Jul 21, 2017

893. In the end it does not even matter...

In the year 2007, our  band performed the song "In the end". I saw the video more than 100 times to imitate each and every single body language of Chester Bennington before singing this song with my band. We fumbled on stage. 

He committed suicide early today and I felt numb listening to his songs this morning after realizing that he is gone. His song “In the end” used to be on the song list of every college band in India in the early 2000s. He never came out of his drug addiction or his depression. But what is so hard to digest is the fact that he was a performer of a totally different level, with a huge fan following and everything seemingly was going right for him. But still he was highly depressed in life.

No one understood what he was actually going through in his life. And suddenly he is gone. Anyone can commit suicide and everyone at some point of time might have contemplated suicide. If you are in a Corporate environment and if you are reading this now, just read the following lines carefully. It will be of great help to you because workplace suicides are on the rise.

Most suicidal individuals give warning signs about their suicidal intentions like talking about killing or dying, writing poems on death, buying harmful elements, settling will, giving away prized possessions, calling their friends & colleagues and suddenly saying good bye and many more. A suicidal person will lose interest in day-to-day activities and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits too. There are many more warning signs that you can spot.

The best way to help someone like them is to find these warning signs and have the ability to respond to them once you spot it. You can play a vital role by pointing a suicidal person to a doctor or a psychologist if needed. The next time, you see a series of depressing messages from someone on Facebook or any other social media channel, make sure that you are there for them to take them out of their depression. Be that friend you always wanted to have for yourself.

I am running this blog all these years for this one sole purpose - that is to put a smile on people's faces. It gives me a great sense of happiness to know that people smile even if the blog has poorest of poor jokes. Just go ahead and make someone smile today. 

-Chronicwriter

Jul 12, 2017

892. How did Kohli become the captain of Indian cricket team? Truth revealed

Virat Kohli, the captain of the India cricket team has two brothers and one sister. Vikash Kohli, Dharmesh Kohli and Bhavana Kohli are their names respectively. Dharmesh and Virat are twins.

When they were young, the siblings got along well. But as they grew up, Virat kohli fell into bad company and started abusing everyone using MC and BC words. The siblings did not like it at all, especially Dharmesh Kohli could not tolerate being called MC at all. 

Virat did not realize that by using such cuss words against his own brother, he was actually cursing his own mother and sister. Dharmesh tried his level best to advice Virat not to use such words. Matters got worse when Virat joined the Indian cricket team. The abuses increased multi-fold. Dharmesh decided to leave the house and with great difficulty he fled to America and changed his name to Dominic Cooper.



After changing his name to Dominic Cooper, he got some movie offers and infact got an opportunity to act in Captain America as Howard Stark. When Virat came to know of this, he went to captain Dhoni and said "My brother has become a part of Captain America. So please hang your gloves. I want to become Captain India". The next moment, Dhoni announced his retirement from test cricket and handed over the captaincy to Virat Kohli. And that is how Virat became the captain of the Indian cricket team. To look different, Virat Kohli asked his hairdresser to put two line marks on his head.

If you find it difficult to believe this true story. you got to see this picture. Now you will believe me for sure.


- Chronicwriter

Jul 11, 2017

891. The fart that wasn't mine

Every body does it every single day of their lives. But no body accepts it. I am talking about farts. People will accept any crime in the world; but they won't admit to farting even if they had let out one. I am not like others. Even today, when I fart, I admit it because I don't like someone else owning my fart. The air that went out was a part of me just a moment ago and how could I disown something that was a part of me. Many people are cruel as they disown a part of their legacy by not owning up their farts.

Till I turned ten, I had the habit of letting out loud farts. I never tried adjusting my muscle to silence it. When air went out, it always came out with a bang. Be it the scooter or the bullet or even a bijili vedi, it always came out with a sound. I was totally against silent farting. But one incident changed my attitude towards farting for ever and scarred me for life. This blog post is about that incident.

When I was in class 5, I used to sit next to Minu. Renu sat in the second row in class. In each bench, two students sat together. Minu liked me; but my heart always longed for Renu. I remember that day even now. It was maths class. Beulah ma'm was teaching us basics of trigonometry. I could sense the bench vibrate at a higher frequency and I immediately realized Minu had let out a silent fart. I did not know till then how to let out a silent fart. She was an expert in that art. She acted as if she was listening to the lecture.

Seconds later Beulah ma'm gave a yukky reaction and said "Now who is that?". The smell filled the room. Minu might have eaten cauliflower fry. When ever I farted, I would say"Guys! That is me". I took pride in letting everyone know that I had imparted a part of me in the class room. But on that particular day, I did not own it up because it was not mine. Minu also reacted as if she did not know who let that fart out. She even looked at me and said "Yew! Was that you?"

I could not bear it. How could I ever own up someone else's fart?. How could she lie like that? Why is she ashamed to own her own fart? All these questions were running in my head. No one were ready to believe me. Even Renu gave me a doubting stare. That literally broke my tiny ten year old heart. Here I was torn between a false accusation and a doubtful stare from the lady of my life. I could not keep quiet after all the pressure I was being forced into. 

I stood up and screamed in a loud voice "That was not me! That was Minu. I don't fart silently and I fart out loud"
The class was silent for the next few seconds. Beulah ma'm got angry with me because I screamed in the class. She asked me to leave the class immediately. I slowly got up and started to make my way out. At that moment, I decided to teach them a lesson. So I gathered all courage and strength, that was ably supported by my intestine muscles and let out a loud fart. 

I turned around and said "If I fart, this is how I fart. And this fart is different from the previous one. You will know the difference in no time". 

Soon my class mates realized that the earlier fart did not belong to me because the loud one that I just released from captivity had a potato flavor. But Minu had a straight face and acted as if she knew nothing. She could have gone on to become a world famous for her acting skills. But she is now working in an IT firm as a project director. I met her at a recent alumni meet. We even had a conversation while we were having buffet dinner. The biriyani that we ate had too much of mint flavor. May be she is using this patch these days.


Click here to read a blog post that I wrote on the different types of farts [link].

You can also click this [link] to read funny incidents and fun facts on farting


-Chronicwriter

890. Bloopers from my home recording videos



I do lot of home video recordings. Those recording sessions are filled with fun, laughter, tamasha and loads and loads of mistakes and retakes. Here I present some of the bloopers from my home recording that I did in the last one month.



If you wanna join me for some home recording jam session, just message me. I will be more than happy to record some bloopers ;)

- Chronicwriter

Jul 4, 2017

889. Weird things I did as a child

When we grow up we understand certain things in life. This is not applicable to those who fight for matters holding on to opinions even when they do not know what they are talking about.


When I was a child, I did not have a proper understanding of various realities in life. I know many of you might also fall under the same category as mine. Well! I remained innocent for quite a longer period of time.
I believed that medical practitioners would never die.
When Doctor Jayakar uncle (Nagercoil) passed away, I ran to my mom and asked "How did he die?"  because I was under the belief that doctors would never die.
I thought all animals were male and all birds were female
Till I turned ten, I believed that all birds were girls and all animals were boys. One day, I saw the bum of two dogs affixed to each other. My little tender heart felt sorry for them. I thought my naught neighbour Aravind might have applied fevicol on the bum of those two dogs and left them in the open. I called Aravind's mom and complained to her that her son had done a great crime to two dogs. She came with me and saw the two dogs in a compromising situation. She immediately closed her eyes and ran inside. I was angry with her for many days that she had blindly supported her son.
I thought cricket players were inside the TV. 
I used to go behind the TV box to check what they were doing between the overs when commercials were being telecasted. During the world 1992 world cup, India was playing against Zimbabwe. Kapil Dev opened the batting for India and blasted a huge six. I ran behind the TV to search for the ball.
I thought chocolate was made from cowdung. 
I knew that cows gave milk. I assumed that the chocolate flavoured milk was because of cow shitting while being milked. I had an aversion towards Bournvita and Boost because of this.
Johnson's baby oil was made from baby urine.
I was under the assumption that Johnson's baby oil was made out of baby urine. Infact I used to collect my own urine in small bottles and take it my class. Once I applied it on Shabir and told him that it was good for his health. He did not know that I had applied pee on him. He thought it was Johnson's baby oil. No one knew why our class room had urine smell.
I used to think that If a man and woman exchanged a handshake, they will get a baby. 
This made me to avoid shaking hands with girls or even holding their hands till I was in class 5. But I always wanted to shake hands with Renu and even succeeded shaking her hands when I was in class 3. When she did not come to school the next day, my friend Anwar teased me saying that Renu had become pregnant and I was responsible for that. I was terrified because I was not mentally prepared to become a father.  I was relieved when she did not deliver a baby after ten months. I even gave her an extra two months grace period. My poor marks in class 3 and 4 was because of this mental trauma.
I peed inside the movie hall while watching Jurassic park. 
Two dinosaurs will be chasing two little children in a particular scene and one of those dinosaurs would jump in an attempt to bite the boy's leg. It was at that exact moment, I felt a warmth in my shorts. No one else knew that I had peed in the movie hall. By the time the movie ended, my shorts was dry too.

-Chronicwriter

Jun 20, 2017

888. Tango with Renu

Most of you would know that Renu was the first love of my life. I fell in love with her when I first saw here in my Kindergarten class. She had this amazing cute smile which floored me the very first time I saw her. My first love letter was written to her. 

Representative Image

Read my first love letter to Renu [link]

Days went by and we finally had to part our ways and Renu is now the mother of two and she has not given my name to her children. That has caused deep hurt in my heart even now. This blog post is about my first dance with Renu.

When we were in class 4, eight of us were selected by our class teacher Beulah mam to be a part of the dance group for the school day function.

Boys : Shabir, Arun, Deepak and Me
Girls: Minu, Anisha, Divya and Renu

Arun and Deepak knew that I was in love with her; so they agreed to partner with Anisha and Divya respectively. So it was Shabir and I fighting to be Renu's partner. Shabir was my villain during my school days. I will elaborately write about this in my forthcoming book (I have been telling that I will publish this book for the last ten years. I will do it soon). 

Minu was a pretty girl; but my love for Renu did not allow my conscience to be paired with anyone else other than Renu. Our class teacher Beulah noticed this and decided to choose partners by lots. Unfortunately for me Shabir and Renu became the pair and I had to partner with Minu.

The song selected for us was "Billy Jean by MJ". The boys were supposed to do a spin and the famed moonwalk. Arun and I were natural dancers and we learnt to slide in no time. Deepak on the other hand performed the moonwalk as though he was suffering from constipation. Shabir slided as if he had piles. That gave me hope. I was hoping that Renu would hate his dance style and would automatically ask to be paired with me. But she did not show any sign that she was interested to dance with me. May be she was showing too much attitude and throwing the "I am not easy to get" game.

Our practice sessions went on for two weeks. I was literally angry to see Shabir dancing with the love of my school days. Though I would be holding Minu's hands, my heart and eyes were on Renu. Minu noticed this and got irritated. One week before the school day function, Minu fell ill with typhoid and she had to pull out of the dance group. I was shocked because now I was the only one in the group without a dance partner. 

Beulah mam still asked me to dance without the partner. Shabir started mocking me with his giggles. I was literally crying inside. I even decided to quit school and stay at home. But I knew if I had did that, my mom would beat me with the dosa spoon. I literally cried every night and wet my pillow that week. As I had the habit of bed wetting, my parents would be confused how on earth the pillows got wet. They thought that I was doing a 360 degree spin in my bed while sleeping.

On the day of our performance, Renu got chicken pox. That was the happiest day of my life. I was happy because Shabir also lost his partner. But Deepak gave me a mild heart attack when he said that Beulah mam might pair me up with Shabir. That was the last thing that I wanted in my life. My little 9 year old heart could not bear that much pain. 

Beulah mam called the dance group to the staff room and said " Chriz and Shabir, you both don't have partners; but you guys have practiced real hard. So you guys can still dance. You can dance for the solo movements; but for all the movements that involve dancing with your partners, you both will be just standing there with pom poms and do our drill steps". And that is what happened on stage. Shabir and I were swatting mosquitoes and flies with pom poms and did a couple of solo movements (spin and moonwalk). I was sad, angry, mad and happy at the same time. If you had been in my position you would understand what I am talking about.

-Chronicwriter.

Jun 18, 2017

887. How to lose a friend in few seconds

Almost all of us have 1000 or 2000 friends on FB. After a point of time, we might have the thought to unfriend some of them. But many of us would be contemplating how to do that without hurting the other person. This is a simple tip that you can follow to unfriend someone without hurting the other person. In fact that person would be the one who would be unfriending you.



Please save this photo in your computer/ mobile phone. There are lot of children who suddenly become their father's favorite child today. They will update super sentimental "Father's day" posts today. Spoil their day by posting this image as a comment for their father's days status message.

Note: If they unfriend you, compeinee poruppu aerkkaadhu

By the way, this is my FB status message for the occasion. It is in Tamil.

புள்ள குட்டிகள பெத்து விட்டா மட்டும் போதாது. அவங்களுக்கு நல்ல அப்பாவா இருக்கணும். கட்டுன பொஞ்சாதிக்கு உண்மையா இருக்கனும்.அப்படி வாழந்து கொண்டிருக்கும் ஆம்பளைங்களுக்கு மட்டும் "Happy Father's day". மிச்சம் இருக்கிற எல்லா பயலும் ஓடிடு 
-Chronicwriter

Jun 15, 2017

886. When India hammered Bangladesh


This picture encapsulates the performance of the Bangladesh cricket team against India in the semifinals of the champions Trophy. The team is quiet good, but India plays against them like a wounded lion and thrashes them every time they face Bangladesh in an ICC tournament. One of the major reason is the shock the Indians suffered in the hands of the Bangladesh cricket team in the 2007 world cup.

Bangladesh was lucky to get so far in the Champions trophy. They got to the semifinals because of rain. Australia was extremely unlucky to get knocked out of the tournament without even playing one full match. It was the rain which took the Bangladesh team to the semifinals. Unfortunately for them, it did not rain when they faced India in the semifinals.

Bangladesh team's performance reminds me of the "rain flies" which appear when ever there is a rain. Once sun comes out, they disappear

India just knocked them with brutal force. Sunil Gavaskar was sarcastical in his tweet


The Bangladesh fans who usually show their might with their Photoshop skills were shell shocked when Rohit and Kohli molested their bowlers all around the park.


Before the match, these Photoshop fellows created an image in which a Bangladesh flag draped tiger was seen pouncing on an Indian flag draped dog. I hope they at least learn their lesson not to jump the gun and celebrate before a win. Mushfiqur Rahman learnt this lesson the hard way in the 2016 T20 world cup when he tried to celebrate too early. The following picture is India's response to their Photoshop act


Mean while Indian cricket fans have also started creating Photoshop images to play mind games with the Pakistan team.


If you say "Are not the Indians arrogant by creating images like this? How different are they from the Bangladesh fans?", the answer is simple. We know how Pakistan performs against India in ICC tournaments. We believe in the pacha sattai.

But I strongly believe that Kohli did not use his bowling options well today. He should have given one more over to Pandya. That would have given him an opportunity to complete his century.

-Chronicwriter

Jun 7, 2017

885. The curious case of Mr.IIT

It was the summer of 2004. I had joined a two year MBA course in Rajagiri School of Management. It was a great Business Management institution in Kerala. I had joined MBA after a one year gap after my Engineering. When I joined that college, for one whole month I was the only guy in my batch who had come from TamilNadu. 

During my first day in college, everyone of us were trying our level best to make a good impression. The boys were out to impress the girls. Anterson introduced himself as a rock singer. Joseph Pius Alapatt introduced himself as the royal heir of the Alapatt family. I introduced myself as a dancer and a guitarist. But this guy silenced us all with his introduction.

He went to the stage and said "My name is Midhun Raj. I have done my bachelors degree from IIT Madras. I am a Yoga practitioner and a body builder". That was it. He had all the girls swooning for him with that introduction. 

What else would girls want? Here was a guy who was an IIT product and had a great body. He was the ultimate answer to the brain and brawn question. To add salt to our injury, this guy had an amazing sense of humor too. The girls went gaga over him.

In the first month of our MBA course, we were taken for a rural camp. IIT (that became his nick name and we even address him that way even now) became the physical instructor for us in that camp. He will make us do all sorts of exercises and the girls just followed his instructions like a crowd mesmerized by a magician.

During the end of the first semester, we figured out that he was not an IIT product and that he had graduated from a local college near Chennai (Sriperumputhur I guess) and that was it. The boys were waiting for this opportunity and we all lunged on him and exposed this news to the girls. But still many girls still believed him.

IIT was a great character. He will never ever get angry. You can cross all boundaries and limits and tease him. But he won't get angry at all. That is one character that everyone can learn from him. He encouraged all of us to hit the gym and lift weights. I have a bone laden body and hence I always avoided lifting weights. I would do all exercises that kept me fit. IIT and Anterson on the other hand would lift heavy weights. Joseph Pius would just swim around and share philosophical one liners.
Anterson developing his wings. IIT and me posing for the picture and all of us in the Jacuzzi
The following video symbolizes the friendship IIT and I share. During one of our bachelor parties, IIT as always flexes his muscles for the camera and I tried to do the one hand stand. But I lost my balance and ended up kicking his face. He should have got angry. But he did not. He just laughed and moved on. He must be still having the scar under his eye.



One girl from our batch is still crazy about IIT. She has named her son Midhun. 

- Chronicwriter

Jun 6, 2017

884. Nurse Nancy and the dog's kidney


Bottom Row: L-R: Jaffer, Richard, Prakash, Me.
Top row: L-R: Nagalingam, Praveen, Krishna, Megil.

This was the skit crew during my 12th standard (1999). When everyone were busy preparing for their public exams, we were busy practicing for a skit performance for our annual day function.

The Story: Jaffer goes to a doctor with a problem in his tummy. The doctor finds out that he needs a kidney transplant. As no one comes forward to donate a kidney to him, the doctor decides to take his pet dog's kidney and perform a transplant for Jaffer. I was the pet dog. We had a glamorous nurse (Richard) in the play too. Everyone would try to hit on her. But no one would get her. In the end, Jaffer would turn into a dog and behave like a dog.

Yes, that was our story. That was the epic marana mokka script that we came up with and we had double entendre throughout the script.

I seriously have no idea how Prakash became a part of the script. He just wanted to be around Richard all the time and hence he was roped into the team. Prakash acted as a patient suffering from cough. The doctor would write "vicks" on a piece of paper and hand it over to Prakash. Prakash would eat it and leave the place. 

This scene was later introduced in a tamil movie " Pennin Manathai thottu". Our mokkai jokes were copied in mainline cinema too.

I was selected as the dog, because I could bark well, and behave like a dog too. I would jump up and down everywhere, wag my butt and even lift my legs to pee. I was a male dog and not a bitch.

How ever the main attraction of the skit was Richard. To add glamour to his image, we placed balloons inside his shirt to boost his self confidence. On the day of the event, Prakash pricked the balloon just before we entered the stage. Richard's glamour quotient went down by a large margin. Immediately Krishna gave two coconut shells to Richard and Richard became more glamorous than before. His onstage name was Nurse Nancy. Our classmate Hafeesa gave voice for Richard from backstage.

The skit was supposed to end with Jaffer barking like a dog and leaving the stage. We practiced it to perfection. But Jaffer had other ideas. Before entering the stage, he strategically placed a water bottle and a straw in his pants and he decided to raise his legs and at the same time press the bottle so as to make it appear as though he is peeing at the audience. Unfortunately on that day, our Principal was sitting in the front row and he was subjected to water abhishegam.

-Chronicwriter