The Complete Humor man since 1982

Sep 16, 2014

On 9/16/2014 | By Chriz
It is a common unwritten fact in the world of ads that "Sex" and "Women" sell and convey a point across. This is why we see women acting in lungi ads for men, perfume ads and all the ads where they are not even needed to be portrayed in the first place.

This post goes one step forward in analysing how different products, apps and services are using women and sex to promote their products through Facebook.

If you are a Facebook user, you would have come across "Sponsored Ads" , "Featured Ads" appearing on your timeline. These are paid Ads promoted through Facebook. People can promote the ads targeting age, gender, location of a user and many more categories.

The pictures used in the post are screenshots gathered by Chronicwriter from the ads that appeared on his mobile phone and while using FB through his lap top. So the ads will be a mixture of mobile app related ads and Page Like increasing ads.

Sit back, relax and get ready for a Maanam ketta Gubeer laugh marathon.

1) The formal lady.

This app appeared on my mobile phone and I felt that the lady was looking right at me. Only later I realised that this was a social media dashboard promotion. We are just getting started. So Neenga edhir paarkuradhu will come.



2) The Swimsuit camera user.

Can you find one reason why the swim suit lady is used for this ad? It is a shopping app, where they sell products. 


3) The Cleavage copywriter.

Now don't go on a judging spree and throw a tantrum. If they are promoting a copywriter, they can show a caption that showcases their creative copy content. But a girl with horse hair and a low cut blouse does not convey the reality.




4) The camera girl

This group claims that they are India's one and only interactive online photography institute. There are three such institutes in my locality itself. Here also, a girl is needed to focus the camera.



5)The Quikr girl

Quikr is the last place I will search for a job. These days people are dating using Quikr. Again a girl model is used for this ad. This is targeted for male audiences. 


6) Online MBA girl

This is an Online MBA course and it means that you need not go to class rooms or a college campus to do this course. This girl is not even gonna become my classmate. But sure this girl is more than enough to capture the attention


7) Music App

To listen to Honey Singh, why does she need to sit on his lap?  and when a person gets a chance to meet Honey Singh, would he allow a Guy to sit on his lap like that? But this ad also expresses the gilma effect to the viewers.


8) The girl's butt

This is a social networking app it seems. The ad directly gives an impression that you can take any girl to bed by just joining the site.


9) Back pain Ad

Would you smile like this and pose like this when you have back pain? But the models sure can.


10) Online MBA again

Some more Online MBA courses. NIBM! You are a jagajaala killadi.


11) Now a University

They could actually tell the courses they offer in the ad. Instead a girl occupies half their ad space.


12) The cute bank girl

It is an App by ICICI. The cute girl will indeed catch the user attention.




 13) MBA in USA

Now how many guys want to do an MBA in USA?


14) MTV ad

This is why I am scared to watch MTV at home. I never know what pops up on TV. Sunny Leone for a music channel Ad.


15) Shruthi 

Finally they have used Shruthi too for a lousy mobile recharge ad :(



16) The tablet girl

How many of you saw the tabs before seeing the girl?

17) Social Networking App again

I have never seen people like this lying on the sand near my house. 


-Chronicwriter

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Sep 9, 2014

On 9/09/2014 | By Chriz
Saeed Ajmal has been banned from bowling in any format of the game because his bowling action has found to be illegal it seems. After failing to find this for all these years a veenaa pona committee has suddenly found that his bowling action 15 degrees of tolerance when the ball is released from his hands. It has been stated that even his doosra is illegal. 

What really baffles me is that the number one bowler in the world has ended up at the receiving end after taking more than 400 wickets in his career. In the past, bowlers like Muralidharan have also fallen victim to the cricket's governing body.

This is the bowling action that has been labelled by the special SWAT team as the illegal bowling action. His arm is bent more than 15 degrees at the time of releasing the ball (It seems). Where was this SWAT team all these years?



If that Bowling action is illegal, What about this bowling action of Malinga? May be Malinga might not have a 15 degree bend in the arms. But he bowls almost 90 degree from his shoulders. His bowling action reminds me of  a friend Rajesh who was a discuss thrower.



If at least one can bear with Mallinga's action, what would your answer be for Paul Adam's bowling action? That guy had a bowling action that only drunk people in Rave parties could relate to. He used to run into the crease like a pregnant ostrich and then suddenly hop like a constipate frog before delivering the ball with a 360 spin. 



ICC accepted that action as a bowling action but has banned Saeed Ajmal's action.

Srini Mama! Tussi Great Ho

-Chronicwriter

Sep 3, 2014

On 9/03/2014 | By Chriz
We live in a time where there is a duplicate product for every original. Brands like Nike and Reebok have duplicate products that look almost similar. The first copy products will indeed have same brand names and many buyers fall for it.

In the movie Industry, many movies are shamelessly copied from other films. The recent blockbusters in Tamil- Sarabam and Jigirthanda are shamelessly copied from foreign language movies. But still the copied versions seem to be lot better than the original ones. 

Dhoni is known for his Helicopter shots. But Sachin Tendulkar invented it long before Dhoni made it popular. At times, the copy cats become popular than the original inventors of a particular subject.

This has been the case with Federer and Djokovic. These two tennis players are indeed the best players of the current generation. Federer is known for his passing shots and his volleys. Djokovic is known for his comic acts and is called as the Joker by tennis enthusiasts.

Even though these two are great tennis players, they have shamelessly copied two shots and made it their own without giving due credit to the original inventor of the shot.

Federer has popularised the Tweener shot (shot between the legs). Djokovic has popularised the behind the back shot. But they have never ever admitted that they copied these shots from Puratchi Thalaivar Dr. MGR.

Dr. MGR played these two shots while playing an epic ball badminton match against International women's champion B Sarojadevi in the song "Parakkum Bandhu Parakkum". It is believed that Federer and Djokovic watched youtube videos of the song and decided to copy those shots. They might use these shots in this year's US open tennis tournament too.



Chronicwriter detective team is posting this message as a strong warning to the two frauds. We demand a public apology from Federer and the Joker within 72 hours. If they fail to apologise within 72 hours, we will make a mass movement and will spam their fan pages on FB as we did to Maria Sharapova.  Mind it

-Chronicwriter

Aug 29, 2014

On 8/29/2014 | By Chriz



The picture defines my six months stay in Chennai in the year 2003 for my Engineering project work. Ever since I watched the movie Alaipayuthey during my college days, my dream was to go to Chennai and fall in love with a girl in the railway station.

After coming to Chennai , I had spent many days in the same spot where Madhavan is standing in the above picture. I have the same red T shirt and Black Jean trousers and a coolers that I bought for Rs 100. But not even a single girl turned her attention towards me at that time.



The movie Alaipayuthey was a cult hit at that time and all of us wanted to be like Madhavan. We all knew "The love proposal scene" by heart. But I never had the guts to do what he did there. I stayed in Tambaram and every evening I would board the train from Tambaram railway station. 

Her name was Neelima. She used to board the train from Chrompet station. That's how I figured out that she was a student of MIT college in Chrompet. I would see her getting into the same compartment everyday and made sure that I was also in the same compartment that she got in. 

The first few days, she did not even notice me. But as she was smart, she found out that I was following her everyday. Some days I will hide in the compartment and she would search for me and aftersome time I would emerge out from no where and give a supposedly romantic smile at her and she would put her face down. 

One day, I gathered up all courage and went and stood near her. She got scared a little bit. I was among the very few people who had a mobile phone in 2003. I took the mobile phone and showed off. I knew I got the attention I needed. I played some ring tones  ( monotones) and she enjoyed it.

Soon it became an every day habit for me to stand next to her. She would smile at me and I would smile at her. But I did not gather any courage to speak to her. I would play the Snake game on my mobile phone and she will watch me play the game over my shoulder.

"Can I also play?", I heard that sweet voice caressing my ear drums and that floored me and the next minute, my mobile phone was in her hands and she started to play using the mobile phone. When I came back to reality I decided to talk with her.

"What is your name?"

"Neelima and yours?"

"Chriz! What do you do?"

" 2nd year CSE at MIT. What about you?"

" Final year EIE from Pondicherry. I am here in Chennai for my final year project"

"Wow. That's nice. Project?"

"Yes, Project in Nungabbakam. Where do you stay?"

" I stay in Egmore Police Quarters "

Is she a Police man's daughter? I had shivers down my spine. I went silent. She gave me "Why so silent look" and said "My Dad is the SP of Chennai". This was the precise moment I literally peed in my pants. My alter ego told me not to get too intimidated by what she said. 

I closed my eyes and imagined what and all would happen if her dad catches me. I felt someone patting my shoulder. I still kept my eyes closed.  "Is Neelima touching my shoulder?". I felt so good. I still kept my eyes closed hoping she would touch me again. Suddenly she Kissed me on my cheeks. I was shocked and opened my eyes.

What I saw petrified me to the core. I was surrounded by three eunuchs and one of them said, "Why are you acting as if you are sleeping. Give us money". Out of fear, I immediately gave them some money. I looked to my left and Neelima started to laugh at me. When the eunuchs left the place, she said ,"Anna, You are so lucky". That was a heartbreaking statement for me because she called me Anna (Brother in Tamil). I took the mobile phone from her hands and got down at the next station and walked away slowly with tears in my eyes.

It has been 11 years now and even now when I travel in an electric train, I remember that incident as if it happened just yesterday. The Eunuchs still terrorise us even today. I do not know what happened to Neelima. I never saw her again.

- Chronicwriter

Aug 22, 2014

On 8/22/2014 | By Chriz
If you do not understand Tamil, you might misinterpret the post title and relate it to LIFE OF PI. Let me make it simple for you. Kaakaa Pi in tamil translates to Crow Shit. If you are giving that dirty stare and thinking "Why would this idiot have to write an article on this topic?", I assure you that there is a reason behind this post.

My friend Anjali pinged me and said "Hey Chriz! I dare you to write a post on the title I give you".

I was confused for sometime on what she had in mind because of one reason - she is crazier than me and she does weird things that you would even scare to dream of. Now if you are gonna search my FB friend list for Anjali, let me assure you that I have changed her name on purpose. I took her challenge. She gave me three topics for blogging. I am supposed to write on all 3 topics. The first topic she gave was "Kaakaa Pi". I will try to maintain decency, dignity and decorum while attempting to write on such a dangerous topic.

Kaakaa Pi

Kaakaa (Crow) is the most populous and popular bird in India. It can be found everywhere across the country.

You can find a kaakaa in the poorest of poor slums in the country and also in the house of Ambani.

Statistics reveal that every human being above the age of 3 in India has been a victim of Kaakaa Pi.

The crows have covered the largest land mass across the country in shitting space. We will analyse strategically about the biological activity of crows in this post.

1.Kaakaa Pi in tiffin boxes

Every school student in India would have had the experience of receiving a surprise kaakaa pi in their tiffin boxes during their lunch time. Many of us have even tasted kaakaa pi by mistake thinking that we are eating pickle or thovayal ( a coconut based side dish).

Crows have the knack and aim of correctly dropping their magic portions inside the tiffin boxes. The children of today are missing this great gift mainly because there are no trees in schools these days and children seldom sit under a tree to have their lunch.

2.Kaakaa Pi on National leaders

Kaakaa's have the audacity and courage to shit on the statues of National leaders. In India ,you can't find a single statue without a stamp of authority from the rear side of a crow. Human beings can never even think about doing this. It is a crime to do such an activity on the statues of national leaders and if anyone does that , they will land up in jail.

3.Kaakaa Pi on cars.

Anyone who owns a car, would have wiped kaakaa Pi from their car windshields. If you own a car in India and if your car has not been blessed with love marks of a crow, it should be a miracle of sorts.

4.Kaakaa Pi on heads.

Crows have the amazing ability to aim right at our heads too. If a crow shits on your head, just add a little water to it and ruffle your hair. It would act as a wonderful hair gel that is far better than any hair gels you will find in the market.

If you are wondering why the crow in the picture is so fat, let me tell you that she has a full tummy and she is just about to do her magic. Believe me it is a crow and not a black pigeon.

-Chronicwriter

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On 8/22/2014 | By Chriz
Cricket is a game that flows in the blood, veins, mind, soul, urine and tears of Indians. We are the same people who will say that we should give equal importance to other sports; but during the IPL season, we ditch all the other sports for our game. Dog's tail cannot be straightened. 

Usually boys love the game of cricket a lot more than girls. But in the recent past, the girls have also shown a lot of interest in the game of cricket. The reason for boys liking the game more than girls (generalisation) is explained in this post.

It all goes back to our school days. Every Indian school boy automatically becomes a cricket expert during their school time. I was introduced to book cricket when I was in class 3. When I was in class 6 , I had become a book cricket expert. The rules of the game was simple. We had to close the book and open it . The number that appears is the run scored by the person who opens the book. We are supposed to just look at the even number pages. 2,4,6 equated to the runs scored by the player. If 8 appears, it is taken as 1 run. Zero is the dreaded number and when ever a person opens a page that had zero, it means that the batsman is out. 

My science book was the most sought after book in the whole class. It was fine tuned so that only 4s and 6s get opened when I play with it. When I play, I will usually have an audience around me. Everytime a batsman scored a century, they would applaud and I would raise my book in the air. I made it sure that Sachin always scored a century. To add tension to the people around me, I would score just ones once Sachin reaches the ninety mark. Then when he reaches 99, I will hit a huge six and everyone would erupt in joy. One day my science teacher "DCM" saw me playing book cricket and he confiscated the book and asked me to buy another science book. I lost form and completely lost touch with the new book. 

After a few months, DCM gave that book to me. I had no great interest in science. But that book made me love science more than anything. Even during the examinations, I was able to remember the answers for the questions based on the page numbers. In page 186, the answer for ions was found in the bottom left paragraph. I still remember that page 66 was all about germination of seeds. Page 126 had details about biotic and abiotic organisms. In fact cricket helped  me a lot in educating me about science. I preserved that book for a long time. When I moved to college in 1999, my folks cleaned my bookshelf and with that my favourite science book also disappeared.

RIP - Class VI science book. ( 1992-1999)

-Chronicwriter
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Aug 20, 2014

On 8/20/2014 | By Chriz
One day I will die
I don't know how that would be.

It might be an accident; a peaceful one in sleep; a murder or a natural disaster
I don't know how that would be

When my body is laid to rest, would I look handsome?
I don't know how I would look.

Some may cry; Some may be happy; many might not even know that I am gone
I don't know how that would be

My loved ones might be around my body; They would be talking about me; Many would lie and say all good things about me. At the same time there would be people who would say, "Good riddance"
I don't know how that would be

I have come across different people in my life. I have helped a few; I have been a pain for many. Have befriended many; Unfriended a few. Friends are many and foes are there too. But when I am gone, would I still leave a scar in your heart?

This post might be heavy; I am not the only one who is gonna die. You will die too. 

When you are alive, have you brought happiness to someone? That's the sole reason for the existence of  this blog. 

I am sure it would have made someone smile at some part of their lives. 

Some posts might not have had the humour touch.; but still I strive to make someone in some part of the world to forget their sadness and smile. If you are planning to do something today, do it today. Don't postpone it. Pick that phone and reconcile with that someone with whom you have not spoken.

Life is Short.
Keep Smiling.
Spread the Smiles.


- Chronicwriter
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Aug 14, 2014

On 8/14/2014 | By Chriz
This is one week when the entire Nation goes patriotic. People are changing their profile pictures to the Indian National flag in social networking sites. 

Arnab Gowsami is searching for a patriotic topic and Indian cricket team are getting ready for yet another hammering from the British as a punishment for winning one test match in this series.

I remember getting goosebumps when ever I listen AR Rahman's Vandematram. 

The last time, the whole country listened to that song was in the 2011 world cup final after the 42nd over when Dhoni was chasing down SriLanka's huge score. The other times 

I get patriotic is when ever the vande matram tone goes on when some one puts a reverse gear on their car.

I like Independence day when it does not fall on a saturday or a sunday. That is when I feel the real effect of Independence in my veins.

List of people who crib about Independence day

There are some people on Facebook who are posting status messages that they will celebrate Independence day only when men stop raping women. 

There were some other people who posted messages saying that they will celebrate Independence day only when they can walk down the street naked without any man making any crude remark on them. 

There are some men who post messages saying that they lost independence ever since they got married. These are the morons. In the name of Comedy they put soora mokkais, just like how the author of this page is running this blog for the last few years.

For such people I would request the Government to declare a working day on August 15th for them. 

I am gonna have a holiday and watch Roja for the 21st year in a row on Doordarshan. Go and celebrate your independence and freedom of speech. Go and pick up fights with people on FB, pee on the streets and terrorise women.

-Chronicwriter

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