Naam Tamlar fans?
  • Will I have to bear the brunt of Modi Bhakths?
Yes I can fight tooth and nail to respond to those who have a different stand against mine. But would that be of any help to any one apart from fueling our egos? The answer is No.

So the point I am trying to make here is that I have moved far away from my brand of humour because of various reasons; some of which are stated above. Fans of a popular actor forced me to shut this blog down for a week when I wrote a film review about his film. But I am not going to give a damn about what others think. Do you know why I don't give a damn anymore?

Because I am none other than Echa Raja's admin. Now don't ask me if the voice in the video was mine? I leave it for the court to decide on it.

-Chronicwriter

Sep 17, 2018

973. Five similarities between me and a lion


I was watching discovery channel where I saw a Lion hunting down a deer and devouring its flesh. It was a Bodhi tree moment for me. I told myself "If that Lion could eat meat, I can eat meat too".  Now don't you tell me that I am not a lion. I have five similarities with the lion.


  1. I am scared of porcupines too
  2. The Lion's backteeth ( carnassals) are sharp like a pair of scissors. My teeth are sharp too. The sugarcanes I havedevoured in my lifetime stand a testimony to the strength of my teeth. I have also bitten 12 people in my life. All of them had to take TT injections.
  3. The lion has a tasseled tail. I have one too. Next time, you meet me, I will show the tail
  4. The lion can kill insects with their fart. Mine can kill human beings too
  5. The lion can sleep up to 20 hours a day. You have to see how I spend my saturdays and you will accept that I am a lion
In fact my dad actually wanted to name me "Lion". But when my mother told him that the folks from the zoo would catch me and take me to the zoo, he changed his mind and named me Prason Christopher Robin. Now having made it clear that I am more or less the lion of the concrete jungle, I can proudly make my claim that I can eat meat too. This includes beef. Eating beef might be banned in India sometime in the future. 

When that day arrives, I will become a vegetarian and transform myself into a goat that eats shrubs and plantation. I don't have any similarities with the goat. Well I can moo like a pregnant goat. It is tough for me to transform myself into a goat. But if that is what the nation wants, I will indeed change because change is the only constant. (Puriyala dhaaney? Same pinch)

If you have read so far, all I can tell you is that you have to bear with me for some more time because I am closing in towards my 1000th blog.

-Chronicwriter

Sep 10, 2018

972. A lesson on respecting elders



In the tamil movie Kushi, the actor Vijay would call his mom by her name. He would not address her as Amma!. When his friend asks him why he calls her Geetha instead of calling her with respect, he would say that Geetha is her name and names have to be used for calling.
When I saw this explanation given by Vijay, I got a little excited. I went to my mom, tapped her on the shoulder and said "Hi Shoba". Immediately I heard a loud noise. It seemed like the power went off. When I opened my eyes, I was experiencing pain on my cheeks

The next week, I went to my class with my mom's hand imprints on my cheeks

Moral: Respect elders

-Chronicwriter

Sep 5, 2018

971. Teachers day wishes to French Ma'm - Ms Sunita


It is teachers day today and everyone are dedicating a post for their favorite teacher. So here is my dedication to a teacher I liked the most when I was in school. 

She never took any classes for me. But I was always found in her class. The other teachers iterally had to drag me out of her class all the time.

In the Tamilnadu education system, in State board syllabus, we had the opportunity to choose between French and other subjects as the second language in 11th standard. Usually people selected French because it was easy to score good marks.

But being the guy who loved his mother tongue, I chose Tamil as the second language. My aunt (Patricia aunty) was my Tamil teacher in my 11th standard. There were 8 students in Tamil class. The rest of them (80 odd students) were in French class. 

The guys always looked forward to the French classes. I did not know why. But one day when I walked past the French class room, I realised why the guys were crazy about French classes. It was because of her.

Her name was Sunita. She was the most beautiful teacher in our town. Now I know you would feel like taking a look at her picture. That is why I have added this picture of Trisha from VTV in this post.

Instead of walking past that class room, I entered the classroom and sat in the front bench. After that day, I would not attend Tamil classes.When it was time for second language classes, I would rush to the French class and sit in the front row. All the guys would be fighting for a seat in the front row.

Sunita ma'm even thought that I was her student. She only realised that I was not a student of her class when my aunt (My Tamil teacher) came to her class and dragged me out of the class. After that day, even when I was in Tamil class room, my mind would be in the French class room. 

I was hundred percent sure that none of the guys in her class understood what she taught because all of them would have been in a frozen state in her classes. The reaction given by the tutorial guys to Parimala Teacher in the movie Boss Engira Bhaskaran was somewhat similar to the reaction given by my batchmates.

If you say that it was the teenage hormones that made us behave that way, I would have to disagree with you all because our Principal Mr Williams also had a similar reaction in front of her. Usually he would talk with an Indian English accent, but while talking with her, the spirit of Lord Mountbatten would descend upon him and he would talk like a British Laaard with a Scottish accent (Inga logic paarkapudaadhu).

But all these silly crushes did not deter me from scoring a centum in Tamil in my public exam in 12th. Because I believed in three things

1) Dedication
2) Decorum
3) Discipline

On this teacher's day, I extend my sincere wishes to Sunita Ma'm. I hope that she would somehow read this blog. I hope that Mr Williams does not come across this blog page.

- Chronicwriter

Note: My Tamil score was 100 out of 200. 

Aug 16, 2018

970. Just mom things


Mothers love their children. That is true. Nothing to deny this fact. But moms do crazy stuff that will make you cringe.

If putting you in your place is an art, my mom is a Picasso in it.  If you are reading this, you might be able to relate with this post.

1. My mom always bought me clothes with a futuristic thought. When I was eight years old, she would buy me clothes that I was supposed to wear when I turned ten. Her common logic would be " You will grow soon and the shirt will become small in no time". If I still argue with her, she would quickly throw the googly " The clothes will shrink after the first two wash. Hence we should buy bigger size clothes". 

2) To avoid this trouble with ready made clothes, I started prefering custom made shirts from a tailor near my house. My mom would accompany me to the tailor shop. When he takes measurement, she would say " Keep an extra inch. He will put on weight".

My mom's dream of me putting on weight and growing up in stature, never came true. I still look like a college kid.
3) When she feels that the weather is cold, she would make me wear the sweater. I hated the month of December. I would be wearing a sweater all the time.

4) She had a knack of counselling others and empathising with them. When her friends come to her asking for parenting advice, she gives them the best advice.

Rani aunty (Name changed): My 7 year old son still wets the bed. What should I do?
My mom: Don't worry. Give him less water to drink before he sleeps. My son Prason used to wet the bed even when he was in class 6
5) When I was in college, I used to take my friends to my house. On one ocassion, my mom was showing them my childhood album

Reena: Aunty who is this boy in his underwear?
My mom: That is Prason! At least in this picture, he is wearing an underwear. He would always run around the house like Archimedes when he was a kid. 

A picture with my mom taken when I was 23 years old.

Some of the common words that she used to utter when I was a kid are flashing across my mind now

  • Prason! How many times have I told you not to enter the house with your mud feet after playing in the ground. Go wash your legs
  • PRASON! It is 7 am! Get out of your bed! NOW
  • Prason! Go flush the toilet
  • Prason! Did you eat the IDLIS. or did you flush them down the toilet?
  • Prason! Did you pee on the bathroom floor? You should pee only in the toilet and not in the shower.
  • Prason! Did you eat the Dairy Milk bar from the fridge? 
  • Prason! Did you put a wet spoon inside the Boost bottle?
I can go on and on with this. But I am stopping it right here. What are the darndest things, your mom has said?

-Chronicwriter

Aug 9, 2018

969. Not all Brahmins?



The last two days made me realise the Dravidian inside me. When I was scrolling across my news feed, I could see many people praising #Kalaignar. But among them were a few people who were spewing venom. Some of these venoms even included false information.

I agree when we do not like a person, we will look at their negatives with hatred; but to spread false information is plain cheap. I could zero down and understand that those were spewing venom belonged to two categories

1) Naam Tamizhar friends of mine.

I have many friends who are followers of Seeman. In fact, I love certain schemes and thoughts of Seeman. But the manner in which those friends spread false information made me lose my respect for them. I can only feel sorry for them.Will dedicate a separate post for them later

2) Brahmin friends of mine.

Except for one Brahmin friend of mine (my bestie), the rest showed their true colours in the last two days. One friend who gets angry with the #notallmen foolishness, went on to create a hashtag #notallbrahmins

This post is for this second group of people. I don’t think I need to address the first group of people; but I need to convey this to the privileged class

It was the year 1990.

I was 8 years old. I studied in Morton English Primary School. I was in class 3. I had a class mate. Her name was Lakshmi Priya. She always got the first rank in class tests. Whenever I could not attend classes, I would go to her house to get her class notes. 

Whenever I reached their house, I would be asked to remove my sandals outside the compound wall (not outside the house). Then I would be asked to come to the backyard. I will be made to stand near the grinding stone which was at the backdoor. 

Her mother would keep the note book on the thinnai. I will be allowed to keep my notebook on the thinnai and copy from her classnotes. I thought that they were a disciplined family and hence followed this. 

When I am done with copying from her classwork, her granny would come with a mug of water and pour it on the thinnai and wash it with a broomstick. I did not know why she was doing this. One day when I told my mother about this discipline in Lakshmipriya’s house, my mom with tearful eyes told me “From now on, you need not go to her house”.

I did not understand the reason for many years

Cut to the year 1999.

Till then I did not know such a thing called as caste. At home, they never explained to me about the caste system. Even while learning about the caste system in school text books, I studied it only as a subject and I never related it with me or my classmates. 

His name was Santhosh. He used to come to school with a big Tirusul mark on his forehead. I did not know that it was his caste symbol. I was short and hence was made to sit in the front bench. He was tall; but still chose to sit in the front bench. 

It was a practice for school teachers to ask questions to students. I was not the extremely studious guy. I would score in the 80s. Whenever I answered a question correctly, he would either slap me or pinch me and say “Dai parapayaley! Nee ellam padichu enna panna pora” (Hey “caste-name-boy! What are you gonna do by studying?”). I did not even know that the word “parapayan” referred to a caste. 

But I considered it as a cuss word because he would use it in an angry tone. When I shared it with my uncle, he told me that parayar  was actually a caste name and brahmins considered them too low. My uncle also told me that I did not belong to that caste. 

As a Christian, I don’t have a caste, but because our roots came from the caste system, even Christians would ask me which family I belonged to. After a point of time, I started replying to Santhosh by saying “Yes, I am a parapayan! So, what?” 

One of my workplaces

There was this colleague of mine who wrote a mail to the HR stating that I was bringing beef to the cafeteria and it was causing disharmony among employees in the organisation. How I handled that issue is another story.

My bestie

Yes! he is a brahmin. We have different spiritual beliefs. We have different political beliefs. But we eat beef together and we talk about politics and religion freely. I have never seen him degrading people based on caste!  For me he is a shudra; he is a kshatriya, he is a vaishnavite and above all, a human being.

These are just three incidents I have mentioned that has happened in my life. And I love Kalaignar for putting all the caste fanatic Brahmins in their place. 

Next time I see someone saying “Don’t generalise all those who hate Kalaignar based on caste!”, I would just smile and say “Okay my dear Dalit friend! I hear you. But nee konjam moodikittu iru”

- A fellow Dalit (Chronicwriter)

Jul 10, 2018

968. A few seconds before happiness

If you search on the internet using the phrase " A few seconds before happiness", you will be seeing this picture taken in the year 1955. 

You might have also seen this picture on Instagram and as forwarded messages. Today, my friend Madhu sent me this picture. She knows I love dogs.

This picture immediately pulled me back to my childhood. I was 10 years old then. We used to live in Chellakan street in water tank road in Nagercoil.

The uncles in that street were fond of me. All of them knew that I loved dogs. There was this Gabriel thatha who would come home every evening and teach songs to my sister and me. He also told me stories about puppies.

Then there was this thatha called Devadoss. My mom used to call him uncle and hence I also called him uncle. On 1st April 1993, he came and pressed the door bell. I went and welcomed him.

Just look at this picture here. That is how I welcomed him. He was holding something in his hand. I thought he had some chocolate in his hand. But then he brought it forward and there was this little fur bundle. A cream cockerspaniel puppy.

We named him Bubbly because he was Bubbly. He lived for exactly 10 years and Bubbly was literally a part of my life. Read more about Bubbly here [link]. After Bubbly passed away, I could never fathom the idea of having a pet dog in my house because the void left behind by him is something that I have not come to terms with even now.

Today, there are around 5 street dogs that sleep in front of my house and they will not let any strangers near my house. My daughter Anya is asking me to get her a pet dog. I am still contemplating. Probably she might be having her " a few seconds before happiness" moment soon.

- Chronicwriter

Jun 28, 2018

967. Ignorance is bliss

This image captures my performance in my bachelor of engineering degree in the best way possible. 

I scraped through that 4 year course without having a clue about "Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering". 

Now I work in an IT firm as a marketing head. This is what Engineering does to many people in my country.

I loved mathematics during my school days. But Engineering made me hate that subject. I still remember the name "A. Singaravelu". 

We literally had to study the books he wrote to clear Basic Engineering mathematics, Laplace theorem, Fourier transforms. 

All these are con names of mathematics papers that attacked us in each semester. After every mathematics exam, my reaction was similar to that of Mr. Yogi's  in this  picture. At least some of us get over this confused state and walk out of it when we start working.

But there are few lovely souls who still linger in the same wavelength even when they become the EVP of their workplace. No I am not taking a dig at the person you have in mind. May be I am.

-Chronicwriter

966. Keep your respect with yourself


At times we feel like showing our respect and gratitude to those we admire and look up to. That does not mean, that we need to show that respect always for everyone to see. At times, we can keep that respect with ourselves. It will not only preserve our sanity; but also avoid cringe-worthy situations for others.

Shankar was the comedian in the 8th standard C section class. He made a fool of himself when ever he tried to string a sentence in English. Back in those days, officers from the board of education will make surprise visits to schools to access how well the teachers are teaching. So one day, when they made the surprise visit, the board representative chose Shankar to interview him about the class and the class teacher.

Board Representative: What is your favorite subject

Shankar: Maths

Board Representative: So tell me what is the square root of 16

Shankar: _______________ (Blank look)

Board Representative:  Does your teacher teach you well

Shankar: He hardly teaches us (He actually meant that the teacher is a hard worker and he teaches us well)

The board representative took the teacher aside, spoke with him in a stern tone and left.

Fast forward to the year 2017. Shankar has now successfully completed his bachelors program. Nothing has changed much with respect to his language skills. He is now given the responsibility to welcome the chief guest of the graduation ceremony. He goes on the stage and opens with the line

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Today we have an impotent man among us.

(He actually meant "Important"). Remember the Balatkar joke from the movie "Three Idiots"? A similiar scene has finally become a reality. After his welcome speech, he walks down the stage with his head held high. The tamasha did not stop there. When his turn came to receive the award, he thought of seeking the blessings from the chief guest while receiving the award. The above picture captures this blessed moment. 

-Chronicwriter