Jul 21, 2015

742. When Sundar shocked Sachin Tendulkar

Sundar is my friend. He was bugging me to write a blog post on him.

He also added that I should praise him in my Blog.

I asked him what I should write about him. He did not have an answer to that question.

I wanted to make him happy and hence decided to collect details about him.

That is when I discovered that Sundar had actually played with Sachin Tendulkar before the 2003 world cup.

I learnt of this secret from Sundar's diary. He has never told me this secret all this while.

When I read the incident about the manner in which he shocked Sachin with a blinder of a catch, I had goose pimples.

My friend Sundar is so grounded that he never opened this thing with me. He is such a humble character.

It was the 15th of January 2003. Sundar led a team of 11 players. The name of the team was " Chennai Dumeel Dhamaka". This team took on the mighty Indian cricket team for a bet match of Rs 200. Sundar bowled the first ball of the match to Sachin. Sachin hit a beautiful shot through the covers. But little did Sachin realise that Sundar would dive like Superman and catch the ball out of thin air. That catch shocked the entire cricket team. Ganguly immediately wanted to drop Dinesh Mongia and replace him with Sundar for the world cup team. But Sundar declined that offer because he wanted to watch Annamalai serial on Sun TV.

When I read about this incident, my respect for Sundar grew so much that I ended up burping.

Sundar also has a photograph of the catch that he took of his own bowling to remove Sachin.

I know that there will be criticizers who would say that the picture is photoshopped.

But I don't care, because I believe my friend Sundar than anyone else in this world.

Note to Sundar : Dai! I kept my word. I have finally blogged about you.

- Chronicwriter

Jul 16, 2015

741. Why did Rajamouli pick his nose?

In a shocking incident that happened on Tuesday, Director Rajamouly was caught nonding his mooku (Picking his nose) while talking to our reporter about his movie Baahubali. Though the normal viewer would just ignore this act of Rajamouli, the detective team that works for Chronicwriter Incorporation feels that there is more than meets the eye.

The reason for the doubt

Reason number 1) Why did he mooku nondufy when the mic was in front of him?

Usually people wont pick their noses when they are in front of the camera. They would be very conscious about putting up their best possible pose in the camera. But Mr. Rajamouli broke away from this stereotype and has mooku nondufied while speaking on the mic. 

Rajamouli's mooku nonding act was clicked by Miss Rita who works as a secret agent for Chronicwriter incorporation. Chronicwriter calls her "Revolver Rita". No one in the team calls her like that. This has created doubts in the minds of other co workers that something might be going on between Chronicwriter and Rita. But let us talk about that later. Now let us come to our  topic.

The mooku nonding incident reminded Chronicwriter about his childhood friend Shabir. Shabir also has the habit of picking his nose. The only difference between Shabir and Rajamouli is that Shabir eats what he picks.

The Mooku nonding moment in front of the mic sure raised some eyebrows. The team of detectives led by Chronicwriter posed for a photo with their raised eyebrows. The photo is not posted here for the wellbeing of the readers.

Reason number 2) Why did he use his left hand to mooku nondufy?

Rajamouli is a right hander. But he has used his left hand to pick his nose. The LHLF ( Left Hand Liberation Front) held placards in front of Rajmouli's house and shouted slogans against him for disrespecting his left hand.

Talking to unidentified reporters, the chairman of the LHLF - Miss LOOnam Pandey said that mankind has been abusing the left hand for ages by subjecting it to clean the rear end. She urged everyone not to use their left hand to do menial jobs.  "Why should the right hand have all the fun?", she barked and went and joined the protesters.

Rajamouli's tactical usage of the left hand to pick his nose is the second reason that made eyebrows to go up. This time we did not click any picture.

Reason number 3) Why did he try to hide Prabhas's six pack body?

Another reason that made Miss Rita to break down and cry was Rajamouli's plan to hide Prabha's six pack body. In the above picture, you can clearly see that Rajamouli has tried to stand in front of Prabha's picture. Rita was uncontrollable during the meeting of the detectives too. 

Chronicwriter tried to calm her down by showing her his six packs; but her condition worsened after seeing his six packs. She was given ten packets of glucose. The detective team firmly believes that there is a higher level of conspiracy behind this.

Chotu, who serves tea for the detectives said , "If he was just picking his nose, no one would have doubted. Sometimes even I pick my nose when I serve tea to Chronicwriter's team. But when Rajamouli multitasked by nonding his mooku and hiding Prabhas's body at the same time we realised that it was an unforgivable crime" . Chotu was fuming with anger when he spoke. 

Reason number 4) Lack of eye Contact?

Psychologists say that when a person does not maintain eye contact while talking, he is nervous. Here Rajamouli's lack of maintaining eye contact with the camera reveals that he was indeed nervous while speaking. Terrorists behave like this when they are caught. Could he be a terrorist?

Reason number 5) Is Rajamouli linked with  Lashkar-e-Taiba ?

When doubts started arising that Rajamouli might be a terrorist, the Governance team of Chronicwriter Incorporation convened a Top Secret meeting where they super analysed the picture. They found that Rajamouli was wearing a green shirt. This has led to many to believe that he might be associated with the Pakistan cricket team or even with the terrorist out fit Lakshar e Taiba.

Is he from D Company? 

BaahuBali has 5 vowels. Illuminati also has 5 vowels. 
So Is Rajamouli an Illuminati guy? 

There were lot of other questions that came for discussion. Finally we all got hungry and hence we concluded and labelled Rajamouli as a Mystery Man. Namakku sorudhaan mukkiyam (Food is the top most priority for us).

Anyways, He will be under our scanner.

Jai Ho

- Chronicwriter

Jul 15, 2015

740. My first romantic dance with Renu

It was the winter of 1989. I was a 7 year old boy at that time. I was already in love with Renu. I had known her for 4 years.

Those who have read this blog from the beginning would know about Renu. But the ones who started to follow this blog in recent times should know who this Renu is.

She was the first girl I fell in love when I was in Kindergarten. I never cheated on her. She was my only dream girl. But she never liked me.

I was in 3rd standard. Renu was in my class too. Shabir was my Villain because no matter how hard I tried to win Renu, she always admired Shabir because he was stronger than me.

Shabir was the only boy in our class who could chew a chewing gum and blow a big bubble out of it. I have tried to blow a bubble too; but I never succeeded.

Shabir could also throw the rubber (I meant the eraser) high and catch it with one hand. As soon as he completes a stylish catch, I would attempt the same and would miss the rubber. The girls in the class would laugh.

Shabir was good in studies too. He could do algebra when we were in class 3. I could not even recite table number 3 properly.

The only two things that I was good at was Singing and Dancing. But that idiot Shabir was good in those departments too. So I did not have any advantage over him.

It was our school day dance program. 4 boys and 4 girls were selected for the dancing. I was one among them. Renu was there too :) The villain was also there.

But my arts teacher did a great favour for me. She paired Renu with me. I had never held a girl in my arms and danced before that. So it was a wonderful feeling. It was a ball room dance arrangement for some Symphony I don't remember now.

So the practice started. Two pairs were positioned in the front and two pairs were positioned at the back. As I was shorter, I was in the front, Shabir and his partner Radhika were at the back.

The rehearsal sessions were memorable moments in my life. Renu's hand was soft like coconut bun. Coconut bun was my favorite junk food back then.

Two days before the dance program, Radhika was diagnosed with Chicken Pox. So Shabir lost his partner. I was very happy because it also meant that Shabir would have to sit out of the dance program

My happiness was short lived because my arts teacher tried to do some damage control. She called all of us and said " Chriz. It would not look good with two pairs in the front and one pair in the back. So Renu will partner Shabir".

Chriz (Me) : But Miss (That's how we call our teacher even if she was married), then who will be my partner?

Miss:  Chriz! You are anyways singing the opening song for the event. So let us give Shabir a chance to perform.

Those who are reading this piece of history from my life would have no idea about the pain I had when my arts teacher told those lines. I controlled my tears.

I went home and cried all night and because of that, I lost my voice and started speaking like Rani Mukherjee. That also meant that I became unfit to sing the opening song for the dance program.

Picture Abhi bi baaki hai folks!

On the day of the event, Renu contracted Chicken Pox too. I had never been that much happy.

- Chronicwriter

Jul 14, 2015

739. Srini Maamaa saves CSK

Yuvraj Singh's father must be thinking that his curse on Dhoni has come true with the Court banning CSK from IPL for two years.

All CSK haters will be having fun by celebrating CSK's ban from IPL; no one seems to care about Rajasthan Royals anyways.

Dhoni haters will now start saying that he should retire soon. 

Arnab Gowsami would be jumping in his seat that he has got some new for his Toilet News Hour Channel.

But Picture abhi bi baaki hai maamoo. 

It is not the end of the road for CSK yet. This is the real picture. 
The latest ruling issued by Lodha Commitee States that,CSK is banned for 2 years .

There is a misconception that team CSK is banned. No that is a mistake - Neither the team nor the players are banned. Its actually the franchisee and the management that is banned. 

The players and the team is free to play IPL. So CSK and RR can still play the IPL but with different owners and team management. Dhoni has already made it clear that he wont play IPL, if CSK is banned.
If any other corporate giants are willing to buy them, they can still play. Already MRF and SUN NETWORK has shown interest in CSK. 

When it comes to cricket and IPL, you will have to come across the force called Srini mama. If you do not know the power of Srini Mama, you will experience that force in the forthcoming days and he will make sure that CSK plays again in the next IPL

You will understand the following two posters, only if you watch Tamil cinema. 

- Chronicwriter

Jul 13, 2015

738. The Puke Battle

I drank green tea last night because someone told me that drinking green tea would result in a tighter abs. I don't have a pot belly. But still I wanted a tighter abs. When you are in your mid thirties you go through a phase where you fight with age that is catching up on you. I am at such a phase now.

Coming back to my green tea incident; I drank green tea. It tasted good and I had a good feeling on my tongue. But after 15 minutes, I started burping. The burp marathon went on for the next 2 hours after which I realized that I had a bad tummy. I made frequent visits to the loo and after 15 visits in 5 hours, I found out that I had become size zero.

Because of this pathetic condition I thought of taking an off. But I had an important meeting at my work place and decided to go to work. I even thought of wearing the huggies diaper; but being a brave man, I decided to face the battle with my tummy.

As soon as I came to office, I did a blunder. Even after struggling with a bad tummy, I decided to drink coffee. After completing one cup of coffee, I started having a vomiting sensation. Now I was fighting with the entry and exit points of my body. Both were wanting to break free. To add salt to the injury, my phone started ringing. The ring tone was  "I want to break free" by Freddie Mercury.

My posture automatically looked like a pregnant woman in her last trimester with the water about to break any minute. I moved to the corner of the cubicle where the Air conditioner had less effect on me and I tried to play mind games with my entry and exit points.

When I going through this battle, she walked into the room. She had a heavy perfume on her. I think she poured the whole bottle on her. That was it. I threw up. The carpet has a new design after being cleaned up. I have left my mark. The puke finally won the battle.

- Chronicwriter

Jun 27, 2015

737. Always ask for Driving License photo of the Bride and the Groom

I am not a racist and I don't prefer a certain skin color over another. 

How ever this photo shocked me so much that my wife had to pour buckets of warm water on my face to bring me out of the shock.

I am now on the lookout for a bride for a good friend of mine.

When ever he shows a picture of a girl in a matrimonial site, I would immediately ask him to check the girl's picture on social media sites.

If she is not on facebook, I ask him to directly go and meet her to check if she looks the same.

My friend did not understand the seriousness of my lines. So I am writing this post so that he gets it.

Imagine seeing a prospective bride's picture on a matrimony site. Put yourself in the prospective groom's shoes. 

You see her picture and you immediately fall in love with her. Then you go and meet her and still you are floored because she is hidden under a 1 inch thick coat of paint.

Then you get married and after the Suhaagraat (first night) is over, she takes a bath and you end up seeing some other person standing in front of you. Would not you get a heart attack?

To avoid all these problems, ask the girl to send a Drving License photo. If she says that she does not have a driving license, ask her to send her Aadhar card or voters ID photo. 

If she still says that she does not have any of these, ask her if she can wash her face in front of you. If she agrees to this, go and meet her with a vessel-washing-scrubber. 

Some times you have to use a steel scrubber. Nerolac paint does not come off easily.

I have nothing against people who do not have a glowing skin. I also do not have any problem against people who groom themselves well to appear good. 

But I do have a problem against people who hide behind a mask (be it a character mask or a heavy-make-up mask)

At times like this, I feel that love marriage is a hundred times better than arranged marriage. Now if you have any questions on how I met my wife, you can read this [ link ]

I remember a class mate of mine who used to apply layers and layers of paint on her face ( she calls that as make up). When we celebrate Holi in college, she used to come and hide behind me and say "Chriz, I am scared of colours. Please save me from those who are chasing me to apply colours on my face". That was the last time I played Holi.

Note: Men apply lot of make up too. So if you are a bride looking out for a possible groom, follow all the points mentioned in this post.

- Chronicwriter.

Jun 26, 2015

736. Samsung S4 problems and solution

My Samsung S4 phone had a few problems for more than a year

1) Echo - The hearer would hear his own voice echoed back at him when he speaks to me.
2) No loud speaker - The loud speaker did not work. If I switch it ON, the call got cut.
3) The mute button stopped working too.
I went to the Samsung store a year ago and they said that they have to change the display and that would cost me Rs 7000 for that. 
"RS 7000 FOR THE DISPLAY ?", I screamed inside and said "No thanks", took the phone back with me. 

I was using the phone with all the three handicaps for the last one year.
Last week, when I was getting out of bed, the phone fell down. I reassembled the phone and now I find that all the 3 problems are solved.
If you have any problem with your phone, just drop it down and re assemble them. It works. If it does not work, buy a new phone.

- Chronicwriter

Jun 17, 2015

735. Keep Walking

This is a song I wrote when I was going through a very tough time in life. I looked for inspiration from the world outside me. I watched lot of inspirational videos and I attended motivation talks. It did not help me in a big way. Some of the videos will give me the "Ahaa" effect; but the pain within was so deep that I was not able to come to terms the challenges that was standing right in front of me.

My spiritual quest and my walk with Christ helped me to garner strength from within. When I wrote the song, lot of things were running in my head. I could not bring out the exact emotional phase I was in when I wrote the song. Every single word in that song came from experience that I went through in life. All those words mean a lot to me. Some would not find it appealing as a song-lyric content. But it came from extreme pain. Those who are going through similar phases in life can relate with that song.

I will be recording the song soon and the video will be up sometime later this year.

If you are going through a tough time and if you are planning to quit, take a moment and read this article. It is an article about my daughter. I learnt to never quit just by watching her for a few minutes
Read article here [ link ]

Is your pain caused by someone else? Are you holding on to a grudge? Are you not able to talk to someone who was very close to you? If the answer to these questions is Yes, you have to read this post [ link ]

I am just taking a short time break from the humor mode on which this blog operates. I sense there is a high need for positivity that needs to spread around at this moment, apart from the humor I try to churn from this blog.

Just remember one thing - "Keep walking"

- Chronicwriter.