Dec 4, 2018

983. Sachin's masterclass spin bowling act

It was the year 1998. Everything that he touched turned to gold. I am talking about Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. The present day cricket fans might go gaga over Dhoni and Kohli. But being a follower of the game since the 1987 world cup, I am proud to say that I am a diehard fan of Sachin.

People often talk about how he braved the Gulf storm against the Aussies, his century against a Olanga led attack, his straight drives against Bret Lee and the manner in which he mauled almost every bowler acrosss the world.

I am going to write about a match in which he won the match for India with the ball and not the bat. The mighty Australians were touring India in 1998 for a Triangular series. The poor Zimbabweans were the third team.

It was the first of April. India was playing a one day international against the Australians in Kochi. That very same month, he was going to brave the desert storm and take the Aussies for a ride. That calls for a separate post and let me not digress here.

Azharuddin won the toss and elected to bat first against the Steve Waugh led mighty Australian team. The openers Siddhu and Sachin got out for paltry scores and within the first 4 hours, India was reduced to 19 for 2. During those days, when ever Sachin got out, we would switch off the TV. But something told me to continue watching. The infamous trio of Azhar, Jadeja and Kambli blasted the ball to all corners of the ground and scored 82,105 and 32 respectively. It was a treat to watch Azhar's flicks, Jadeja's innovative batting and Kambli's footwork. Not a single six was scored; but with some fireworks from Kanitkar (the new hero in the team) the team crossed the 300 run mark which was a huge score at that time.

When Australia started chasing, Gilchrist blazed on all cylinders and they put on a century run partnership in just 10 overs. Srinath removed Mark Waugh and the debutant Agarkar removed Gilchrist.

He would go on to break Dennis Lillee's world record for the fastest 50 wickets in ODIs, achieving the feat from only 23 matches. He held the record from 1998 until 2009, when Ajantha Mendis achieved the feat from just 19 matches.

Coming back to the match, Australians still cruised on, thanks to a stellar partnership between Mark Waugh and Bevan (the greatest finisher of all time in ODIs) and crossed the 200 run mark in the 30t h over. They just had to score 100 runs in the last 20 overs. All doors were seemingly shut for India, when Azhar threw the ball at Sachin and asked him to bowl. What followed was nothing but magic in Kochi. Sachin started spinning the ball by a mile and the Australians had no answer to the magic arm of Sachin.

When Australia was cruising at 203 for 3 in 31 overs, Sachin removed Steve Waugh who was then the the best player of spin in the world. Watch how he fooled Waugh and caught him off his own bowling. (The video might take a few seconds to buffer. But it will play)

The ball started spinning like a top. He got Lehman for a LBW with a wrong one. Sachin was spinning the ball ways. The downfall has already started. The score read 223/5. Watch this video to see how Sachin bowled an offbreak to deceive Lehman.

Then Sachin was up against the greatest finisher in ODI cricket - Michael Bevan. Bevan had single handedly take Australia home on many ocassions like this. In this match also, he had scored a well timed 65 and was confident of taking the Kangaroos home. When he charged Sachin down the track to loft him for a six of the last ball of the 40th over, Tendulkar bowled well wide of his leg stump and Mongia did the rest. The greatest finisher was finished. Sachin, not only took wickets, but also stopped the run flow. The slide continued with the score reading 239/6. Watch this video where Sachin removes Bevan.

Tom Moody was removed of the very next ball bowled (The first ball of the 42nd over). He tried charging down the wicket too. But he did it against the wrong guy and got stumped. The score was 253/7 and Sachin was on a hat-trick. Check the Tom Moody dismissal here.

Warne was the man who came into bat and he managed to escape from Sachin off the hat-trick ball. Yet Sachin gave Warne a taste of his own medicine. Warne could not read Sachin at all. It was a sorry sight to see Warne struggling against a spell of spin by the little master.

Nov 30, 2018

982. Why do Kangaroos have pouches?

My daughter Anya has learnt this new word "Couch Potato" and she is always excited to use this word. This was a conversation between Joan and Anya.

Joan: What is a couch potato?

Anya: You should ask "Who" and not "What"

Joan: Okay! Who is a couch potato?

Anya: A couch potato is a lazy person who always sleeps in a couch

Joan: Can you name an example?

Anya: Appa is a couch potato

Joan: Why do you say so?

Anya: Because he lies down in the couch and does not give space to anyone

Joan: You can ask him to give you space

Anya: No! He is lazy and he either sleeps or watches TV by lying down on the couch

Joan: Okay! Now eat your dinner

Anya: Was Appa always a couch potato?

Joan: You should ask him that

Anya: Okay. I will ask him now

I was listening to this whole conversation from the drawing room and as I knew that Anya would come to me to ask a few questions, I had already gotten up from my usual slouching position on the couch. When Anya came to the drawing room, I was sitting upright.

Anya: Appa! Why are you sitting here?

Me: Should not I sit here?

Anya: No! You usually lie down. But now you are sitting

Me: I am sitting because I am brisk and I am smart

Anya: No you are a couch potato

Me: Why do you say that?

Anya: Because you are lazy

Me: From now on call me Smart

Anya: No! You are a couch potato only. Do you have a pouch?

Me: What?

Anya: Kangaroos have pouches to carry their kids

Me: So

Anya: They have pouches because they are couch potatoes

Me: Now who taught you this?

Anya: I learnt it myself by thinking

Me: Even If I have a pouch I am not going to carry you in that pouch because you called me a couch potato

Anya came near me and touched my tummy and said " But Appa, you have a thoppai". Now I am planning to enroll myself in a gym near my place. I decided to get a six pack in 2015. And that new year resolution was never kept. Now as 2019 is drawing near, I am adding this as number one priority in my to do list. I am not going to have any pouches anymore.


Nov 20, 2018

981. A tribute to Jim Reeves

Jim Reeves! His voice would resonate in our house every morning when I was a kid. My mother introduced his songs to me and I remember singing along with the casette player to the songs "He'll have to go, Bimbo, Across the Bridge and many more". For a long time I would confuse his voice with Tennesse Ernie Ford. 

As I had a higher vocal register, I never attempted to sing his songs. But recently after floating a quartet called Fisher Four, I started experimenting with different vocal ranges and my band mates encouraged me to try bass and baritone voices. So I started trying out some bass songs.

Recently my wife presented me with a blue yeti mic and I decided to cover the song "Welcome to my world" using the mic. Thanks to Enock annan for capturing the video using my phone and editing it too :)

A note to Jim Reeves's fans: Please forgive me. I tried my level best with my baritone voice :)


Nov 18, 2018

980. Anya is introduced to cricket

Anya rules the roost with the TV remote control at home. When I was a small boy, there was only one channel available on TV and that was Doordarshan. 

All of us had no other option and hence we all saw the channel all the time. No wonder I even watched the 7 PM "Vayalum Vaazhvum show".

Now, the remote control is always with Anya and she watches the cartoon channels on TV. Some cartoons are banned for her at home because I make certain rules at home. 

But I give her company and watch Masha & Bear, Dora, Peppa Pig, Andy & Pirky and Paw Patrol along with her.

Last week I asked her if she would allow me to watch cricket on TV. I love watching sports channels on TV and luckily for me, she agreed. 

So we both sat and watched the third One day International cricket match between India and West Indies. 

She got bored after sometime; but she went on scribbling some notes in her notebook.

By the time the match was over, she had also finished scribbling. This note will be a memory for both of us as it is her first match along with me. 

Her favorite cricketer is Mandhana because she likes women cricket and is not a fan of the men in blue.


Nov 13, 2018

979. #MeToo

Disclaimer: Company is not responsible for hurting the sentiments of the readers

She: What is your view on the #MeToo issue?

Me: It is a nice thing

She: What is a nice thing?

Me: That people are finally coming out

She: How can it be nice to you?

Me: I found it as a good change

She: How can the sufferings undergone by many be a nice and good thing to you?

Me: I don't think you understood what I was saying


Me: :)


After 15 minutes

She: Are you there?

Me: I am very much here


Me: Get away with what?


Me: Where did they even find you?


Me: Oh Please. You are not making any sense at all and you are being a nuisance


Me: :)


Nov 8, 2018

978. Undertaker - My favourite wrestler

I was a big fan of WWF (Now WWE). When I was a kid, I used to ace the game Trump cards. I knew every single detail of the wrestlers. Sid Justice was my favorite wrestler for a long time. 

When Undertaker made his entrance into the WWF scene, I was shocked to realise that there could be a wrestler who could actually be stronger than Sid Justice himself. 

Slowly I moved my loyalty towards Undertaker. There was a common rumour that he had 7 lives. Though I liked him, I was actually scared of him. Undertaker would make his entrance with his manager Paul Bearer who always carried an urn.

The urn had many stories attached to it. Eventually I started having bad dreams of the urn and hence I stopped drinking water from the sombu at home. 

To know what a Sombu means, click here [ link ]

When ever I entered the kitchen, I would look for the sombu near the kitchen sink; and when I saw it, I would run out of the kitchen screaming for my dear life.

This fear accompanied me even when I was in college. I would tell my friends that I would run away during my first night after wedding if my wife carried a milk sombu.

Then many wrestlers joined the WWE and left. Though I started liking many wrestlers like the Rock, Stone Cold, The HeartBreak Kid, Goldberg; my favorite was always Undertaker.

One Wrestler whom I hated a lot was the Boogeyman. He literally ate worms. I was eating maggi noodles when I first saw him on TV. I ended up puking which made me look like him.

Note: Sombu was banned at my wedding. But now I have started using the sombu

1) Who is your favourite wrestler?
2) Who is the wrestler you hate the most?

- Chronicwriter

Oct 22, 2018

Oct 2, 2018

976. What is mom having in her hand?

"Brother! Why is Amma standing like that?

" Baby Sister! Slow down. I think she has something in her hand"

" Is she hiding icecream stick for us"

"I am not sure about the icecream part. The chances of she having a stick is more"

" But why would she have a stick?"

" She is going to punish us for some mistake that we did"

" But Brother, We did not do anything wrong"

" We are not wearing an slippers. She has asked us not to venture out without our slippers"

" Oh Yes! And we are not wearing any dress"

"Atleast I am wearing my shorts. You are just in your underwear"

"Should we run away then?"

"No! Just wait here. Let us see her facial reaction"

"Mom is smiling at us. I think it is okay to go near her"

"No! Dont fall for that smiling face dear sister! I am more experienced in this. The moment we are within arm's reach of our amma, her facial expression will automatically change"

" So what should we do? Should we ask sorry"

" Oh No! We should not give up so easily. Just have a sorry face and take one step forward"

"Okay brother! Here I go! But why have you not taken a step forward?"

" This is a strategy. You move towards the right, I will move towards the left. Mom can't catch both of us"

"But there is a wall towards your left. You can't climb the wall too. You will be cornered"

"I never thought of this. You are a genius sister"

" But anna! Did you just pee in your shorts? I can see a wet patch on your trousers"

" Yes! I drank too much of water"

Do you have a sibling? Have you had such conversations with your sibling? I have had such conversations with my sister. When I saw this picture, I could not just sit quiet. That is how this post has come to life.


Sep 18, 2018

975. How to control urine

Of all the things in the world, why this topic? I feel that this topic is important for everyone. I like to make this world a better place to live in. And I feel it is important to write this post today.

This post is dedicated to my friend Rajesh who pees everywhere - In his bed, on the road, at work place, in his pants and even while riding the bike (Vadivelu's urine tank bursting scene is also dedicated to him)

Scenario 1: Imagine you are sleeping in your bed. There is a fire in your neighbourhood ( And there is no fire extinguisher) and you decide to extinguish the fire. So you spray water and quench the fire. The dream is over and you open your eyes to see yourself in a pool of urine.

Scenario 2: Imagine you are going on a tour with your friends in a car in National highway. After 3 hours of continuous driving, the car driver stops the car to ease himself. Now you feel like opening up your bladder too

Scenario 3: Imagine you are in a conference room. Your boss is taking a presentation for more than an hour. The A/C is making everyone shiver. The water that you drank an hour ago is now waiting to be freed.

In all these scenarios, I have given a picture perfect situation where you are forced to act on your instinct. How would you handle such a situation? The following five points will help you to control urine in situations where you have no other go. The author recommends these five points only in crisis situations.

1) Shaking Stevens effect: Sit in a chair and shake your legs in a rhythmic motion. You would be able to control urine for 10 minutes. After ten minutes, increase the pace. A human being can hold urine up to 1 hour using this technique
 2) Listen to music: Do you know that listening to instrumental music can help you to hold your pee? If you do not know this fact, you should try it. 
 3) Cross your leg: You can cross your legs to control urine. But you will end up having tears in your eyes if you do so for more than 30 minutes
4) Drink lots of water: This is like treating poison with poison. Drink one bottle of water. Your bladder will start cursing you. Now you can adopt the Shaking Stevens effect to hold your bladder. This method should be tried only by professionals like the author of this page
5) Let out a silent fart: Yes! It works. If you let out a silent fart, urine puts reverse gear and goes inside your body.

I have done masters in this subject and have written many articles and even submitted a thesis on this subject as a part of my MBA dissertation (It was rejected by my jealous guide who always failed to control his urine). I am posting some of those articles here for you to read in your pee (free) time.

Article 1: A gun to your bladder [link] is a study material for students at Harvard
Article 2: Can a girl pee in public [link] is a post I wrote for women empowerment
Article 3: Nitin Gadkari's urine treatment [link] which will make the Bhakts to buy me a free ticket to Pakistan
Article 4: Cheat code to pee in public [link]

(Bachelors in Engineering in Urine Technology)

974. The struggle with writing anything online

Publishing a blog post ain't that easy anymore. I have to mentally prepare myself for a battle before even attempting to type anything on my blog these days.

Back in those days, it was easy to write a blog post. All I have to do is think of any random subject and just go with the flow. I let out my crazy creative juices in the form of words and that would just do the trick for me. But now a days humour goes through multiple filtering processes before it is accepted as humour by the common Neeta ( It is Neta. But Neeta sounds better and sweet. Hence used the word)

I do have my political stand and religious stand and that would ofcourse have its influence on my writings, even when I write humourous posts.  These days, I have to think twice before writing any line on this blog. Some of the pointers that run in my head when I type a line are 

  • Will my post hurt the sentiments of any particular religion?
  • Will this post hurt women?
  • Will it hurt the sentiments of feminists?
  • Will it hurt the sentiments of Naam Tamlar fans?
  • Will I have to bear the brunt of Modi Bhakths?
Yes I can fight tooth and nail to respond to those who have a different stand against mine. But would that be of any help to any one apart from fueling our egos? The answer is No.

So the point I am trying to make here is that I have moved far away from my brand of humour because of various reasons; some of which are stated above. Fans of a popular actor forced me to shut this blog down for a week when I wrote a film review about his film. But I am not going to give a damn about what others think. Do you know why I don't give a damn anymore?

Because I am none other than Echa Raja's admin. Now don't ask me if the voice in the video was mine? I leave it for the court to decide on it.