The Complete Humor man since 1982

Feb 26, 2015

On 2/26/2015 | By Chriz
When I was 5 years old, I used to run away from my home when ever my mom made idlis for breakfast ( 8 am).

I will run to the end of the street, wait there for some time and when no one cares about me, I will walk back slowly to the house. (8:15 am)

I did not have enough money to run back to Bangkok; nor did my mom tell me that she will make me the party president of the house to lure me back home. 

I will slowly walk back home only to find that no one at home had even missed me for the short period I ran away from home.

The front door will be locked. I will slowly walk around the house and try to sneak in through the back door. My mom knew all my moves. So she will lock the back door too. I will finally start saying  "I am sorry mom. I won't run away again". She will hear me; but would pretend as if she had not heard my cry. 

I will go on asking sorry for some more time. In the mean time she would have finished her household chores and because of that she would allow me inside the house. She will open the back door and I will walk in with my head hanging down low.( 9:30 am) I would think that the problem had ended; but in reality the problem for me starts only when I return home.

My mom would bring those 4 idlis (Now they would be super cold) and ask me to eat them. I considered eating idlis as a big time punishment even when they were hot. But eating cold, dry and hard idlis was capital punishment for me. I would plead with her and ask her to make maggi noodles for me. Mom would take the plate and keep it on the floor near the bathroom and tell me to go and kneel down near the plate and finish the idlis. I will swallow the idlis in no time.

But at times, when my mom places the plate of idlis near the bathroom and asks me to kneel down and eat them; I would wait for an opportunity to check if she was watching me. If her concentration was not on the plate of idlis, then two idlis will fly out through the window to the neighbours house. 

On one such idli throwing day, my throw ended up falling on the neighbour aunty's head. She created a big scene and my mom got so furious that the punishment intensity went on to a whole new level that day. My mom never punished me with big canes or sticks. All she used was a couple of coconut sticks. 

The coconut sticks are evil sticks. They look so thin like Ishant Sharma but they sting like Mike Tyson. They leave their mark on the legs. On days when I had marks on my legs, I will pull up the socks all the way to my thighs so that my classmates (girls) do not see the marks and mock at me.

So with the neighbours house rules out, the next location I chose to throw the idlis was the toilet. I became an expert in throwing the idlis that Limba Ram would have started to feel jealous of my aim , if only he had seen my idli throwing skills. But that did not continue for a long time too. 

My sister caught me red handed on one such occasion. I pleaded with her not to tell mom. But how could she miss such an opportunity especially when we were like a cat and a mouse at home? This time I went to school with my thigh high socks for almost a month. The impact was so deep. Mom hated anyone wasting food.

Now I am married and I have a kid of my own. Now Idli is my favourite food item. This morning when my wife was feeding idlis to my daughter, she said " Enakku idli vendaa" and I thought to myself "History repeats".

-Chronicwriter

Feb 24, 2015

On 2/24/2015 | By Chriz

Every college would have had a cricket team. This was the Rajagiri cricket team (2004-2006). We all did MBA together. We did not win any cricket tournaments during our playing days because we did not participate in any tournament in the first place.

We played every evening. Before I begin to write about how we played, I should first give a short introduction about the players in our team. Let me write about the people from left to right.

Subash : We have millions of photography pages in Facebook these days. But 11 years ago, this guy walked around with a camera. He was the official photographer of the batch. He would have all the photos of all of us. He is now a HR big gun. Subash is wearing a green shorts, blue socks and is holding a stump in his hand. The stump in his hand is a clear indication that he was in the winning team that day.

Anto : Anto is a fast bowler and a genius in Financial accounting. He was the main reason for many of us clearing out Financial Accounting paper in our exams. Anto went on to marry our junior. We never knew that innocent Anto also had a romantic heart during our MBA days. He is the only guy wearing a pair of glasses in this picture

Prason Christopher Robin :  Yes! That's me in that red shoes. I am holding a stump too :P I used to be a leg spinner and a tail ending batsman. I was fast and performed well when the ladies were around.

Jose : He had the most deepest bassy voice in our batch. He would open the bowling on most occasions. He was the main strike bowler of the team and the captain ( I will write about him later in this post) always banked on Jose to make early inroads in the opposition team. Being the lone spinner, I would give ideas to my captain suggesting him to open the bowling with a spinner. But he would not listen to me

Arun Simon:  We used to call him Simo (Rhyming with Remo) because he had a Yamaha bike. We used to beg him to give a ride on his bike. 

Attender : I forgot his name. He was the hostel attender. He used to play with us when we run short of 11 members.

Surya : Surya is the guy in blue jean trousers. He was the body builder of our batch. Girls went gaga over his body. He was also the opening batsman for our team. He was also an excellent dancer who played like Afridi. He would get out soon; but would have done the damage already before getting out

Vyasan : This guy was the Vice captain and the opening batsman of the team. He was very good in almost all sports. He was the second best dancer in college. The best dancer in our college was Clement (Clement is not in this picture).

Midhun Raj :  The guy with the chequered shirt and full pants. What should I write about this fellow? He fooled us for more than 3 months that he did his under graduation in IIT Chennai. We used to call him IIT because of that. Midhun and I were partners in crime during the college days. We were always caught near the Engineering college ladies hostel or the MBA college ladies hostel. When we go missing from the cricket field, our friends know where to find us. Midhun was also the captain of our cricket team. Captains are known for their captaincy traits. There are captains who are known for their strategic field placements. If you see the above picture clearly you can see that he has placed the bat strategically too.

Jayakrishnan : The guy in silk shirt and formal pants. He played cricket in formal attire all the time. He will not slide nor fall down while playing. He literally believed in the phrase " Cricket is a Gentleman's game"

Unni Cherian : He was a silent guy who did his part well. I have not interacted with him much during the college days because of his calmness.

Dilip Cyriac:  He was the Rahul Dravid of our team. He can bat at any positions and he was a stylish batsman.

Sunil Thomas : Finally Sunil. This man had the biggest girl following in our college. One junior girl was crazy about him. But he said "My country comes first. I don't have time for love"

I have introduced all the people in this picture and I am already tired because of that. We never participated in any tournaments. We only played bet matches and took pride in what we did. What we treasure most are the memories that are deeply impinged in us because of those cricketing days. As I type these lines, I can visualise myself batting in the ground. Memories

-Chronicwriter

Feb 5, 2015

On 2/05/2015 | By Chriz
This post is a tribute to Five Cricketers who had the courage to battle it out in the 22 yard pitch even after they suffered deadly blows in their body.

1) The man who face 17 balls with a broken finger

Jan 2009 - South Africa was playing against Australia at the SCG. South Africa needed 376 runs to win in the second innings. With 35 runs on the board, Graeme Smith received a deadly blow on his left hand finger and had a fracture. He retired hurt. Soon South Africa lost wickets at regular interval and were stuttering at 257 for 8. Australia just needed one more wicket to win the match because Graem Smith had already retired hurt. Soon they took the 9th wicket too. Just when everyone got up to celebrate an Aussie victory, the unthinkable happened. Graeme Smith walked on to the middle and took guard with one hand.  Even the Aussie supporters stood up on their feet and cheered the brave Smith as he walked in. He had to survive 8 overs to draw the test. He took blow after blow and he faced 17 balls like a warrior. Finally he succumbed and Australia won. But Graeme Smith became the Hero of the match. Check this video



2)  The Broken Jaw bowler

In the year 2001, India was playing against West Indies. Anil Kumble was one of the finest medium pacers of the word. His leg break balls were a treat to watch. Some say that he is a leg spinner. But that is a topic that will be debate for centuries to come. In that match, Kumble received a nasty blow on his jaw from a Merv Dillon bouncer. He had to retire hurt. Watch that nasty ball here



When West Indies batted, the unthinkable happened. Kumble took the field. His face was bandaged. It was a sorry sight to see. He could not move his jaw and he could not appeal too. But he bowled his heart out and even got the wicket of the mighty Brian Lara.


3. Late Marshall's one hand four

Anil Kumble is a decent enough batsman who has got a test century to his credit. Graeme Smith is a class act. But the man I am gonna write about now is not known for his batting skills. He was dangerous with the ball. He was short; but had a fiery pace. The late Malcolm Marshall who is not with us now played one of the bravest innings in cricket. Batting with one, hand, this genius even scored a four. Check this rare video here




4. Malik's batting with a sling hand

Salim Malik has tormented spinners at his prime. He has had his lows with match fixing. Let us not get there. The Pakistanis were facing the Caribbean storm in that match. Curtly Ambrose who can make any batsman to pee in the groin guard was pounding balls at the batsman. Salim Malik suffered a fracture in his left hand. At the fall of the the 9th wicket, Salim Malik walked in as the 11th batsman with his left hand in a sling. He faced his first ball with the stance of a left hander so that his left hand is not exposed to the fast bowling attack of the West Indians. He face the deadly Ambrose. He later changed his stance and enabled Wasim Akram to score his first test 50.


5. Chronicwriter's batting with a bruised back.

When Chronicwriter was in class 12 (He was 17 years old). Mahendra Singh Dhoni was also in class 12 in Jharkhand. Chronicwriter was scared of his Maths teacher - Mr Arulanandam. When Mr Arulanandam asked any questions on Mathematical formula, Chronicwriter would literally pee in his pants and would forget the answer. On one such occasion, Chronicwriter's butt was pampered to glory by Mr Arulanandam with a cane. The stripes on his butt exposed the brutality of Arulanandam's arrogance. That afternoon, Chronicwriter participated in a book cricket competition with his classmates Jaffer, Suhail and Shine. He even went on to score a century. There is no video evidence of that brave batting because there were no mobile phones during that time to capture that brave act.

- Chronicwriter

Jan 30, 2015

On 1/30/2015 | By Chriz
Chennai! A Tradional and Modern Masala city. 
This post has been published as a part of 'The CBC Tablog - 3

What should I write about you - Chennai?
I will start with my personal experience about Chennai

My experience with Chennai can be narrated in three parts

1st part: - My summer holiday visits to Chennai in the month of May to visit my grand parents during my schooling days. It was definitely the worst month to visit Chennai. I grew up in Nagercoil. So visiting Chennai during the month of Chennai would be a year long wait for me. I would come to Chennai and spend one whole month in Tambaram. Those days, I never got a glimpse of Chennai as a whole. All I knew in Chennai was MCC  College, Tambaram house, the Church where we worshipped on Sundays and the Airforce ground where we used to go to meet an uncle. So I never knew much about Chennai back then. The big family will go to the beaches, see the LIC tower and visit vandaloor zoo and Mahabalipuram beach on a weekend. I loved coming to Chennai because it helped me to bond with my cousins. Chennai was one place where I realised and relished the love of family members.


2nd part: - In my final year of Engineering, I came to Chennai to do my summer project. It was the year 2003. After completing the project, I stayed for one more year in Chennai to prepare for the MBA CAT,GMAT,JMET,XAT exams. I stayed in my uncle's house and that was the first time I started using public transport alone. Travelling in the Chennai electric trains is an experience that deserves a separate post. I spent my weekends in Spencer plaza. The escalator in Spencer Plaza would have cried if only it had eyes. I would walk into Music world and would plug in the ear phones to just appear cool. My idea of being cool was taking a process in my mind at that point of time in my life. My dressing style changed during this phase of my life. For one whole year I was left wondering who that Pulli Raja was?



3rd part: - The third part of my tryst with Madras is happening now. It saw the transition of my life from bachelorhood to being a married man. Life has become calm and composed.

What is Chennai famous for?

Every town in Tamilnadu is known for some speciality. 
Nagercoil is known for Plum cakes.
Tirunelveli for halwa.
Tuticorin for Macroons
Sathur for Kaara sevu
Sriviliputhur for Milk Kova.
Kovilpatti for kadalaimuttai
Salem for Mangoes
Dindukal for Biriyani

I was trying to find out what Chennai is famous for? It is not known for one particular thing. Chennai is famous for a lot of reasons. Anyone can google about it and find what Chennai is famous for. 

Chennai is in fact a conglomerate of all the cities and towns in Tamilnadu. You can find anything and every flavour of all the cities of Tamilnadu in Chennai. Chennai is also known for Coovam river. People from all parts of Tamilnadu come to Chennai to make a living. I am one such example. The bachelor mansions in Triplicane speaks volumes for what I just said.

Chennai! Nee evlo asingama, alukka irundhaalum, I still love you; because I live in you, I breathe your air and you have become a part of me.

-Chronicwriter

Note:

The previous part of this blog series was written by Sulaiman Sait - The Emarald eyed Prince [link]. He is a bard who weaves magic with his words.

I pass the tag to the beautiful Srilakshmi who is a jack of many trades. One thing that I admire about her is that she followed her passion to shape her career in writing. [link]
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Jan 21, 2015

On 1/21/2015 | By Chriz
12 years of blogging.
700 posts in my humour blog.
More than 50 Individual Blogs on more than 10 different streams and topics. (This blog is just one among the 50 blogs I have)
It has been a long journey in deed.

People who started a blog after me have published books, become national celebrities and have made it big by working towards their goal. I am still sitting here and searching for that goal post in a football field, with a cricket bat, a golf ball and a roller skating blade in my feet. Lack of discipline in one particular field is the reason behind my unsuccessful campaign to make it big in the field of writing. The only discipline I have had all these years is my fervour to update this Blog "Chronicwriter"

This blog post is an analysis of the minds of Tamil film Directors. The techniques used by many Tamil film directors are expressed in pictorial format.














Finally, it is Director Shankar vs Producer Shankar



- Chronicwriter.

Jan 15, 2015

On 1/15/2015 | By Chriz
Pongal

A Tamil festival that was once celebrated to honour farmers

When I was a kid, I related to Pongal as the festival where I get sugar cane to eat. My dad would buy some sugar canes and tie them up in the back of his lamby scooter and ride it home. My sister and I would jump in excitement. The whole day would be spent on chewing the sugar cane and spitting out the sugar cane dry pulp.

Many do not even know the significance of Pongal. Some connect it to a particular religion and do not celebrate it stating that it is a festival of a particular religion. Pongal is a Tamil festival. Period.

Now a days Pongal has been subjected to a debate by Political parties. One party even tried to change the Tamil Newyear date to Pongal. Amidst all these non sense, Pongal still gives hope to the Tamil farmers.

Pongal has lost its meaning in many places. It is now celebrated in colleges and corporate offices by wearing half Sarees and Dhotis. I have no problem in the manner in which people wear Dhotis to the work place. But make sure to wear something underneath your dhoti if the dhoti is transparent.

With Pongal losing its real purpose and meaning among many people, it is high time we at least read some facts about this festival and update ourselves with the real story behind this festival. Chronicwriter wishes everyone a very Happy Pongal. 

Those who really miss pongal are those villagers who are now settled in foreign countries. They can only see the FB posts and share the Pongal pictures. These following photos reveal the real picture of how this festival is tampered and misconstrued by the people around us.








- Chronicwriter


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Jan 12, 2015

On 1/12/2015 | By Chriz
I got my first pimple on my face when I was 14 years old. I was in class 9. My friends told me that I was not a boy anymore and I had become a man. For a long time I was under the impression that when a boy gets his first pimple, he has attained his puberty. 

My pimple face when I was 19
When I was in my late teens, my face had so many pimples that I looked like a man whose face was pecked by a woodpecker. Hormonal changes and consumption of oily junk foods added fuel to my pimple filled face.

Luckily for me when I was done with my college life, the pimples had disappeared; but they left their mark on my face for a few years. Now I get a pimple once a year. When I get a pimple, others might just see it as a small dot on my face. But I would feel as if a big pumpkin is hanging on my face. 

I get that yearly pimple during the month of may especially when Chennai is fried by the hot sun. The pimple I get on my face rents itself between my nose and my upper lip. It usually disappears in two weeks. But at times, it stays there for a long time without paying any rent.

I have tried many creams on my face to tackle pimples. When I was in my teens my parents used to give me a tablespoon full of neem mix once in three months. They fooled me saying that eating neem leaves will cure the pimple problem. But it just kept my tummy clean. But the face still had pimples.

All the photos of mine during my college days does not give me good memories because of the presence of pimples. In fact if a blind man had touched my face, he would have mistaken it for braille.

An old legend says that those who are stressed have more pimples on their face. So a group of people advocate stress free living as a cure for pimples. But that does not solve the problem either. As long as we have a clean face that resists the growth of pimples, we will have a pimple free face.

The day before I got married, I got a pimple between my nose and my upper lip. I never expected that pimple to sprout out especially a day before the big day. I pierced it, squeezed the puss out and applied base on my face so that it was not evident that I had a pimple. Photoshop also came to my rescue and my wedding photos do not reflect the pimple I had on my wedding day. Now let me come to the crux of this post. I am going to tell you a wonderful solution for your pimple problem.

Solution for pimples

Recently I stumbled across Garnier Pure active neem face wash [ link ] in the supermarket where I shop for my monthly provisions. 

At first I did not think of buying the product; but as I am a loyal customer of garnier shampoos, I decided to check the ingredients of Garnier neem face wash.

The first thing I always check in a face wash is for the presence of comedogenic ingredient in it. If the facewash has comedogenic ingredient I would not buy it. 

Any facewash that is high on comedogenic content will only help in multiplying the pimples on the face. 

Some of the face washes that cause more pimples are 
1) Himalaya Herbal face wash
2) Clean and clear foaming face wash
3) Nivea Men all in one face wash
4) Jovees Tea tree oil control face wash.

These face washes cause more pimples because of high percentage of comedogenic ingredients in it. Not all the face washes that make your face oil free, fight pimples. Garnier Pure active neem face wash has only one comedogenic ingredient -  Sodium Laureth Sulphate. SLES with a chemical formula C12+2nH25+4nNaO4+nS will not cause more pimples  (I am just showing off here to let my readers know that I know what I am talking about in this post). I decided to go ahead and try this face wash.

When I tried this face wash, I realized that it was an entirely different face wash. I do not have pimples these days. Still I use this face wash everyday because I am a sucker for certain fragrances. I use Fiama di wills shower gel for my body and I always dab my body with Davidoff cool water spray. This combination has become the aroma that I spread these days. 

If you are searching for a solution for your pimple filled face, just try Garnier Pure Active neem face wash. I am sure that you will come back to this post and say "Thank You Chriz"

Note: On public demand, I am adding a picture of the pimple that appeared a few months before I got married. I have censored that portion of the nose where the pimple is located. You must be 18 years or more than that to have a glimpse of it. 

If you wish to have a look at the pimple please shoot a mailto prason@chronicwriter.com along with a donation of USD 1033 (Inclusive of Value Added Taxes). Part of the money would be used to buy clothes for Poonam Pandey.

- Chronicwriter

This post is a part of IndiBlogger's Blog activity [ link ]
On 1/12/2015 | By Chriz
(Note: Anyone who has any disagreements to this post of mine,please feel free to post your counter arguments with proofs. Do not blindly support a copy cat)


Harris Jeyaraj! The Copy Cat.





Let me dissect this song "Maya Bazaar" from his upcoming movie "Yennai arindhaal".



My analysis of the song


1) The first 50 seconds of the song is a synthesized version of "Arima Arima from the movie Endhiran" Listen to it to know what I am saying.

2) From the 55th second to 1:14 minutes - he transits to his next copy song.From 1:14 to 2:32 "anbe en aruiyirey lyrics start". Christians would realise which Tamil traditional song song this tune has been ripped away from". The tabla part for this piece adds beauty to the track though).


This is the original song (Salemin Raja) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTfBbV_pgkg

3) From 2:33 onwards Harris uses the nadhaswaram part accompanied by the tabla part to synchronise in "Kalyana samayal saadham song".

4) From 2:55 onwards, another christmas song is inserted. It is "Bethalayil pirandhavarai potri thudhi manamey song". Check the original song track here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC0ftEcFQ38


5) 3:40 onwards Salemin raja song is added again

What Harris Jeyaraj has done is just a medley sequence of 4 songs out of which 2 are Christian songs. Many will support him and say that he has atleast made his original arragements. But the sad part is, he has not even changed the chord progression in his copy cat act.  This is just one of his songs in that movie. I don't know how many crores he demanded for such copy cat work.


When I see the manner in which films, scripts and music are ripped by Tamil film makers, I am worried that talented people with originality and scope for creativity will never be given a chance by these copy cats who are acting as stumbling blocks.

- Chronicwriter
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