May 19, 2015

725. Chennai's Picasso sells his work of art

Pablo Picasso’s Les Femmes d’Alger (Version O) set a new world record last week for the most expensive painting sold at auction. 


Picasso’s Les Femmes d’Alger (Version O) was painted in 1955 as the final work of a series inspired by Delacroix and painted in homage to Matisse. I do not know who Matisse is and what Delacroix is. I am not bothered to know about these two words.

What bothers me is that a piece of art which is a concocted mixture of breasts and limbs of women was sold for $179 Million dollars. Sadly Picasso is not even alive to know that his art was sold for such a huge price. He does not even get a dime from that money that his art work fetched.

If an art work like that can be sold out for such a price, then artists like me should also get our worth of money for the time and energy we invest in our work.

Most of my readers would not even know that I am a modern artist, a painter. My friends call me as Chennai's Picasso.

I am selling my brilliant art work here. Anyone can buy it. I invite the greatest art collectors and art lovers to place a bid for these art work in the comment section. If you win the bid, you can come home and collect my work of art too. I won't give the auto/ cab fare. You have to bear that too.

The following four work of art are for sale.

1) Marijuana


The marijuana painting is one of the hardest paintings ever painted by Chronicwriter. It took him 23 years to complete this painting. This painting depicts the bad effects of the drug marijuana. Many drug addicts have left their habit after seeing this painting

Art : Marijuana
Artist : Chronicwriter
Art Gallery : Burj Dubao 44th floor reception
Price : USD 324,000

2) Global warming - The art for a cause


This painting is regarded as the best painting ever drawn to depict the ill effects of global warming.

Art : Global Warming
Artist : Chronicwriter
Gallery : The national art museum, Cairo , Egypt.
Price : USD 453,000 only

3) Chinese Dragon


Name of Art : Chinese Dragon
Artist : Chronicwriter
Displayed at : The Lusaunetre Art Gallery,  Belgium
Price : € 456,000 only.

4) Mars Mission


This is a Modern Art by Chronicwriter congratulating ISRO for their successful Mars Mission.

Art : Mars attack
Artist : Chronicwriter
Art Gallery : CBC Facebook Groups
Price : USD 420,000


Let the Bidding begin

Secret Code : Ammaa Thaayae, Bid pannungalein

-Chronicwriter



May 15, 2015

724. Funny Fake ID on Facebook


Today when I opened my Facebook App, I noticed that I had got a few friend requests from people. Some of them were acquaintances; a few others were unknown people. I carefully went through the profile details of all these people. 

When I was going through the details of these IDs, I came across this particular ID. The name of the person was "Sandy Jim". The profile said that the person was from Nagercoil. Nagercoil happens to be my home town too.

I do not know any Sandy Jim from Nagercoil. I have never come across any girl in Nagercoil looking like the girl in the picture. Still I had a doubt if it could be my school mate. So I did an Image search of that picture and it took me to some Mexican page which I do not even want to mention here.

I could only feel sorry for the souls who have accepted the "Fraansheep request" from Sandy Jim. I know that the person behind the fake Sandy must be someone whom I know. 

I would only request that person to use some brains if he ventures to create a fake ID like this. This reminds me of Vadivelu who goes around in various disguises without hiding his Kondai. 

This must be some guy in deed (Mostly) . What would be the intention behind fake IDs creating profiles like this and adding men? Most of the time the reason is to have a sleazy conversation. 

It only becomes way too boring when people lack creativity and come up with ideas. Put your brains to good use. Create a funny page and put all your thoughts in that page. At least a few people will read your page and laugh and have a good time.

I am not getting angry with the creator of this profile. I am only feeling sorry for him (may be HER) for dumping an amazing brain in the septic tank.

To top it all, there was this amazing question from Sandy Jim that made me ROFL. "What are you wearing now?". If I had answered that question, that person would have shut down that profile immediately.

Moral: Never ever check FB when you are in the loo



Should I accept this fraansheep Request Friends?

-Chronicwriter

May 13, 2015

723. Why Vodka is better than Yoga?

Yoga is 1) an art form for some; 2) a meditation technique for a few others and 3) a way of life for many. 

Different forms of Yoga are being taught in many places around the globe.

Vodka on the other hand is a Potato flavoured juice which is mixed with a little bit of ethanol. 

Vodka is also 1) an art form for some; 2) a meditation technique for a few others and 3) a way of life for many.

This blog post will dig deep into the science behind these art forms and also come up with an analytical result of why one form is better than the other.

The Subject of the blog is a give away. You already know the answer. So I am gonna make it simple and easy for you. I will just tell the various reasons why Vodka is better than Yoga. 

Let us take a sample pose of both these art forms. From Yoga I have chosen HalasanaPose and from Vodka I chose KalpanaBales.

Halasana  - Is a pose where you have to lie on your back, place both palms facing the ground. Then you have lift your leg and place it on the ground as shown in the above picture.

Kalpana - Is a pose where you will first place your leg on the bench and drop your head to the floor with a thud sound

1) While performing Halasana you will be conscious of your surroundings. But while performing Kalpana you will be unconscious. 

2) You normally need a mat to perform Halasana. But to perform Kalpana, you do not need any mat. You can even perform this pose in a ditch.

3) Halasana is a basic level art form. Kalpana is challenging and more advanced level of art form

4) In the Yoga pose, only the shoulder muscles come into play. But in the Vodka pose, the shoulder, head, neck and even your groin muscles play a vital role.

5) While performing Yoga, you can't trust your farts. But you can always put your trust on Vodka because even if you fart out loud, you won't even know.

6) You need to learn Yoga from a tutor. But to perform Vodka, you don't need a tutor because Vodka by itself is a tutor. Vodka will make you an artist by bringing out the best in you even without your knowledge.

7) Some Yoga instructors will ask you to perform Yoga with a solemn music playing in the background. To perform Vodka, you don't need any music. Music will automatically start playing inside your head.

8) You don't get a head ache by performing Yoga. But on most ocassions you will have a hang over and a splitting headache after performing Vodka. This also means you give more employment opportunities to physicians. Vodka gives employment and earning opportunities to others in the society. 

These reasons are more than enough to prove that Vodka is better than Yoga on any given day.

- Chronicwriter

May 12, 2015

722. Amma gets freed by Duckworth Lewis Method.



The Social Media is going crazy with the verdict given to the Strongest Lady in the country (Miss J Jayalalitha). Reports are flowing in that Judge Kumarasamy made a calculation mistake in his verdict. 


I calculated the sum and it came to Rs 10,67,31,274. I thought that I did a mistake. So I asked a couple of my friends who have done Masters in Mathematics. 

They came up with the same answer. To confirm, I used the scientific calculator that was used by my friend Ashok in the 12th standard public exams and his answer was also the same. Ashok got 200 in that exam. 

After all these, I still asked myself whether I could be wrong. That is when my team of secret agents revealed to me that Judge Kumaraswamy might have used Duckworth and Lewis method to arrive at that figure. 

That gave us a sigh of relief. It seems Judge Kunha is going through the same emotions that the South African Cricket team went through in the 1992 world cup knock out game against England.

This also reminded me of my friend Sundar who scored 198 marks in his exams and he applied for recounting because he believed that he was supposed to get 200. After the recounting, he got 164. He should have been happy with 198. 

A note to Sundar : I have written about you. So as you promised, please treat me.

If only my secret agents had not told me that Judge Kumarasamy has used the DL method for his calculation, I would have written an open letter to him asking him to take Maths classes from Arulandham Sir. To know more about the terror Arulanandham Sir, click here [ link ]

Mean while Ramalinga Raju was also released the same day. 

Sallu Bhai was also released a week earlier. 

When people started crying foul over all these verdicts, I remained calm because I was taking selfies of my new hair cut. 

Yaaru eppadi pona enna? (Why should I care about them?). 
Namakku  selfie dhaan mukkiyam ( Selfie is what that matters to me)
Time to upload the picture as my profile picture and beg my friends to like it on facebook.

-Chronicwriter

May 5, 2015

721. Nitin Gadkari and his Urine treatment

Nitin Gadkari made a shocking revelation that he used to pee in the lawns of his house. The house was once the office of Sonia Gandhi. Social media was in a buzz because of this revelation and the meme creators sprung into action. 

Tell me from your heart! Have you never peed on a pot of plant? I have done that to the cactus pots in my house when I was a child. I later presented those cactus pots to my maths teacher.

My friend Rahul started making fun of Nitin Gadkari. Rahul is the kind of person who will stop every 5 kms and pee on the road side when we go for long trips. Apparently Rahul also had the habit of wetting his bed even in college hostel. He was 21 then. I am not sure whether he still has that habit. Rahul is a bachelor. To make the record straight, I am not talking about Rahul Gandhi.

With many of my friends having their own organic garden, I thought of setting up my own organic garden in my terrace. But after hearing Nitin Gadkari's words, I have a doubt that some of my friends are urinating on the vegetables. Next time , you eat a vegetable, you might be eating a vegetable that was urinated on by some one.

We might have heard the news that the late Morarji Desai had the habit of drinking his own urine. Many people in our country drink cow urine (Komiyam). I would not be surprised if Urine becomes a refreshing drink that is sold in containers and bottles in the near future.

Imagine a 300 ml bottle of urine being sold for 10 bucks in the retail outlets. There will be a demand for urine in the market. Urine banks will be launched all across the country and many people will come forward to donate urine. 

We might even come across a point in future where "Urine Donation" might become a social cause and Corporates might invest in Urine donation as a part of their CSR strategy. When someone told that water will be sold in bottles, the people of my grand father's generation mocked at him. You might mock at me when I say that Urine will be sold in bottles. But you never know what you and your children might be drinking in the days to come.

Just like the Marine Technology course that is offered as a professional course in colleges, Urine Technology might evolve as a BE course. People with BE in Urine Technology might get onsite offers and might become the most eligible bachelors in town.

Did you see the tummy of Nitin Gadkari? People with pot bellies will be the most handsome men in future. The bigger the pot, the more the Urine. Unfortunately, the author of this blog has a flat tummy.

The person in the above picture is Nitin Gadkari and not Sharon Stone.

-Chronicwriter


Apr 30, 2015

720. Rahul Gandhi Earth Quake


Sakshi Maharaj's revelation that Rahul Gandhi was the main reason behind the Nepal earthquake has drawn flak from all classes of the society.

Shekar Suman, a  Lower Kinder Garten student of a popular school in the city has said "Thooo" in response to Sakshi Maharaj's statement.

Sakshi had stated that Rahul Gandhi had eaten beef and that is the reason for the earthquake in Bihar. More over he has added that Rahul Gandhi entered Kedarnath without purification and Nepal succumbed to the wrath of nature.

This statement by Sakshi brought forth tears in the eyes of film actor Ajith Kumar. Speaking to Chronicwriter's team of reporters, Ajith claimed that the statement made by Sakshi reminded him of the famous comedy scene from the movie Attahasam. In that movie there is a famous comedy scene in which Ajith repairs an auto by turning the rear view mirror in the auto. Sakshi's statement was very similar to that comedy scene.

If Rahul's unholy Vist to Kedarnath temple was the reason behind the Nepal earth quake, whose visit caused the Uttarakhand earth quake? With people suffering because of the Natural calamity, people are using it for their religious benefits. 

I saw many posts from religious Christians claiming that because Christians were persecuted in Nepal, God caused this calamity. I could only shake my head in disappointment at the manner in which these nut heads create their own stories.

If Sakshi Maharaj is true, then Rahul Gandhi should be sent to Pakistan and made to eat Beef Biriyani. That would send earth quake to Pakistan. It would be as simple as that. 

Sakshi Maharaj has many rape charges against him too. If those charges are true, then he needs to shut two things; one of which is his mouth. This was the same guy who wanted women to give birth to ten babies.Before blaming poor little Gandhi for the earth quake, Maharaj should first clean his arm pits. Sources say that the last time he took a bath was in the year 2013 when he got drenched in rain.

At this rate, MS Dhoni might even ask his wife Sakshi to change her name to Rakhi Sawant because Rakhi has made lesser foolish statements compared to Sakshi.

-Chronicwriter.

Apr 29, 2015

719. Trisha! The lady Salman Khan of film Industry

Salman Khan is one man who visits many girls in their dreams. Women between the age of 12 and 60 go crazy about Salman Khan.

Trisha is the female version of Salman Khan. She is 31 and still looks like a girl in her early 20s. She is the dream girl of many men around the globe. When she got engaged to Varun earlier this year, she broke many hearts. A friend of mine even attempted suicide.

This week she finally called off her engagement and all the broken hearts got soothed by this decision by Trisha.

Different people are throwing in different conspiracies for their split up. If you ask me why they split up, my answer would be "I don't know". What I know is that this decision has brought smiles to many men.

My friend who attempted suicide when Trisha got engaged, was one among the many men who were elated hearing the news of break up.

He called me up on my phone and this is how our conversation went

He: Dai maapla, Trishakku break up aayiduchu daaa (Trisha Broke up with her guy)

Me : That is good news for you. So now what?

He: I am happy maapla. I am going to shave now.

Me: Good. Do that now. Your beard is now longer than your armpit hair.

He: But I don't know the reason behind their break up maapla. Can you find out?

Me: Adha therinju enna panna pora (What are you gonna do by knowing about it?)

He: Chumma therinju vachukkadhaan (I am just curious to know)

Me: She does not even know you. So forget it.

He: Maapla Can you write a blog post that I love her? I will post that link on her fan page and make her understand about my love for her

Me : Kandraavi. Senju tholairein (I will do it for you)

He: Ok da. Write a post and publish it soon. Also add my photo in your post. I will send my photo in which I have that moustache. I am sure Trisha will like it.

Me : Done. Will I be getting a treat for that?

He: Yes. BN- Weekend

Me: The post will be published today.

Here is a photo of my friend Dhanesh Raj. He is a 38 year old Bachelor. He is still waiting for Trisha.



Maapla! Trisha Unakkudhaan.

Note: This post will be pulled down if I don't get any treat from my friend.

-Chronicwriter.

Apr 21, 2015

718. DIY Photo frames from old CDs

Do you have lots of old CDs in your house? Are you planning to discard them? If the answer is Yes, think twice before you trash them. This post will help you in making beautiful photo frames out of those old CDs.

I have tonnes of CDs in my house, thanks to the innumerable project works, music recordings and the old collection of MP3 songs I have in my place. Most of the CDs have scratches and they are of no use any more. So I decided to use them in a good way. I decided to make photo frames out of them

Do it yourself Photo Frame from Old CDs

You will need
1) 15 CDs ( You can use more CDs or lesser number of CDs based on the design you choose
2) FeviKwik glue (Cost Rs 10 for a small tube) for sticking the CDs together
3) Fevistick glue ( Rs 10 for a small stick) for sticking the photos on the CD

Method

1) Take all the CDs and stick them so that a triangle is formed.

5 CDS in the top row
4 CDs in the second row
3 CDs in the third row
2 CDs in the fourth row
and
1 CD in the last row

The last CD should have two or three drops of glue because this one CD will hold together all the other CDs.



2) Now you need photos to be stuck on the CD. If you are not good in Photoshop and if you are not that good in designing, you can use PIXLR (Poor man's photoshop) to create round shaped photos for the 15 photos.

a) Go to Pixlr.com
b) Select Pixlr Express
c) Select Collage



d) Select Layout and choose the 5 X 5 matrix layout.


e) Select roundness and give maximum value to it (300). Now you can add your 15 photos by just adding the picture into each circle by clicking the + icon inside each circle. It is very simple.



f) Once the first three rows are filled with photos of your choice, you can save the picture and take a print out of the same in an A3 paper. A Colour print out of the same will cost you between Rs 20 - Rs 30. Use a Photo paper or a board paper for better results. This is the output that I got. I used pictures of my daughter.



2) Cut the photos carefully and place it on the CD frame. Use the Fevi stick and stick the photos on the frame. You can use the top CD to hang on a nail on the wall.


The total time taken for sticking the CDs together - 45 minutes
The total time for design and taking print out - 45 minutes
The total time taken for sticking the photos on the CD frames - 30 minutes

Within two hours you have a beautiful creative photo frame that you can hang in your drawing room. The total money spent for this will be less than Rs 70. If you have to buy such a frame in the market, you will have to shell more than Rs 500 for the same. Once you are comfortable with this shape, you can also try different size and shapes using the CDs.

- Chronicwriter.