The Complete Humor man since 1982

Mar 26, 2015

On 3/26/2015 | By Chriz
When Indian's lost the match, people were telling that we had to finally give it back. But logically speaking we still won't give it back. See the picture below.


See the 2011 world cup closely. It is different from the 2015 world cup.

We said that we won't give back the 2011 world cup and we still hold on to our statement (SELF THOO)

We never told that we won't give back the 2015 world cup.

See the 2015 world cup closely. It has lot of patch works at the base. 

I feel like vomiting looking at that 2015 world cup. 

Let the Aussies or the Black Caps keep it. 

We don't need that patch work  world cup. We are content with 2011 world cup.

- Chronicwriter

Mar 21, 2015

On 3/21/2015 | By Chriz
They had this rule in college that if the boys don't have a clean shaven face they would have to pay a fine. 

I have paid the fine many a time, because I never like to shave my beard.

It was also because of the fact that someone some where created a rumor in college that the girls liked guys with beard/ rubble. 

I believed the rumor all through my college life. The rumor never became a reality.

At work place too, I was asked by my boss to shave off my beard. But I always found a way to have a beard on my face. The Abraham Lincoln look and the French beard look always came to my rescue during those days.  No one could make me shave off my beard at any point of time. 

A happy Anya when I started to shave
The only person who has a say on my beard is my daughter Anya. 

When she takes my shaving blade and hands it over to me with the words "Appa Kave pannikka pa" (Appa , Please Shave), I have no other option but to obey her. 

If I do not shave, she does not allow me to kiss her nor does she kisses me. 

This is one reason I have a cleanly shaven face all the time (these days).

- Chronicwriter

If you want to know about my first shaving experience, click here [ link ]

Mar 18, 2015

On 3/18/2015 | By Chriz
Dear Internet explorer,

You asked me many times whether I wanted to keep you as my default web browser. 

I ignored you all the time. 

I made fun of you. 

I also made memes out of you and kalachufied (made fun of) you. 

You know, even when I made fun of you, you would still ask me whether I wanted you as my default browser. 

I snubbed you and have always turned down your proposal. 

My answer "No Thanks" would have hurt you. 

But I never for once stalled and thought how hard it must have been for you.



Now I heard the news that your owners are gonna shut you down. 

I don't know if they are gonna repackage you and present you to us in another name called "Sparta". But I might not recognise you by then.

I disowned you for that firefox girl and later ditched her for that chrome blonde. I three timed on all you three before I ditched you for good. Now I feel bad.




I used to get irritated when the above situation arose (see the above picture). I would just restart the desktop computer not knowing what to do. 

Now I would not have the privilege to do that because you are gonna leave. I have only memories with me.

I might have cheated you for Chrome; but do you know that Chrome troubles me a lot with many browser viruses these days.

I still have you in a corner of my heart.

I hope that I recognise you when you come in a repackaged format so that I don't treat you the same way Sridevi treated KamalHassan in Mundram Pirai.

Do you know one thing? I typed this post in your lap. Yes I used IE browser to type this post. 

I know you would have felt my agony filled finger impressions on the keyboard as I typed this post.

I sign off with tears in my eyes. You were slow; but you were sweet.

I have realised your importance only when you are about to leave the stage.

Your Ungrateful Ex-User
Chronicwriter


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Mar 16, 2015

On 3/16/2015 | By Chriz

Note : The faces of some of the people in the post are not shown for public view for privacy reasons.

Disclaimer : This post is based on a True Story

Warning : The girls in the picture are my relatives. They have given me permission to write about this incident in my blog. Don't you dare mess with them.

The Wedding Crashers

Becky (Red T shirt) and Kintoo (Green T shirt) were taking a stroll to get some groceries. These two girls are cousins and also  great friends. They come across a wedding hall where they hear amazing music. The dancing spirit inside them awakens them and they are drawn into the hall by the music. They did not plan to gate crash at a wedding reception. But they were inside the hall.

So here are two girls inside a wedding reception auditorium. All the ladies decked up in sarees and the Men in Veshti and Formal attire and our two ladies were standing there in a green and red angry bird T shirts and bathroom slippers. Becky and Kintoo looked at the couple and had no idea who they were nor did they know anyone in that hall.

Noticing two girls loitering near the entrance, the grandfather of the groom called the brother of the groom and asked him to welcome the two lovely ladies. So the brother of the groom ( White color attire in the picture) invited them and made them sit. The two girls could have just sat there, sipped on some juice and left the place; but they decided to take this one step forward. I do not know if it was Becky's idea or Kintoo's; they made their mind not to leave that place without meeting the couple and wishing them.

So the next minute, these two girls stand in the queue and walked up to the stage. When the couple saw them, they had no idea who these two girls were. Yet they had to pretend like they did know them. So they gave the usual broad smile. Becky decided to break the suspense and she whispered to the bride ," Hey you don't know us and we don't know you. Please pardon the way we are dressed. We just wanna wish you an amazing married life". 

The bride and the groom laughed at her truthfulness and thanked both of them. This is when the brother of the groom ran to the stage and introduced  Becky and Kintoo as his friends to the couple. They pose for a picture and when they came down, they danced for a while to the lovely music. They were also offered dinner but they did not eat because they got a call from home asking them to bring the 1/2 kg tomatoes to cook for dinner at home.


Additional Information : The brother of the groom did not get Becky's and Kintoo's phone numbers.

-Chronicwriter

Mar 15, 2015

On 3/15/2015 | By Chriz
After the world cup 2015 Sri Lanka won't have the services of Mahela Jayawardene, Sangakara and Dilshan. The latter two are in the form of their lives and when they hang their pads and gloves SriLanka's top order will become so weak that even the Nepalese Cricket team would take their chances against them in Asian tournaments.

The toe breaker Malinga will also announce his retirement after the world cup. It is gonna be a herculean task for the Sri Lankan team to find proper replacements for these greats.



Their retirement reminds me of the loss that the cricket team I was a part of faced when I retired from the team. I retired because I was never included in the playing 11 even after being in the team for more than 10 years. I was allowed to bowl in the nets and I would bat for long hours too but I was never entertained in the playing 11. After I announced my retirement (which they never bothered), the team never ever had a 12th man like me. Now when I see the pads, groin guard, gloves, cap and the helmet, I feel that I could have at least sold them to Rohan Gavaskar and bought dates and had eaten them. At least the iron content in my body would have gone up.

Another great batsman who will be sorely missed is Brendon Taylor of Zimbabwe. There are some players who always end up in the wrong team. Zaltan for Sweden is a classic example.

If Brendon Taylor had been in Pakistan, they would have preserved him for a century. Zimbabwe could not afford him and he is going to England. We already have great examples of Peterson, Eoin Morgan suffering big time in the hands of the Brits. Taylor might join that list too; but he has to wait for 3 years to be officially selected for the English team.

Taylor's sudden move across countries reminds me of the career shift I made from India to Singapore and then back to India. The grass is greener on the other side because the other side is full of bull shit. Those who have gone through this phase in life will understand what I am talking about.



Pakistan will also lose the services of Afridi, Misbah and Younis Khan after the world cup. Misbah has been a sorry figure in the Pakistan cricket team for almost a decade now. He does everything for the team and his team mates stab him when he is about to finish the project. Afridi on the other hand  said that he will beat the fastest century record in this world cup. How ever in this world cup, his batting is so bad that Ishant Sharma and Rohit Sharma could actually smile in peace knowing that there is a batsman who is a bigger flop than them. Finally Younis Khan! This gentleman was never understood by anyone. No one knows why he was selected in the Pakistan cricket team, nor does he know the answer for the same question. He will also leave the green turf with that broad smile he always displays.

I also do not know why I have this blog; yet I always publish a blog post with that smile that I expect the reader to have on his or her face while reading this post. I will finally hang the boots one day. Keep Smiling

-Chronicwriter

Mar 6, 2015

On 3/06/2015 | By Chriz
Meet Mr Vishal Malhotra who dons the role of the Pakistan cricket fan in the Star Sports Ad series featured in this year's world cup.


This Hunk who is also a Harvard product. (Harvard school Delhi :P ) is a biker and an upcoming model. He is the talk of the country now. People have the question "Who is this guy?". The Indian fan who acts in this ad has not become as famous as Vishal. He is also an excellent dancer and excels in Salsa and other dance forms. Here in this picture below, you can see him teaching some steps to SRK.


And if you are wondering who this guy in the below picture is, you gotta know about him because sooner or later, this guy will make it big in the advertising scene. Meet. Mr Suresh Triveni- the brain behind this ad series.


If you had carefully seen this ad, the script also carries some collaborative marketing (Yepme) and subliminal marketing techniques. The makers have made the Indian supporters to watch closely and wait for the next ad; with an equal anticipation they give to the real match that India plays in the world cup. Well done Bubblewrap Studios.

Note: This is the third ad that made me to do some research on the amount of work that went behind the making of the ad ( The Hutch ad and the Fevicol ads were the other two ads where I spent much time to research during my MBA days)

- Chronicwriter 

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Mar 3, 2015

On 3/03/2015 | By Chriz
Beef lovers in Maharashtra got a great shock as President Pranab Mukherjee has given his assent to the Maharashtra Animal Preservation (Amendment) Bill, 1995, 20 years after the Maharashtra Assembly passed the Bill during the BJP-Shiv Sena rule in 1995.

Reacting to this news, 25000 cows celebrated by dancing to the tunes of the OST of farmville game. Talking to News Reporters, 7 year old Mamta Mookarni, a black and white cow said that she could now walk around the streets of Mumbai in peace without having to go through the anxiety of when she will be slaughtered by the Qureshis.

17 year old muscle flexing Palapathy Kujay told reporters that if the same rule can be implemented in South India, it would help his south Indian cousins from going through the torture they were going through all these years.

The cows started mooing to the tunes of "Selfie Pulla" a popular song from a Tamil movie. Some cows were even seen giving the lion's roar. There would not be any leather shoes and any killing of cows or even bulls anymore in Mumbai and surrounding places.

A very shy 4 year old  "Sonney Leony" finally came out of her shy nature and gave a soul stirring speech to the 25000 cows gathered to celebrate the good news. She said that if humans can stop drinking cow urines, the cow community will feel more happy . Few cows ended up having dysentery after listening to her speech.

If you want to drink Urine, drink your own Urine like the late Morarji Desai. Why do you drink our Urine? We do not appreciate that at all. - Sonney Leony

The President of the All India Cow Union - Mr. SuSu Swami said that 3rd March will be celebrated all over the world as International Cow Day. He gave an inspiring two hour speech in which he highlighted the 73 different types of ill treatments that cows had to go through all these years.

Known for inviting trouble with his loose talk, Susu Swami said that the Government should also ban human beings from touching the breasts of cows.

If human beings want to drink something, let them drink carrot juice or mango juice, why do they have to drink Cow juice "Milk". Because of human beings milking our women, 78 % of calves are suffering from malnutrition. More over it is an act of molestation - Susu Swamy

All the other cows Mooed in agreement to the inspirational speech of Susu Swamyji. The above picture is a Picture of Susu Swamy when he took a selfie after making his speech. Secret reports reveal that one human being even tried to milk Susu Swamy without realising that he was a Bull.

The human beings, on the other hand are divided with their views. The Vegans were laughing to glory and the Non Vegetarians were cribbing big time in Social media. What if beef is banned in Maharastra? We can still eat the other animals and birds.

-Chronicwriter

Feb 26, 2015

On 2/26/2015 | By Chriz
When I was 5 years old, I used to run away from my home when ever my mom made idlis for breakfast ( 8 am).

I will run to the end of the street, wait there for some time and when no one cares about me, I will walk back slowly to the house. (8:15 am)

I did not have enough money to run back to Bangkok; nor did my mom tell me that she will make me the party president of the house to lure me back home. 

I will slowly walk back home only to find that no one at home had even missed me for the short period I ran away from home.

The front door will be locked. I will slowly walk around the house and try to sneak in through the back door. My mom knew all my moves. So she will lock the back door too. I will finally start saying  "I am sorry mom. I won't run away again". She will hear me; but would pretend as if she had not heard my cry. 

I will go on asking sorry for some more time. In the mean time she would have finished her household chores and because of that she would allow me inside the house. She will open the back door and I will walk in with my head hanging down low.( 9:30 am) I would think that the problem had ended; but in reality the problem for me starts only when I return home.

My mom would bring those 4 idlis (Now they would be super cold) and ask me to eat them. I considered eating idlis as a big time punishment even when they were hot. But eating cold, dry and hard idlis was capital punishment for me. I would plead with her and ask her to make maggi noodles for me. Mom would take the plate and keep it on the floor near the bathroom and tell me to go and kneel down near the plate and finish the idlis. I will swallow the idlis in no time.

But at times, when my mom places the plate of idlis near the bathroom and asks me to kneel down and eat them; I would wait for an opportunity to check if she was watching me. If her concentration was not on the plate of idlis, then two idlis will fly out through the window to the neighbours house. 

On one such idli throwing day, my throw ended up falling on the neighbour aunty's head. She created a big scene and my mom got so furious that the punishment intensity went on to a whole new level that day. My mom never punished me with big canes or sticks. All she used was a couple of coconut sticks. 

The coconut sticks are evil sticks. They look so thin like Ishant Sharma but they sting like Mike Tyson. They leave their mark on the legs. On days when I had marks on my legs, I will pull up the socks all the way to my thighs so that my classmates (girls) do not see the marks and mock at me.

So with the neighbours house rules out, the next location I chose to throw the idlis was the toilet. I became an expert in throwing the idlis that Limba Ram would have started to feel jealous of my aim , if only he had seen my idli throwing skills. But that did not continue for a long time too. 

My sister caught me red handed on one such occasion. I pleaded with her not to tell mom. But how could she miss such an opportunity especially when we were like a cat and a mouse at home? This time I went to school with my thigh high socks for almost a month. The impact was so deep. Mom hated anyone wasting food.

Now I am married and I have a kid of my own. Now Idli is my favourite food item. This morning when my wife was feeding idlis to my daughter, she said " Enakku idli vendaa" and I thought to myself "History repeats".

-Chronicwriter

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